TWELVE, Don't you trust me?

     HIMARI WAS TRYING her best to keep the seams of her being from pulling apart. To put this facade on that everything was okay. That nothing was bothering her because nothing ever did and she had everything under control. Like always. That was true up until she discovered that Klaus had the upper hand on her, it was all she could think about— a constant loop playing in her head for hours, taunting and driving her crazy. Fear seemed to grow at the core of her being at the possibility of him showing up whenever he pleased knowing she wouldn't have the means to fight him.

He took away any chance of that.

She did not want to admit that paranoia had bloomed gradually in the wake of her intrepidity. If she admitted it she'd have to fully accept the truth: Klaus could win. He would if she did nothing to prevent it. But what else could she do?

Everything he needed was here in Mystic Falls— in the palm of his hand. The moonstone, werewolves, vampires, a doppelgänger...

and Himari.

The witch believed that by arriving here first, she'd have some advantage over him but that wasn't enough. It never was. Nothing was ever that easy. She knew this too well. It's why she agreed to Elijah's alliance because going on this journey alone was a death sentence, why she was okay with taking the lives of the people who tried to get in her way, and why she's still residing in this town trying to gain the trust of the people closest to Elena despite their lack of cooperation. She knew the only way Elena would survive the ritual was if they trusted her enough with her life.

And so far, it seemed like, after everything she's done, none of it mattered.

Not even her relationship with Bonnie seemed stable. Himari noticed the girl keeping her distance, she hadn't asked for her help ever since their last conversation which didn't on the best of terms.

(At least, that's what Himari thought).

It would be the only explanation for the cold shoulder Bonnie was giving her.

She'd figure something out to reassure Bonnie that she wasn't the enemy— that she wasn't against her or the rest of them, then everything would be fine.

It had to be.

Himari wondered if everyone else could see through her. The cracks in her sanity, the festering doubt, the gnawing anxiety. She felt exposed, like every scrutinizing glance was a judgment, questioning her capability to actually take down Klaus. He's supposed to be the oldest vampire in history, the most dangerous, and some witch was the key to ending all this?

It all seemed impossible, almost laughable.

Too good to be true.

The thing is, Himari wasn't just some witch. She was blessed by her coven. The Kitsune spirit lived within her. But even with this power coursing through her veins, it didn't feel like much. It wasn't convincing enough.

"Your mind seems to be elsewhere," Elijah's voice cut through her spiraling thoughts, gaining the witch's attention.

They were deep in the forest, taking a tour of the grounds and learning more about Mystic Falls. It didn't interest Himari so she wasn't sure why Elijah insisted on her presence, why he even cared to listen to the history of this town he already knew so intimately.

Sometimes his choices confused Himari.

Maybe he liked Jenna. Or maybe he was doing this to get under Alaric's skin.

"I wish I could be elsewhere too yet, I'm stuck in this town," Himari sighed, her tone sounding harsher than she expected it to.

The Original narrowed his eyes slightly, scrutinizing her closely. "Why is that?"

She looked away from him, unsure of how to accept the concern in his gaze. She didn't know if it was real. A part of her feared she was imagining it because Elijah should've left her in the dust by now, that's what she hoped for at least, but he hadn't. He remained by her side for thirty years.

That had to count for something.

"Himari," His voice softened, a rare gentleness
creeping in, "I understand this town has not been the best company. But I assure you, once this is all over, you will be free. You will be at peace with whatever you decide."

Peace.

That reality seemed intangible.

Himari paused, trying to find the right words. She didn't want to submit to her emotions and explain to Elijah what exactly was going on in her mind. The trepidation settled in her bones and shook her to her core. It was an act of vulnerability she wasn't prepared to face, no less with one of the people she was supposed to kill, but had spared.

And she didn't want to see his reaction, the loss of hope, once she told him about Klaus. A part of her didn't have the heart to be honest with him.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice sharpening,  tinged with urgency and seriousness, noticing that the air grew tense.

"I... I performed a spell to find the location of the artifact after Bonnie showed it to me in one of her grimoires," Himari said and his gaze intensified urging her to continue. "He has it."

The silence that followed was suffocating.

They both knew this changed everything.

"It's all I can think about. I've been trying to make sense of it— trying to understand how he could've gotten his hands on it because he would have had to use the blood of someone from my coven to find it and they're all dead." She admitted her frustration, making a gesture with her hand. "And I know I don't necessarily need the artifact to kill him. But it would have made things a lot easier. I could've—"

"—Had a chance to live," Elijah interjected, finishing the sentence for her. But it came out more as a question rather than a statement. There was a hint of a frown creeping onto his features now realizing that maybe Himari wasn't fully set on dying if it came down to it like she promised.

Something had changed her mind.

Or maybe it was already a lingering possibility that she would survive this.

"For how long have you felt this way?" He asked, pursuing his lips.

"Felt this way?" She repeated, confused.

"Yes, this way— you want to live, do you not?" Elijah inquired, testing to see if Himari would be honest with him.

"I never said that." She denied it, breathing in deeply. "You're putting words in my mouth, Elijah."

"Am I?" He challenged.

"I'm not a fool, Elijah. I know I am doomed. From the beginning, I knew that. You don't need to remind me." The witch avoided eye contact, regretting this conversation already.

"I'm only trying to understand." The Original spoke calmly. "Because if living is what you desire then you deserve it."

Himari glanced back at him, unsure if she heard him correctly. She thought she had hidden the childish longings deep within so that nobody would know of them.

"Do I truly?" The witch bit the inside of her cheek, doubting his kindness.

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Why? Because... I've got nothing to live for. My brother is dead... and so is my entire coven." She admitted, shaking her head. "I don't have anyone— I don't gain anything from killing Klaus besides fulfilling my responsibility as the Kitsune. You get to have your family after all this is over. Not me. I remain alone."

Elijah's gaze faltered for a moment, a flash of something crossing his face. He shifted his stance, almost imperceptibly, but enough for Himari to notice.

His behavior, in return, made the witch straighten her posture. She watched him draw in a measured breath and for a second, she was reminded of that suspicion and fear that grew within her for the day Elijah admitted he knew something that she didn't— that the consequence of the oath they took would finally make itself present.

"I believe living for yourself is much more fulfilling." He spoke.

Himari wanted to laugh but it came out as a bitter scoff. "Says the man who has spent his entire life with his family and now he can't seem to function without them because his brother is throwing a tantrum. What would you know about living?"

"I know more than you think. I have lived because I am not cursed to be bound by magical vows and obligations at the hands of my ancestors." He shot back, his words laced with a sharp edge. But as soon as saw the hurt flash across Himari's face, despite her attempt to mask it, regret clouded his features.

"You think I wanted this?"

"Himari..." He took a cautious step forward, causing her to one back.

"—Maybe I did at some point." She interrupted him. "My young naivety had gotten the best of me back then. But I'm not blind anymore. I see how this ends for me and... it's clear no one has any hope for me— no one believes I can defeat Klaus. Not even you, I see. I want to prove them wrong. Perhaps, it's the ancestors you speak of who have made me believe that I can. Maybe I'm a fool and maybe you are too for choosing to follow me for so long. So if anything, you are bound by the same magical vows as me because if I fail then so do you, Elijah."

"Yes. I chose to follow you because I am one of, if not the only person who still believes in you." He said quietly.

"You don't sound like it."

"It's the truth," Elijah insisted, his gaze steady. "If I didn't think for a second that you were a formidable adversary against Niklaus, I wouldn't have wasted my time looking for you."

There it was again— the rare flattery she didn't know if she should believe. Himari's eyes narrowed as uncertainty pooled within her, stirring with the anger building up since last night. "You say that, but it's hard to trust that your words come from a place of sincerity— it's hard because you're his brother."

"If you truly had these doubts about me— about my loyalty to you— then why bother with the alliance at all?"

"I was desperate and so were you."

"No." The Original disagreed, shaking his head. "You knew you couldn't do this alone, or else you would've dismissed me."

"I had hoped you would've left years ago!" She admitted. The loudness and frustration in her voice shocked her. While it might've been the truth at some point in their journey, it was completely false now as she stood there in front of him. Himari swallowed harshly, letting his silence slowly eat her alive.

She had finally driven away the only person who had been by her side. She thinks.

Elijah sighed, seeing the guilt creep onto her face. He understood that trust is fickle— that it wasn't easy for her to hand out even if they had performed a blood oath to ensure his loyalty. It reminded him of the same paranoia festering in his brother. He wondered if it was a curse among those who were too powerful for their good. It would make sense.

"Is that something you still want?" He asked.

"What?"

"Do you wish me to be gone?"

"No," Himari answered softly, surprising herself. "I don't..."

"Good." He smiled, pausing and carefully choosing his next words. "Now, please believe me when I say this; I see such strength and resilience in you that you refuse to acknowledge. I have stayed with you for thirty years, Himari. Not out of obligation, but because I chose to be. Because I know you have the power to end Niklaus."

The witch let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding in. That reassurance coming from Elijah was something she needed— especially, after thinking he finally got sick of her. This had been the most honest she'd been with anyone in a long time. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like she could breathe.

"And if I can't? What then?"

"We find another way. Together as always. You won't fail. You won't. Not with all that you are."

She met his gaze, finally recognizing the sincerity in his eyes, and for a brief moment, the doubt wavered. But the fear, the anger, the frustration— they remained present, lurking beneath the surface.

The sound of leaves crunching underfoot caused the two to snap their heads in the direction of the noise. Jenna was approaching, with Alaric by her side, and she looked very displeased by his presence.

Himari found it a bit comical.

"Uh, Elijah, Himari, this is my... friend, Alaric Saltzman." The woman introduced him.

"Yeah, uh, I got your message about walking these two here through the old property lines and thought I would, uh, tag along." He said shrugging awkwardly, his eyes flickering between the two of them. "You know, with me being a history buff and all."

There was a moment of awkward silence as Himari and Elijah shared a look. She wondered if this was some poor attempt at some intimidation tactic.

Himari's phone buzzed in her pocket, breaking the silence. She quickly glanced at the message, her eyes narrowing at who it was from.

Bonnie: We need to talk.

The witch put the device away, wondering what could they possibly need to talk about. Everyone was supposed to be occupied with keeping Elena safe. That was it. There weren't supposed to be any more questions or concerns.

"Well, I think I've listened to enough history to last me another century," Himari looked at Jenna with a polite smile. "Thank you for the tour, but I have to go."

"Aw, that sucks. Maybe we can schedule another one soon?" She offered, a hint of hope in her voice.

"Maybe. I'll let you know." The witch replied, her gaze shifting to Elijah. He was already watching her, a mixture of curiosity and concern in his eyes. She knew he was confused by her early departure.

She'd fill him in later.

The first thing Himari noticed once she stepped into the Grill was that it wasn't just Bonnie waiting for her. Caroline was there too, seated across from Bonnie, her eyes meeting Himari's almost immediately. The vampire's gaze held a sadness, likely stemming from her recent ordeal with the werewolves. That wouldn't be surprising. But beyond the sadness, there was a clear unease, a tension that only grew as the witch approached their table.

"Himari, Hi!" The blonde greeted, completely wiping the tenseness from her face and replacing it with a smile.

Bonnie glanced up at the name.

"Caroline, how have you been since... you know," Himari asked, sliding into a seat and giving her a sympathetic look.

"Oh, um, good... Much better," She replied, though her voice lacked conviction.

Himari found it hard to believe she truly felt that way. However, she didn't comment on it, seeing no need to dive into it, so instead she shifted her gaze toward Bonnie. "We needed to... talk?"

"I have questions." The young witch says, straightening in her chair.

"About?"

"What you found in my grimoires and what exactly needs to happen in the ritual." She explained.

"I thought we discussed this already." They hadn't and Himari knew that.

"No. We didn't. I asked questions and you gave me vague answers or no answer at all. It's like you're hiding more information from me." Bonnie's accused, her voice rising slightly.

The Kitsune's eyes narrowed, a flash of annoyance crossing her face. "What do you think I'm hiding?" 

"How do you complete the ritual?"

Himari huffed in amusement, leaning back into her seat and crossing her arms. "Where's Elena? I haven't heard from her."

Bonnie and Caroline exchanged puzzled glances, clearly thrown by the abrupt switch in topic. It was obvious that Himari was trying to dodge the question. Bonnie's eyes narrowed, interpreting Himari's deflection as an implicit answer. The only logical reason for such evasion was if Elena's life was at risk.

But that wouldn't make sense.

Himari said she'd keep Elena safe— that she would survive.

"She's with Stefan at her parents' lake house. She's safe," Caroline informed.

"With Stefan?" Himari repeated, the words feeling bitter on her tongue.

"Yeah, she's okay. He wouldn't let anything happen to her." The blonde tried to offer reassurance.

"Is that so?" Himari doubted it. A strange feeling flared within her at the thought of them together.

The mere notion of Elena being with Stefan, being protected by him instead of her, stirred something dark and uncomfortable inside her. She tried to mask it, but the tension in her posture and the tightness around her eyes gave her away. Ever since their conversation that night, Himari had been grappling with new, overwhelming emotions.

Elena had a way of clouding her mind, making it difficult to think rationally.

Their late-night talk had been more than just a moment of vulnerability; it had been a rare connection because for once, Himari had felt truly seen and heard. She yearned for that sort of moment again, but not just with anyone— she wanted it to be with Elena. There was a warmth in Elena's presence that Himari found herself craving, more and more, with each passing second.

There was peace with Elena, a moment of clarity and understanding, and trust. A quality the people in this town seem to lack.

Hearing that the doppelgänger was away, out of reach, and hadn't even bothered to let Himari know, fueled her frustration.

All Himari had done since she arrived was to keep her safe.

Trap Katherine in the tomb.

Show up to Slater's.

Keep her friends and family from getting harmed.

And soon she would bind their lives together.

All so that Elena would live a long, happy life because if anyone deserved to survive, it was her. But again, she goes where Himari can't reach her.

Himari wanted to believe that she was going to such measures to keep Elena safe because it was the right thing to do—And it was—But she recognized these early stages of desire— a desire that was slowly creeping into her thoughts, unbidden and persistent, making the witch question what she truly felt for Elena.

Was it just duty or something more?

Perhaps, evil was naturally drawn to the pure hearts, and Himari was drawn to Elena like a moth to a flame.

But figuring out those feelings was entering a dangerous territory that she wasn't prepared for, a long self-battle. She didn't think she could ever let those longings see the light of day.

For Elena's sake.

"Yes, Stefan's capable," Bonnie added, a hint of defensiveness in her tone. "Elena trusts him, don't you?"

"I trust Elena." She said, rolling her eyes as if she hadn't made that point very clear by now.

"But you don't trust him? Why?" Bonnie's gaze hardened.

"Because Elena has slipped from him, from all of you, not once but twice." The Kitsune leaned forward. "Firstly, she went to see Katherine. Do you realize how dangerous that was? And You allowed it to happen."

Himari pointed an accusatory finger at Caroline, who only bowed her head, not even attempting to defend herself.

"Then to Slater's to offer herself up to Klaus. Thankfully, Elijah and I were there to stop her."

"Because she thought it was the right thing to do." Bonnie defended again.

"I never doubted her intentions, her heart was in the right place, just merely pointing out that she has outsmarted most of you." Himari shrugged, suppressing a grin.

"And Caroline wouldn't have let anything happen to her either." The young witch insisted, shaking her head.

Himari scoffed, sparing the blonde, who had chosen silence, a quick dismissive glance.

Caroline says nothing, accepting the chastisement.

"I don't understand," Bonnie frowned, trying to sort out her thoughts. "You say you have a way to keep Elena safe— that you have a way to kill Klaus. I offered my grimoires to help you search for... I don't even know what, but I did it anyway! And through everything you've told me, I feel like I know nothing still because you continue to keep secrets. Why?"

"You don't need to know everything."

"Why? You think I can't handle it?"

"Don't twist my words," Himari cautioned, her voice steely. "I am only trying to help you— to keep you safe."

"Well, I don't want to be kept safe. I want to help, too."

"By knowing more about the ritual?" She challenged. "So you can do what exactly? What will you do with that information?"

Bonnie faltered under Himari's scrutinizing gaze, her confidence wavering. It was a look that reminded her too much of her mother, stern and unyielding, forcing her to swallow any reply she had.

"I think she— we just want to know how it's supposed to go so we can prepare for any... disruptions," Caroline spoke quietly, breaking her silence, as she looked up at Himari.

Himari's eyes flickered toward the blonde. "You won't have to because you won't be there. You need to stay as far away from the ritual as possible."

"And just let it happen?" Bonnie questioned.

"Yes. Let it happen."

The Bennett cocked her head. There was so much confidence, so much certainty in Himari's voice that almost made her sound trustworthy. Almost. But it wasn't enough. Bonnie couldn't let go of this feeling that she wasn't being completely honest with her.

Himari expected everyone to be okay with her plan— to just go with it. There was so much secrecy on her end that made it impossible to believe anything that came out of her mouth.

Maybe, there was a part of Bonnie that didn't wish to see Himari go after the ritual— maybe it had nothing to do with Elena— maybe, it had been the fear of seeing the only person who understood her, who understood what being a witch was, that made the girl so persistent to figure out a way to stop the ritual so that Himari wouldn't die.

"But we can't just let it happen... I mean, Elena could die," Caroline said incredulously.

Himari said nothing at that.

Elena will die.

"Oh my God— she is," Bonnie's voice was barely a whisper.

Himari remained silent. She needed to let them believe Elena would die or else her whole plan would be ruined. This was the only advantage she had against Klaus and she couldn't reveal it to them because if she did, there was a chance he would figure it out.

This had to stay between her and Elena. She couldn't break the promise she made her.

Seeing the pain— the betrayal in Bonnie's face almost made Himari spill every single detail, but she refrained from doing so.

It was for the better.

Bonnie would understand why she kept secrets. Eventually.

If she didn't, that was okay too, as long as Himari kept her promise and ensured everyone important to Elena made it out alive.

Himari realized at that moment that the goal she had of winning everyone's trust would no longer be attainable. She had dug herself into a hole and she regretted not responding. It was better than saying nothing at all. But she was too late.

The two girls shared an uneasy look at her choice to continue to stay silent. They hoped Himari would deny it— reassure and tell them they were crazy for even suggesting Elena would die. All they received was an unwavering, stoic expression.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Bonnie sounded more like she was pleading. Desperate even.

"She can't die," Caroline insisted. Her best friend couldn't die.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"I can't offer you what you're looking for." Himari looked away from them.

"So what? We're supposed to accept that Elena's going to die and you're going to let it happen?" Bonnie glared at her and Himari hated it.

The Kitsune thought for a moment, sitting there quietly. It seemed like the best option for her to prevent saying anything she'd regret later on. There was this urge to revert to her old ways and just play the villain they were making her out to be. It was as if everything she had done meant nothing. It angered her to the point of considering finding Elena and disappearing until all of this blew over. So that there wouldn't be any disruptions, no need for second plans, and she wouldn't have to worry about who actually believed in her— so she wouldn't suffer from paranoia at every turn.

It was all too much— the accusations, Klaus gaining the upper hand, the stress and fear because of it.

Was it all worth it?

It had to be, right?

Bonnie watched her intently with this look of disbelief, betrayal, and hurt. She was waiting for Himari to say something— anything that would ease her worries, that would erase any doubt from her mind. But she didn't. Himari just stayed quiet, her silence left an uneasy feeling in Bonnie's stomach.

Himari despised the way Bonnie was looking at her. It made her feel guilty like she was making the girl feel sick by her actions or her feigning lack of care for Elena's life. In reality, she did care. She cared so much that it actually hurt. If she didn't, she wouldn't be in this predicament. She could've been miles away, somewhere peaceful, and let Klaus finish the ritual without her— she could've willingly chosen to help him instead of Elena.

However, she was here.

She cared.

Of course, she did. Though it may not seem like it. But maybe it would be easier to pretend she didn't.

Himari felt a familiar darkness creeping back in. "You said you wanted to know, and now that you do, you can't handle it. Isn't that funny? No. Ironic, maybe? " she laughed dryly, almost mockingly, throwing the girl's words back in her face.

Bonnie completely recoiled, in pure incredulity. She tried to remember that warm sensation she always felt in the presence of Himari— a reminder of trust between them but it seemed to wane at this moment. The young witch didn't know if she was staring at the same person she met weeks ago. A part of her felt stupid for even trusting Himari in the first place because she should've known better. She did know better. She should've never followed her blindly.

Now her best friend could potentially be in danger.

"You said... we could trust you— that I could trust you," Bonnie said, brows furrowing in.

"It's clear trust was something I was never going to fully get from any of you despite the lengths I've gone to keep Elena safe." Himari's knee bounced anxiously as she took a quick glance sideways. She wanted to leave.

"You had mine."

"Did I?"

They wouldn't be having this conversation right now if that were true.

"Of course, you did!" Bonnie argued, her voice growing louder, her frustration as well.

Himari only stared at the girl. There was air stuck in her throat, a lump clogging and preventing her from talking— it reminded her of a feeling when she was younger like when she wanted to cry after hurting her brother's feelings, or when her mother yelled at her over a mistake she made. It made her feel guilty and apologetic and small like she was a child again. She didn't want to be swept by her human emotions again— she didn't want to be reminded of her past because of it— She didn't want to deal with the consequences of her secrecy.

She knew this looked bad— her silence. It hung heavy in the air.

Himari's chest tightened, she could hear her heart pounding loudly in her ears and the walls were slowly closing in on her. She feared staying any longer would lead her back into a vulnerability she couldn't afford. She was tired of it— she didn't want to fall back into such a powerless state.

Abruptly, she pushed her chair back and stood up without sparing the two girls a single glance.

They watched her leave in a hurry, confusion and anger stirred within Bonnie— however, Caroline didn't share the same anger. The blonde was concerned if anything. Ever since the night the werewolves kidnapped her, Caroline had noticed the unavoidable smell of blood coming from Himari when she rescued them. It was so pungent. It told her something was wrong— that something must've happened. It would explain Himari's behavior today.

The question is: what could it have been?

AUTHOR's note:

WAIT. put your weapons down guys just trust me on this.