I stare at the picture of me and Jace, the one Derek left in the box with my Christmas present. Our smiling faces look back at me holding all the warmth and happiness in the world that it makes my chest hurt. It wasn't taken that long ago. Maybe a month back, sitting on his bike as we got ready to ride to school. My arms are wrapped around his rock-hard stomach like a vise while he holds his phone out with one hand and layers his other over top of mine. We're sans helmet, wanting to take a quick picture before we slip them on and take off.

It was a good day. Back when things weren't exactly easy but still easier than they are now.

I haven't been able to stop looking at the image over the last two days. Even though I haven't left the house since Christmas, I still keep it on me, so I take a glance when the need hits. In the pocket of my robe, on my nightstand, in my bra, or just simply clutched in my hand like a lifeline.

It's a bit much and I know this, yet I can't seem to stop. Not after watching the light leave Jace's eyes the other day before he walked away. Normally that only happens when someone dies, the light leaving their eyes, but I think a little part of him did die in that moment. At least I know a part of me did.

We had such a good time together and then it all just went up in flames and I can't stop thinking about it, replaying it in my head like a bad record. I'm so done with all of this; the hurting, the crying, missing him, all of it. I'm ready to have all of this over with.

Speaking of which...

I glance over at Kwan. He, Mila, and I are hanging out in the living room watching TV. Well, they're watching at least. I was looking at my picture and contemplating the shitty situation I'm in before starring at Kwan like he's got the answers to the biggest test in the world.

Sensing my staring but refusing to look away from the TV, Kwan says, "I checked thirty minutes ago. Still nothing."

I blow out a deep sigh and throw my head back against the couch.

Derek hasn't left his house since he came over here. Which I would've been prepare for if I had my notifications turned on. I didn't and missed several of Kwan's texts telling me the tracker he put on Derek's car was activated. How he even knows how to do all this, I don't know, but I'm grateful for it. It would just be better if Derek were actually doing something worth tracking right now.

"What about that party?" Mila speaks up from the floor where she's laying on her stomach, her head propped up on her hands.

I shrug. "What about it?"

The FHS cheerleaders are throwing a rager for New Year's and they sent out a mass invite to the whole school. Ava wants to go, so of course, she told Marcel and me that we're going. Then I invited Mila and Kwan.

"If he has what we think he has in that duffle, he might try and get rid of it at the party," she explains, rolling over flat on her back to look at the ceiling. "A party would be a good place for it. Lots of buyers."

Ain't that the truth.

We're assuming the Vipers gave him drugs and if he's dealing, the party would be a wise choice. Plenty of kids looking to get fucked up with their pockets full of Mommy and Daddy's cash. At least that's the case for the FHS elites like the jocks, cheerleaders, and others from the "good" part of town. Those from the West Side are different, like Jace and the rest of the Guardians. They make their own money, even if it's not exactly through legal ways.

Kwan finally pulls his attention away from the TV and looks at the floor while rubbing his chin. He's thinking hard about that idea and I wouldn't be surprised if his brilliant brain was already formulating a plan. But before we can say any more about it, Mom and Carl walk into the room. The happy couple plops down on the loveseat but it's clear they aren't here just to hangout.

Mom nervously glances over at Kwan who is still lost in thought. "Um, Kwan."

His hand stills on his chin as his eyes peer up to meet hers without moving his head. It's an intimidating look but I don't think he realizes it.

"Your father and I were talking, and we think it would be a good idea to maybe go buy some stuff for your new room." She glances at Mila. "Both of you actually."

Having already overheard this conversation before the twins got here, I know exactly what she's referring to and why it's something that would have to be done more for Kwan than Mila.

Kwan's hand falls from his face and he relaxes against the armchair. "Yeah, I was wondering how that's gonna work when we come back. There are only three bedrooms. Where are we gonna stay?"

Mom looks at Carl, worrying her lip with her teeth.

"It's simple," Carl says, leaning forward casually. "Mila will stay in Lexi's room..."

"Lexi probably won't be here much after graduation anyway," Mom adds, making my stomach sink.

Right...cause I'm supposed to go to college or something.

Truth be told, I have no idea what I'm gonna do next year. Culinary school was always the goal and I was able to apply to a few at the beginning of the school year, but that all feels so...unimportant now.

Okay, maybe not unimportant but definitely not a priority right now. And yes, that's dumb. I should be focusing on my future like the rest of the Senior class, but I just can't. Not right now with everything going on. When I think of the future, yes, I think of cooking delicious food at a top restaurant, and yes, that means culinary school is part of the plan. But I also think of Jace, and how I want him in my future.

If he's not in jail from Derek releasing that video that is.

"And the guest room will become yours," Carl finishes, looking at his son.

Kwan shakes his head. "No way. Lexi shouldn't have to give up her room, even if she won't be here. It's still her room. She and Mila both deserve their own space."

The looks of shock on Mom and Carl's faces are almost funny. Clearly, neither of them saw this conversation going this way.

"Mila can take the third room. I'll take the basement," Kwan announces with a shrug.

Mom's face twists with disgust. "The basement?"

"But...it's not liveable," Carl adds with similar revulsion.

Kwan stares at them, completely unfazed. "It has a room and a bathroom right?"

It does. Sort of.

"I don't even know if the plumbing works down there and both rooms are unfinished. We only use it for storage," Mom tries to explain.

What she really means is that once upon a time when I was too small to talk or walk and Dad was still around, he tried to remodel the basement. He built the frame for a second spare bedroom and a bathroom. Even managed to get the bathroom near completion. But he was only able to complete the walls for the bedroom before he...died.

The room looks like a room. It has complete walls. But the walls are bare, no paint, and the floors were never finished leaving it with a concrete ground. Electrical outlets are uncovered or completely empty and the only lights are light bulbs in the centers of both rooms. None of it's ever been used, not even the bathroom. It probably wouldn't be a whole lot to finish, not that I know much about that, but it's been neglected for years. Who knows if any of it is even good anymore if it all needs to be redone? Not to mention, both rooms as well as the rest of the basement are crammed with boxes and shit we've accumulated over the years.

It'd be one hell of a project for sure.

Once again, Kwan seems unbothered by all of this. He already knows the state everything is in. I caught him coming up the basement stairs one night when I couldn't sleep and snuck down for a snack. Now I know why he was looking around. He was already planning this.

"It's not that bad. I looked. Shouldn't be hard to finish and I don't mind doing the work over the summer." Kwan informs them nonchalantly. "I'll put up the cost for the supplies too. That way you two don't have to worry about the extra burden."

Mom cringes at the way he says "burden." I don't think he means it quite how it sounds, but I know she does and the last thing she wants is for the twins to think they're unwanted, a burden.

Carl, on the other hand, seems more focused on a different section of Kwan's speech. With his thick brows pulled tightly together, he cocks his head to the side. "That could be a lot of money. We can handle it. I'm sure you don't have that much."

The underlining meaning in his words is clear. "Please tell me you don't have that kind of cash."

All signs of indifference fade from Kwan's face. His dark eyes harden and his jaw flexes as he grits his teeth. "I can handle it. I'll even buy my own furniture. Just take care of Noona."

Carl's eyes widen and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he looks scared.

The tension in the room quickly thickens as father and son stare each other down, waiting for the other to say something, anything. But it's too much for Mom.

Clearing her throat, she speaks up. "It's settled then. Mila gets the guest room and Kwan gets the basement. Everyone's happy."

Everyone is far from happy and the uneasy feeling only gets worse, growing like a volcano ready to explode until the first move is made.

Like a streak of lightning, Kwan jumps from the chair and leaves. The way he moves says "I'm cool as a cucumber" but the heavy sounds of his Tim's-covered feet hitting the ground scream "I wanna punch the fucking wall!"

When the front door slams shut, Mila gets to her feet. She offers Mom an apologetic smile, but her gaze turns angry when it lands on her dad, right before she follows after her twin.

Something is going on between the three and even though I'm filled with as many questions as the one's flitting across Mom's face, I don't ask. It's not my place. Drilling Carl for questions isn't something I should do. Sitting back and listening to Mom ask him those same questions isn't either. No, my place is the same as Mila's. My future brother is upset, and as his future big sister, I should be there for him.

I open my mouth to say some parting words or even just explain where I'm going but I've got nothing. So, clamping my trap shut, I get up and head for the front door, snatching my purse in the hall on my way. Just as I grab the knob, I hear Mom's voice from the living room.

"Carl, what's going on?"

Yeah, Carl, what is going on?

But I don't stick around to hear his answer. Instead, I walk out to find the twins in their new favorite spot, sitting on the ledge of the porch railing. They're quiet, staring at the sky like it's speaking to them. I don't know if it's just having someone close by, but Kwan already seems a little less tense than a second ago.

Still, if there's one thing I know about being in a crummy mood, it's that nothing makes me feel better than food. Hopefully the same goes for the twins.

I hold up my keys and shake them, the jingle getting their attention. "Wanna get out of here?"

"This is lame," Travis complains for the millionth time tonight as he sits at the top of the playground slide.

That's right. The playground. Cause apparently for Josie's birthday, all she wants is to hang out with her closest friends at an old playground that she used to go to as a kid. We've also been snacking on the shit ton of food we got from the store on the way over, stuffing our faces while we drink a few beers and smoke a little weed.

I'm not complaining. The mix of alcohol and THC in my system is helping to numb the fucking pain and anger that's been threatening to rip me to shreds the last couple days.

Derek and Lexi. Lexi and Derek. On her porch, while I'm forced to walk away like a rejected lovesick fool. Could I be even more pathetic or clueless?

Sure, she says she wants me, that she loves me, but it's getting harder to hold onto that every time I'm the one who has to walk away.

Can my pride even take another hit at this point?

"Excuse me, who's birthday is it?" Jo asks from the swing set, tapping her finger on her chin. "Oh, that's right. It's mine. And I wanted to chill with my guys, which includes you, T, so deal with it."

Ignoring her, Travis takes a drag from his joint. "We should've had a party."

"There's gonna be a party on New Year's," Wilder speaks up, spinning on the merry-go-round.

Kade nods, sitting at the top of the jungle gym dome above my head while I stupidly sit in the sand. "Cheer captain Brandy is throwing it."

Josie narrows her eyes at him but continues, "That's right, which is why I didn't wanna have a party. Two parties in one week is too much. Besides, I just want casual today. Relaxed. Calm. Tranquil."

"Brandy is hot," Travis mindlessly drones, ignoring Josie once again.

She doesn't pay his rambling stupor any attention. We're all used to Travis checking out a little after he's smoked. He doesn't mean anything by it, so we ignore it, usually.

Jumping off the dome, Kade lands in a crouch before waltzing over to Travis and plucking the joint from his hand. "You've had enough, sir."

Travis doesn't even put up a fight, opting to slide down the slide only to lay on it once he reaches the bottom and stares at the darkening sky above us. He's lost in a daze. I can relate.

Everything inside me has been filed down to a dull edge that can no longer draw blood for now.

I take a long pull from my beer, not positive which number it is before falling back to lay in the sand.

Was that my sixth beer of my eighth?

Giving up trying to figure it out, I look at the stars slowly appearing between the bars of the jungle gym dome. I barely register Wilder walking over and snatching my still half-full bottle and chucking it into the distance.

I've been good about not chasing my issues with a bottle since our talk last weekend, but I'm allowed one bad night out of the week.

"You guys are depressing," Wilder says, plopping down next to me.

Kade scoffs. "Right?"

But I don't have a chance to say anything—not that I want to anyway—before the sound of a loud car stereo fills the otherwise quiet park. Before I can look over to see who else had the bright idea of chilling at an old run-downed park at night, Josie giggles. I turn my head to look over and see her smiling wide, her eyes watching the parking area where the commotion is coming from.

"Oh, this is going to get interesting," she says before her eyes connect with mine.

I sense her before I see her, my skin pricking with awareness. But knowing she's here isn't enough. Holding my breath, I turn my head in the sand to face the parking lot and sure enough, there she is. As fucking stunning as ever. Even in sweats and her chocolate brown hair sitting on top of her head in a messy knot.

Fuck me.

"Hey, Sexy Lexi!" Jo yells in a sing-song voice at the top of her lungs.

My attention snaps back to the redhead who's trying to set my night on fire. "What the fuck, Jo? Did you invite her?"

She narrows her eyes at me, tipping her head to the side. "No, asshat, I didn't. But she's here and I'm not gonna ignore her. Besides, you said so yourself the other day, she's not with that douche canoe because she wants to be. Which means she's still one of us, and more importantly, she's my friend. My birthday, my rules, and all of my friends are welcome."

Damn it. I never should've told them all about what's going on with Lex and me. I barely have enough information for myself let alone enough to give them in order to figure this shit out. I could be wrong about everything, especially after Christmas.

But they don't know about Christmas. At least not the part where Derek ruined everything.

From the corner of my eyes, I watch Lexi as she hesitates at the top of the small incline that peaks and connects with the parking border. She chews on her lip nervously with Mila and Kwan flanking her sides.

"Stop overthinking it," Josie calls next, her tone softer and inviting. "Come join us. It's my birthday!"

That seems to do the trick. Without another moment wasted, Lexi and her stepsiblings descend towards us. They're each carrying plastic grocery bags that crinkle in the light breeze making the only sound as they get closer. Once they reach the wood planks that surrounded the sand-covered playground, they pause, staying on the grassy side.

Josie smiles at the three of them before jumping off her swing and rushing towards Lex for a hug. She even gives both the twins a small hug—always the people person, that girl—but neither of them seems fazed by the weird contact of a stranger.

"Gonna introduce us?" Josie asks Lexi, indicating to the two people she just smothered.

Lexi's eyes find me and even though it doesn't last long, I can still see the guilt swimming in her hazel eyes right before she looks away. Keeping her head down, she introduces Kade, Travis, Josie, and Wilder to Mila, and Kwan. They all casually greet each other but Lex doesn't bother to say anything to me or even mention my name and that's enough right there to spark my anger. My veins swim with poisonous fury, sent filling every part of my body thanks to my racing heart.

Don't show it. Don't show it.

My hands curl at my sides, collecting fistfuls of sand. The motion doesn't go unnoticed. Wilder sees it right away sitting next to me and his eyes narrow with concern and a million questions he'll never ask in front of others.

"Happy birthday by the way," Lexi softly says to Josie, making the birthday girl smile like just the wishful words are enough of a present for her.

"Thanks!" Josie waltzes back over to her chosen swing and sits down. "So, what brings you three here? You look a little old to be playing on the jungle gym."

"You're one to talk," Travis chuckles, his eyes seeming to focus a little better than before now that he's not puffing away on his joint.

Josie sticks her tongue out at him before giving the new arrivals an expectant look.

Lex shrugs. "Just needed to get out of the house and grabbed some snacks in the process.

"Yeah," Kwan agrees, being the first of the three to make a move as he sits on one of the wooden planks and digs in his bag. "Then Noona saw the playground and got all nostalgic and shit."

Mila cuts a look his way as she walks over to take the swing next to Josie. "The playground in our neighborhood back home got torn down when we were little. Seeing this one made me miss it, so Lexi agreed to pull over."

Lexi's the only one still standing in the grass doing her damndest not to look my way while all I can do is stare at her. My gaze burns into her, daring her to look at me. Demanding that she acknowledge my fucking presence before I make her.

So much for being numb. It's like all the substances in my system are backfiring, fueling my emotions more than ever before.

"Noona?" Jo asks the twins, oblivious to the turmoil surging between me and Lexi.

Mila nods. "Korean for big sister."

"I thought you two were twins?" Kade asks somewhere outside of my line of sight.

"I'm three minutes older," Mila answers. "Technically the nickname isn't needed in our case but Kwany likes to hold onto as much of our culture as possible."

"Don't start with that name again," Kwan grumbles, shoving chips into his mouth.

His complaint only makes his sister grin like a cartoon villain, an image that brings a small smile to Lexi's lips.

Oh, baby. I'm gonna wipe that smile off your face if you don't fucking look at me.

I clear my throat to get her attention but all she does is stiffen and wrap her arms around herself.

Jo looks at me and then Lexi, finally picking up on the tension and narrowing her eyes at me. I glance over with a cold stare which only makes her gaze shrink more.

"So, does that mean Lexi will be your Noona after your parents get married?" Wilder asks from beside me.

I'm not sure if he's actually invested in the conversation or just trying to keep it moving before shit goes south.

"Doesn't work like that," Kwan shakes his head. "Noona is for a younger male speaking to an older female that is either his actually big sister or a close enough friend. So, for me, yes, Lexi could be Noona too, but Mila would call her Unnie if she wanted. Same meaning but from a younger female to an older female."

"That's fucking confusing," Travis comments.

Kade finally walks up behind Josie and lightly pushes her on the swing, getting her attention off me. "Is it different for an older brother?"

Kwan nods. "Yeah. Hyung is big brother from a younger male to an older male and Oppa is from a younger female to an older male."

"Again, confusing as fuck," Travis adds.

"But," Mila drags out a second later. "Some girls also like to call their boyfriends and significant others Oppa too."

Wilder's jaw drops. "So how the hell is the dude suppose to know if she's calling him a big brother or if he's actually got a chance with her?"

"It just depends. Some guys hate that, some don't but a girl doesn't usually use that with a guy unless she's close with him. So, by that point, I would think the dude should already have an idea of how she sees him," Kwan answers.

"That's not always true," Mila answers before looking at Wilder. "But it really is circumstantial considering the term has transcended its original use, and some prefer to discuss it beforehand."

Everyone nods, and just like that the whole fucking park goes quiet. I don't know if they're all thinking over this new language lesson the twins just gave, if they're feeling the still rising tension radiating off me, or if they just don't know what to talk about next. Either way, I'm about two seconds away from jumping to my feet and dragging Lexi away for a private chat.

One.

Two.

"So, who wants to play a game?" Josie asks just as I sit up and shake sand out of my hair.

Travis groans. "Just cause it's your birthday doesn't mean we're playing party games, Jo."

"You play what I say you play. You owe me for being a jerk on a daily basis, T!" Jo snaps at him.

Normally I'd be on the same page as Travis, but a game doesn't sound half bad. Could be the alcohol and weed talking, but I'd love to play a game with Lexi. Anything to get her alone right now.

"What kind of game?" I say, speaking for the first time since Lex got here.

Her slim frame braces more but I also notice the small tremor that travels through her. Josie's quick glance picks up on it too as she grins afterward.

"Kiss her, catch her," Josie announces, her smile growing wide. "Girls hide, boys seek. Find one of us, and we owe you a kiss."

"Lame," Travis states firmly. "Besides, we all know you won't kiss anyone besides Kade. Lexi won't kiss anyone besides Jace, and..." he glances at Mila. "She doesn't even know any of us."

The corners of Josie's mouth tip down as a crease forms between her brows. She stares at the ground, her toe kicking at the sand before her head finally snaps up like a rocket.

"Fine, Kade and Jace have to play and can only look for me and Lex. If Mila wants to play and kiss one of you disgustingly handsome dudes, then that's her choice," Josie explains confidently, her face glowing with pride like the kid in class who always makes it on the honor roll.

Lexi tips her head to the side. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Nonsense," Josie waves her off before looking at me.

I'm bristling from Lexi's refusal and not bothering to fucking hide it.

You're not getting out of this that easily, sweetheart.

Standing up, I brush the sand off my ass and walk out from under the jungle gym dome, my eyes trained on Lex. "We're playing. Josie hasn't asked for much for her birthday so those of us who can play, will."

Lexi looks up at me through her lashes and chews on her bottom lip but doesn't say a thing. Her only answer is a slight nod. Even if she's only doing this for Jo, it's good enough for me.

"Great," Josie claps and jumps off the swing before looking at Mila. "You in?"

Mila shrugs. "Sure. I won't turn down the birthday girl's one request. Besides," she flashes that Disney villain smirk again. "I love a good chase."

With those words, the only two guys who can play with Mila both look at Kwan for a reaction. The guy doesn't so much as look their way as he shoves another chip in his mouth.

"Don't let me stop you. Noona knows how to handle herself," he says to Wilder and Travis.

I'm sure Mila can take of herself; Lex did say she's a trained fighter after all, but I honestly doubt Kwan is as nonchalant about this as he's acting. If something were to go wrong, he'd jump in, no questions asked. Just like he did when I showed up at Lexi's after the bonfire.

Wilder is the first to move. He gets up from the sand but instead of heading towards us, he goes to sit next to Kwan. He reaches in one of the grocery bags and pulls out a package of cookies.

Noticing us all watching him, he shakes his head. "Too high. Can't move. Want snacks."

"Caveman," Travis mumbles before standing up from the slide. "Guess that means I'm playing."

Travis and Mila lock eyes but both keep their expressions calmly schooled. They give no signs away on how they feel about their pairing. But screw it, I'm ready to get my girl alone.

"Alright, boys, close your eyes and count to...twenty," Josie instructs. "After your done, go hunting. But if you find the wrong girl, you gotta keep moving and not tip off the other guys."

"What the hell?" Travis laughs. "Who made these fucking rules?"

Jo jabs him in the ribs with her elbow—not that he seems to feel it—and narrows her eyes at him. "I did. This is my game, so I make the rules. Deal with it."

"Alright, you two, stop fighting," Kade steps between them. "Everyone ready, or what?"

Lexi glances over at me, her eyes wide with fear. She doesn't know what to expect and it's making her nervous.

Good. She should be.

Kade, Travis, and I line up and turn our backs to the dark tree littered park, facing the parking lot. When Josie calls "start" we close our eyes and listen to the girls take off, their feet hitting the ground as the scurry away. Once their footfalls are gone, the three of us open our eyes and turn back around in unison to watch where the girls go.

We're cheating. So what. Games are for kids and the only reason any of us are playing is for the prizes. And Josie. But mostly the prizes. We're all still buzzed out of our minds which is also a contributing factor to our participation. With out that, we probably would've said fuck no to all of this and just went after what we wanted. At least Kade and I would've.

With a couple chuckles at our dumbasses, Wilder and Kwan spark up a joint and start sharing both the weed and the snacks as they watch us watching the girls. Josie's going left, heading for the shed like building that houses the park restrooms, Mila's sprinting straight ahead, aiming for the tiny second playground meant for the smaller kids, and Lexi's going right, darting into a small patch of trees.

Once none of them can be seen anymore, Kade takes a step forward. "Twenty."

His one word is like a starting shot at a race, sending the three of us bolting after our rewards.

I clear the field easily, only slowing down once I reach the tree line. The little patch of woods isn't super dense, but enough to block out the moonlight and cast the ground in shadows. Stepping into the darkness, I slowly turn my head back and forth, my eyes sweeping the area.

"Lexi," I call. "Where you at, baby?"

Nothing. The only sounds I can pick up are crickets chirping and the two hyenas laughing at his from the playground.

I step slowly, trying my best to be quiet. "Come on, Alexis. You know I'm gonna find you."

Each tree I pass, I check behind. I'm not surprised I don't find her right away. The smart thing to do would be to go further in, but this patch of trees isn't big. There's only so many places she can hide without full on sprinting to another spot. In which case, I'd see her, and catch her.

Just when I think about picking up the pace, a small flash of movement catches my eye. There's a large tree almost in the center of the area, much wider than the rest. A smirk takes hold of my mouth as I creep closer, and with each step, I start to hear something...her breathing.

Reaching the large tree, I place a hand to it, bracing myself before...

"Gotcha!" I jump from behind the tree, making Lexi jump and scream like a banshee.

The laughter that erupts from me is uncontrollable. Her screaming abruptly stops, leaving her breathless and panting.

"You're an asshole," she says between breaths. "You didn't have to scare me. Shit."

I bite back the rest of my laughter as I watch her calm down. It doesn't take long but once she's breathing normally and the realization of what happens next settles in, it's like everything goes in slow mo.

Fucking, weed messing with my head.

Her eyes glimmer with worry and...lust. She's turned on, her breathing becoming shallow as she backs up against the tree. I don't know if she's trying to put space between us or lure me in, but I don't over think it. I won. I want my prize.

Switching from playful to predator at the drop of a hat, I fill the gap between us, placing my hands flat on the tree behind her, caging her in. Leaning in, I lick my lips and her wide eyes zero in on the movement.

"Don't be scared, baby."

"I-I'm not." She shakes her head, still staring at my lips.

I don't know why this feels so intense. Just the other day she was in my lap begging for me to take her but leaving her behind with Derek has changed something in both of us. The challenges keeping us apart are all too real, and I'm all too fed up with it.

Something needs to change.

Before I can think anymore about everything that's getting in our way, I swoop down and catch her lips with mine. The kiss is softer than I intended, sweeter, but her response is the same as always. She doesn't hesitate to go along with it, matching my movements and tilting her head to the side to deepen the connection until my tongue connects with hers.

Pushing up against her, I mold my body to hers, growling at the feel of her soft curves pressing against me. And when a soft whimper escapes her mouth, my dick grows hard as a rock.

I want her...no, fuck that. I need her.

I need her more than my next breath, more than the need to sleep or eat. I'm going crazy without her, and I don't mean just these small moments we're able to sneak here and there. I need all of her, one-hundred-fucking-percent. I need her screaming my name while I slam into her, owning every inch of her body, and showing her exactly who she belongs to.

Me.

My need takes over me, spurring me more. I grab her jaw with both hands and tip her head back, tasting more of her as my tongue demands dominance.

"Fuck, baby," I groan, moving my mouth to taste the skin along her neck. "You got no idea what you're doing to me."

She shakes beneath me. "I do. I know. God, Jace...I feel it too."

I know she's not talking about my cock, not exactly, but I still grind against her anyway, making her feel how twisted up I am about her. She moans at the contact, but her sounds of pleasure only get louder when I hitch one of her legs around my hips and thrust against her again.

"I should take you right here against this tree. Pound into that tight pussy until the whole town can hear you."

Her head falls back against the bark. "Yes. Yes, please, Jace. Do it."

"You'd like that wouldn't you, my little temptress?" I nip the soft spot beneath her ear and a hard quiver travels through her body as she murmurs her agreement. "You probably wouldn't even care if someone caught us. Hell, you might just get off to it. Knowing that someone could be watching me fill you up, pumping into you like a crazed animal, coating my cock with your cum until you fucking explode with all the pent-up frustration you've caused us both."

I grab her other leg and lift her up, making her wrap around my waist and push her harder against the tree. She cries out but the sound quickly shifts into another low moan before she starts rolling her hips, forcing my hard dick to hit the spot between her thighs that's killing to feel me.

"Fucking hell, Alexis," I roar in her ear, dry humping her like I've lost my fucking mind. "You're gonna pay for this, baby. You're gonna be punished for putting us through hell."

Cradling her ass with one hand, I grab her throat with the other. Her eyes shoot open wide, but I don't squeeze, just simply hold her slim neck as I grind against her harder. Its invigorating but what's better is the way the shock leaves her gaze as her eyes become hooded with desire and she moans my name. Having her like this, watching how I can make her feel as turned inside out as I do is intoxicating as hell. Better than the fucking alcohol and weed combined.

Keeping my hand on her throat, I lean in and bite her ear before whispers, "Neck time I take you, baby, no condom, nothing between us. I want you to feel all of me, completely bareback as I punish your pussy."

She arches her back, pressing closer to me. "Oh, fuck, Jace. Yes. Please, punish me. Give me everything you got."

Her begging is hot as hell but just like the sick fuck that I am, my mind takes a turn for the worse. It could be all the shit running through my veins right now, mixing with the high I get from her, but an idea hits me like a slap in the face.

Letting go of her throat, I reach for my phone in my back pocket and turn the camera on. I don't point it at us, but capturing our words is enough.

"You want me to fuck you with all I'm worth, baby?"

"Yes," she moans, her lips creating a noisy trail of fire across my jaw. "All of you, nothing between us."

"You want me raw?"

"Yes!"

I drive my hard dick against her more, drilling her through our clothes. "You want me to cum in that tight pussy, fill you completely until I'm dripping down your thighs?"

"Yes, yes! Please, baby."

"And you won't be washing me away from your skin, Alexis. I want you to feel me for days. I want you to remember that no matter fucking what, you...are...mine."

"I'm yours," she moans, her head falling back once again, only this time her eyes are wide open and she instantly spots the camera in my hand. "W-What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

She freezes against me but I can't stop moving. I can't stop trying to break through our clothes and satisfy our cravings.

"J-Jace."

Don't do it, baby.

"Jace."

I turn off the camera and drop my phone on the ground to grip her waist with both my hands.

"Jace!" She slams her hands on my shoulders and pushes me away.

Forced to let her go, she lands on her feet and shoves me again.

"What the hell?"

I look at my phone in the dirt and then back at her, my actions finally sinking in.

Shit.

"Why would you record that?" Her eyes glisten in the dark, her lip quivering. "Why?"

"So he knows that this is done with. You're not staying with him anymore. I'm putting an end to it."

"By what? Recording us and...and sending it to him?"

My lips fold in, holding back the words but I nod.

Her eyes grow to the size of the moon before she bends down and snatches my phone. All I did was record it, I didn't send it and it wasn't a live video. So, I can already guess what she's doing.

With her lips thinned and her forehead furrowed, she taps away at the screen. When she's done, she hands it back to me.

"Well, too bad. Plans been canceled. There's no more video," she says, her voice laced with so much anger.

Figured as much.

She turns away and starts to stop back in the direction we came from.

"This is done, Alexis. You're done with him. I fucking mean it. I can't do this anymore."

She whips around, hair flying behind her, her large hazel eyes crazed. "You don't have a say!"

"The fuck I don't!" I snap back. "You're not his fucking plaything, Alexis. You're my girl. You've always been mine. He can go to hell. I don't give a shit what he's got on you. This bullshit is done!"

"It's not done till I say it is!"

"Don't push me, Alexis," I step towards her, towering over her, darker than any shadow in these woods. "I'm at my breaking point. Don't make me do something stupid."

She plants her hands on her hips. "Like what? Filming us fooling around?"

I grit my teeth to the point I can practically hear them cracking under the pressure. But I don't have anything to say to that. What I did was stupid. Thank god she deleted it before I made things worse. But I'm losing my mind here and it's only a matter of time before I blow up this whole fucking situation.

And this is where I do exactly that.

"End it with him, Lex, or I'm done."

Her brows knit together in confusion, so I clarify shit.

"I'll be done with you."

Tears form in her eyes within a nanosecond and her jaw drops, along with my heart.

I don't mean it. I could never be done with her. I'd go through hell for whatever scraps she'd give me. But I have to try and get through to her. If this doesn't work, I might have to try something more extreme, and I fear that it could also push her away.

Biting her lip, she takes a step back as the first tear falls down her cheek. "I see...so, that's how it is."

I use every bit of strength I have to not take back each word. I school my face, not giving anything away for her to see while my insides are crumbling apart.

With a nod, she turns around and walks away, leaving me to watch her go. As soon she's gone, my knees hit the ground and my hands cover my face as I roar in pain. If there were any animals nearby, I've scared them off. My pain fills the sky. Everything hurts. Everything feels tight and rung out, used and broken. I sit there for god knows how long, biting my lip to bury everything inside until my mouth fills with the metallic taste of blood.

Guess this is what I get for losing my shit. For snapping and doing something stupid. Problem is, I'm not usre it's the last stupid thing I'll do to get her back.

I'm sorry, baby. Please forgive me. I just can't picture my future without you.

I don't even notice the wetness on my hands until my phone vibrates on the ground where I must have dropped it once again.

Pulling myself together, I check the screen, expecting something from Jo or one of the guys. Probably trying to figure out where I am, or what happened. I'm sure Lex has left already.

But instead, what I find is another mysterious text.

Unknown: Girls can have the power to break you. Don't let them. Text me if you need to talk.

💘____________________________________💘

Hey, loves! Happy late update day. Technically, to me, it's still Saturday since I haven't gone to bed yet but I am a couple hours late, hope you all don't mind.

Anyway, what did you think of this chapter? Think Kwan's idea for the bedrooms is a good one? Think they might be onto Derek's plans? Could he be planning on dealing at the party? Are you looking forward to the party? What about the tension between the twins and their dad? What did you think of Josie's tranquil birthday party? Was her game idea a good one? Was Jace and Lexi's moment steamy enough for you? Did he maybe cross a line with the video or threatening to be done with her? What do you think he'll do next? And who the hell keeps texting him?

You can leave your thoughts in the comments and if you like what you read, please hit that star button! I look forward to hearing from all of you!

Also, don't forget, you can follow me on Pinterest at @chelseafreyauthor for some KME and DME boards. Spotify playlists are in the works!

P.S. I've been thinking of writing another story outside of the Guardians. DME will still be top priority but sometimes I get stumped and working on something else here and there could help. It's gonna be another mature high school romance, lots of steam for all of you but with a twist. It's no secret I love k-pop so it'll be a performing arts high school with hot k-pop boy band transfers. It will NOT be a fan fiction, but something to help me channel my k-love and keep the creative juices flowing when I'm struggling. Anyway, my question is...would you consider reading it?

I hope you do. If you're a fan of my drama, love, angst, and steamy writing, I think you'll enjoy it.

P.P.S. The lyrics to the song at the top don't match this chapter perfectly, but I think the overall vibe does. That's why I picked it. 😘

The teaser for chapter 16 will be posted to my Twitter and Instagram on either Wednesday or Thursday, so make sure to check in then!

Until next time, loves! 💜 xoxo