"May I have a moment alone...with my wife."

I was tired of the lies, the horror, the nightmares, the past, and the constant struggle for survival. Most importantly, I was tired of knowing I was slowly killing her while she looks at me with such love and trust.

The moment Lucille closed the door, I took the tea away from Edith.

"Don't drink that," I turned to check the door again before looking back at her, "ever."

Her eyes didn't show any surprise.

She knew. And now she knows that I knew about the poison all along.

A single tear rolled down her face, and I wanted to say so much but nothing came out. I poured the tea back into the pot and picked up the porridge.

"I'll take you to a doctor the moment it's safe enough to travel. I'll switch the tea and I'll bring it to you so you'll know it's safe. You're going to make it out of here."

I offered the spoon of porridge to her while she continued to look at me with betrayal and hurt in her eyes.

I can't keep doing this anymore. It'll be the death of me.

"Edith, please," I whispered, "trust me."

I know she has no reason to trust me, not after learning the truth. I just hope that she knows my love for her is real and that I'm trying to save her now. I continued to keep her gaze until she opened her mouth slightly. I almost sighed in relief.

I fed her in silence, thinking over and over again that I have to confront Lucille tonight. Edith's health is quickly deteriorating. We'll find a way to start over. I'll sell my machine for parts if that's what it takes. I placed the bowl back on the tray, moving to leave. The silence between us was becoming painful. I'd rather she yell, scream, and curse me for this treachery. My heart sunk. Maybe she's too weak even to do that.

________________________________________________________________________________

I followed the sound of the lullaby, the words following the melody in my mind.

"And bring you to me"

I placed the tray down.

"Lucille, she's very sick. She's dying."

"Of course, she's dying," she said nonchalantly, "She knows everything. She stopped drinking the tea. No matter. I put the poison in the porridge."

My whole body went cold. Suddenly, the exasperation I felt earlier transformed into anger.

"Lucille, stop it!" I barked.

Her expression showed the slightest bit of surprise at the outburst.

"Do we have to do this?! Must we?!"

Her voice was flat. "Yes. You've no idea what they'd do. I would be taken from here, locked away. You would be hanged. We stay together. Never apart."

"Never apart."

The words came out like a prayer, bring me back to when I was a boy and the promise I made. The promise I couldn't keep. After Lucille and I were reunited after being separated for years, she told me about the horrors of the institution they locked her in. How they tortured her and called it a "cure." How she was surrounded by ghastly noises and was never alone for more than a few minutes. How the doctors forced her to take different medications to get her to do what they wanted without much consideration to the side effects. How long and hard she had to pretend to be "cured" until they released her so she could find me. And all that time, I was at boarding school, learning arithmetic and grammar. My stomach churned at the thought.

"You couldn't leave me," Her voice trembled, her hand reaching for my face. 

I pulled away slightly, but my conviction was dwindling.  

"You wouldn't." Her eyes did more than soften. They were pleading with me.

Do I sacrifice Lucille for my happiness with Edith? Do I sacrifice her love, her pain, and all that she has done to protect and provide for me, for an unknown future? She was there when I had no one. She accepts me as completely as I accept her.

Or do I sacrifice Edith, the glimpse of a better future? Do I sacrifice what remains of her trust in me? Do I sacrifice the fragile hope that I have that she'll survive until the end of the storm? Do I want to take a chance of her discovering who I really am and her being disgusted by me?

"I can't."

I can't sacrifice Lucille. She has been the one constant in my life. She's all that I know.

"I can't." 

I can't hope that Edith would love and accept me after this. Maybe it's best if the love I have for her dies with her.

  A hot tear streamed down my face and all the emotions in me were snuffed out.