[co-written by GorgingGeorge ]
Ship: Roguemond
CW: NSFW

After the rainbow shroomie incident, it would take a while for things to go back to the way they were. Especially for Vampire Cookie who gained a surge of inspiration when he swapped minds with his sister.

During his period as an alchemist, he also dabbled in inventing and molecular gastronomy, thus leading to what he considers the greatest invention in all of Earthbread.

"It sure is exhausting having to go from place to place, always picking things up or dropping things off. Too much work for me, well that weird mushroom had inspired me to create this! It's like a telekinetic sunglasses thing."

The cookies in the crowd were amazed at the set of glasses on display, among them was Almond with a handcuffed Roguefort. As he just got back from another breakout. "Well now, it would be very useful to hold many items at once."

"That would be convenient for theft-"

"Don't think about it, you're going to be in police custody Roguefort." The officer glared.

"Oh, well then, delsole." Roguefort said before swiping their leg underneath Almond's leg, causing the older gentleman to fall backward, giving them ample time to escape and cop the fancy sunglasses.

As he steadied himself, he saw they had escaped with the sunglasses.

"Honestly that was my fault for bringing them to a crowded area with a lot of people. But now I have to find them and arrest them for both theft and assault." Almond said to himself as he went searching.

"Why don't you give my new shades a try? You'll send cuffs to them instantly." Vampire insisted, giving the detective a pair to wear. "Now it turns on automatically and you can send chats and stuff to anyone else wearing them. I call it Grape Glass!"

An interface popped up in front of Almond's very eyes, giving him the option to upgrade security as well as message Roguefort from the glasses. "Let's see now, how does this work.." Focusing on catching the thief, the detective commanded security to cuff them through the glasses' interface.

In an instant the thief was caught, although they used their own pair of Grape Glass to tamper with the security system and flee. "How very useful, it'll make my greatest heist a breeze!" They thought. "Hmm, I'll just lay low for now."
"Wow, this actually works! But Roguefort got away."

"Ah, don't worry about them, they won't be untraceable if you keep sending them texts. Now, who wants their own Grape Glass?" Vampire announced.

As everyone else got their Grape glass, Almond looked through the interface.   "Well, if the only way to find them is to text them...  How do you text with these?"  Almond thought aloud before Vampire quickly explained how it works. 

"Or if texting is hard for you if you're old or whatever, you can just dial people up and call them.  You just have to speak out and the person on the other line will hear you if you're both wearing the glasses."  The vampire explained before being swamped with compliments and questions.

Once Almond got to a secluded area he dialed the number associated with Roguefort's   Grape glass.  He was shocked when somebody actually responded, and also from a voice which didn't belong to the french thief.  "Hello?"  the voice asked, sounding rather British.

"Er, is this not Roguefort?"

"Roguefort? I'm sorry, but I was just handed these by a blonde person with a blue cape."

"They must have realized they could be tracked with this glass. Um, may I ask who's speaking?"

"The name is Valdeon Cookie, I'm new here. Just moved in from the Hollyberry kingdom, and I take it this Roguefort is some sort of master criminal?"

"Calls themself the Phantom Bleu, my daughter had to deal with them in the past. If you see them again be sure to contact me, they've still got Butter Pretzel's priceless watercolour painting of the Tea Knights." Almond requested, he would have continued the call but was interrupted by the glass showing off a menu.

"Ah! I guess it comes with free food delivery. Hmm, it has been a while since I had a proper meal, I think I'll just have a finger sandwich. Nothing too heavy, I don't want to be weighed down if I run into Roguefort."

But something in the back of his mind told him to order more, just the thought of gorging himself sent a tingle down his spine. "Okay, and a glass of Pinkberry juice."

"Oh, you're getting lunch? Maybe I could join you if you'd like."

"Well, you are an eyewitness and might have some info on them, so sure." Almond blushed, forgetting that he was on a call.

"Great, I'll see you in a bit!" Valdeon chirped as they hung up.  However, they had a bit of a secret.  They were actually Roguefort!  Being a master of disguise has its advantages, like being about to fake an accent, so faking being someone would be easy.

Almond looked at the food he unintentionally ordered out of his desire. "Oh geez... Well, it'd be a shame if I wasted all this food though..."  He thought out loud to himself.  "Oh my, are you going to eat all that?"

Almond looked up seeing the now disguised Roguefort, face dotted with fake freckles and round glasses in place of their monocle.  They also were wearing a  blue and white sweater vest and white pants with a cap holding their hair inside and honestly, they looked amazing.  "U-Uh, No I- That's not important.  You're Valdeon, right?"

"Oh, I didn't mean anything rude by my comment, just playin'.  Anyway, yeah,  I'm Valdeon.  It's nice to meet you... Uh..."

"Detective Almond Cookie.  Though I guess for the sake of the situation, call me Almond."

"Well, Mr. Almond, you sure ordered a lot. I take it you don't have a lot of time to eat?"

"I usually just get something quick from Jampie's or keep myself caffeinated. It's to keep myself awake whenever I'm on call for a job, although Latte does make me have a little more whenever it's my day off." Almond explained, now drooling at just the sight of all the hot meals in front of him. In an instant, he tore a huge chunk off of some jelly ham.

"My my, you certainly were hungry." Roguefort chuckled, sneaking a spooky muffin for themself. "Those sunglasses surely are something, anything you want at the command of your own voice."

"Knowing Vampire he only created them just so he wouldn't have to lift a finger to get more juice. He's definitely the laziest cookie in all Earthbread." Almond laughed, only to let out a loud belch from his third glass of root beer. "Ah! Excuse me.."

Roguefort smiled, watching as the detective finished the entire table, leaving nothing but tiny crumbs and drops of root beer. "If I do catch wind of this Phantom Bleu, I'll be the first to tell you. You're quite an interesting fellow, sir."

"Erm.. Thanks." Almond was about to get up, but something told him to go to his office and relax.

Roguefort noticed the key signs of Almond wanting to relax causing them to smile. "Are you tired?" They asked. "Eh, nothing a little coffee can't fix."

"Why can't you just go take a break? Y'know coffee can't fix everything." Roguefort said, wrapping their gangly arms around him, placing their dainty hands on his bloated gut. "Well, I'm on duty and need to catch the Phantom Bleu... But a nap does seem nice right now..." Almond blushed from the contact.

"Then take one. You deserve a rest every now and then." Roguefort stated before letting go of Almond's body after noticing they were touching him a bit too much. "Oh, uh, sorry aha, I get a bit too touchy-feely with people I know, even those who I just met."  Roguefort said fake laughing a bit.

"It's alright. I... I kind of liked it."  Almond admitted with a bit of blush.  "Oh? Your spouse doesn't touch you? That's honestly sad..."

"Spouse? Wha- oh you mean Latte.  No, me and her are just friends, that's all."  Almond stated.  Roguefort felt strangely relieved that Almond was in fact single.

"I guess I could use a little break, I'll ask Walnut to keep an eye out for Roguefort while I take a nap. I enjoyed our time together Valdeon, you think maybe we could meet up again sometime?"

"You want to see me again? I... Oh, that's... No one ever said that to me before, I would love to come over to your place. How about tomorrow evening? I'm just getting a place of my own set up at the moment. Run down flat for now."

Letting his belly hang loose when he got up, Almond attempted to suck it in, resulting in a loud fart. "Ack! I should probably get a change of clothes as well, I'll be seeing you again, Valdeon." He squeaked, walking back.

Almond would have walked back to his house, after all, it was only two blocks away. However, the Grape Glass gave him the option to call a cab, as well as his legs became weaker with every step he took.

"Exercise shouldn't make me this tired... Then again I did have a big meal, I don't wanna upchuck all over the sidewalk. I'll take a taxi home, maybe get some pizza on the way, her shop is just close by."

Suddenly, as he thought about pizza, an ad popped up in his Grape Glass saying that the pizza shop now offers delivery.  "Well then, I guess I'll order some after my nap." Almond thought to himself.

After a tight squeeze in and out of the cab, Almond made it to his loft.  Once he made it inside the main room of the loft, he sat down on his armchair and slowly fell asleep in the comfort of the chair, which felt more comfortable than normal.

Meanwhile, Roguefort was watching him sleep from a nearby window, which in hindsight seemed stalkerish but they didn't mind that.  "Oh how I long to touch him again, what a shame he doesn't love me but instead a different version of me." They thought before going to steal more shit.

Once Almond woke up, he saw that Walnut was home and was just staring at him, probably in shock from how much bigger he was since the last time she saw him. "Oh, hey Walnut, how was  work?"  Almond asked, trying to avoid talking about his new weight.

"I, well I did help Eclair with his new exhibit on Lotus Dragon. He was getting really lazy thanks to Vampire's new glasses, all the adults seem to wear them." She muttered, picking up Constable Whiskers. "Usually you're too stubborn to even take a fifteen-minute break. It's better than missing every meal a day, but don't you think you're overdoing it with relaxation?"

Almond realized he was becoming lazier as well as fatter since he got Grape Glass to do everything for him, it even ordered an extra large pizza with everything on it while he was asleep. "Ack! I was sure I ordered a small, cheese one. I'll just have to-"

But before he could change his order, he felt a sharp jolt hit his brain. His focus went from worrying about his weight to worrying about going hungry as if the Grape Glass was altering his mind. "Uuh, I could save the rest for later. I need to make a call tomorrow morning."

Roguefort watched on in amusement from their own Grape Glass. "I'll have to keep a low profile now that Almond loves Valdeon, it seems like Vampire's invention is going to make everyone as fat and lazy as himself. I better take these off, can't have myself becoming a giant, gassy doughball as well. Urrgh, c'mon, are these stuck?"

Though something was different about these glasses.  Since each Grape Glass is different for each person, Roguefort's end goal, other than being lazy, was to get piped with Almond's icing if you know what I mean.  So they would become round, sort of,  though the idea was starting to sound great, to the point it made them hard.  They blushed at this, but something in their mind said they should enjoy the thought of being filled like that.

The next day, Roguefort got a call from Almond, which they were hesitant to answer at first. "Hello?"

"Oh, Valdeon, um, I was wondering if you'd like to change the time of our meeting to um... I guess whenever you can get here?"   Almond requested.  "Oh, sure, I'd love that!  Do you want me to bring you anything before I come over?" Roguefort asked.  "Well... you don't have to,  but I'd appreciate some coffee." Almond said.

"Alright see you in a bit."  Roguefort said as they hung up.  "Well,  there goes keeping a low profile...  Oh well."  They said they placed a mobile order for pick up with the Grape Glass since waiting in line would take forever.  Once it was sent Roguefort got ready.

As they waddled along in their disguise, the glass kept sending them ads related to their desire to get it on with Almond, showing them ads for lube, condoms, and aphrodisiac chocolate. It was giving them shivers just thinking about it, knowing that soon they'll be putty in Almond's large, puffy hands. A loud fart was heard, causing them to stop waddling.

The Grape Glass was now transmitting a direct message to its users. "Eat, Fuck, Sleep." Repeated until Roguefort stopped moving and got another cab. "Exercise never helps anyone anyways, this baby is making things so much easier for me."

Almond's clothes were in tatters on the floor, as he had just outgrown his largest suit. "Valdeon will be here any minute! I'll just have to order a new suit from Mont Blanc, I can't be naked when we go see Mint Choco performing at that new fancy restaurant that opened up. Club Curvy is its name, odd for something that's supposed to be high class."

Everyone who wore a Grape Glass was allowed inside. "Oh? You're taking me somewhere fancy?"

"Valdeon, I didn't expect you to be here so soon?" Almond stated.

"Well, I came as soon as I could. Anyway, I have coffee but also some new baked goods they marketed."  Roguefort said as they placed the bag of baked goods on the table and handed Almond his coffee.   "By the way, I wasn't expecting you to take me anywhere, I thought we were just staying in.  Unless this is a surprise date?"

Almond blushed at the thought of it as a date.  "Well, um, I wouldn't think of this as a date but-"

"Oh don't be so secretive about it, this is absolutely a date." Roguefort purred as they took Almond's hand.

The detective was a blushing mess when he took their hands. "I suppose this could be a little date, everyone's invited to this place as long as they're wearing the glasses. Must be some sort of celebration."

Roguefort blushed as they waddled along, realizing Almond was almost double the size the last they met. "Hope the cuisine is as fancy as the building here, I smell fresh croissants filled with butter."

Almond was salivating at all the different scents, as were many other bloated cookies with their own dates. However it seemed the detective dwarfed them all in size, even the largest suit Mont Blanc could fit on him was straining hard. "Well I hope this suit will hold, I don't want to make myself look like a hog in front of you."

"Oh I won't mind at all Mr Detective, I think all that weight looks good on you. You're like a soft teddy to cuddle with." Roguefort admitted, blushing as their bellies bumped together. "You don't mind me hugging you, right?"

"I  don't mind at all, go right ahead."

As Roguefort hugged Almond, Mint Choco started the concert, making the romantic atmosphere even more romantic.  They nuzzled him before feeling a little stirring from Almond.  "Hmm? Is everything alright?" They asked, turning their head before Almond kissed them on the lips. Needless to say they were blushing wildly.

"Oh my~  Bold aren't we?"

"I, uh..." Almond started, blushing deeply as he let out a sigh.  "I  don't know why I feel like this, but... I love you.  I don't want to spend a day without you, that's how much I love you.   I just want to know... Do you want to be my partner,   Valdeon?"

Roguefort paused. If they'd agreed, they'll get what they want as in sex, but then they could never be Phantom Bleu again and would have to sacrifice their true self.  "I...  Oh geez, I don't know, this is so sudden..." Roguefort spoke, trying to have some sort of response to him.

"Oh? I suppose it is a bit quick for a relationship. I never believed in love at first sight, but it seems it is real. I never felt this way about anyone before." Almond blushed, gently nuzzling under their soft chin. "I would like to get to know you better, this glass is making me a lot more open about my life."

Roguefort became nervous, knowing that if they told Almond who they really were he would never want to go near them again. "Well, have you ever had to... Umm, lose something important to yourself in order to become who you are today?"

The bloated detective cocked an eyebrow at the question, wondering what's gotten into his date all of a sudden. "I did once have a relationship with Walnut's mother, but things weren't really working out between us. It was either her or my old job working under the Parfaedia police, I picked the latter as I was short on cash to support our daughter. I ended up losing a lot of nights of sleep, but I'd do anything to make sure my little girl can live a comfortable life."

"Aw, that's really sweet. Family must mean a lot to you, going so far as to starve yourself just so she's healthy."

"It does, although I have been lonely since her mom left.."

Roguefort sighed softly.  They knew if they'd continued this little charade the truth would just come out later and just hurt Almond more than if they just told him now.  "I... I can't."

"Why not? Do you want me to change something?" Almond asked, generally confused by the sudden change of attitude.  "I-I just... Ugh, It's these stupid glasses' fault! If I didn't have them I wouldn't have had to lie to you!" Roguefort said, ripping the glasses off, causing some bleeding as they were attached to their skin. After they broke their glasses, they took their hat off, revealing their true identity.

"R-Roguefort?!"

"Oui! Oh it feels so good to finally be able to use my actual accent~ Now if you'll excuse me I'll be going." Roguefort shouted as they left surprisingly fast for how much they gained from the date.

Almond stood there in shock, realizing he had just vented his entire life to the criminal he had been chasing ever since they met. "Was it all just an act to soften me up? They seemed so sincere when they cuddled me.. Just what is going on with them?"

Looking down at the broken Grape Glass on the ground, the blubbery detective struggled to stand up. His legs had weakened from his newfound laziness which led to him tumbling over at the door. "You alright detective?" Mint Choco asked, waddling down from his stand to help him up.

"I.. I can't believe I kissed a criminal. How could I have fallen for their disguise?" Almond panted, feeling his body bloat the more he wore the glasses. "I've got to take these off, they're turning me into a fat, dumb slob.."

Yet despite the shock, Almond couldn't help but worry about Roguefort, knowing he could still be losing blood from tearing off his Grape Glass. "He couldn't have gotten far, I'll have to tell Walnut to find him and take him to the nearest clinic. He needs stitches."

Roguefort was walking, still bleeding out.  They felt bad and somewhat heartbroken. "Maybe I should have just kept lying about who I am...  But he's already been through enough, I wouldn't want to make his life worse." They mumbled to themself.  "Hold it right there-"

"Oh, Walnut, yeah just arrest me. Also, can we stop by a clinic, I'm kind of bleeding." Roguefort responded before Walnut could even respond. "Wait, you're just giving up? I mean we should take you to a doctor to check your bleeding, but I have to question you about things after you're done getting looked at." She said handcuffing the thief and dragging them to the doctor's office.

"Alright, now that your injuries are bandaged up, you're free to go." Milk said, being unaffected by the Grape Glass since he was confused about how to use it, so he just took it off before it attached to him. "Thank you-"

"So, why are you just giving up and going to jail?  You never do that!"  Walnut asked.

"Well... Things happened between you and your dad, and...  I don't think he'd want to see me." They mumbled.

"Huh? Something tells me it's a lot more than just a failed heist. Does this have anything to do with the Valdeon person Dad won't stop talking about?" She interrogated them, pushing them into the police car. "Another one of your alter egos I presume."

"You catch on quick, when he first arrested me during Vampire's big show for his stupid glasses I stole a pair and used them to disguise myself and my voice. The longer I had them on, the more enthralled I seemed to be with him like I just had to make him my boyfriend. I was never a stranger to flirting playfully with him, but never to that extent!"

"So you came up with a new identity to get closer to him?"

"Yeah, I know it's pathetic but I didn't think I'd have any genuine feelings for him. Nor did I think he'd like me back, well Valdeon anyways. He loved Valdeon, not me. And now that he knows me and they are one and the same, he's disgusted with me."

Walnut looked concerned at the now broken thief, laying on the couch with their normally flashy outfit in tatters and their soft hair a mess. "Just the way he looked at me, he must have thought I was putting on a show so I could steal valuables under his nose. I wanted to be with him but I couldn't keep lying my whole life."

"I don't know, maybe if you apologize he could look past all that. He may not look like it, but he's kind of desperate."

"Walnut, you literal child... This isn't something I can just say sorry for. He hates me, I don't think he'll be desperate enough to forgive what I did..."

Just as they finished their sentence, Almond came in. "... Oh, Roguefort-"

"Well, I think I've been interrogated enough to be put into a cell, I know where mine is, so I'll be on my way-"

"Roguefort, look at me." Almond demanded, causing the enby to do so when he noticed that Almond had bandages around the same part of his head as theirs.

"You got the glasses removed?"

"Why should you care? You're a criminal who stole a kiss from a broken man."  Almond stated.  "Well technically you gave that kiss to me-  actually you gave it Valdeon, not me...  so I guess I did steal it... um... I'm just going to go to my cell now..." Roguefort said as they started walking to their cell.

What they didn't expect was Almond waddling after them, his belly squishing the thief against a wall. "Did you mean what you said? That you longed to touch me again?"

"Wait, you heard that? You knew it was me this whole time?"

"I knew it was someone hiding under a facade, but I didn't think it would be the one I had been constantly stressing over all day. You had been very affectionate towards my soft gut for a while now, was it the Grape Glass telling you to do it?"

Looking down at their guts sloshing together, Roguefort simply shook his head in response. "More like it amplified something I had deep in my subconscious, I always teased you since our first case together, I didn't think it would lead to actual affection towards you... Did you mean it when you said you enjoyed my touch?"

"I.. I did, I was hurt at first because I thought you were just trying to butter me up. Do you enjoy being with me? Even without the influence of those glasses?"

"I do... do you...?" Roguefort asked after responding.  There was a pause between the two and Roguefort looked away. 

"You probably don't, I understand that... you don't have to lie about it lying about things is my job." They responded anxiously. "Roguefort, I did enjoy our time together-"

"But that wasn't even me... I just... how could you love someone like me?" Roguefort asked, trying to run but was pinned completely by Almond's belly. "What do you mean by that?" Almond asked.

"Valdeon was charming and nice, and selfless, and perfect... and I'm none of those things... I steal things mainly to sell them to make a living for me and my cat." Roguefort explained. 

They looked like they were about to cry, but was holding back tears so as to not seem weak. But then, they felt a hand on their shoulder.  Almond placed a hand on them to try and comfort them, which seemed to work.

"Valdeon might have been someone you made up, but you yourself were kind to me, you made the decision to keep me company. You did show me affection and accepted my kiss, the facade changed nothing about you." He explained, a chubby hand wiping away Roguefort's tears. "We had a lovely time together, both days we were close. I got to have some rest for a change and we got to learn more about each other."

"Really? You're not mad because I lied? Even after all those times I kept stealing under your nose?"

Roguefort got their answer with another soft kiss from Almond.

They blushed for a bit but started  to lean into the kiss.  The two held the kiss for a while before Walnut cleared her throat.  "As much as you two like kissing, Roguefort still has to do time." she said.

"Right,  I'll do time, but I can't promise that i'll  stop stealing." Roguefort stated with a playful giggle.  "Roguefort, if  you'd like I could get you some in a program to get you help so you don't steal."  Almond said.

"That won't work, it's going to take something more than a 'program' to-"

"I'll let you do whatever you want to me if you do it and stop stealing."    Almond  offered, which was an offer Roguefort couldn't refuse.  "Well, if you mean anything~  I'll  do it."    They smiled softly.

The pair waddled together into the kitchen, celebrating with some coffee and croissants. "It'll be hard to get used to my new life, but I'll do all I can for you."

The larger cookie blushed, their bellies now touching under the table. "You can live with us too, I'll have the sugar gnomes bring all your stuff here and Constable Whiskers could use some company. Urrp, it might take a while for those stitches to come out too."

Roguefort smiled softly, using their foot to rub Almond's underbelly. "That's very sweet of you, I suppose community service won't be so bad as long as I'm with you." They purred. "How about cuddling tonight? I don't think you have a spare room here."

"Aah, I would like that. Mm, all this weight feels amazing."

"eah~ your fat feels great~" Roguefort smirked as they got up and waddled over to Almond and grabbed ahold of some of his fat folds. "So squishy~"

What they didn't expect from grabbing onto Almond's fat was to hear a muffled moan from the detective, trying not  to make a scene in earshot of his daughter. 

This made the former thief smirk a little deviously.  "Oh~ You like this?~  How about we can go somewhere secluded? You know,  for privacy~" They purred directly into his ear.  "Oh, um... I suppose we could go."  Almond said, blushing severely as he took Roguefort to his bedroom and locked the door.
"Phew, I can stop sucking it in now.." Almond sighed, his belly surged outwards when he exhaled. His already straining shirt was now ripped to shreds, soon all that could fit was his large briefs. "Urrrp!! There goes my largest suit."

Roguefort smirked, getting their own outfit off and thrown on the floor. "My my, it seems like someone's turned on from all this chub~" They purred, squeezing another love handle. They moaned as Almond let out a giant fart, filling the room with his stench. "Such a gassy piggy detective, you're huge and smelly~"

Almond could only belch louder in response, his flabby rolls wobbling from the vibration. "Such a dirty cop you are, a huge, blobby pile of flab. That smell just might stick to you all day." They purred.
"Urp~ mmnth yeah~" was all he could say.  Moving some of the fat, Roguefort saw it: Almond's cookie cock. With a gasp, the former thief started their work of orally lubing the dick with their saliva, causing spurts of precum  to fill  their mouth, upon which they swallowed. It surprisingly tasted like Almond milk. 

"Be patient~ I'll go hard once You're wet enough~" They teased as they shifted their body onto Almond's schlong. Once it was inserted, that's where the fun began.

Rhythmically as Roguefort rode Almond, the pair moaned almost in sync.  Fat bodies rubbing against each other, making both of their experiences  more sexual and pleasuring. "Oh merdi~ I... I'm close~" Roguefort moaned as they felt themself hitting their climax.

Almond came soon after, filling them up some more with his warm cum. "Aaah, that was amazing! I haven't had a lay that good in... in.. Well ever. This was my very first time." The detective admitted as he slowly pulled out.

"A virgin? I feel so honored to have taken it from you, and without the help of that gruesome glass. Mm, it did help make you so soft and cuddly, mind if I be your big spoon?"

"Not at all, as we're now living with each other." Almond purred, snuggling Roguefort close, feeling their hands over his soft love handles. "This is nice, finally having someone to cuddle."

The pair snuggled away, letting out the occasional fart whenever Roguefort squeezed too hard. As for Vampire, he got to work on an upgraded glass, eventually, perhaps in a couple years.