After I had said that Tank's jaw had dropped. He looked at me astounded as he replied "are you insane?! I You're gonna tell your dad?!" He asked me. I nodded. I didn't see why not. "Why not?" I asked "oh well I don't know maybe it's because you murdered the girl he was forcing you to marry?! Bradley, baby, think about this. Do you WANT! To die?" He said as I rolled my eyes "when I tell my dad she was having a daughter, he wouldn't be mad" I replied as Tank paused "the fuck is that supposed to mean? I have two little sisters man and they mean the fucking world to me" he said angered by my words " yeah I know, I was supposed to have an older sister but my dad forced my mom to miscarry" I explained as Tank looked so confused and disturbed "what? Why?" He asked "because he doesn't believe in a girl being the best heir to the business." I explained as Tank shivered "your dad is such an ass hole..." he said as I nodded agreeing " pretty much yeah" I said.

That's when Tank mentioned "but... you killed her baby too... how do you feel about that?" He asked as I went quiet. "I..... if I had the option I would've let her live to take care of that child... I feel like I would've been a good parent but... they made it specifically clear that they wanted her and I to be married before the baby was born so the baby wasn't born a bastard....." I said softly. It genuinely took a toll on my mental to murder her but to kill the innocent child as well made things even worse.

I felt such guilt after murdering the baby but Claire herself... there wasn't so much as much as there was genuine fear of getting caught.

Tank sighed softly as he shook his head "..... I won't tell anyone.... I'm just so sorry that it had to come down to this..." he said softly. I looked down to the ground and zoned out. I couldn't look at Tank but it was like my mouth had a mind of it's own. I just begun to vent more. Honestly I felt bad for Tank, he never asked for this but I've been holding it in for so long I just couldn't stand it. The worst part of this all was that as I vented to Tank I just felt like a even worse person because he was just sitting there listening to me gravel and loathe my entire being.

I told him everything from the beginning. Stuff I never told anyone and he just sat there... listening...

I told him about my self harm scars, I showed my the cigarette burns on the back of my neck, I told him more details on how mother actually died, I told him about how my father tried to offer to kill me when I told him how I genuinely was contemplating suicide, I told him about my physical insecurities that were established by my father, how I hated my hair, skin, nails, body, eyes, face, nose, ears, jaw, neck, legs, personality, mindset etc. I hated everything about myself, I told him about how my father forced me to never even think about having any other dreams or goals in life besides running the business after him. I couldn't have a dream job. Of course the stability of the business was comforting but it's not what I wanted. I couldn't want anything. I told him about how I knew everyone hated me and when I finally get a group of friends again it gets ruined by one girl who didn't hate me but instead adored me. I told him about how Claire broke into my house when I was visiting my father and screamed at me calling me all sorts of things like a damned pig when I denied her invitation to hang out with her because I was busy. I told him how she would sit outside the Gamma house for hours to wait for me to get back, I told him about a lot of things.

One thing I didn't tell him was how she assaulted me. I didn't feel comfortable giving detail obviously. But what she did was beyond horrifying. When she first time successfully assaulted me, she had came over my house and walked up to my room. I was asleep for once. My insomnia had gotten extremely bad as of recently. So the one time I was asleep, she had walked in my room and shut the door behind her. She crawled into my bed and under my covers. Now here's the thing, I could've pushed her off. I could've screamed, I could've cried I could've done so much but when you get assaulted I'm such a dehumanizing way you tend to freeze up. Your mind isn't right, especially because I was so deranged from how exhausted I was and more so because I haven't slept in a hot minute.

She had noticed when I was waking up so she climbed on top of me and whispered in my ear "morning sleepy head, do you miss me?" She asked as I froze up, I didn't expect a visit from her. She started kissing my neck. Her warmth from her lips alone made me cringe to the point where I felt my heart beating out of my chest. Her touch though on the other hand was so cold. She trailed her hand down and stopped at my pants. She shifted her face and kissed my lips as she shifted her weight on top of me so I wouldn't move and she had her way.

I felt disgusting after that moment, aggressively cleaning my body in the shower, I could feel her hands stills all over me and as I scrubbed as hard as I can my arms turned red to the point there was a little. Blood appearing as well. I couldn't look in the mirror for days because of the hickeys it was horrible.

I'm glad she's gone, at least now I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore...

When it came to the next morning the guilt set in much heavier about the death of the baby. I felt like throwing up practically because of it. I had to do something... but should I really tell my dad? Will he even help me?

I pondered on this thought for a while. Actually I was thinking about it all day....

I needed a break. Maybe some tea would ease my mind. I got up and grabbed my coat as I froze feeling the gun in my pocket. I shivered as I took it out and hid it in my school bag which was hidden in my now destroyed closet. But doing so I also found a book on the floor. I picked it up curiously and read the title "the idiot" by Fyodor Dostovyesky. I shrugged and thought why not. I haven't read a book in a while ever since this wedding planning has been going on so it might calm my nerves. So I brought it with me.

I went down stairs, grabbed my boots, my wallet and I left. I had walked all the way out to the bean scene to try to relax. I waited in line to grab and tea and found a seat on the couch all the way in the corner. When I was settled in I had opened the book to read and I filtered out any noise around me. The smell of the coffee was satisfying and the dim lighting made everything worth while to comfort and ease the tension that coursed every inch of my body. I struggled to read though so thankfully I brought my glasses with me. I put it on and continued to flip through pages.

As I was distracted I could feel someone was standing right in front of me. I looked up curious until I froze and my eyes widened. "Glasses?" They asked.

I simply smiled softly yet words couldn't describe the happiness I felt in that moment instantly.

"Piercings...."