CHAPTER 5

"NCIOLE please... kumain ka naman oh"

Hindi ko pinansin si Kry at umiyak lang, I was lying in my bed. After what happened yesterday I drove myself to Kryza's house, hindi ko alam kung anong magagawa ko kung pumunta ako sa bahay ni Andrew o sa bahay namin. Baka kung ano pang magawa ko.

"L-leave m-me a-alone, Kryza. Just please... leave me"

I felt her hands in my back, mas napa-iyak ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Umupo ako at saka siniksik ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya.

"I-it's h-hurts Kry... how can they do that? Ang akala ko ba mahal n-nila ako? Bakit nila ako niloko? Bakit nila yun ginawa sa akin? Hindi naman ako masama diba? Naging mabait naman ko eh, hindi ko naman sila binibigyan ng sakit sa ulo... p-pero bakit ganun? B-bakit niloko parin nila ako?" I sobbed in her chest while she caressing my head.

I felt comfortable crying in her, I told her not to say to anyone about this. Ayokong pati sila mag-aalala sa kalagayan ko, ayokong makita nila akong ganito.

"Minsan yung taong pinagkakatiwalaan natin yun pa ang nanglokoko sa atin. But always remember this Nicole, everyone can betray you but don't let yourself betrayed you. Because you can always count on yourself not to people. Hindi sa lahat ng oras kaya mo silang sandalan, don't let yourself fight against with your feelings. Not this time honey"

I let my tears out. Hindi ko kayang gumalaw dahil ang sakit sakit, bawat galaw ko naalala ko lahat-lahat. Bawat tingin ko sa paligid naiiyak ako at naninikip ang dibdib ko sa sakit.

Ilang araw na akong walang kain kaya kanina pa ako pinapakain ni Kry, kanina pa din ako tanggi ng tanggi sa kaniya.

"Shh... everything is going to be just fine" She whispered.

I just sobbed and cried until I dozed off. I woke up feeling so unwell, my eyes are sore. I can't move properly.

I force myself to get up, I went to the bathroom and get myself naked and showered.

Hindi dapat ako nandito at nagmumukmok, hindi ako ganitong babae. Malakas ako at kaya kong harapin lahat ng to... sana.

"Buti naman at lumabas ka na, let's eat" 

Malumanay akong umupo sa harap ni Kryza, I can feel my body heat. Mukhang magkakasakit ako. I promise to Shay but I think I'll broke it too, promises really are meant to be broken.

"Kumusta? Not feeling well, are we?"

I stared at my plate. Usually, Andrew make me breakfast every morning. Looks like I'll get myself used being alone this time. I felt my eyes watered so I blinked twice to stop it.

"Y-yeah"

I heard her sighed and stood up before getting the medicine. "Kung hindi ka ba naman kumain ng isang araw sinong hindi magkakasakit? Wala ka pang inom na tubig, gusto mo na bang mamatay ha?"

I lowered my head, slowly my tears began to fall. My heart is clenching, why does it hurts everytime I think about him? Hindi pa naman ako nawawala sa sarili ko diba?

"Come on! Stop crying! Nababahala na ako, hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Baka matawag ko ang iba sa ginagawa mo"

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing, my tears pooled my eyes and it was falling in my plate.

"Stop it, Nicole please"

I slightly nodded before wiping my tears. I just can't cry here and get myself sick because of them. I know it's hurts but I should get myself up to show them I'm okay despite of them betraying me, for fooling me.

I finished my food and drink my medicine, I'll send my resignation letter to dad's office after this. I'll take care of my mom's company and find another job to make myself more experienced. It's hard, yes but I don't think it would be better to just lay myself down my bed and cried all night.

"Saan ka pupunta?" Kry asked when she saw me getting my bag.

"Dad's company"

I saw how she panicked and stopped me. "A-ano? Hoy babae, ang akala ko ba ayaw mo silang makita? Anong gagawin mo?"

I stared deeply in her eyes. "Wala" Walang emosyong ani ko.

"Sigurado ka ba? Pwede kitang samahan kung gusto mo"

I shook my head and readied myself. "I'm okay Kry, don't worry I'll just send my resignation letter and I'll be home"

She let go of my hand and nodded. "Alright, be safe and control your emotions"

I just nodded at her and get my car key before turning my back at her. I squeezed my eyes shut when I entered my car, another scene keep on replaying in my mind. I think I should get another car when I already have some money, hindi ko kayang sumakay sa kotse kung saan namin unang ginawa ni Andrew ang pagtatalik namin. The day we make love was the day of our fourth monthsary. Make love huh? Is that even love? I think he was just lusting over me, I know he doesn't love me.

I started the engine and drove my car to our company, as I enter the building the guard greeted me. Hindi kagaya noon na binabati ko sila pabalik, ngayon ay tinitingnan ko lang sila ng malamig bago tinanguan. Confused was written all over their faces, even the staff were confused because I was close to them but now I was just like an ice. A cold hearted person.

I entered the elevator and a bunch of people entered too, they saw me so they lowered their head as a respect.

Hindi ko sila pinansin at tumayo lang sa gilid habang nag-uusap sila, I check my phone when it beeped and saw Vien asking for a drinking session again. I almost dropped my phone when I heard the topic of the employees.

"Magpapakasal na daw si ma'am Charmee, kilala mo yung Andrew Salazar? Yun daw ang pakakasalan eh!"

I lowered my head when I felt my eyes getting sore, I blinked twice so I can stopped my tears. I keep my posture up and just acted cool with it, but deep inside I'm drowning.

"Talaga? Ang akala ko ba si Miss Nicole..." The other one whispered but when she realized that I was just inches away from her she stopped and shut her mouth.

"Oo nga no? Ano kayang nangyari?" The other one whispered.

They didn't know I was listening and I can hear clearly what they were saying, I also don't want to shout at them cuz... why would I? I'm not like that.

"Baka naman nagloko si Andrew kay miss Nicole? Tapos si ma'am Charmee ang kabit?" Your right. Minsan pala tama din kayong mga chismosa no?

They all nodded their head like they were agreeing for what she says.

When the elevator opened I got out first, sabay silang lumabas. I think they're gonna send some documents to dad, they're holding a folder anyway.

I entered my dads office without knocking, he didn't respect me so why would I respect him? He doesn't deserve to be respected.

I sat on the sofa and get my resignation letter in my bag. Pumasok na din yung kumpol ng mga babae kanina, busy si dad sa cellphone niya and I can hear it crystal clear that he was talking about Charms wedding.

"Yes, in just a month they're gonna marry each other... oh yes pare, syempre naman" Ohh wow... just a month huh? Pero sa amin mag isang taon na pero wala namang plano. Grabe ka Andrew, wag mo namang ipamukha na mas mahal mo ang kapatid ko.

I saw how he ended the call and he looked shocked when he saw me sitting on his couch.

My face remained stoic when I gave him the letter. His eyes was fulled of confusion, regret, and hope. Did he regret everything? I think not, parte siya sa paghahanda ng kasal nila.

"Leave us first please" Dad said to his employees.

Nag-aalangan man ay lumabas silang lahat, kaming dalawa na lang ang narito sa loob ng office niya. I stood up and lowered my head, a respect for my boss. That's it, it's not because I respected him because he's my father.

"What is this?" He asked like he did nothing wrong. I motioned the letter and he opened it. His eyes adverted on me.

"W-why?"

Pagak akong napatawa sa tanong niya. "Why? You ask me why? Should I answer it, Mr. Buentrago?" I said still remaining my stoic and stiff voice.

He lowered his head looking so guilty, my jaw was clenching and I gripped my suit to refrain myself from shouting and letting my tears fall.

"S-sorry... anak, gusto ko lang namang sumaya ang kapatid mo"

I looked at him with disbelief. "Really!? Gusto mo siyang pasayahin tapos ang kapalit ay saktan ako!? Ako yung totoong anak mo! Ni hindi mo sila kadugo! Paano ko nagawang isakripisyo ang kasiyahan ko para sa kasiyahan niya!?"

Pagod siyang tinignan ako. "Hindi ko sila napagtutuunan ng pansin dahil sayo Nicole, sana naman maintindihan mo ako ngayon"

I looked up and blinked numerous times to stopped myself from crying. I can't let them see how hurt I am, isa akong malakas na babae.

"You chose to fool and betray me for Charmee. What a big betrayal I had... talagang yung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko pa talaga"

"Nicole pealse understand! Wag namang puro sarili mo lang ang isipin mo!"

Napatanga ako sa sinabi niya at gulat na napatingin sa kaniya. "Ako!? Selfish!? Alam mo kung gaano ako naghirap at nagpilit sa sarili na tanggapin ang babae mo at ang mga anak niya! You know how I suffered forgetting all their mistakes and understand their bratty attitude! Alam kong nagtitimpi ako para sa kanila at para sayo! How dare you say to me that I'm selfish!?"

"Lower your voice! I'm still your father!"

"But you didn't act like one! Ama kita pero pinapakita mo lang sa akin na parang hindi mo ako anak! Don't you ever used to me the word 'I'm still your father' because you are not to me!"

His eyes soften and it's begging.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at tumalikod sa kaniya. "Sign it, Sir. I'm waiting, hindi ko na kayang makita ang pagmumukha niyo"

I heard him sighed and walked in front of me. I looked at his eyes, glaring. I can't stand seeing his gray almond eyes, I can't stop myself from hurting him.

"I-i think we can talk about this, you know... your the heiress"

I faked a laughed. "Goodness! Sa tingin niyo talaga masisikmura kong hawakan ang kumpanya niyo dahil sa ginawa niyo? At talagang concern pa kayo sa pagiging tagapagmana ko kaysa sa nararamdaman ko!?" He lowered his head. "I don't think so" Matigas kong ani sabay kuha ng bag ko at lumabas.

Lahat ng tapang ko sa loob ng office niya ay nawala ng makapasok ako sa elevator, my knees started to wobble and someone just helped me to stand up properly.

"Miss Nicole, ayos lang po kayo?" She asked.

Slowly, my tears began to fall. I nodded my head even I wanted to shook my head and say I'm not.

I sat on the floor and let my tears pooled in my eyes. The elevator opened and I immediately stood up and got out the building. The employee's were greeting me even they're confused, hindi ko sila pinansin at saka dumeretso sa restroom.

I can't let anyone see how messed up I am. I can't let them think I am weak, dahil isa akong malakas na babae.

"M-miss eto oh, tubig" I heard from the girl employee said to me while I was looking down.

"I don't need it" Malamig kong ani.

I looked at my reflection. My face is red and my eyebags were visible. My make up messed up and I can see sadness, anger and other emotions I can't tell in my eyes.

"Sige na po miss, kailangan niyo po to"

I looked at the woman. She's simple yet sophisticated, she looks so kind but not everyone can fool me. I may be blind in love but not in the other people, I can see the range and loathe in her eyes. Guess my dad will had a opponent in his company.

"You know what, wala kang makukuha sa akin. I'll let you ruin their company, pero wag na wag mo akong isali dahil hindi ko kayang masikmura ang tumayo sa gusaling to"

She smirked and put the water down. "Ahh... looks like the heiress is mad. Well... what can I say? They fooled you, they make you like a dumb woman who doesn't deserve a love from Andrew Salazar. How pity"

I clench my jaw to refrain myself. I stood up properly and looked at her with full of confidence.

"I don't fucking care you dimwit"

I left her dumbfounded and go to my car. I drove my car to our house, I need to get my things. Sigurado naman akong wala ang mga babae sa bahay dahil narinig kong nasa isang hotel sila at naghahanda para sa kasal. Isang buwan pa naman yun, ang atat nilang magsama.

I still remained my face stoic when I entered our house, I mean... their house. I don't belong in here anyway.

Manang greeted me but I didn't pay attention to her, nakita ako ni Chad at akmang magsasalita ng talikuran ko siya at naglakad pataas. I get my important things I needed in my room, I need to get out in this house. I can't stand staying here for an hour, I might cry.

After packing the things I need I go to my mom's room, it's our secret room. No one knows about it, mom made this when dad had a business trip in Malaysia. She said she also need a place to rest with so she made this.

I pushed my closet and saw the secret room, glad mom hid it here. Hindi ko kayang maglibot libot sa bahay na to.

As I entered the room my nose filled with my mom scent, I squeezed my eyes shut and tears began to fall. This room is my solace but I think I need to be away from this for awhile.

I sat on the bed and roamed my eyes. It still smells like mom, wala pa ring pinagbago. I get the money inside, I left the important papers and lock it again. Kahit naman makita nila ang kwartong ito ay hinding hindi parin nila mabubuksan ang tinatago ko rito, hindi ito mabubuksan ng kahit na ano at ako lang at si mom ang nakakabukas nito.

I left the room and go downstairs. When Chad saw me he stood up immediately and wait for me to come to him. Tumigil ako ng ilang metro ang layo sa kaniya, my eyes is emotionless.

"A-ate"

I just stared at him so he lowered his head. "S-sorry po, k-kasi... may sakit si ate Charmee at hindi daw siya magpapagaling kung hindi siya pakakasalan ni kuya Andrew kaya hindi ko masabi sabi sayo. I-i thought kuya Andrew will tell you pero hindi niya sinabi"

I was shocked when I heard that Charm was sick but my face still remained stoic.

"S-sorry po kung nagsinungaling ako"

Hindi ko siya pinansin at lumabas lang sa bahay. My tears began to fall as I open my car, pumikit ako ng mariin at sinandal sa upuan bago umiiyak.

Alam kong wala siyang kasalanan pero hindi ko magawang magpatawad. I'm blinded because of my anger. Pakiramdam ko niloloko lang ako ng lahat, pakiramdam ko wala na dapat akong pagkatiwalaan pa.

I stayed inside my car until my heartbeat becomes even. I looked at the picture in front of me, it was me and Andrew when I answered him to be his girlfriend. I was the happiest woman that time but I guess I'm the messiest woman this time.

I get the photo and crumpled it. I want to regret everything about him, I want to forget all about him. And slowly... moving on. Hindi ako ang nawalan, siya ang nawalan.

Kung sana hindi mo ako sinaktan... wala sanang ganitong sakit. Wala sanang luha na pumapatak sa mata ko, wala sanang mawawala sayo.