"I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." -
Lewis Carrol, (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass)

The thing they don't tell you about time is that it controls our lives without us even knowing it. There's not a lot to learn about the subject yet the concept isn't easy to grasp.

Times arrow only marches forward not backwards but sometimes it felt completely different.

Sometimes when you think you have everything figured out and planned, it sends something unexpected your way. It can undo everything you have strung together with your own two hands. You can keep trying to build a foundation for your life but you're basically constructing with sand.

Time is like a god and you should never underestimate a god.

Smoke filled my lungs causing my knees to buckle underneath me. I couldn't breathe but I couldn't stop running either.

Hands grabbed my arms from underneath, pulling me back to my feet just in time. "Keep going! They're getting closer!" Their voice was right next to my ear but it sounded so far away.

Their grip was strong and tight as they basically kept me from giving into my weaknesses. They guided me through the trees as the growls grew closer and closer.

My hands trembled as they stuck onto the gun they held. Crimson stained the stainless steel the weapon was made out of.

What had happened only moments before felt as if it were happening over and over again.

I couldn't help but let out a choking sob before gasping and forcing an intake of air into my burning lungs.

Nothing went they way it was supposed to. If only we had more time- if only there was less of them- if only I had done more.

Nothing seemed right anymore and it never would.

The scariest part about all of this was that I didn't know what was going to happen next. All I knew was that I could never look back and that my gun was the only thing I should keep close.

"Luli, just keep running. Just keep running."

Griffith was right; everything is temporary.

•

As soon as I heard multiple gunshots I knew something was wrong. But, it was the minute I smelt smoke and heard ear piercing screams I knew something was terribly wrong.

My body shot up from my bunk as the same feeling I felt back at the school rose inside of me. People were trampling over one another and everything turned into instant chaos.

I have been preparing for something like this for months on end but it felt like it wasn't enough. All those hours of sweat, blood, and tears lead up to this moment. Even if I was only three months into it, it didn't feel that way.

I had to be ready; I was ready.

Pearl suddenly ran up to me with a fearful look on her face. She didn't even allow a single word to come out of my mouth before she began talking, "Get your shit! Those things are here! Let's go!" She shouted, her body shaking.

I didn't say anything but quickly began gathering my own belongings as she did the same.

As a realization dawned on me, I looked at my sister who was in a frenzy. There was sweat building up on her forehead causing baby hairs to stick to it.

Wherever she went, I couldn't go with her. The General made a specific plan if something like this ever happened and I was in the front line. I had a role to fill and it was my intention to make sure I did it right.

There was a deal between General Winchester and I about keeping Pearl safe. Getting her to the helicopter that was set to leave five minutes after a sudden attack was my top priority.

Suddenly, Pearl grabbed my arm and began dragging me towards one of the exits.

Hundreds of people were getting slaughtered in front of me but I knew there wasn't anything I could do. There were so many different screams erupting all at once, it made my head want to explode in guilt and anger.

Biters; that's what I called the people that became infected by the virus. They were overrunning the military base and a wide majority of these people were far too weak to fight back. Most of them just gave up and accepted an agonizing death by teeth.

Mothers were crying for their children which made me cringe the most. I'd be lying if I said I missed my mom. There was a numbness I forced myself to feel whenever I thought about her but the thought of those things tearing my mom apart, it broke my fucking heart.

That's why when those mother's cries for their children played in my ears on a loop, I stupidly clenched my eyes shut like that'd get rid of it. Instead, it just made me bump into someone.

I stumbled back, quick to grab onto anything as I no longer felt Pearl's hand on me. My breath hitched as I thought I had bumped into a biter but it was the complete opposite.

Major Griffith Stone stood in front of me with a relieved expression.

"You got your gun?" Was the first thing he asked and I shook my head.

"I'll get one."

My eyes looked back and forth from the man and Pearl. I hated talking about these things in front of her but it wasn't the time to be worried about my own ego.

"I'm taking Pearl to the helicopter but I need to get her a couple of things from the base. Just enough that she'll make it if anything were to happen."

Griffith fiercely shook his head, "You and your sister are both getting out of here." He informed.

I was confused causing me to furrow my eyebrows, "That's not part of the plan." There was a weight on my chest. "I-I need to fight."

A nostalgic yet determined look crossed the man's face, "You're getting the hell out of here. I don't care what you say but it's happening." Before I could speak he pointed across the room. "Cut through there to get to those big red crates. The emergency armory is right around the corner; it shouldn't be open yet so take as much as you can."

I didn't want to go; I was scared of what would happen if I did.

"Use the crates to get over the fence. Don't wait for me; keep going until you get to the tree with the signal."

I shook my head frantically. I didn't want to leave as the nightmare of The General finding my sister and I was inevitable. It was a risk that I was certainly willing to take but not without Griffith by my side.

"What?! No, Griffith, you're coming with us." I argued. "You're coming with us because I'm not leaving without you."

He gripped my shoulders, "You're getting the hell out of here, Luli- without me." It didn't come out rough, the way you'd expect it too. His voice was fatherly but the chuckle he gave at the end was the complete opposite. "Besides, I've gotta stop General from going after you."

I opened my mouth to say something but the second I did, he pulled out a walkie talkie.

He held the device in the air for me to see, "When you get to the tree call me on this. Don't change the channel no matter what."

Surprisingly, the man pulled me into a hug as he slipped the radio into my bag.

Our relationship had always been professional for the most part but we both knew it had become less of that. I didn't want to compare the man to my father because he'd never be like him but he took care of Pearl and I.

This was the first time we have ever hugged and I feared that it might just be the last too.

I squeezed him tightly; not wanting to let go.

Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of everything that could happen. All of the horrors that lied within our grasp and further, they all dawned on me at once.

"Griffith, I-I'm scared." I admitted breathlessly.

He pulled away only to cup my face in his hands, "Keep it together, Solano." His forehead pressed up against mine before pulling away. Out of nowhere the man slid his silver pearl gripped Taurus into my hand.

I looked up at him unsure. "Take it with you." Before I could say anything he cut me off. "Midnight, when the signal goes off, I'll be there; and if I'm not, head somewhere safe at dawn."

The man wrapped his arms around Pearl, engulfing her and he whispered something in her ear. She nodded and when they pulled away, the girl tightly gripped the straps of her backpack.

Griffith grabbed her shoulder, "Look out for one another." He ordered.

Pearl nodded, "We'll see you soon."

The man glanced between the two of us before sprinting in another direction making both my sister and I already miss him.

Pearl turned towards me and with a slight nod, we were on our way out.

But, the second we stepped outside, I wished we hadn't.

Dead bodies littered the ground to the point that you couldn't even see the pavement. Gunshots seemed even louder out here as did the bloodcurdling screams.

The smell; the fucking smell made me want to vomit.

I covered my nose with my hand and took a turn instantly coming into contact with the emergency armory. Just like Griffith had predicted, it hadn't even been opened yet.

I ripped the latch off and stashed anything useful my bag could carry. Pearl instantly went for the bulletproof vest as my hands found themselves gravitating towards a machete which I strapped to my thigh.

Once I was done, I was dressed in a black bullet proof vest with a belt like holster that carried a gun and knife. Extra bullets were secured on my vest if things turned for the worst.

The weight of the variety of weapons on my body was a feeling I never knew would have an energetic effect on me. It gave me a hope; a kind of hope is never felt in my entire life.

A bright orange bag instantly caught my eye; a master field kit. It was like the mother of all first aid kits and even though it weight eight pounds that could potentially slow me down, I needed it.

My hands gripped the bag tightly before I threw it over my shoulder. I waited for my legs to stumble back from the weight but it felt like nothing. It was like I was holding a newborn child.

Being a special soldier sure had it perks.

I stuck a holster towards Pearl who stared at me wide eyed, "Why're you giving me one?" She questioned practically backing away.

A grunt escaped my lips as I forcefully strapped the holster to her waist before putting a gun and knife in it. "It's how we stay alive." I reminded sternly, throwing my backpack on once again then took a hold of my gun.

Once I turned around, I instantly spotted the large red crates that rested against the tall metal fence surrounding the building. "This way!" I yelled at Pearl before running towards them.

As soon as I began running, something in my gut told me to look to the side. Once I did, I saw a biter staggering towards a frightened and unprotected Parke.

I came to a halt in my tracks and tried to reason with the option of leaving him but I couldn't live with myself if I did.

My hands wrapped around my gun as I held it up in a determined motion.

This would be the first time any of my training would come to use in a real scenario. I worried that I'd miss but there were voices telling me that I couldn't.

"No, Luli. What're you doing?!" Pearl shouted fearfully.

I ignored her feeling the gun jolt in my hands after pulling the trigger. The bullet zoomed through the air and pierced through the biters head, it's body instantly hit the ground.

Parke's entire face was covered in blood and brain matter which made him look at me with widened eyes. Then, he turned to his side and puked.

I put my gun away and handed the first aid kit to a shocked Pearl before sprinting off to retrieve the boy.

My fingers coiled around his bicep, "Let's go!"

All he did was nod and began running beside me when I turned around and saw dozens of biters gaining on us.

It was deja vu.

I cussed under my breath as I pushed Parke to the crate, telling him to quickly climb up. Pearl handed the orange bag to him and then looked at me, "Go hurry!" She ushered.

"You go first!"

Pearl growled almost like an animal as she yanked me like a rag doll and pushed me into the crate. She began giving me a boost causing me to grip any part of the cold metal I could.

Then, a tan hand appeared in front of my face and I looked up to see Parke, "Take my hand." He said.

For some reason, I was reluctant to do so. There was a barrier between the boy and I and even in times like these it didn't fall down.

After a couple of seconds, I took one of my hands off the crate and took one of his. Then, my other hand grabbed onto his other one and he swiftly pulled me up onto the crate with him.

I stood up, trying to catch my breath before I kneeled down and held my hand out for my sister.

"Hurry! Grab my hand!" I shouted frantically as biters began cornering her.

Pearl turned around with a frightened expression and took a hold of my small calloused hands. My hold was tight as I began pulling her up when a biter bit into her side.

A shriek of pain erupted from her throat making my eyes widen in horror. The biter took a chunk out of her side causing blood to gush out of the fresh wound.

She was wearing a vest- I don't know how it happened but it bit her. The monster fucking bit her.

"NO!" I bellowed as I raised my gun and shot the biter down. I jumped down from the crate just in time to catch her before she fell.

Pearl gasped in agony and shock, whimpering loudly as she pressed down on the wound lightly before letting out another shrilling scream.

My heart began pounding in my ears as biters began growing closer and closer to us by the second.

"Luli!" Parke shouted looking down at us from the crate. "Give me Pearl!"

A shaky breath escaped past my lips, "O-Okay." I responded barely audible as I tried to keep my sister standing.

Shock began to settle in; the true denial of what had just happened.

All Pearl could do was look down at the blood rushing down her side then up at me with pure agony in her brown eyes. It was as if they were asking me to lie her there to get mauled and just leave.

But, I couldn't let it control me; I couldn't.

"I know- I know!" I exclaimed towards my sister. "We just need to get you on that fucking crate. Stay with me- just stay with me Pearl."

It was too much too fast. Everything felt like a newly built roller coaster and I was the test dummy.

I looked up at Parke for a split second and saw his eyes widen, "Luli hurry!" He pleaded with terror.

The biters began enclosing in on us but they seemed to be coming in small packs. It made me feel as though death was walking on broken bones.

I had to keep it together. I had to keep it together.

Even though my sister was bit, I would never leave her with those flesh eating fuckers.

In that moment, I felt the switch all the other soldiers warn me about go off. It was like looking through a totally different perspective- a keen tunnel vision.

"Parke, grab her!" I shouted catching the boy's immediate attention. He nodded frantically, going to the edge of the crate closest to us.

I ripped my sister from the ground hearing her gasp before Parke pulled her up which made the wound tear even more. Pearl's agonized screams seemed to make every other noise disappear.

Two monsters lunged towards me at once but I quickly shot them down. I thinned out enough of them to be able to back away a couple of feet before running towards the crate and jumping up. My hands instantly gripped the the top of the large metal box as I quickly pulled myself up.

I could feel biters hands trying to pull me down as I did so.

As soon as I was up, I turned around only to see that the crate was completely surrounded. There was a sea of them trying to climb up as they practically gnawed on one another with hunger.

Pearl's whimpers caught my attention. Parke was steadying her as she began to look pale and weak. He had taken off the vest allowing her jagged flesh to be exposed through the large rip in her shirt.

The boy had tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry- I'm so fucking sorry Pearl." He apologized frantically.

The girl didn't look at him with sadness. It was a stare that I wouldn't imagine someone who was dying would have. A look of protection.

"I'm bit, Parke."

I wanted to make her better; I needed to make her better because if I didn't it all would've been for nothing. We'd just be another tragic fucking story out of the million there were. Everything we'd endured would've been for shit and that wasn't true.

It couldn't be fucking true.

I rushed to her, carefully taking her away from the boy's hold and into mine. The only way I could think of holding her upright was embracing her with care as she limply held onto me.

My body slowly pulled away as tears welled in my eyes and they were rolling down her cheeks. Denial settled in fast.

"We can't just let you turn- we have to do something!" I screamed becoming overwhelmed by everything around us. The growls, the gunshots, the smell of blood, the death.

"There's nothing you can do, Lu."

I dug my fingernails into her shoulders like I wouldn't dare let go, "I won't leave you here. Even if your-." I choked up not wanting to face the truth that my sister was slowly dying. "Even if you're bit. I won't let you stay here. There's still hope."

Pearl held back a choking sob, clenching her jaw and tightening her lips to keep herself from breaking down.

It looked as if she was going to say something when in a swift motion with strength I didn't know she still had, pushed me back into Parke who stumbled but surely caught me. Before I could do anything, her hand grabbed the gun from her holster and she pressed the barrel to her temple.

"I have to."

My eyes widened as if they were about to pop out of my skull, "No!" I bellowed, throwing myself forward.

But once I saw her finger press down on the trigger and blood splattered onto my face- I know it was too late as I fell to my knees.

Her body went limp as she instantaneously fell into the swarm of biters that surrounded us. They all gladly dug into the fresh piece of meat that had been sacrificed.

But she was more than just a body. The girl they were ripping chunks out of; that was Pearl. That was who I spent months training for. The person I endured pain from hell and back just to keep safe; and I couldn't even do that.

The title, everything I've worked for, it didn't mean anything if she wasn't around.

Parke's arms wrapped around my waist as I wailed, fighting against him before feeling the utter numbness of knowing that if I didn't move I'd have the same outcome.

And it wasn't just Pearl I needed to protect.

Tears clouded my eyes as I climbed down, simply jumping halfway through. Parke called my name but I could barley even process what he said.

I couldn't move. Everything around me spun as there was an explosion near by sending me to my knees. Thick grey smoke began overtaking our surroundings. It stuck to the air like a starling to a dead animal.

The boy's hands found mine, picking me up before pushing me forward since I was the only one who knew the woods almost by memory.

Growls and snarls continued to echo around us.

I wiped tears off of my face as cough erupted my from lung due to the smoke. My eyes squinted and locked on any path that I could see.

All I knew at this point was that Pearl was gone and that we weren't safe anymore.

We were never going to be safe.