JUNGKOOK

Days on trial: 69

It had been raining for three days. 

The droplets never seemed to cease. All day, and straight through the night, they'd  pitter-patter against the panes of my window, which I'd spent an equally long time laying beneath. My hands intertwined on top of my stomach, eyes dead set on the crisp white ceiling above me. 

There was no point looking elsewhere. At least when I was fixated on the ceiling, I could at least pretend the things around me were still in colour.

Occasionally, I'd shuffle to adjust my body into a more comfortable position, and the scent of Annie's perfume would waft from my sheets. It was a sweet, and comforting, and caused colour to shoot across my retinas like fireworks. 

But, as with all fireworks, the explosion was fleeting, and I'd soon be left in a state of Mono once more.

My phone sat discarded next to my mattress, tossed to the side once it had finally lost charge in the early hours of the morning. I hadn't bothered plugging it back in, because then the temptation to contact Annie would be too strong.

I wanted nothing more than to pick my phone up and hear her voice of the other end of the call. 

She'd tell me that things were alright, and that we could figure things out, I knew that - but figuring things out would only confuse the situation even more.

I remembered the look on her face when she first saw gold; the bright eyes and the disbelieving smile. What a joy it would have been watching the rest unfold.

A selfish, self-serving, cruel joy.

I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't let her experience colours for me when I'd never be able to reciprocate. She deserved more than that; more than me.

"Right, c'mon," Jimin shouted up towards me, throwing one of the scatter cushions from the sofa my way. "I'm sick of you lying up there like a love sick puppy. We're going out."

"I don't wanna go out," I grumbled, hugging the pillow that had landed on me into my chest. 

"Tough. You owe me."

"Don't remind me," I groaned, knowing that I did, in fact, owe him. 

I'd asked him and Chloe to go and get Annie for me, because I couldn't bring myself to face her. Not like this.

I didn't want her to have to get the train, but I also didn't think it was fair forcing her to spend an extended period of time trapped in the car with me, not when she probably already hated my guts. 

She'd stop texting me yesterday, so I guessed she getting was over it. Over us. Whatever 'us' was.

Which was good, I tried convincing myself. It was good that she'd be over it. It's better this way.

Sighing, with a hefty groan, I rolled out of bed and down the stairs, not really caring for what I looked like - which was 'shit', according to Jimin. Walking towards the kitchen, I threaded the bronze button through the top of my slim fit cargo jeans, as my baggy hoodie sunk down to the top of my thighs. 

"You'll get all the girls looking like that," Jimin spoke dryly, sarcastically. Shooting him a glare, I chose not respond. 

He knew there was only one girl I wanted to 'get'.

Ruffling my hair slightly to give it some volume instead of just letting it cling to the shape of my head, I knew that I needed to get my shit together. Moping about like this wasn't helping the situation, and it certainly wasn't going to fix it either.

I just...

I couldn't bear the thought of seeing Annie in Mono.

I'd grown to adore her lips, whether they were coated in crimson lipstick or a thin sheen of balm, revealing her natural rosy tint. There wasn't a single hair on her head that was the same colour, all different shades of over-toned ashy blonde, with roots that she kept complaining about, but I loved. From her pink nose, blushed from the cold, and her blue eyes that could have drowned me like the sea we spent so much time by, to the brilliant emerald-

"Can you get that?" Jimin shouted from his room as there was a knock on our front door, tearing me from my thoughts. I was right by it, having headed to grab my shoes, so I reached over with a groan and twisted the brushed steel doorknob. 

The courier was already walking off, his delivery sitting on our scratchy coir door mat:

Two take-out coffees.

I studied a little harder:

Two take-out coffees from the joint that Annie and I frequented.

"Jimiiinnnnn," I called out, brows furrowing intently. "Did you order coffee?"

"No?"

"Well then why are there two cups of coffee at our door?"

"The fuck am I supposed to know?" He laughed, coming to join me in the hall as I remained crouched, studying them. "Ain't that the place you and Annie-"

"Yeah."

"Well, if it wasn't you and if it wasn't me..." His thought lingered for a second, as I began to understand what he meant.

"But she isn't talking to me," I protested.

"No, you fuckin' idiot, you're not talking to her," he punctuated his sentence with a short, sharp slap to the back of my head. "This is obviously her way of reaching out."

I could smell the caramel syrup of my chosen coffee wafting through the air, as I picked the cups up to draw them closer. Taking a sip, there was no doubt in my mind that it was my order - though if I was being pedantic, it tasted like they'd scrimped on the pumps of syrup. Resting my nose in line with the steam pouring out  from the second cup, I was relieved to smell vanilla; Annie's order. 

Turning to face Jimin, chaos was written all over my face. "What the fuck do I do?!"

There was a smugness in Jimin's smile, a certain 'told you so' tenacity. 

"Well, what do you normally do when you've got a coffee for her?"

"Take it to her."

"So take her the coffee, idiot," Jimin laughed, swiping my car keys off the hook by the kitchen counter. "She's already done the hard part for you! All you have to do is show up."

I was out of my door in a flash. 

Annie had given me an olive branch, not that I deserved one, but I'd be fucked if I didn't take it. I needed to see her like I needed air to breathe, at this point. It had been stupid, so fucking stupid shutting her out.

Checking the time on my dashboard, I made a pit stop at the clinic to get a fresh batch of my prescription. 

"Jungkook! I didn't expect to see you for another day or so," the Doctor had smiled with that jolly little face of his. I wouldn't have been surprised to find him working in the mall over Christmas at Santa's grotto. 

"I'm actually gonna be out of town for a few days," I lied, needing to find an excuse as to why I had run out a week early. "So I just need to grab my prescription a little early if that's alright?"

Admitting to losing my colours and taking a week's dosage in one sitting seemed like it would probably be a cause for concern - and a lengthy chat. I didn't have time for it. We could deal with that at my next appointment. 

Like a lightning bolt burning through a desolate tree, there was a fire inside me that was determined to fix the mess that I had made; and it started right here, with these shitty little drugs. 

"Oh, of course, that's fine," he nodded, seeing that I was in a rush. "Just rearrange at the reception desk-"

"Thanks Doc, you're the best!" I beamed, whipping the prescription from his hand and running to the pharmacist's kiosk. I didn't really stop running until I was in my car, swallowing a pill dry. 

Work, I begged, please work.

Shifting into first gear, I let my body drive autonomously, probably a little quickly, weaving through the city to get to Annie's place before our coffee grew cold. I'd memorised the route like the back of my hand. 

I wished that she were there with me, my palm flat on the back of her hand, as I held it over the gear stick once more.

Pacing along the smooth tarmac, a weighted pressure began to form - and slowly, it began. 

Red.

"Fuck." 

Orange.

"FUCK."

Yellow.

Laughter filled my car. I might have been crying a little bit too.

Green.

I came into my colours in the same way I had fallen for Annie: slowly, and then all at once.

Blue. Indigo. Violet.

Like I was chasing the rainbow, every mile was drawing me closer and closer to the pot of gold at the end. Secretly, I knew that what I'd find would be even greater than a pot of gold ever could be, for she herself  was golden.

Standing outside her door, things were starting to make sense again. I mean, nothing was making sense at all, let's be realistic here. It felt like I was going out of my mind.

My hair was a little damp from the rain, bottom lip swollen from my nervous teeth biting down on it and I knew that I must have looked like a mess. I hoped that she wouldn't mind.

She never did before. Things were different now, though.

But as I heard her fumble around with the keys, metallic clanging of the locks unfolding, everything was exactly as it had been before. 

I was here, and so was she, and she was vibrant.

So fucking vibrant.

Perplexed and a little bit startled, she didn't say hello. A white shirt draped off one of her delicate, bare shoulders, tucked in ever so slightly at the front into a pair of tiny black running shorts. Her hair was up, loose hairs tickling the curve of her neck and the top of her lashes.

Such a beautiful, chaotic sight to behold. 

"Hey," I whispered, before setting my teeth down on my bottom lip to stop it from shaking.

Her eyes dilated, glossy irises reflecting the sight of me. Her brows soon grew taut, as she stood back on her heel affronted by the sight of me. Fuck.

"Sorry, Annie can't take your call right now," she mimicked the sound of a voicemail tone. If I hadn't been so fixated on her eyes, her tiny flared nostrils and upturned lips would have probably killed me. "Please try again in 3-5 working days."

There was a gust of air, scented with her shampoo, and then there was a slam: her door. 

Fuuuuck.

"Annie c'mon," I began to beg through the door.

"No, fuck off."

Well, at least she hadn't lost her charm.

"I know I've been an idiot-"

"An idiot?!" Her door swung open furiously. "No. An idiot is you being endearing. An idiot is you doing things to make me laugh. An idiot is you when you're at your best."

She was laughing in a way that I'd never heard before; in a way that I didn't like half as much as her other laugh.

It was in a way that told me exactly how she felt - and it wasn't very humorous, to say the least:  "You've been a cunt."

Inhaling air, I winced a little. At least she was being honest.

"I'm so sor-"

"No, no, no." She kept on laughing and I really wished she wouldn't. "Sorry is answering my texts. Sorry is coming to pick me up and grovelling for your fucking life. Sorry is doing everything in your power to make me feel like I mean something to you. And what did you do?"

She didn't wait for an answer.

"You made me feel like I was nothing to you."

"Annie, I-"

"Save it, Jungkook. I don't wanna hear it," she sighed, shutting her eyes as she exhaled. When they opened again, they seemed calmer - but only just. Her eyes were void of the signature liner that framed them, and her nose was blushed, lips poutier than usual. "The coffee is a nice touch, though."

She held out her palm for me to give her the vanilla macchiato, which of course I did within an instant. I didn't want to run the risk of pissing her off even more. Taking it to her lips, she inhaled the scent first and frowned slightly.

"You know I go for coconut milk," she almost tutted, disappointed. 

"I know," I offered, pleased to have not been cut off for once. "Two shots of vanilla syrup and coconut milk. Same every time."

"Then why did you order hazelnut milk?"

"I didn't. You did?" I questioned, tilting my perplexed head. "You ordered them to mine? So that I'd come here."

"No, I didn't..." she pondered skeptically, until we both came to the same realisation:

"Jimin."

"That motherfucker," I cursed, shaking my head with a slight grin, despite Annie's annoyance.

Sighing, Annie's tensed shoulders seemed to relax, though not entirely. A frown grew on her face, a distressed stare finding its way to me. "So you didn't want to see me at all, then?"

Her nostrils flickered, lips pursing to stop them from pouting. Fuuuuuuck.

"No, God, no, I did," I pleaded, putting my coffee down on the concierge desk outside her door so that I could move a little closer to her. "I wanted to see you more than anything."

My heart sank like a lead balloon when she took a step back, distancing herself away from me. Her gaze dropped, focusing on the intercom unit beside her door - anything to prevent herself from looking at me. 

"The Tiff thing, it wasn't what it looked like," I began to try and explain myself.

"Really? Because it looked like you were kissing Tiff a few hours after you'd dropped me off at my parents."

On a technicality, it was exactly what it looked like. 

"Annie please just let me expla-"

"Close the door."

No. God, no. 

"An-" I tried to reason, terrified that this was it; this was the coffin that I had nailed shut, sinking down into the grave that I had dug.

"I don't want my neighbours hearing this," she stated plainly, doe-eyed and void of expression. "So come in, and close the door, Jungkook."

Come in?

"You're not kicking me out?" I mumbled, not sure I wanted the answer.

"Don't get it twisted," she assured me. "I'm not inviting you to stay, either."

I wasn't going to give myself the opportunity to talk myself into being uninvited. 

The door closed with a click, my coffee still on the table outside. 

"You've got some explaining to do, Kook."

There was a lump in my throat, which I swallowed back so harshly we could both hear it. 

"Start from the beginning." 

A/N: nope, jungkooks colours don't make sense. But they will. Just be patient with me, we'll get to it, I promise!!! x

Also hi 2k reads? I swear this hit 1k like five chapters ago???? Wtf but thank you x