Ringo: Who wants to see us criticize our own albums?

John, Paul, and George: *raise their hands.*

Ringo: Good enough.

John: First up, Abbey Road.

Paul: Wait, why would Abbey Road go first?

John: Why wouldn't it?

Paul: Why don't we —

George: *sings.* . . . do it in the road?

Paul: Shut up, George. As I was saying, why don't we talk about Please Please Me first? Y'know, because it's the first.

Ringo: Then we go to Abbey Road?

Paul: No. Then go to With the Beatles.

John: Then Abbey Road?

Paul: *face-palm.*

George: *amused.* They're not seeing a pattern here.

Ringo: Well, excuse me!

John: What Ringo said!

Paul: We start at the first one and then go to the last.

John: Ohhhhhhhhh.

Ringo: Before we start, can I ask a question?

Paul: *acts as though he has a headache.* Sure, Ringo.

Ringo: Are we going in the order we recorded it? You know, like how we recorded Let it Be before Abbey Road, but released it after? So we'd put Let it Be in front of Abbey Road and not vice versa?

John: He lost me.

George: There are a lot of things going on in that little head of his.

Paul: Sure, whatever, Ringo.

John: *rubs his hands together.* All right! Let's begin. Here's our first album, and I would like to say we look like the cutest things to ever grace the planet.

George: We're starting with the cover? Okay. I'll give my opinion: I don't like it.

Ringo: We really could have tried harder.

Paul: I think it's neat.

George: Oh, thank Krishna. There for a second I thought he was going to say "creative," since that's basically his catchphrase.

John: You think it's neat just how you think speedos are neat?

Paul: *reddens.* When did I ever say speedos were neat?

Ringo: Well, we were at the beach the other day and this guy walks by with a speedo and you said, "That's neat."

George: *throws his head back, laughing.* Priceless!

Paul: *glares at Ringo.* You didn't need to broadcast that on national television!

John: I think it was very necessary.

George: Yep. *high-fives Ringo.*

Paul: Let's talk about the album already.

Ringo: One, two, three, FAW!!!

John: *shakes his head in awe.* Best album beginning ever.

George: Really? I thought the airplane taking off on the White Album was better.

Paul: Shut up, George! We're not talking about the White Album.

John: "Twist and Shout." One word: never again.

Ringo: Uh, John? I'm pretty sure those are two words.

George: Maybe he means it like "neveragain," as one word.

Paul: Neveragain. Hmm. That's a creat —

John, George, and Ringo: Don't say it!

Paul: *keeps talking like they didn't say anything.* —ive album title.

John: *shakes his head.*

George: There's nothing you can do for him, Ringo.

Ringo: *pretends to wipe a tear from his eye.* I know, but it's sad.

Paul: Anyway, why wouldn't you do "Twist and Shout" again, John?

John: It blew out my vocal cords!!!

Paul: *winks.* Nevertheless, I wouldn't mind you doing it again.

John:

George:

Ringo:

George: . . . What's that supposed to mean?!?

Paul: *hurriedly.* Never mind!

John: I feel a little uncomfortable now.

Ringo: Maybe he wouldn't mind him doing it again because John was shirtless while recording it.

John and George: Ohhhhhh.

*silence.*

John: Paul, that's weird!

Paul: Moving on! With the Beatles!

George: I think the cover is groovy.

Paul: *snorts.* Groovy?

George: What? Aren't the kids still saying that?

Paul: Sadly, no.

George: *disappointed.* Oh.

John: Yes, very gear cover.

Ringo: They're not saying that anymore either.

John: For God's sake, what's wrong with these kids?!? Don't they know good words when they see them?

Paul: Well, for one, they don't SEE them.

John: You know what I meant!

George: Anyway, with the songs . . .

Ringo: *sings.* All my loving I will send to you.

Paul: Yes! That's a great song if I do say so myself.

John: Bighead.

George: Don't forget . . . *sings.* I've got no time for you right now. Don't bother me.

Paul: Aw, Georgie's first song! They grow up so fast!

George: You're eight months older than me.

Paul: That's a long time!

John: What about this? *sings.* Wait a minute, wait a minute, oh, yeah.

Paul, George, and Ringo: *clap.*

Ringo: Ah, that's a great record.

Paul: Yepyep.

George: Next! A Hard Day's Night.

Ringo: I've always like this cover.

Paul: Not me.

John: Why not?

Paul: Well, I look funny in the pictures!

George: That's because you're making funny expressions!

Ringo: I thought that's what we were supposed to do.

John: It was. Paul just wants to complain about something.

Paul: I just don't like it!

George: Well, too bad! I really like my guitar work on "And I Love Her."

Ringo: Don't forget my beautiful bongos!

Paul: Your guitar does make the song, you know.

George: I'm flattered, Paul.

Paul: Well, it's true.

John: *clasps his hands together and stares at them dreamily.* Well, isn't this just sweet?

Ringo: I don't like "When I Get Home" that much.

John: *gasps dramatically.* Why not?

George: I don't like that song, either, John.

John: What?

Paul: Oh, I see what you did there, George.

John: What did he do?

Ringo: "Y Not" is one of my songs.

John:

John:

John:

John: Ohhhhhhh.

George: Took you long enough.

Ringo: Wait, George, you don't like "Y Not"?

George: Not really, no.

Ringo: Why not? *starts laughing.*

Paul:

John:

George:

Paul: That was bad, Ringo.

John: Anyway, I like how the album ends with the song "I'll Be Back."

Paul: *shivers.* Kind of cryptic.

George: It could be taken that way, yes.

Ringo: Next album. Beatles for Sale!

Paul: Yay, we're selling ourselves!

John: For what, though?

George: Do you want to know? You know what those teenage girls would want to do with us if they bought us.

Ringo: *shudders.*

Paul: *winks at the camera.*

John: Ehhhhh, that's wouldn't be so bad. *smirks.*

George: *sighs exasperatedly.* Anyway, about the album cover: it's lame.

Ringo: *gasps.* Why would you say such a thing?

George: I mean, look how tired we are. We don't look like we're really feeling it.

Paul: You kind of look like you want to murder someone, George.

John: Yeah, he's got that serial killer stare going on.

Ringo: We look cold.

Paul: I like your hair, though, George.

John: Isn't that cute? He's got a turnip top!

George: *rolls his eyes.* Oh, shut up.

Paul: Now the songs —

John: *yells.* I NEARLY DIED!!!

George: *air guitar.*

Ringo: Ah, I love that song.

Paul: And then it's followed by "I'm a Loser." We really cared about the order of the songs.

John: Perfect, really. He's getting rejected in "No Reply" and then he's a loser. I'm a genius.

George: Why do you even need to state that anymore?

John: What do you mean?

George: Well, everyone already knows it . . .

Paul: *gasps.* Did he just give you a COMPLIMENT?

George: Shhh!!! Don't say it in capital letters!

Ringo: Aw, George gave you a compliment!

George: Anyway, I like to think this is our country-western album.

John: It does kind of have that feel.

Paul: It's also mostly made up of covers, which isn't bad. We nail them anyway.

Ringo: We nail everything.

George: That could be taken out of context badly.

Ringo: What do you mean?

John: God, George, get your head out of the gutter! *smacks him upside the head.*

George: Well, I'm sorry! I had to!

Paul: *looks at him seriously.* When we get home you're putting a quarter in the naughty jar.

George: I will not.

Paul: Oh, yes, you will!

George: Will not!

Paul: Will too!

George: Will not!

Paul: Will too! Don't you backtalk me, young man.

George: For God's sake, Paul.

Paul: Don't for-God's-sake-Paul me. Do you want to be grounded?

John: *leans and whispers to Ringo.* What is going on here?

Ringo: *whispers back.* It looks like Paul is trying to be George's mother.

John: Hmm. That's weird.

Ringo: Don't tell Paul that. Do YOU want to be grounded?

Paul: Now we're moving on to Help!

George: *crosses his arms.* I'm not going to say anything.

Paul: You will talk about this album and you will like it!

George: Will not!

Paul: Will —

John: Oh, don't start that again!

Ringo: Let's just talk about the album. *sings.* When I was younger, so much younger than today . . .

Paul:  . . . I never needed anybody's help in any way.

John: I'm so great.

George: *sighs moodily.*

Paul: *sweetly.* Do you have something to say something, Georgie?

George: *bleeeeeeeeeeeep.*

Paul: You're putting two quarters in the naughty jar, mister!

George: I will not!

John: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE FREAKING ALBUM, SO YOU TWO SHUT UP!!!!

Ringo: It's got a lot of great songs on it. Like, "Another Girl."

Paul: It's a very rude way to break up with someone.

John: You wrote it!

Paul: I know, and I was being rude.

Ringo: You're telling me! "I ain't no fool and I don't take what I don't want"? That is ten out of ten rude!

George: *mutters.* Not to mention ungrammatically correct.

Paul: Do you want to put three quarters in the naughty jar?!?

George: I ain't putting no quarters in that jar!

Ringo: He's mocking you, Paul.

Paul: I can see that.

John: I'm going to go get some popcorn, because this is getting good. *begins to stand up.*

Paul: Sit your bum back in that seat, Lennon!

John: I will not!

Paul: Now you're putting a quarter in the jar!

John: You're not the boss of me!

Paul: I am too!

John: You are not!

Paul: I am too! *dives across the table.*

*static.*

THERE HAVE BEEN TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. THE PROGRAM YOU WERE WATCHING WILL RETURN SHORTLY.