Only In Dreams
For a moment, there was silence. Admittedly, it was a lot to take in. Joyce leaned back in her beach chair and stared up at the sun, her face completely unreadable. Then, she turned to me and said, "Blake's the guy with the shutter shades, isn't he?"
"Yeah," I said. "He...he's been following me around too. It's been happening all year. He wants me to join the Love Martyrs again."
"Why didn't you tell me all of this earlier?" Joyce asked.
"I didn't know what you would think of me if I did," I said. "I did a lot of dumb things in high school. I missed so many warning signs. I didn't know what you'd think if you knew that I used to be friends with a guy like Blake."
"Dani, there's no way that you could have known."
"I should have done more to stop Blake."
"It's not too late. We could call the cops now."
"Right now?"
"Yeah, if you wanted to."
"I think I need more time," I said. There was too much going on, with the holidays coming up and second semester classes about to start. I didn't want to make things worse by going after Blake.
"Okay, but you should do it soon," Joyce said. "We need this to stop." I nodded, and Joyce said, "It's getting dark. We should probably head back to Egmont Beach."
The two of us got back into the car, and I drove back to the college. Joyce chatted all through the drive, deliberately avoiding the elephant in the room. I focused on the road, afraid of seeing a red Mazda cruising down Alligator Alley. Thankfully, Blake wasn't there. I don't know what I would have done if I did see him. When we arrived at the college, Joyce kissed me goodbye, and then we went our separate ways.
Winter break was lonelier than usual. The campus was nearly empty, and although I occasionally Skyped Sydney, Joyce, and Aditi, and I sometimes went to the zoo to check on Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, I spent most of break holed up in my dorm room, wondering what to do about Blake. My cell phone was right there, and I could have called the police at any point, but I was terrified. Blake needed to understand what he had done, but at the same time, he and I used to be friends. Did I really want my former best friend to go to jail?
I had to stop thinking of Blake as a friend. He was a stalker, he was a scumbag, and he had assaulted Madeline. Blake and I weren't friends anymore, and we wouldn't be friends again. I had to get over whatever lingering doubts I had about calling the cops on him. If anyone I knew deserved to go to jail, it was him.
Christmas and New Year's came and went, and before long, students started arriving on campus again. It was like Egmont College was coming back to life. Classes started up again, and soon, I was busy reading biology textbooks and writing up entries in my lab notebook. I faithfully attended my professors' office hours, and Joyce and I spent plenty of time studying together. Sometimes, she urged me to call the police on Blake, but she tried not to be too pushy about it. "I don't want to turn into that nagging girlfriend," she said after her fourth or fifth reminder about it.
Maybe it was because I was taking fewer shifts at the zoo, but I didn't see Blake around as much. Once, I caught him spying into the dolphin exhibit, but he left me alone for the most part. Joyce didn't see him as much either. "There's nothing stopping him from doing something though," Joyce said.
On the first Friday after classes started, we got a group together to play Dungeons and Dragons. I got to be the Dungeon Master, and it was the most fun I'd had in weeks. The whole party seemed to have a good time, and I liked acting out all of the NPCs. All of the long hours I had spent in the garage had paid off.
On my way home from the D&D session, I saw that I had a ton of new Twitter notifications, and it wasn't long before I figured out why. The Love Martyrs had tweeted for the first time since the breakup.
The Love Martyrs are back together, and @danibloomberg is joining the band again! See you on tour!
Apparently this was Blake's new tactic for getting me back into the band. I furiously clicked on Blake's personal Twitter account, but there was nothing new there. Then, I went to Tommy's account, and I saw that he had edited his bio.
Hi, I'm Tommy Davidson, and I'm the manager of the Love Martyrs.
I quickly turned my phone off and shoved it back into my pocket. Tommy must have been in on Blake's plan to get the band back together. Had he known that Blake was stalking me? There was no way to know for sure, but it disgusted me that Tommy was willing to work with someone like Blake just to get his career back on track.
My heart was pounding, and I kept looking over my shoulder, afraid that Blake would appear out of nowhere. He can't make me join the Love Martyrs again, I thought, but then again, Blake wasn't the sort of guy who would take no for an answer. He would do anything to get his way, and that was what scared me.
As soon as I made it into my dorm room, I called Joyce, even though it was two o'clock in the morning. To my surprise, she was still awake, but she sounded tired. I told her about how Blake had posted that I was joining the Love Martyrs again. It felt good to have someone that I could tell my secrets to, someone that I could trust.
"Yeah, I know," Joyce said. "I already saw it on Twitter. What are you going to do?"
"I'm calling the police tomorrow, but I want you to be there for me," I said.
"That's fine," Joyce said. "When are you calling them?"
"As soon as I get home from work. I should be back on campus by four."
"Let's meet in your dorm room at four." She yawned and then added, "I should get to bed. I've been up all night reading. Good night, Dani."
"Good night, Joyce," I said.
That night, I swore that I saw Blake crawling through the window. I heard him picking up his guitar and playing a stupid riff, one of those three chord songs that still somehow manages to make me cry. He told me over and over again that he wanted to be my friend again, that I meant something to him, that Madeline and Keiko and all of those other girls had lied, that I would be happier if I was in the band. "Come back," he said. "Come back..."
My alarm went off, and I opened my eyes, unsure whether it had been a dream or if it had really happened. I didn't see any obvious indications that Blake had entered the room, but there was no proof that he hadn't come here either. I turned my alarm off, rolled out of bed, and got ready for work. Soon, this nightmare would be over.
I drove to work, and when I got there, I headed straight for the dolphin exhibit. There was a show that day, so I spent a lot of my shift making sure that the dolphins did their tricks properly. Once they had performed, I gave them a piece of fish as a reward. McCoy was always happy to receive her snack, but Kirk and Spock seemed a little bit more sullen that day. After the dolphin show was over, I cleaned up the exhibit and helped Claudia teach the dolphins a new trick.
I did my best to avoid Tommy, but I occasionally ran into him despite my best efforts. While I was mopping up the underwater viewing area, Tommy walked up to me and said, "You know, it's going to be a lot of fun managing you guys again."
"What makes you think that I'm actually joining the Love Martyrs?" I asked.
"You'll give in eventually," Tommy said. "Blake said that you would."
"Blake doesn't know anything," I said. "I'm not coming back. I won't work with Blake again."
"Is this about Keiko Tamaki?" Tommy asked. "She wrote that letter herself, you know. I don't know what drove her to do something like that, but Blake never said anything that was in that letter."
"Yes and no," I said. "It's more than just the letter."
Thankfully, Tommy didn't ask any more questions. "You'll come back to the Love Martyrs," he concluded. "Blake said that he would make it happen. All he needed was your work schedule."
I turned away from him and then headed upstairs to the pool. The dolphins chirped as if they were conversing amongst themselves while I put my mop away. My brief conversation with Tommy was all the proof that I needed. Tommy had been helping Blake all along, giving him my work schedule so that he could follow me home from the zoo. It felt like both of them had betrayed me.
After work, I went straight to the parking lot. If I was going to call the police on Blake, I couldn't hang around in the garage. I had to go straight home. I walked past the elephants and zebras, ignoring the crowds of people leaning over the fence to get a better view. As I left the zoo, I turned around and found a pink-haired man following me.
"You're joining the Love Martyrs again, right?" Blake said, smirking.
"No, I'm not," I said. "You can't make me be in your band, Blake."
"I don't get it," Blake said. "We had a great time when you were in the Love Martyrs. Why did you leave?"
"You know what you did to Madeline on prom night," I said.
"What are you talking about?" Blake said. He seemed genuinely bewildered. It seemed hard to believe, but he had no idea what he had done. He hadn't given it a second thought.
"And then you spent the whole year stalking me and breaking into my dorm room," I said. "Why would I want to be in the Love Martyrs again?"
"It was our band..."
"No. It was your band. I was never really a part of it."
"Who's going to turn the fog machine on and off?"
"I don't know, but it's not my problem. Leave me alone, Blake."
"But Dani..."
"I said, leave me alone!" I shouted as I walked to my car. Blake followed me there, and when I got into the driver's seat of my car, he climbed into his red Mazda.
"I can't leave you alone, Dani," he said. "You're my best friend."
"You need to learn some respect, Blake, and until you do, I never want to see you again." I slammed the car door shut and sped out of the parking lot. I looked into the rear view mirror as soon as I got onto the road, and I saw that Blake was following me again. I drove back to the college as quickly as I could, hoping to throw him off along the way, but he wouldn't stop going after me.
He parked next to me when I arrived at the college. I stayed in my car, frozen in place, but he wouldn't leave. I was too scared to move; I couldn't even bring myself to change the radio station or take my hands off of the wheel. Blake stayed in that parking space for what felt like forever, occasionally glancing over at me, wondering if I would ever get out of my car. I felt like I was trapped.
Eventually, Blake drove away, and I climbed out of my car and ran into Wallace Hall. Joyce was already there, waiting outside of my room. "What took you so long?" she asked me.
"Blake followed me home from work again," I said.
"Come on," Joyce said as she took my hand. "Let's put an end to this."
I unlocked the door to my dorm room, and both of us went inside. "It's a little messy," I said. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's no big deal," Joyce said. "You should see Monique's room. It's way worse." She sat down on my bed, while I took a deep breath and then pulled out my phone. I dialed the number, and then for a tense moment, we waited.
Joyce and I told our story to the woman on the other end of the line. Sometimes, I could hardly speak, but Joyce comforted me, telling me that everything would be okay. She told her side of the story too, how Blake had followed her across campus. I didn't say anything about Madeline. She was at Julliard, living her life. She had been through enough.
We were on the phone for a long time, and when it was all over, Joyce stayed in my room. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked me.
"As okay as I'll ever be," I said.
"All of this will be over soon," Joyce said.
"I hope so," I said. I paused and then added, "Have I mentioned Tommy to you before?"
"I think so," Joyce said. "He was your manager, right?"
"Yeah," I said. "I found out that he and Blake were working together. He told Blake my work schedule."
"That's awful. Why would he do that?"
"He wanted to manage the Love Martyrs again." I paused and then asked, "What should I do?"
"Maybe you could try talking to your boss," Joyce suggested.
"I don't want to have to tell her everything all over again," I said. "Besides, what if she doesn't believe me?"
"It's worth a try."
"I don't know about this, Joyce."
"Dani, if you want Blake to stop, you're going to have to tell this story a million times, to anyone who will listen. It's the only way things will change." I didn't bother to argue with her, because she was right. She kissed me gently and then said, "I'm going to go to the library to work on my philosophy paper. Let me know if you need anything."
"I will," I said. She left the dorm room, and I opened up my computer. I went straight to Twitter, and I logged out of my account and into the official Love Martyrs account. I would never forget the password: it was "lotsofhiddencars." I almost felt a little bit guilty as I typed in that password, remembering all of the times we had sung Rasputin together in his basement, but when I thought of how he had stalked my girlfriend, or what he had done to Madeline, all of that remorse washed away.
I went into settings, and I changed the password to a random combinations of letters and numbers that nobody had any chance of remembering. Then, I deleted the account. I did the same thing to all of the Love Martyrs' other social media accounts. There was no way that Blake could get into them now. I had locked him out.
The semester went on, and unlike what Joyce had said, it didn't end quickly. The police spent a long time investigating, and I had to retell my story over and over again. They questioned me on every detail, but I did my best to tell them the truth as I knew it. However, I never told them about Madeline. I knew that she wouldn't want to be involved in this.
The police searched Blake's apartment not long after Joyce and I called them, and unsurprisingly, they found my maneki neko. I put it back on my dresser, letting it protect me from evil spirits again. I needed it now more than ever.
I went to work again the following weekend, and during my lunch break, I had a brief chat with Kirk. "I feel like I'm going crazy," I told him.
He let out a low chirp, as if he was agreeing with me.
"Sometimes, it's like I'm living in a dream. Nothing feels real anymore," I said. "Joyce says the investigation is going to be over soon, but it's just so stressful."
Kirk swam around in a huge arc, and soon McCoy joined him. She let out a long series of high-pitched chirps and whistles to greet me.
"Hey McCoy," I said. "I was just telling Kirk about the police investigation. I don't know what to do about Tommy though."
McCoy swam a little bit closer to me, while Kirk swam away.
"He gave Blake my work schedule," I explained. "I feel like I should talk to Claudia, but I don't know how."
All of a sudden, Claudia walked into the room. "Hi Dani," Claudia said. "Who were you talking to?"
"Nobody," I said.
McCoy splashed in protest, and Claudia laughed.
"It's okay if you were just talking to the dolphins," Claudia said. "Sometimes they listen better than any person ever could."
McCoy jumped into the air, splashing both Claudia and I as she hit the water again.
I turned to Claudia and said, "There's something I want to talk to you about."
"What is it?" Claudia asked.
I told her about all of the things that Blake had done. Again, I left Madeline out of the story, which I always felt a little bit guilty about, but she wouldn't want to be involved in all of this. Once I was done, I told her that Tommy had given Blake my work schedule. "What should I do?" I asked Claudia.
"Don't worry," Claudia said. "I'll take care of this. Tommy's not working today, but he'll be here tomorrow. I can talk to him then."
"Thank you, Claudia," I said.
"You're welcome," Claudia said. "Make sure you finish up your lunch in the next five minutes. I want you to present the Zookeeper Talk at one o'clock."
The next time I came to work, Tommy wasn't there. "I fired him," Claudia explained when I asked her what had happened. "Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any other problems. You can trust me, Dani."
"Okay, Claudia."
"By the way, I might need you around here more often until we hire somebody to replace Tommy."
"That's fine. I can come in whenever you need me."
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy all chirped in unison, as if they were cheering.
I never saw Tommy again, and as for Blake, he was convicted of stalking, theft, and breaking and entering. He was sentenced to two years in prison, but somehow, the punishment seemed too light. Then again, Madeline, Joyce, and I were the only ones who knew the full extent of what Blake had done. Unless Madeline decided to press charges, that wouldn't change.
In the end, life went on. I studied hard in all of my classes, and I spent long hours working at the zoo. I worked hard enough to make up for Tommy's absence, and eventually, the Egmont Zoo hired my lab partner in Aquatic Biology. I enjoyed working with her: she was far easier to talk to than Tommy was, and she complained far less than he did. I still spent a lot of time in the garage, planning out my D&D campaigns, but I didn't feel like I had to be there to be safe. Without Blake following me home, I learned to love my job.
When I wasn't working or studying, I spent time with the people that I love. Joyce and I did everything together. We ate breakfast in the dining hall together, we did research in the library, and we took long walks across campus. We went to the beach, and we watched the sunset from the top of Greenway Hill. I was unbelievably lucky to have a girl like her by my side.
I Skyped Sydney and Aditi every week, and I heard what was going on in Cleveland and London from them. I started Skyping Tanner more often too, and I even got back in touch with Devon. Tanner, Devon, and I arranged a Quiz Bowl reunion over the summer, and I was glad that I would get to see my old friends one more time. It was crazy to think that Tanner would be graduating from college soon. Where had the time gone?
One day, I decided to text Madeline about the reunion. Devon and Tanner had both tried to get in touch with her already, but I wanted to give it another try anyways.
"I'm sorry about everything," I wrote to her. "I should have been a better friend to you." A few minutes passed, and she didn't reply. I texted her again. "By the way, Tanner, Devon, and I are having a Quiz Bowl reunion in June. Can you please come? We'd love to see you again."
She never replied to me. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I still desperately wanted her to reply. I wanted to start all over again with her. I wanted us to be friends again, even if that was impossible after everything that had happened. Our friendship was just one more thing that Blake had taken from us.
With Blake locked away, everything seemed normal again. I was just another broke college student, just like everyone else. However, nothing was quite the same anymore. I had gone into the wreck, and now I was cherishing every molecule of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Every time I drove home from work, I was relieved that nobody was following me home. When I checked my rear view mirror, there was no red Mazda driving after me. I was on the open road, alone and free.
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