"It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind."-
Naguib Mahfouz, "Sugar Street"

I couldn't stop looking down. It got worse and worse each time I did but... I just couldn't stop.

Before they were in this large flock like pigeons surrounding a bakery but now they had scattered on every part of the streets. Staggering for their newest meal they eventually turned on each other from time to time before realizing it wasn't fresh enough.

It was like they were breathing right down my neck each time I stared at them for too long. I had to keep my eyes moving from area to area or else it'd feel like they were going to get me even from all the way up on the roof.

I could feel myself growing erratic as time went on. Being trapped in this place had started making me feel physically sick. There was a nauseous feeling in my stomach like if I wouldn't get out soon something worse would happen; and I'd be the one who did it.

There had to be a way out.

"Luli." Parke suddenly called from beside me.

I turned to him, "Hmm?" I was still in a daze- trying to figure out a plan behind the curtain.

He raised his hand revealing new bandages and when I have him a confused look, he pointed to my right hand. "Your hands bleeding again."

Subconsciously, I had been clenching and unclenching my fist, something I did a lot when faced with a troubling situation. It wasn't until pointed out by someone that the blood bothered me.

I scrunched my face and unwrapped my wound slowly. What I saw surprised me on every level possible. It didn't seem like a serious cut at the time but really looking at it, I realized how deep it actually was.

It worried me. I didn't understand how a gash like the one on my hand hadn't been causing me pain for the last couple of hours.

The injury clearly needed to be stitched up and although the first aid kit had all that was needed to do so, I still didn't feel like it was urgent. Stitches or not, the cut would heal eventually and that's all that mattered.

I looked back up at the boy, "Do you have-." And without notice Parke dabbed my wound with disinfectant causing me to pull away from the sudden sting. "Don't do that!"

"What should I do then?"

Snatching the bandage roll from his hand I retorted, "Nothing." But, when I tried to put the dressings on myself I realized that maybe it was too soon to be so stubborn.

I couldn't get it in the right position to start but I didn't want to ask him for help; I could do it, I knew I could.

Seeing me bite my lip and whisper to myself in frustration Parke stepped in, "Here." Holding the flap down, he helped me properly bandage my hand.

"Thanks." Was all I muttered before walking to where the others were sitting and standing, trying to come up with anything useful to us.

"My god." Andrea muttered when Parke, Kira, and I got close enough. Her and Jacqui, the other woman in the group, were looking down at the herd in disgust, just like most of us were. "It's like Times Square down there."

"Just stop looking." Parke advised a friendly tone causing them to both look at him. He made a face, "It only makes you feel worse."

"How else are we supposed to find a way out then?" The blonde woman scoffed.

I rolled my eyes at her. It was obvious that she didn't want us to talk to her even if it were with good intentions. Although Parke had only been trying to help, the result of it left him tired of the endless attitude.

And when that happens, Parke tended to be kind of an asshole.

"That's not what you're doing though." When Andrea gave the boy a look about to say something, he shrugged. "I'm just saying." Standing next to me he gave me a glance to which I returned knowing what we both had to say.

"How's the signal?" Morales (the hispanic man) asked, walking not to far behind us with Rick.

"Like Dixon's brain," Started T-Dog, his back pressed against the wall. His eyes fell on the reckless redneck, who was only a couple of feet in front of him, in an almost taunting way. "Weak."

Merle only responded by raising his hand and giving him the finger.

When I saw that, I wanted to chop it right off because of the damage he had done to T-Dog's face. The injuries were clear as day and I only wished that one of us (mainly me) could've done the same thing to the person who was responsible.

"Keep trying."

"Why?" Asked Andrea coldly. "There's nothing they can do. Not a damn thing." And with that, she pushed herself away from the wall; finally taking Parke's advice.

"Who's they?" I questioned curiously.

"Got some people outside the city is all." Morales said softly, glancing to the worked up blonde for a second. He then looked to Rick who stood close by. "There's no refugee center. That's a pipe dream."

The sheriff sighed, slightly disappointed by the news of what obviously was his own personal pipe dream. He put a hand to his hip, "Then she's right. We're on our own." He agreed. "It's up to us to find a way out."

I never thought of it a different way. All my life it had been me against the world and the apocalypse deemed that to another level. As much as I wanted help, I discovered that most times there wasn't going to be any.

Once Merle started speaking I turned towards the streets again in attempt to figure something out for the hundredth time.

But, they were still everywhere. No place was untouched. All of their mouth's were slobbering trying to find something to take a chunk out of. If any one of us stepped out there we would immediately be provinces on.

The entire world was like animal planet now. Biters were the hungry coyotes hunting down their prey and we were the woodchucks using out skills to keep us alive.

Creatures like that only had a specific form of survival; they would go unnoticed. They couldn't scurry along the grass without an eagle snatching them right up so they traveled a different way.

If we were so much like wilderness prey, what would be wrong with mimicking them?

"Under the streets?" I whispered softly to myself. I didn't want anyone else to hear my simple strung idea but it caught someone's attention.

"What was that?" Rick asked.

Turning to him I felt myself freeze slightly, I had mixed emotions about being put on the spot. Mostly, I loved it but that was only when I was sure that whatever idea on my mind was good enough to present. 

Swallowing roughly I announced, "What about under the streets?" Afterwards I turned to everyone. They all looked at me like I was crazy except the one person who had heard it first.

"The sewers?" Rick said interested in the idea.

"Oh, man." Morales exclaimed, turning sharply to his baseball cap wearing associate who sat on the bridge stairs. "Hey Glenn, check the alley."

After a couple of seconds, I noticed the younger man frowning and hoped that he had found one; even if it seemed impossible to get to.

"You see any manhole covers?"

Glenn shook his head, "No, must be all out on the streets where the geeks are."

My face fell reminding myself that I knew better than to have said anything. A lot of my ideas were blown off by people. That's why I'd rather keep them to myself most of the time unless they just came out in the heat of the moment. 

"Maybe not."

The voice belonged to Jacqui and like a dart all eyes were on the woman. She shifted at the sudden spotlight on her but covered it with clearing her throat.

"Old building like this built in the twenties," She continued easing into her speech. "Big structures often had drainage tunnels into the sewers in case of flooding down in the subbasements."

"How do you know that?"

"It was my job." She responded quickly before catching her mistake. "Was." Looking to Rick she added. "I worked in the city zoning office."

I turned to Glenn who caught my eye line, "Do you know where they might be?"

Leaving only Merle and T-Dog on the roof, the rest of us took a small journey to the basement.

Passing the store front, I tried my best not to focus on the savage hands scraping their fingernails against the glass in starvation. Even then, I could still hear them; growling, snarling, pounding- reminding me of the inevitable force that surrounded us.

It never gave you enough of what you needed and the mere fact left me wearing a necklace of rope. Everything we did had to be done for a reason because there was no going back for more.

The memory of being up on the red crate surrounded by biters planted itself on the most important part of my brain. Possibly having to go down a pitch black tunnel filled with nothing but horrid odors and unknown variables left me nerved.  

Going further down my lungs started constricting from the sudden heat that submerged from below. I breathed in deeply trying to get enough air but it was somehow worse.

Guiding myself to the railing and looking down at the musty opening that's when I really knew I shouldn't have said a single word.

If you went all the way back to why we were all really staring down at this hole in the middle of the floor, you landed on Rick, Parke, Kira, and I. The real reason, down to the first pin, we found ourselves scoping out a drainage system.

I didn't want to go down there but I also didn't want to be in the store, sitting like a duck waiting for a tsunami wave to wash me out.

"This is it?" Asked Morales. "Are you sure?"

Coming down to the place a lot of us were unsure that we were headed the right way except Glenn. His shoulders were tense and his face went a little pale; he knew exactly where he was taking us but he didn't find the position easy going.

Sniffing, Kira walked to the edge of the railing and stuck her snout out. A bark erupted from her mouth but it wasn't a warning; it was more of a test.

Grabbing the torch from Parke's hand, I lowered it down enough to light a little of the dark. Waiting for any sign of the undead, I narrowed my eyes but nothing came out. That didn't necessarily mean it was safe down there.

Handing the light back to the boy, I scooped Kira into my arms and stepped back into line as Glenn began speaking.

"I really scoped this place out the other times I was here." He replied. "It's the only thing in the building that goes down."

"But, I've never gone down it." He looked at us and with a slight chuckle added. "Who'd want to right?"

Consciously, everyone looked at him even me. The guy just seemed like their runner; the one who gathered supplies that knew how to slip in and out of places. In other words, those kind of people were known as the bait.

"Oh." Glenn muttered catching our hints, his shoulders slumping. "Great."

"We'll be right behind you." Andrea reassured.

"No," He instantly snapped, shaking his hands out to the side. "You won't. Not you."

"Why not me?" The woman demanded, crossing her arms defensively. "Think I can't?"

"I wasn't..."

Not everything was meant to be negatively perceived but I had a feeling Andrea didn't see it that way. It was like she was used to being talked down to and now she stood up for herself at any hint of that.

Just before I could get a word in, Rick spoke up, "Speak your mind." And I was glad he did because it was a lot better than what I would have said.

The man was a mediator, it was clear in every syllable that came out of him. We needed Glenn to be at his heightened self in order to accomplish our plan. He knew which spots were safe and which weren't in this awful city. Without being totally in the game, one slip up could get him killed and none of us wanted that.

Glenn stood a little taller knowing that without him none of us would be able to out of here; he had the upper hand and it was time for us to listen.

"Look, until now, I've always came here by myself." I watched as the other's in his group eyed each other with guilt. "In and out, grab a few things, no problem. The first time I bring a group, everything goes to hell." He paused looking to his friends. "No offense."

"If you want me to go down this gnarly hole, fine." He took a breath glancing to and from every face in the room. "But, only if we do it my way."

There was a light space for anyone to comment but when nobody did Glenn held his head high and spoke any thought regarding this desperate plan.

"It's tight down there." He started. "If I run into something and have to get out quick, I don't want you all jammed up behind me getting me killed. I'll take one person."

Rick was the first person to move forward when Glenn put his hands up, practically shoving the man back by his chest. He stopped in place.

"Not you." He stated sympathetically. "You've got Merle's gun and I've seen you shoot. I would feel better if you were out in that store watching those doors, covering our asses."

"Alright."

Just by a simple movement of putting a piece of hair beneath my ear Glenn knew what was coming next and like an unwanted phone call, he hung up on the first ring.

"Not you either. You're just a kid." He shrugged almost impatiently. "I'd rather have you and your boyfriend sit back but we need all the help we can get." I knew what he was going to say next but I didn't want to hear it. "Since you have gun's, you two and Andrea should go with Rick."

I wanted to decline, feeling the limbs in my legs turn into gelatin. Just the thought of having to face those biters like sharks in a cage turned me inside out. There had to be something else I could do like stay down here and keep watch or go back up on the roof. I'd even deal with Merle.

But, The General's voice scolded my frantic nerves clear as day. Telling me that they were my orders and that it was what needed to be done- I tried to water down any anguish.

"Is it really a good idea to let kids carry weapons?" Andrea prodded finally taking real notice of what Parke and I were carrying.

"No, it's not." He replied before sighing. "But, we're running out of time to get out of here and I've seen enough to know that they can handle them."

"Okay."

I felt my limbs tighten slightly as in my mind I retorted, "Plus they're our weapons not yours."

"You be my wingman." Glenn appointed to Morales who stood there, nodding. "Jacqui stays here. Something happens, yell down to us and get us back up here in a hurry."

"Okay." Agreed Jacqui, gripping the handlebars to her side.

"Okay." Rick concluded looking from Glenn to Parke and I then everyone else. "Everybody knows their jobs."

About to turn around, I halted when Glenn said, "Wait." I rose an eyebrow noticing that he was speaking directly to me. He looked a little nervous before gathering himself as if repeating in his mind what Rick had advised earlier. "Your dog could be of use to me- to sniff out anything dangerous."

Protectively, I held onto the canine tighter wanting to protest and demand that I be the one to go with him if he wanted her. But, that thought was instantly shut down by what were now compulsory instincts.

'Take orders from first in charge with your head held high, mouth zipped shut, and senses alert.'

"Don't let anything happen to her." I asked of him softly and in return he nodded kindheartedly. Reluctantly handing Kira over to him, her light eyes bore into mine like that of a newborns. I suddenly felt emotional as I added a soft, "Seriously... please just look after her."

Glenn noticed the sudden change in me taking the pup into his own hands. His facial expression softened, "What's her name?"

"Kira." I responded curtly whilst clenching my jaw in order to keep any timorous concerns out of my voice.

"I'll take care of her."

"Thanks." Parke added gratefully from beside me. His hand landing on my arm alerted me that he had noticed something that worried him. "We appreciate it, man. Good luck."

"Thanks." Glenn responded nervously turning to the ladder so that he and Kira could climb down into the underbelly of the city.

It didn't take a genius to see how frightened the man was but seeing Andrea shine a reassuring smile seemed to give him enough courage to take the first steps towards the entrance.

With Morales not far behind him and Kira close by, Glenn embarked into the sewers as Jacqui stayed behind.

Parke looked at me as we followed after Rick and Andrea to the store front. He kept the bag on his back secured tightly to his body.

"He got us out of the tank." The boy reminded softly. "I think Kira will be okay."

My lips quivered ever so slightly, "What about us?" I asked causing him to frown. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

He seemed taken aback by my question and remained silent for a moment before replying,

"I-." A sigh went past his lips. "I don't know." Parke then faced me completely giving me a distraught look. "But, we have to take chances right?"

"I don't think anyone should listen to what I say anymore." I muttered.

"Why?" He asked confused. "It was your idea to check out the sewers."

I glanced at him, "I didn't say it was a good idea."

"If it wasn't a good idea no one would've listened."

Looking towards Andrea and Rick my feet came to a halt at what I was observing. The way they lead themselves into the danger zone with freedom on their minds made chills run down my spine. How Rick played with the wedding band on his ring finger in caution of what was to come made those nerves come back up. Andrea unnervingly holding the gun in hand, the tip of her fingernail tapping on the metal made my mouth go dry.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head glancing at him, "I just have a feeling."

"What kind of feeling?" Parke replied quietly, eyeing the others for a quick second.

"Like one of us isn't going to get out of here today."

"Luli, don't go that far." He breathed. "Don't say shit like that please."

Shaking my head, I walked off into the store front unable to keep my vision line away from the biters. With each hit forcefully pummeling into the glass door a new crack would appear.

I forced my eyes shut and took a deep breath in; trying at any cost not to find myself back on those large red crates.

No one in my family ever had the special talk about death when we were younger. It was just something that happened and when it did, you knew how badly it could be.

My mother told us the story about how her older brother died when she was only a young girl. He went off with a group of friends which included one of my aunts and they slid off a high rode. There was only one causality which happened to be my uncle, Seamus. Not that long after that family would lose their own mom to breast cancer.

In my family they always told us stories about terrible occurrences that lead to death but they never thought of letting us know how to deal with them. At funerals my father would hide his tears like a proud man and my mother would gossip with the other women- pretending like they weren't sitting in a room containing a relatives corpse.

Avoiding our issues until the worst possible minute was technically our motto. Unless we were forced to deal with something we wouldn't; and I fucking hated myself for following in the steps of earlier generations.

This type of pain was new to me and I wanted to know how to handle it because right now it felt like there was a monkey on my back. It's sneers would chitter in my ear repeatedly without tiring and it's tiny claws melted through the fabric of my clothing and into the skin of my back.

Instead of dealing with it's presence, I ignored it. No matter how pressing and bothersome, now wasn't the place to pick my misery apart.

"Hey," A new familiar voice called out. Turning to my side I saw Rick standing there. "How're you holding up?"

Setting my gun down on the glass counter I grumbled, "Why do you care?" My eyes glanced down at the dog tag's on my wrist as I began playing with them.

There was small frame of silence before the man let out a sigh.

"Look," I looked up to see him shift on his feet. "I know it's hard having to be here with those thing's so close." He empathized. "But, acting the way you have been isn't helping anyone."

Deciding to shift my stare upwards I was instantly met with the officer's sympathetic blue eyes.

"It isn't helping you."

Already tired of the conversation I licked my lips before completely facing my body toward's him. "You know, I could tell you the same thing."

"How so?" He replied, knitting his eyebrows together.

I paused wondering if I should continue when my mouth did the deciding for me.

"Did you really think I forgot about what you almost did when we were under the tank?"

"Oh."

It wasn't something that needed to be brought up but the truth was, I haven't been able to get the moment out of my head. Here he was so optimistic that we'd get out of here alive when not that long ago he had pointed the barrel of his own gun at himself.

Rick froze for a moment looking down at his shoes and looking anywhere but in my own direction. He sniffled before putting his attention back on me.

"Listen," He sighed trying to find the right words. "I'm sorry I put you through that- making you think I'd leave you in a situation like that over my own beliefs was cruel and wrong."

I didn't really know what to expect after confronting the man about the situation but it definitely wasn't a sincere apology.

There was something about the sheriff that made the him stick out like a sore thumb. No other survivors in this building had what he had yet I still didn't know what that was. He was so honest and generous, two characteristics you didn't find in a lot of people especially now.

I didn't know if I trusted the man but his personality, the person he was, was truly refreshing.

"What's your deal?" I commented turning my head slightly to the side and lightly squinting. "You act so... weird- like it's your first time out here or something."

Rick stared at me for a couple of seconds before sighing, "It's a long story." An eyebrow rose in a taunting manner. "Besides, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." He echoed me from earlier.

I snorted slightly taken aback. The man eyed the gun beside my hand that rested on the counter. He looked back to my face, "Can I ask you something?"

"If it's something about my gun or anything like that, then no."

"Okay. Well," There was a strain in his voice but a curious look on his face. "You're really good at shooting for someone so young."

"You're really good at bugging me for someone so old." I remarked causing a frown to appear on the man's lips. "It was a joke."

"It was rude."

"No, it wasn't."

Just as I rose to my feet, I heard the crackling of glass giving away and turned towards the doors. Once the window was gone they all fell forward like toddlers learning how to walk. Their mouth's pressed against the new glass in attempt to feast through what stood in their way.

Instantly, I gripped my handgun rushing next to Rick in attempt to find a proper place to shoot from. Terrified, we both watched as the biters rabidly raised their arms and attempted to break through yet another set of doors- the last set of doors.

Parke rushed forward with Andrea, both of them standing behind the sheriff and I.

"They're gonna get through." I demanded.

"Stay back." Was all Rick replied with. His arm was in front of me like caution tape.

Footsteps were coming our way making me spin on my feet, aiming at whatever or whoever it was only to see Glenn and the others. He halted cautiously putting his hands up in defense with a tiny, 'woah' that made me lower the weapon in hand as Kira ran to my side.

"What'd you find down there?" Rick asked keeping his attention on the slowly cracking doors in front of us.

Glancing at the look on their faces, I could tell it wasn't anything useful to us. Raising my gun up again I refused to dwell on the misfortune that had been the sewers and kept a tunnel vision on what was ahead.

Their rash movements made me tremble with paranoia. I didn't know how much longer I could stand here watching the reason for my impending death trying to get to me.

"Not a way out." Morales spoke.

"Fuck." Cursed Parke breathlessly.

"We need to find a way." Andrea added.

With shaking hands and sweaty palms, I could already feel their pull on my feet making me let out an uneven breath.

"And soon."