welcome to the last chapter for COG! well, second to the last chapter since I divided it into 2. it'd be nice to wrap it up on both sides, right?
and the song in the media above is Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood (my latest obsession). that part of the song reminded me so much of Hanniel because it related to him perfectly, as in every line of it.
so for this chapter and its second installment, i'll be putting up those same lyrics. dw, you'll get it soon :)

060a| I Didn't Cry Today

~K O M I S O L A~

It's been years since I saw Hanniel. Well, not exactly years, I was just exaggerating. But it was just four days. Four days since I had my kiss with Hanniel. Four days of him being openly clingy with me and I somehow didn't have any problem with it. I liked it.

But today was different. Hanniel was nowhere to be found in school. He never told me anything, if he was going to be absent today so I wasn't expecting this.

I was going to the Staff Room; an office for all teachers. We'd been given this class exercise and the instruction was to submit to the class captain or by ourselves if we finished quickly. It's obvious what I did. I'd rather not have any interaction with Ameenah Ahmed.

She was too around these days, rarely missing a day of school. It was almost like she'd taken a break from her fencing career. But I doubt she would.

"She isn't even looking at me," someone grumbled under their breath, sounding displeased. I looked up and saw Senior Inaya walking up to me. Of course with her bodyguard. Just kidding, I meant her best friend, Senior Amir.

And of course he was wearing a varsity jacket. Senior Inaya was on another Drew hoodie.

The duo.

"Maybe because you're too short," Senior Amir commented, looking unbothered by what he had just said.

Senior Inaya looked equally unfazed. "You're very stupid," she said. "Just wait."

"Wait for what? You can't even reach my neck, Inaya."

He sounded like he was having fun, teasing Senior Inaya's height– if you could call it height, more like stature. She was short short. Maybe not so short if she stood individually, but standing next to Senior Amir, oh it was a sight to see.

"I'd like for you to shut the fuck up, Aayan. Komisola, my love, how are you?"

I could have missed it. But I saw a faint smirk play on Senior Amir's lips as Senior Inaya approached me. He looked at her with so much admiration and he looked like he had a lot up his sleeves at the same time.

"Hi." I awkwardly raised my hand and moved it in an attempt to wave.

"You've never come to see me. And you don't even make an attempt to greet me when we're in the same place."

I looked at her like she was spewing rubbish. Why would I come to see her? Regardless of what department, SS3 classes were like dungeons. With people like Senior Adolphus and Senior Zara in their set, juniors practically ran away from them. Just like how SS2 was intimidating with people like Tiamiyu, Yusrah, Dabirah and Hassan but these ones were nothing compared to the likes of Senior Zara and Senior Alexander.

Speaking of Senior Alexander, did he vanish from the surface of Earth?

"I can't come to your class. It's scary," I admitted.

Senior Inaya laughed. "There's nothing to be afraid of. I have a bodyguard that'll stop their unreasonable picking on juniors with just a snap of my finger." She imitated snapping her fingers towards Senior Amir who rolled his eyes. Her laughter increased and suddenly died down when her eyes scanned me. "Where's your babe? I knew something was off."

"I-I have a babe?" Hanniel?

"Yes, that boy that's always following you around like a lost boy. Isn't he the fine Australian kid that our class girls are fawning over?" She turned to Senior Amir.

"Shameless people." Senior Amir shook his head.

"You're just jealous your mates would rather go for someone a class lower than yours."

Senior Amir dramatically brought a hand to his chest, feigning that he got hurt. "You wound me sometimes, Inaya Asahd."

"I look forward to doing more of that, Aayan Abdallah."

Was I getting his name wrong? She kept saying Aayan.

"So where is he?"

"Hm?"

"Where is he?" Senior Inaya repeated. I heard you the first time.

"He... I don't know. I don't know why he's absent," I told her.

"That's bad. He should have told you. I know for sure that if he was around, he wouldn't have let you walk alone. He's clingy, as clingy as this tall thing behind me." She leaned in to whisper the last part.

"I can always turn around and go back to class, Inaya," Senior Amir said, clearly having heard her.

"Fine, go."

He sighed. "Well, since you begged me not to, I'll wait till you're done with interrogating your friend who looks like she wants to be anywhere but here."

I stood like a stick figure, doing nothing but watching the interaction between these two. It was cute and all, but they had somehow managed to make me feel like I was third-wheeling and they also wasted my time. I could have submitted my note and gone back to class by now.

"I have to go now, Senior Inaya," I quietly said. I could feel Senior Amir's gaze on me but I didn't dare to make eye contact with him. He could be so intimidating.

"Oh? Okay. I'll see you whenever, Komisola. Take care of yourself." Then she hugged me. I remember, when Senior Alexander had said those last words to me, I literally broke down in tears because that was the first time I'd hear someone tell me that.

They walked off and I did the same, both of us going in different directions as earlier. "Why is she so scared of us?" I heard Senior Amir ask.

"Because you're acting like an ice stone." That was Senior Inaya's brusque reply.

"Am I supposed to beam like a ball of sunshine the way you do every time to people? I can't."

Their voice began to sound distant as I didn't stop walking. I don't think I want to hear what they'll say next.

~

I just had a feeling today would be a very long day. And I was proved right when I ran into someone for the second time but at the Staff Room.

Ibrahim.

I'd come into the Staff Room and submitted my note to Miss Eva. The teachers didn't mind me and even when a few of them looked up, once they saw that it was me they just went back to whatever it was they were doing.

I was leaving. But Ibrahim was entering and that led to both of us standing at the entrance, staring at each other in awkward silence. I made my way to pass his side since it didn't look like he was going to do anything than stand there. But he held me back, hand tightly wrapped around my wrist as he stopped me from leaving. "Can I talk to you, Komisola?"

It felt odd to sit with Ibrahim once again on the bleachers. Sure we did sit together a few times, but since what had happened with... us, I felt very uneasy.

"What do you want to say to me?" I questioned. I just wanted to be done with the whole conversation and go back to class.

Ibrahim released a sigh. "I wanted to apologize for..." he sighed again. He looked like he was mentally preparing himself for what he wanted to say. He started again. "I wanted to apologize for what happened; telling you about my feelings. That was wrong. I shouldn't have. You've been acting differently towards me since then, avoiding me every single time our paths cross and it's been frustrating. I felt bad. And it was unfair on you too, dumping my feelings on you when you clearly liked someone else."

He was on full rant mode.

Also realizing that, he caught himself and exhaled loudly. "I'm just rambling, aren't I? Anyway, I'm sorry."

I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it a pat which was more aggressive than I had intended. "Ouch," Ibrahim whined.

I pulled my hand back and apologized. "I'm also sorry, Ibrahim. For acting different and all. I didn't know what to say or how to handle it. And I was also annoyed because of how awkward everything was. And you deserve someone better, Ibrahim–"

"I don't," Ibrahim calmly interrupted.

I ignored him and carried on. "You should go for someone else. I like Hanniel, and you know that."

Ibrahim nodded and stood up. "It's okay, I'm chill with that," he said, punctuating his statement with a shrug. "I never intended for you to like me back. It's not that I don't want you to like me back, but I respect your feelings. I'll never force my feelings on you, but I do hope we remain good friends as we were before, Komisola. I'd hate to lose you as a friend because of a silly mistake I made."

And then I assured him. "Don't worry."

"Thank you." He smiled.

~

I should have seen it coming.

For the first time, I decided to sleep and not read any novels. Studying examples wasn't of any use either. Physics would forever be my number one biggest academic enemy no matter how much I read.

I didn't lay my head for more than a few minutes. The whole class was noisy as usual, arguing about God knows what. It was some science related shit that was slowly turning into a heated argument.

"But when you approximate seven point seven-eight, doesn't it become eight?" I could make out Dabirah's voice. Oh, Dabirah would definitely not back down on whatever she was saying.

"Decimals literally do not matter. Only when needed to make a significant or specific figure."

"Bullshit," someone else commented. "So that means that the substance is on a level of what?"

"That's an obvious answer–"

"Why can't you answer, oh my Lord?"

"Hi."

Was that meant to be part of the argument?

I raised my hand from my arms which they rested on and almost dropped a sigh at the sight of Yusrah standing at my front.

What bothered me however, was the smile on her lips. It was too smile-y. Yusrah never smiled like this. She'd never smiled like this at anyone.

"I need a favor from you, Komisola."

Favor? Of course she wanted something. That explained the smile.

I nodded, motioning for her to carry on.

"Could you help with my assignment?"

That was it? Help with her assignment?

"Sure. Bring it," I said. I don't know where the book came from, or maybe I hadn't noticed it but when she instantly pulled it out from nowhere, I stared in surprise. What even surprised me more was when she started to walk off. "Wait," I called, my voice coming out thick because of how sleepy I was. "You said I should help with your assignment."

It was her turn to nod. "Yeah?"

I didn't realize when the whole class turned silent, somehow interested in my conversation with Yusrah.

"Then why are you walking off? Don't you mean I should explain to you?"

Yusrah blinked. Once. Twice. "Explain ke? I meant you should do it for me. Be fast sha, I have to submit it to Ameenah soon. Thank you –"

"Why should I be the one to do it?" I asked. I was genuinely curious. But apparently, I had savaged her. The side commentaries said it all.

"God abeg. See the response."

"Crazy. It's the boldness for me."

"Too much hanging out with Hanniel." That comment was unnecessary.

I kept my eyes trained on Yusrah. It had fully blown into a scene for a reason I didn't understand. All I wanted was to figure out why Yusrah was standing in front of me and trying to make me do her assignment for her.

I could have done that before. But I wasn't that stupid again.

"You submitted early, Komisola. So of course, you know it. Just help me do it jare. That's not too much to ask." She was beginning to wave me off in dismissal, proceeding to leave once again when I did the same I had done earlier too. I called her back.

"I won't do your assignment for you, Yusrah. I'm sorry, but I can't. Sure, I can explain it for you but doing it for you is impossible. I don't think you'd accept that for me if I told you to do my assignment."

"It's true sha." The commentary again.

I watched as Yusrah's smile was completely wiped off her face. "Do you think I'm dumb?" Her voice was cold, and the glare in her eyes was icy enough to send chills down my body. "What's your usefulness if you can't do this one thing?"

"I told you, Yusrah wouldn't last one day in this shit."

"For real."

"That one bad sha. Ṣebi this girl go don dey think say person wan dey friend am? No be only boy she go follow forever nau."

"Poor girl."

"Omo. Yusrah too dey vex. My money abeg! You wey don spoil game."

CK, Jean, Dabirah, all of them. They were taunting me. Their voices were taunting me. The realization that hit me was like a bucket of cold water placed on me. I slowly figured it out. Yusrah never had any plans of befriending me. It was all just a sick, twisted game.

"Come," Yusrah started, "did you think I wanted to actually be your friend? You dey play o. You didn't even make this whole thing fun for me, the fuck? Me, dumb? You're stupid, guy. You think you're better than us, superior now that you have that bodyguard of yours following you around and a few seniors bowing down at your feet. You've forgotten your place. Remind her!"

"I mean, it's just two words."

"Incest breeder."

I kept quiet. I was too dumbfounded to say anything.

"I can't wait for Hanniel to run when he truly sees her for who she is. Sick, repulsive human to be honest."

"Who sleeps with their brother?"

I stood up.

They'd never change. I was the big fool for thinking there could actually be a change. They were all like this. They were all going to be like this. And I was never going to be anything but a girl who slept with her brother in their eyes.

"Go on. Say whatever you have left, Yusrah." My voice was literally going up even as it quivered. My shoulders were shaking and I was fighting the hot tears that stung my eyes. God forbid I cried in their presence.

"I knew you had a motive. But I tried to ignore it, I fooled myself into thinking that maybe something had changed. But I was wrong. You people are still bitter and jobless. You'd rather hate on someone for going through something traumatizing. It's sexual abuse to me but incest breeding to you. That's how shallow minded and sick to the fucking core all of you are. But I'll advice you to find something better to do with your lives than waste millions of school fees paid on bullying someone for being sexually abused. Pathetic people." I spat out the last words with so much anger in me, so much hatred that made Yusrah move back.

I picked up my bag, packed all of my things and then turned around, giving CK, Jean and the rest a death glare. "I wouldn't wish what happened to me to my worst enemy. But maybe you should have an experience to know how it feels to live like this. To hell with each and every single one of you."

~

So far, I've had the greatest day ever. Probably the greatest one in my life yet. You'd understand what I meant if you just canceled greatest and replaced it with worst.

"Komisola!"

I began to walk backwards, not bothering to redirect my footsteps. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Mother." My voice was monotone. Mother probably noticed but didn't say anything.

I thought I was tripping when I heard her say, "you can at least say Mum."

Seriously?

Why don't we settle all at once today?

I entered her room, and dropped my hands by my side. "Are you my biological mother? You can't lie to me."

I did not expect Mother's reply to be immediate. "No. You know that already, don't you?"

I got what I was looking for.

"I know how smart you are, Komisola. You probably know who she is already. Your father's mistress. But she doesn't deserve that title. The title of being your mother."

Mother got up from her bed and walked towards me. "I know how bad I've treated you, Komisola. And no matter the apologies I give, they won't be enough to rectify my deeds. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. You'll always be my own child regardless of what you think or what anyone tells you. So please stop calling me Mother. I would have never had any problem with it but I know how much anger you've held in your heart for me with that word. Please let it go. I am so sorry, my child."

Not everything changes. Some people leave but surely the ones who stay, truly stay. Not just in the physical sense. Even if they left, they would still have a place in your heart. That was how they always stayed. And some just never left in the first place.

She never left in the first place.

I didn't say anything as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her embrace. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. All I could do was smile to myself.

I didn't cry today.

a/n: i just want to hug Komisola and tell it's actually okay to cry. it was such a bad day for her. and Yusrah is such a bitch.

but Ibrahim oh my goodness, i think i'm on his side rather than Hanniel's. don't come for me. he's just such a gentleman. when he said, I respect your feelings, I giggled and was like, Hanniel can't relate. bc let's be fr, he was very persistent. but ig we like ours obsessed lmao. if he's not obsessed, no? yeah ig.

i wanted to make this the final chapter, but i realized it would seem rushed if i packed hanniel's pov and komisola's pov into one chapter, and ridiculously long. bc the word count I intended for every chapter of COG from the start was 1k-1.5k. 2k words, max. This was partially because of laziness but also because I wanted to break down the book into more chapters, and I didn't even mean that. but tell me why this chapter hit 3k. idk💀

the last chapter is actually going to be in Hanniel's pov only. and after that is epilogue I and II, idk if i might make it into just one part though.

this a/n is long oh. bye abeg.