This took me way too long to finish

Alastor's POV

Opening the front door as I wiped a bit of blood from the corner of my mouth, I immediately rounded the corner to the downstairs living room.

My eyes landed on the couch, looking for my sleeping fox.

She wasn't there.

The blankets were tussled, thrown to the side and telling me she'd awoken. On the television was the frozen screen of more picture show suggestions.

Humming softly, I walked over and picked up the small remote control. Using it, I turned the box off, and threw it back on the couch.

"Aria?" I called out at around a medium volume. I was simply checking if maybe she'd gone to the bathroom.

No response was what I received, so my next move was to head up to our shared living quarters. I was gone longer than I meant to be...I surely hope she didn't go to bed all alone.

My steps clicked in the silence of this large mansion as I neared large wooden doors.

I pushed one side of the double doors open quietly, just in case she was asleep. Slipping into the room, I scanned the room for any sign of her.

However, when I did find her I...froze.

She's on the floor...I could just barely see the top of her head, the couch blocking the rest of her. She seemed to be messing with something.

Slowly I approached her, and the closer I came, I noticed her back go rigid. When I finally saw what she was doing...I can't really describe the feeling that ignited within me.

The small shadow creature immediately stopped rolling around upon seeing me, gaining a terrified look.

And rightfully so.

Slowly my static started acting up, making the atmosphere feel just a bit fuzzy. My arms went behind my back, my claws digging into my palm as I tried to calm my anger.

Not only did she lie to me...but she has been letting this thing run around the house...doing god knows what.

There is intelligence behind those bright white eyes. I know there's something not right about this creature, and I don't know why she couldn't have just trusted me.

I was hurt, angry, annoyed and scared.

Her ears lowered slowly, and that only told me that she knew exactly what she'd done. She knew exactly what she'd been doing.

"Aria."

I tried to keep my tone even, but admittedly I failed when my irritation clearly showed in the tightness with which I spoke her name.

her movements matched that same slow pace, and she got up off the floor, still facing away from me.

She tucked the small creature away, slightly out of my sight, but it still held onto her and peaked out at me.

I wanted to rip it to pieces and make her watch.

I wanted to tie her to the sofa and force her to watch me rip it to shreds.

I wanted to teach her a lesson.

The shame I felt from those thoughts was muted by my steadily growing anger.

She turned to face me, a teeny smile on her face. That won't get her out of this. That little apologetic look on her face won't save her this time. She owes me an explanation.

No matter how hard I try— no matter what I do, she just can't seem to keep herself out of danger. Even if the danger isn't obvious to her, I don't understand why it's so difficult in her head for her to understand she just needs to trust me!

"What is that?" I immediately demanded, knowing damn well what it was. The look on her face shifted as she realized I'm not about to drop this topic.

"I-I...well, I just...he—"

She couldn't even form a proper explanation. That only solidified to me even more she'd been going behind my back, lying to me, and just overall knowing what she was doing.

Without even really meaning to, I teleported so that there was no longer a couch between us. My head tilted slightly, and I didn't miss the small tension in her body at my coming closer.

I can smell the fear rolling off of her, her eyes clearly showing it. As much as I hate it, she's right to be scared of me right now.

I'd never lay my hands on her, but I can't promise I won't lay my hands on anything around us. I can't promise this living room will come out of this intact.

"You just...? What?" I asked her, my head tilting in mock question, "lied straight to my face?" I hissed, my eyes narrowing on her slowly shrinking form.

My eyes fell to the little menace clinging to her shin, and she pushed him behind her more. Raising my eyes back to Aria, I held back a growl.

She scoffed at me, crossing her arms, "that's rich, hon. Considering you lied straight to my face for months," she said, and my eyes widened slightly.

This is different. This entire situation is entirely different from that, and she knows it. She's just grasping for anything to flip this on me, and right now I don't have enough patience left to correct that tactic.

The growl I'd been able to hold back escaped, and I felt hot with anger, "Aria, if I were you I wouldn't sass me right now," I warned her through my growl.

Her ears fell back again, and her expression melted from confidence to a timid temperament.

Calm down...

My brain was full of noise, every rational thought I was having being clouded by pain and anger. How long has she let this thing in our house?

How long?

Nodding to the creature, I kept my eyes deadlocked onto hers, "I thought I told you to get rid of that thing."

My tone had a bite behind it that I wish I could've hidden. I was flexing my hands behind my back, my claws lengthening and retracting as I desperately tried to keep myself together.

I could already feel the edges of my vision darkening.

"I tried to!" She said, exasperated, "I sent him away, but he came right back!"

My pupils thinned and my eyes widened. I could feel myself losing the battle to keep myself under control as my eyes flickered.

But I held it back with a few blinks, growling, "then you should've told me!" I finally snapped at her, "and I would've killed it!" I continued, the sharp knife of malice behind my tone as I imagined every possible way I could kill this creature. 

Why has this thing been trying to get into our hiding spot! Something isn't sitting right, and I don't understand how she's so dense that she can't see how utterly suspicious it is that at a time like this while she's actively being hunted, something shows up that just desires her company!

I noticed her try to shoo him off, but it's fortunate for him that he didn't, because I probably would have set him on fire had he let go of her.

Her heart was pumping so hard I could almost feel it, but she squared her shoulders and glared at me.

Oh?

My threatening smile widened at that gesture, annoyance flooding my system.

"Why! He's just a little animal!" She shouted at me, and immediately I ran my hand through my hair just to satisfy the itch in my claws to slice through something.

When a few pieces fell in front of my eyes, I didn't even care enough to move them away as I threw my hands out in front of me, putting my fully lengthened claws on full display.

"Aria, for hell's sake, we don't know where he
came from!" I desperately yelled at her, "did you ever stop to think why he was trying so desperately to get in! Did you think about that!"

I bent at the knees to lower myself to her level a bit more, just focusing on not losing my shit.

Her eyes finally gained a bit of realization as her lips parted. She looked down at the shadow creature, which then looked up at her with lowered ears.

Immediately telling me he was definitely up to something. Who knows what the hell is running through her thick skull.

She closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth slightly, sighing.

"Fine," she sounded defeated, "we can take him back out...for good this time," she said, looking me in the eye.

I knew she meant that. She was being honest, and deep beneath my anger I know what she's done wasn't nearly as dramatic as I was making it out to be.

After all, it could just be a normal animal.

But I'm not gambling her soul on a chance. I know better than most you don't take chances when it comes to souls.

"No," I said, my voice hard. She looked at me quickly, her brows furrowing.

My lips were pursed in a thin line, my threatening smile having dropped. She is not my victim, and I am not trying to scare her. I don't take pleasure in that worried crease in her brow as she's looking at me right now.

I don't take pleasure in any of this.

In fact, this is exhausting. I'm so exhausted. I just want everything to be normal, I want things to be easy again...I miss when it was just her and I, and I miss when there was nothing that could sway us from each other.

This entire endeavor has rocked our foundation just slightly, but I'll be goddamned if I let anything hurt her again on my watch.

"I am killing that damn thing," I growled, stepping closer to her and fully expecting her to move aside for me.

Instead she chose to cut me off, her hands wrapping around my biceps as she gently pushed against me.

My steps faltered and I glanced down at her and then to the shivering creature.

"Alastor no!" She begged, "that's so unnecessary, we can just put him back in the wild!" She pleaded desperately and I growled.

Shrugging her off of me, I nudged her to the side.

Even if the consequence is the silent treatment for a little while, I don't care...I'm killing this dumb animal.

"Move, Aria, I'm doing this. I don't give a damn
how mad you'll be, you'll get over it," I growled at her after I'd gotten her out of my path, and I took another step towards the slowly retreating creature. There were no shadows around for him to escape into.

She scoffed softly, and then once again cut me off, her hands now landing against my chest. She pushed back against me, wanting me to back off.

The edges of my vision were spotting black, and I just wanted her to stay to the side so I could do this. I just needed her out of my way.

"Alastor quit it!" She said to me, and I finally snapped, snarling down at her.

Again I went to move her to the side, my aim was to do it gently. I should've realized I was too angry to control my strength, I should've known to take a few seconds to cool off before my hands went anywhere near her.

I should've known.

She gasped softly when my grip was far tighter than I meant for it to be. I was under water, everything felt slow and like I was suffocating. I didn't even realize what I was doing, I didn't realize I was hurting her.

"Get out of my fucking way!" I yelled at her, my frustration finally teetering over the edge. All I want is for her to be safe, why can't she see that!

As I pulled her, just trying to set her aside gently, I realized too late my mistake. I used too much strength...I threw her to the side, her body feeling like a bag of air to me.

Even after I'd done it, I didn't fully register the abhorrent crime I'd just committed. Only after a little gasp broke through my hazed mind, telling me I'd made a horrible mistake, did I begin to snap out of my rage.

The sound of a sickening crack, immediately followed by the dull thud of her hitting the hardwood, made me forget everything.

Any reason I'd been mad, any trace of annoyance left my body in an instant and was replaced by white hot terror.

What have I done.

What have I done.

What have I done.

What have I done.

I didn't want to look, and every ounce of me was hoping, wishing, praying, praying, praying...

...that she was ok...

But I don't know why I would even begin to think god would answer a man like me, especially after the pathetic display of self control I just administered.

If I had to give a time frame for the time passed between here and two minutes ago I'd probably say it was years. That's what it felt like.

"Aria...?" I choked out, my voice sounding pitiful as I completely lost all interest in the trembling shadow that I had been so adamantly pursuing.

The silence I received was deafening. Finally, I forced my eyes to look towards her form, and my hand went over my mouth as I felt as if I'd be sick.

She was face down on the floor, her hair draped over her face while a pool of blood steadily grew larger, surrounding her head.

I was on my knees by her side before I could even realize I'd moved. My quick, panicked breaths were not helping with this growing horror in my stomach.

My hands hovered over her, shaking violently. My throat was closing, the suffocating feeling of shame settling itself into my chest.

Gently, I grabbed her body and rolled her over into my lap, noticing how she felt completely limp. She's out cold.

The moment my eyes landed on the split in her head right above her eyebrow, my hand was over it.

Warm blood gushed through my fingers and I thought my teeth were going to shatter they were grit so hard.

This is who you are.

Those words echoed though my head, followed by the sick laughter of the maniac that's tearing us apart.

I healed her immediately, but the blood remained. It looked like a crime scene, and I pushed her hair away from her face. My fingers were trembling and coated in the crimson liquid.

It was all over her face, caked into her hair, pooled on the floor, and splattered on the corner of the brick of the fireplace where her head had collided with the corner.

Desperately I ran my hand over her head, smoothing her hair back. I wanted to fight the tears...but how could I, looking at what I've done.

I bit my lip hard, watching the water falling from my eyes drip onto her face, mixing with the blood and creating streaks as they rolled off her skin.

As she laid in my lap, the memory of the day I found my mother passed through my head. Momentarily her battered body was the one I was holding once again...

Except this time...I did it.

I'm the culprit.

The memory faded and once again my Aria was in my arms, covered in her own blood.

I was covered in her blood.

Wasting no more time I teleported to our bathroom. I could clean her with the snap of my fingers. I could erase any existence of this having ever happened with the snap of my fingers.

Instead, I rolled up my sleeves, holding her against my chest as I very gently undressed her. My hands wouldn't stop shaking, the lump in my throat remaining while each piece of clothing fell to the floor as I peeled them from her body.

I snapped and the bathtub filled with warm water, allowing me a place to set her body.

Upon her entrance, the water turned pink, and I think this is the first time the sight of blood has made me nauseous.

So much so that I immediately turned to the side, throwing the toilet seat up before I vomited into it.

I can't remember the last time I've gotten sick.

But the sight of Aria laying in bloody bath water...because of me...is enough to make me vomit at just the thought.

My body heaved as I expelled everything I'd just eaten. Blood and guts splattered into the toilet, and eventually nothing was left, leaving me to dry heave and spit up stomach acid.

My hands were trembling even heavier now.

Slowly I stood up, and I looked down at her laying peacefully in the pink water.

I knelt back by the tub and began scrubbing the blood from her face, her hair, and any trace of it from her skin.

Tenderly I washed her hair and placed kisses on her forehead and by her temple. Whispering apologies, pleading with her to forgive me even though she can't hear me.

When she was clean, I gently pulled her from the tub, not caring at all that my clothing immediately became soaked.

The weight of her body as she laid against me nearly made me fall apart. I wanted to hug her and just beg her to open her eyes and tell me she's ok.

I know she's ok.

I know she's going to wake up and there will be no trace of pain or discomfort.

I know that.

I also know that I lost my temper.

I'm the reason she's knocked out.

I did this.

She was so light to me only mere minutes ago. Now it seems like she's made of bricks...

Taking a fluffy towel, I hand dried her entire body. Tenderly working my way around her limbs and supporting her head against my chest.

My voice was trembling as I start to softly sing to her, peppering her head with small kisses. Finally, when she was clean and dry, I picked her up and took her to the bed.

I dressed her by hand, using her favorites. Tucking her under the covers after she was dressed, I stepped back and looked down at her.

Not a trace.

Not a trace she'd ever been hurt, not a trace anything bad had happened.

But the image of her laying face down on the floor, blood pooling around her head, passed through my mind. The image of her standing in front of me, desperately begging me to calm down.

Her hands against my chest, touching me gently.

Right before I tossed her to the side like she meant absolutely nothing.

Vile crawled up my throat again and I scrambled to the bathroom, falling hard to my knees as stomach acid forced its way out of my throat. It burned and tasted foul, but I couldn't stop.

I started sobbing, falling back and letting my back hit the wall as my palms dug into my eyes.

"Fuck you!" I screamed, hoping that bastard can hear me.

"FUCK YOU!" I screamed again, slamming my fist into the marble tile, denting it. Soft sobs left my body as I cried pitifully on the bathroom floor.

I felt filthy. Utterly filthy. I stood up quickly and went to the sink, desperately covering my hands in soap and scrubbing at my skin.

Hot tears rolled off my face as I angrily rubbed at my skin.

No matter how hard I rubbed.

No matter how much I scrubbed, or how much soap I used.

No matter how clean I got.

All I saw on my hands was her blood.

This shame, this guilt, this pain was eating me from the inside out, and when I raised my eyes to the mirror in front of me, my father's eyes stared back.

Everyone always told me we looked alike.

Now I guess I'm acting the part, too.

Balling my fist tightly, I reared it back with a pained cry, and brought my fist forward into the glass, destroying the reflection. Blood splattered the glass and shards of it fell with the ferocity that I hit the mirror.

I could feel my knuckles split under the sharp edges of the glass. The burning paid that shot up my arm hardly effected me, and I growled, leaning forward onto the sink.

Taking a few deep breaths, I spit into the sink, trying to rid this foul taste in my mouth. Then I looked up into the shattered reflection, the broken sections of my appearance staring back at me.

My hair had fallen into my eyes, and there was a bit of blood still smeared on my face from when I was cleaning her.

I stood up straight, slowly heading back out to the bedroom.

She laid in her spot peacefully, her lips parted ever so slightly as her chest rose and fell evenly. She lost a lot of blood.

Had we been human...

I would have killed her.

In life...and in death...

Xander's words floated through my head, and my lip quivered as I tore my eyes away from her sleeping form.

Luckily for me, blood loss can't kill demons. She'll simply be asleep awhile.

I walked over to her, and knelt by the bed beside her. My fingers barely grazed her skin as I brushed away a few stray hairs, and my fingertips shook the closer I came to her.

I'm terrified to even touch her.

I'm terrified if I do, she may shatter under my fingers.

Slowly my palm pressed into her cheek and I caressed her face, brushing my thumb across her smooth skin. Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss into her forehead and then laid mine against hers, sucking in a shaky breath as I fought more tears.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, my voice quivering, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..."

For a moment I just sat with her, my head rested against her stomach and one of her hands laced with mine. My other arm was wrapped up around her, and I had finally stopped crying.

My throat hurt, and my eyes felt a bit sore. I don't know how much time has passed...it's very late now.

With a sigh I pushed myself up, sending her a glance before I walked out to the kitchen.

Immediately my eyes went to where it happened.

There on the floor was a now partially dried puddle of blood, and it was still splattered on the corner of the fireplace.

My throat immediately closed on me, and I snapped my fingers, getting rid of the blood.

Stepping into the kitchen, I grabbed one of the crystal whiskey bottles, full of the alcoholic liquid.

I stood by the sink, looking outside the window at the forest. Taking the stopper out of the bottle, I pulled it close to my lips, and then as soon as the scent hit my nose I froze.

The bottle hovered at my lips, the drink only inches away from my mouth.

I pursed my lips and pulled it away, turning the entire bottle upside down and pouring all of it down the sink.

The amber liquid disappeared, leaving only an empty expensive crystalline bottle. I set that to the side, and put my hands over my face, running them down.

Suddenly my shadow appeared at my side, and put his hand on my back. He wore a soft frown, the blue in his eyes dull instead of electric.

You didn't mean to...

The message he sent was bittersweet.

No, I didn't.

But I did.

"What I meant to do means nothing, dear friend..." I spoke weakly, my voice hoarse as I smiled warily, looking over at him, "the fact is I did it. I put my hands on her."

Saying it out loud made tears sting my eyes again and I shook my head, the water that was slowly pooling in my eyes blurring my vision.

"I put my hands on her," I repeated shakily, "when all I've been trying to do this entire time is protect her, Keep her safe...that's all I've wanted was for her to be safe," I choked out, and my shadow's ears lowered.

Just then my phone rang in my back pocket.

I jumped and then pulled it out, preparing to snap it in half, but when I saw it was Charlie I froze.

That hesitation was only momentary before I answered, pulling the phone up to my ear quickly.

"Hello..." I answered, my voice sounding rough and weak.

"Alastor!" Charlie huffed slightly as if she were out of breath, "I did it! I found his lair, and I know where his talisman is!" She said, and my eyes widened.

I completely forgot during the day's events what I'd sent Charlie to do.

"You did?" I asked her, my tone perking up slightly but not fully.

"Yea...hey, are you alright?" She asked, and I paused, but cleared my throat.

"Yes I'm fine...so, where is his lair?" I asked, and she dropped the topic, excitedly explaining to me that apparently he uses key cards to open a doorway that leads to his lair.

So that's why no one can find it.

It's never in the same place.

"And the talisman?" I asked next, and she paused. The hesitation made me worried.

"Well...about that, it's..." she sighed, "he wears it around his neck..." she said sheepishly, and I froze.

Of fucking course he does.

I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose, beginning to pace the length of the kitchen.

So to get it I'll need to get to him. To get it I'll need to fight him. To get it, I need to get close.

Close enough for him to kill me, as well.

This is tricky...

"I stole some of the key cards," Charlie said suddenly, and I paused, taking in her words.

I thought about Aria, laying in the bed...who knows when she'll wake up. My chest ached and my ears fell flat against my head.

"How many?" I asked, and she clicked her tongue.

"Two, one to get there and one to get back," she responded, and I thought for a moment longer.

I can end this. I can go end this.

Everything will be ok again once he's gone...I'll do it for her. No more waiting, no more games.

I'm ending this.

"I'm on my way."