F O U R
FIRST AND LAST

HORROR BLED THROUGH my body, my hands immediately reaching up to cup my mouth as Dimitri wrapped his arms protectively around me. His hands were immediately running through my hair, pulling me close against his chest as he whispered to me, occasionally pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"It's alright," he said in a tone so soft and so delicate that it did not sound like something Death would say. "You're okay. She's gone."

I was still stunned into the state of shock, my eyes wide open and lingering on Fabian even though every single reasonable nerve in my mind told me to look away. Fabian stared back, with hurt as the first emotion that flashed through his eyes. Then came longing before it too was replaced by the same indifferent facade in which he had mastered over his many years alive.

"That felt horrible, Dimitri." Sobbing into his chest, I could barely even control my emotions as a wave of fear and sadness overwhelmed me. I knew that this was but a small issue and that I should not be so easily upset, yet my body was functioning on a different plane as of my mind. "I couldn't control my own limbs and was used as a human puppet."

All through that, Dimitri cooed by my ear, lightly combing my hair as he whispered comforting words into my ear. When we finally sat back down and I had stopped crying, I felt Minnie's arms immediately wrap themselves around me, pulling me into her own familiar and soothing embrace. She did not speak, simply just there to support me and I too kept quiet as both Dimitri and Fabian returned to their own seats.

"Fabian, this is enough reason that Addison needs to be saved," Calvin spoke first, his wisdom and ability to see above all heading his mind.

"For the good of everyone, I agree with Calvin. It is time to put aside your petty rivalry and settle things for the greater good of the world. Do not forget, the very existence of everything we know of depends on Addison's revival." Sitting up a little straighter, Wilhelm's ember eyes darted back and forth between Fabian and me, assessing to see who would speak first.

"Very well," Fabian finally conceded. "For the greater good."

With all four brothers on the same wavelength, Dimitri immediately started to explain his plan. "There is a book written many many eons ago by Lucifer himself. It is a book that contains spells and magic, power beyond imagination. To our knowledge, the book can only be used and referred to within the confinements of Hell and that's why Lucius had always been finding different ways to take us down. The book is of no use to him so we do not have any worries about that."

"What you are suggesting is a very ancient magic. It is buried deep within Hell before our own rise to the throne. Only Lucifer knows where the book is. Are you sure?" Fabian was on his feet, his eyebrows furrowed as he took a worrying step towards Dimitri. "You're willing to take a bet? Ask a favor from the devil himself just to get a possible shot at finding a solution that might not even exist?"

"Don't forget, this magic we speak of counters my own abilities. Hence I know it exists. It all depends on if Lucifer is willing to cooperate." Dimitri's arms were folded across his chest, glaring hard at Fabian. Tension radiated off from the two boys, enough to fill the room with thick awkwardness before Wilhelm cleared his throat.

"If I may, I do think that searching for the book will be our best option." Slowly, the two boys turned to face their red-headed brother. "It is the only lead we have so far. If you wish, the both of you can accompany Addison to Lucifer's cell tomorrow when dawn breaks. You'll need a good night's rest since if the journey is to be forged, you need all the energy you can get. Calvin and I will stay here in the castle. Protect its grounds in case Lucius returns and to search for other possible ways to aid you."

For a few seconds, the ticking of the hands of the clock sounded so loudly in my eardrums. Both Dimitri and Fabian did not utter a single word, eyes hard and glancing at the ground as if deep in thought. My nerves frayed within me, sending me into a jittery mess as small bursts of bravery and adrenaline filled me in the most random of moments. My emotions were all in a mess, no longer controlled by myself but also by my past lives, some who had died as young as a newborn under Lucius' hands.

"That sounds like a fantastic idea," I cut in. "We'll all go rest now and before dawn breaks, we'll be ready to leave." Turning to eye Dimitri, I then said, "right, Dimitri?"

His silver eyes lingered on me for a moment there, just simply content with staring before his lips finally moved. At that moment, I nearly audibly heaved a sigh of relief. "Of course."

-----

It seemed as if my old habit of roaming the castle in the dead of the night had returned. The hallways were empty, much more than usual and the missing staff members that had once served in this beautiful structure was very obviously gone. It was as though one could feel their presence missing.

With the lack of even a single soul, I felt even more lonely than I ever did, simply going through the corridors without a particular direction in mind. It had been hours since everyone had split up to return back to their chambers, and as usual, I was still restless.

There were so many things running through my mind. The loudest of them all was the simple fact that even if it did work and I was brought back to life, my life could never return to the way it was before. If the prophecy was true, I will be doomed for all eternity, to live life here in the depths of Hell while watching my friends grow old before finally passing. Maybe we would meet again when they descend to Hell to live the rest of their undead lives. And yet, the fact stays the same. When their faces are contorted by the harsh lines of time and hair colored a blinding white due to age's merciless reaction, I'll still remain youthful.

Like most nights roaming the halls alone in the castle, I soon came unknowingly to a destination. It was a balcony at the end of the corridor, a large opening into the night sky. The stars were so brilliant and dazzling that it made me think that perhaps even Paradise did not have such consistently beautiful nights as Hell did.

A figure stood on the balcony, his back facing me. Though I was so sure that he probably had sensed my presence, Fabian did not speak a word. Instead, his dark eyes still stared on into the endless void of the sky, simply just looking at the constellations as if they held all the answers to his every question.

I plucked up courage, taking in a deep breath before stepping out into the open air. Immediately, I was transported to the night of the ball and my kidnapping. It was just the same view, the same company, and the same atmosphere.

"Fabian, I want to apologize for what I said this evening." Starting slowly, I dragged my speech on to see if there were any emotion on his features. Like I thought, none. "It was wrong of me and I know I shouldn't push the blame but being half dead actually does pretty weird things to your body. My emotions don't even feel like my own and my words are just not things I would usually say. So even if you're not going to forgive me, I totally understand. I just needed to let you know."

For the longest time, Fabian kept his silence. He fiddled with his thumbs though his eyes never left the sky. Then finally, he spoke.

"Anger is an emotion that tends to get the better of us. It is hard to control unlike positive emotions and yet much more forceful than other negative emotions. Though Wilhelm had faced many difficulties with anger, and with all the right reasons, I, too, find myself locked in its grasp many times." He paused, turning to face me. Though his eyes were still emotionless, I could feel something change within him. It was as if Ida was giving me a sign. "I admit I become overly sensitive when it comes to your past life and detaching myself had always been a way for me to clear my head. But why is it that I keep returning to the point of hating you even after I thought we had gotten to some common ground?"

"I don't think you hate me, Fabian." Scrunching my eyebrows, I shrugged. "I think you hate the fact that I'm not her."

"Ah," he broke a small rare fleeting smile. "Now that is the truth." Returning back to his original position of staring at the star-filled sky, Fabian sighed. "I resent the fact that Ida and I never got the chance in which you and Dimitri have. I love my brother but jealousy tends to get the better of me. Did you know that the first time in which I had held a woman in my arms was when Ida was dying?"

My eyes widened in shock, lips forming a small 'o' shape while slowly shaking my head.

"Seeing Dimitri hold you on the battlefield as you laid dying reminded me of the scene in which I was in his place and Ida was in yours. Sometimes, the most painful things are nothing but our memories themselves."

Ever so common, there was a blanket of silence overwhelming the both of us. It seemed as though the quiet around us helped to form speeches and sentences in which words could never. Fabian practically dwelled in it, enjoying the comfort of peaceful and quiet moments as compared to the boisterous and laughter-filled ones. I tried not to let my mind wander as to why perhaps he did not like the noise so much was because of how he was never the one to cause it; perhaps because it had been too long since Fabian had last laughed.

"If it counts for anything, Ida loves you a lot." And there it was, the dreaded ramble that would undoubtedly occur whenever I was nervous. Either that or the never ending silence. "I can practically feel it deep within me since she essentially is a part of me."

For the second time of the night, a small smile appeared on Fabian's lips. It seemed as though he smiled so much more whenever Ida was mentioned in a respectful manner, and that was alright. After all, they were once star-crossed lovers that were torn apart by the cruel hands of fate.

Then, a realization shot itself through me. "Wait, if you had never held a woman in your arms before Ida's death, does that mean that you two had never kissed?" I asked in astonishment.

"That would be correct," he nodded.

"But... but how?"

"Ida existed hundreds of lifetimes before you. Her way of life in the olden days was not as free as the modern times. The different acts of affection between a man and a woman can only be shown after marriage. I simply respected her wishes."

"So tonight was the first time you two ever kissed," I concluded.

"And the last." Fabian's expression fell grim. "And it wasn't even really her."

Guilt flooded through me, for more reasons than I could count. I knew that I did not have to feel this way and that it wasn't directly my fault, yet sympathy and guilt nipped at my heart. I opened my mouth, about to speak words of comfort when Fabian swiftly cut me off.

"Addison, you mean the entire world to my brother. Treat him like how I should've treated Ida when she was still alive. It is best to treasure what you have before it slips from your grip. By then, it's too late to regret anything. You've been given a second chance. Fight for it."

With that, he turned, exiting from the balcony. It took mere seconds before his figure disappeared into the dark of the night, not even the moonlight reflected against his pale skin. He was a mere dark shadow, slipping further and further into the void before vanishing into thin air.

AHHH Fabian my precious child. I love him so much.

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