They said I was getting better. I wish they would stop saying that because it gives me hope. Hope scares me the most, not dying. To everyone else, hope is seen as something good, something to look forward to, something that will bring happiness but it's a dangerous thing for someone like me to have.

"Morning Jungkook!"

Namjoon came into my room with a bunch of things. Discharge papers. The doctor said my chemotherapy is completed and I will come back next month. "Are you happy to go home?"

"Of course, it's so boring here." I told him and made him laugh.

"So here are your meds, I've taught you how to take them this morning. This one is in the morning before eating." He showed me a white pill and then picked another one, "and this is in the evening. There's painkillers too. You take—"

"I know. One tablet every 4-6 hours." I said, taking the medications and putting them in my bag. "You have told me this a hundred times."

"Alright. Guess you're good to go." Namjoon grinned and patted my back. "By the way, I haven't seen the girl around lately. Does she know you're going home today?"

"Who cares? She can do whatever she wants." I sat on the bed after packing up my things.

"Well, have a safe trip home. I'll see you next month." Namjoon bid me farewell and left the room.

It's true she hasn't been here this week. Is she busy? I laughed to myself. What could she be busy with? She probably found someone new to annoy. Maybe another neighbor. Maybe Hoseok? Could they be dating now? Whatever. It's not like it's my business to know what she does everyday. I have my own life to deal with. Who needs her company anyway?

My Dad picked me up from the hospital and took me home. Finally. I'm sick of that hospital room. At least my leg has gotten a little better. I can walk around without help from crutches but it still hurts occasionally.

I went up to my room right away and lied down on my bed, browsing on my phone. The chat group is still as loud as ever. I just scrolled up and read their conversations, smiling at their stories. I tried many times to send a message but I don't know what to say. What should I say? It feels like I don't belong anywhere.

"Jungkook, you hungry?" Dad knocked once and peeked inside my room. "Want something to eat?"

"I'm fine, Dad. Not really hungry." I replied, flashing him a small smile to reassure him.

I sat on my swivel chair and turned on my game console. I have the need to distract myself lately because I keep thinking about things that make me lonely. It's so quiet inside my head right now. I realized that silence is not silent after all. It's something I can actually hear.

My gaze moved over to outside my window. Her house looks empty and dark. Is there no one home?

Is she gone?

Later that night, I woke up to noises outside. I got up from the bed to look out of my window, parting the curtains slightly and peeking through the small gap. It was the neighbor's car parking into their driveway and Y/N. Both of her parents assisting her into the car. She looked weak and not like her usual self. She didn't wear a smile and her face were very pale. It was scary how a person's face changed so drastically. What happened to her?

The next day, I decided to go out in the back yard and do some light work. My physiotherapist advised me to keep my leg moving every once in a while so that my muscles wouldn't develop contractures or shrink in size. Dad went to work today as well and since I'm alone, I had to keep myself busy.

My Dad has been trying to grow flowers in the back yard so I picked up the watering can to give them some water. I couldn't help but look up at her window. I was sure I wasn't dreaming last night. Her house was still quiet. Her parents probably left for work too. I keep glancing towards her window despite knowing that she wouldn't be there.

After awhile, I decided to cross to their backyard and knock on the door a couple times until it dawned on me. What the hell am I doing?

I swiftly turned my back and was about to leave when someone opened the door. A man that looked like he was around my Dad's age. "Hello."

"Uh, hi!" I awkwardly raised my hand, putting it back down quickly because I looked stupid. "My name's Jungkook. I live next door."

"Oh." His expression became lighter and a smile grew on his face. "Yes, I know your father. Do you need any help?"

"Um, not really." I said, trying to look past him and inside the house, "I'm Y/N's friend."

His brows furrowed at what I said. "Oh, really. She didn't tell us you were friends." He chuckled.

"She didn't tell you?" I repeated, feeling more stupid and embarrassed. Maybe we aren't friends. Why did I assume that we were?

"I'm sorry for being rude. Do you want to come inside?" He added with a smile as he stepped back to invite me in.

"No, it's okay. I-I just passed by. I have some things to do too." I told him and turned to leave. I didn't know that I could feel angry and lonely than I already am.

"You came to visit Y/N, right?" He called after me when I was halfway out of their backyard. "I'm sorry, Jungkook. She's not feeling very well so she's away for now. That's why she hasn't been out lately but I'll tell her you passed by."

"No, don't tell her!" I exclaimed. "It's really fine. Please don't tell her I was here."

🌼

The days went on just like that and eventually, I had to go back to school. Summer is over. I was prepared to return to my usual life. I met my friends at school and had fun but I haven't told them I have Cancer. They just know I had an accident and I had to be in the hospital.

I get chemotherapy every end of the month, regularly, and the Doctor said I'm responding well to the treatments but chemo still sucks. It just makes me feel miserable all the time but it's the only thing that can save my life. I had to endure it.

Walking home from school, I felt my leg give out from under me. I fell and felt the same excruciating pain climbing up from my knee to my hips. It was so painful that I couldn't get myself up until a pair of arms circled around my torso. Her hair touched my cheek as she put my arms over her shoulders, helping me stand up. That's when I realized that I was in front of her house and she ran down to help me.

"You're still a wimp." She smiled at me.

Why? I don't understand why she disappeared and shows herself again in front of me like nothing happened. She makes me feel like I'm a joke that she toss around and laugh about.

"Get away from me. I don't need any help from you." I said bitterly, pushing her away and began limping towards our house.

"Dickhead. A thank you would be nice!" She called out to me and I looked back at her smiling face. She waved at me but I ignored her. We're not friends.

I went inside the house and falling down on the floor as I hissed from the pain. I poured all the things out from my bag and picked up my painkillers, popping one into my mouth and pushing it down with water. The pain remained for some time. I waited for it to go away while I leaned my back against the front door and tilted my head up.

I started to think back on what I said to her when the pain was beginning to fade away. I guess I was a little harsh. Words can also hurt someone, sometimes, it hurts more than a physical wound and it lasts longer. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that but I cannot take it back now.