Ringo: Everyone knows about Siri, right?

George: No.

John: Who?

Paul: *eye-roll*

Ringo: Well, not only can she tell you where the nearest McDonald's is, she can also get pretty snippy.

John: I didn't know robots could get snippy.

Paul: Shh! Don't call her a robot! She's present, you know! *holds up his phone and points at it*

George: Well, that's what she is!

Ringo: *sighs* Just shut up.

George: You can't tell me to shut up! I'll tell you to shut up!

John: *yells* Shut up!

Paul: Anyway, we've got some questions to ask her that will get some interesting responses.

Ringo: Who wants to go first?

John: Me! I want to see how grouchy she gets! *snatches phone from Paul*

George: This should be good.

John: Can I call you Jarvis?

George: What is this — Iron Man?!?

Paul: What?

Ringo: You don't know Iron Man?

Paul: Um . . . no . . . ? Should I?

George: *voice filled with fake awe* He's legendary.

John: All of you, shut up and let the phone talk!

Siri: Hold on. Let me tell Ms. Potts you'll be late for dinner. Again.

Ringo: *snorts*

George: Thanks, Jarvis.

John: Yep. Good job, buddy. Also, tell her to get the Jacuzzi fired up and get some wine waiting when I get there.

Paul: *face-palm*

Siri: . . . I'm don't think I understand.

John: God, she's got the memory of a goldfish! Hey, remember? Ms. Potts? Late for dinner?

Siri: . . . Goodbye.

Ringo: She just shut herself off!

George: Wow. She might be sassier than Paul.

Paul: Hey! No one takes my sassiness title. No. One.

George: *holds hands up in surrender* Jeez, okay, okay.

Ringo: I'll go next. What is zero divided by zero?

Paul: What? That's not mathematically —

George: *imitating John* Shut up and let the phone talk!

John: Heh heh heh.

Siri: Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn't make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.

Ringo:

Paul:

George:

John:

Ringo: . . . Well, that was rude.

George: *smirks at Paul* I believe you have to surrender your sassiness title.

Paul: No.

George: Yes.

Paul: No!

George: Yes.

Paul: *screeches* NO!!!!!!!!!!

George: *claps hands over ears* God, tone it done, will you? You almost blew my eardrums out!

John: *pats Paul on the back* Well, you had a good run, son. Seventy-five years. Seventy-five!

Paul: *eye twitches*

Ringo: We'd better move on before Paul goes postal on us all.

George: Um, yeah. How about he goes next? Paul, wanna go next?

Paul: *rocking back and forth*

George: *hands him the phone* Stop being a drama queen. Ask her another question.

Paul: I won't associate with her! She stole my life! She took everything from me! *starts sobbing*

John: Your invisible sassiness title was your life?

Ringo: That's so sad.

Paul: Give me a few moments to recover.

Commercial break

John: He still hasn't recovered.

Another commercial break

George: Give him a few more minutes.

Yet another commercial break

Ringo: I think . . . he's ready.

Paul: I'm still not my best yet.

John: Drama queen.

George: Yep.

Ringo: Ask her a question, Paul.

Paul: *looks at the phone and screams* DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME?!?!?!?!? I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE WITH MY SASSINESS TITLE AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND TAKE IT ALL AWAY!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT!!!!!!

Siri: . . . I don't think I understand.

Paul: *twitches*

John: *sighs* Just ask the question, Paul.

Paul: Only if she promises to give my title back.

Ringo: It doesn't mean a thing to her, and she doesn't even know she has it!

George: Since he's being such a baby, I guess we'll just give him what he wants. Paul, sweetie, we were just kidding. You still have your title and no one will ever take it from you. *smiles and bats eyelashes*

John: That is no way to deal with a child. You need to be stern!

George: Well, I had no other choice, John. Did you want him to drop the phone off a skyscraper because it's sassier than him?

John: Why do I care? It's his phone, isn't it?

Ringo: Everyone shut up! This was supposed to be funny, but you're all ruining it. Paul, for God's sake, just ask the bloody phone a question! *breathes heavily*

Paul: Okay, fine. Jeez, stop being so testy.

Ringo: What.

George: *whispers* Just let it go. There's nothing you can do with this type.

John: *whispers as well* Yeah, just let it roll, Richard.

Paul: Siri, can you tell me a knock-knock joke?

Siri: Knock knock. Who's there? Paul. Paul who? Paul, I don't do knock-knock jokes.

Paul:

Ringo: *suppresses laughter*

George: Ouch, man.

John: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Paul: Oh, how I hate you, Siri.

John: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Paul: What? No snide remarks, Siri? Did you finally run out of rude things to say?!?

George: Paul, you didn't press the button. She didn't hear you.

Ringo: *snorts*

Paul: I'm done with this pile of rubbish. It's going off Big Ben, and I hope it enjoys the ride down.

John: Stop calling her "it"! She has feelings, you know!

Paul: No, she doesn't! She's just a bunch of wires and metal and whatever else is packed in this phone.

George: Give her here. It's my turn.

Paul: No. It's going off the clock.

George: Paul.

Paul: *mocking voice* George.

George: *snatches the phone* You need to stop being so immature.

Paul: Am not.

George: I'm not even going to say anything, because I know where it will go.

Ringo: Hurry up. We're about to be out of time.

John: I didn't know that Beatles had a limit of time they could be on television. We should be able to be broadcasted as long as we want!

George: Okay, here we go. Siri, I am your father.

Paul: That sounds so weird.

Ringo: You're telling me.

John: Wow, George, when did you marry a computer?

Paul: I just imagined their wedding.

Ringo: I did too. Right now I'm imagining George kissing a computer screen.

George: Shut up! Liv might be watching. *smiles sweetly at camera*

Siri: Excuse me while I jump from the maintenance catwalk into the air shaft . . . and then get sucked into the gas shaft and then cling to a weather vane on the underside of Cloud City . . . metaphorically.

George: Yes, of course. Metaphorically.

John: Siri is Luke Skywalker!

Paul: Dun dun dun!

Ringo: So that means . . . George is Darth Vader!

John: *nods* I can see that.

Paul: We need to get him a cape and a helmet.

George: Oh, shut up.

Ringo: Darth George!

John: *pretends to shudder* That even sounds scary.

Paul: That's enough to give you nightmares.

Ringo: Yep.

George: *sighs*