(59 : UNBRUISED YOUTH . . .
WITH UNSTUFF'D BRAIN)

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     COME THE END OF JULY, Lily and James had a son and — in typical Potter fashion — he arrived later than planned and seemed to leave his mother utterly exhausted most of the time. It ended up being a home birth at Potter Manor with a trusted healer from the Order of the Phoenix supporting the new parents through the labour, which was a challenge in itself and not at all how the couple had envisioned the birth. Despite the prophecy that hung over their heads like the Sword of Damocles, the two had instantly fallen in love with the emerald-eyed, messy-haired child. In the midst of war, he was their silver lining.

     Only a few days after the birth, James was faced with his first challenge — looking after the baby alone for a few hours. Both of them had agreed that the birth of their son required sacrifices, meaning Lily was going to resign from her training course at St Mungo's to focus on protecting her family from Lord Voldemort's wrath. At the best of times, her relationship with James Potter was rocky, but they were usually in agreement where their son was concerned.

     James was enthusiastically showing a golden snitch to his son when there was a sudden knock on the door. Sighing, he lifted the uninterested baby from the cot and babbled, "I think that's your Uncle Padfoot. Are you excited to see him again, Little Prongs?"

     Little Prongs yawned. James snorted, only for it to become more of a choking sound when opened the door to discover a rather irritated Juliet Fawley.

     As if realising he had been silent for too long, James spluttered, "Alright, Fawley?"

"Oh, we're back to Fawley now?" Juliet teased, her initial annoyance melting away at the sight of the flustered boy. "Well, Potter, I've been told you need some help babysitting. As it turns out, I'm sucker for puppy dog eyes and Sirius is scarily good at them. I hope you don't mind the change of plans, Sirius was called out last minute. Death Eater business, I think."

"Right. Uh, thanks for coming then." James opened the door further. "Come in."

Juliet stepped over the threshold and tilted her head at her ex, amused. "Breathe, Jamie. I only bite if you ask."

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     Potter Manor was surprisingly bare compared to the last time she had been there — not that she wanted to think about her last memory of the house. More than eight months later, Juliet's anger towards James had simmered into acceptance, but that didn't mean she was particularly eager to relive their break up. Especially not when James stood before her with a son, fully healed and moved on.

     To distract herself from the echoes of her heartbreak, she eyed a stack of boxes in the far right corner of the room. "Are you moving?"

     "Yeah, next week," answered James, feeling a little awkward as he hovered, rocking the baby in his arms. "Dumbledore suggested we move away and use the Fidelius Charm to conceal our new location. I didn't want to leave at first, but it might be for the best. It's been hard staying here without my parents." He studied her reaction before uncertainly adding, "You're welcome to move here . . . if you want, that is. I can only imagine what a nightmare it is living with both Sirius and Regulus."

     "I'll think about it, thank you." Juliet craned her neck to look up at him. "Are you going to sit down?"

     James plopped down on the couch. "I'll be honest, this is weird for me. I — I don't know how to act around you."

"Well, I don't want you to act like some First Year that got caught out after curfew," she said bluntly. "If it was up to me, we would avoid the fact you broke my heart entirely. But, unless I want to endure this uncomfortable tension between us for the next two hours, we need to talk, don't we? You always have been the confrontational type, I suppose."

"We need closure," James breathed out. "We need to lay it all out because I hate not knowing where I stand with you. Lily told me what you said to her at the wedding and both of us agreed we want you in our lives still. We want you in our child's life."

With a swallow, Juliet turned to look at him. "It's going well then? With Lily?"

"It's . . . going." James rubbed his temples, visibly exhausted. "Being in a relationship with her is a lot different to how I imagined it. It feels like we argue over stupid things a lot and I almost miss the fun parts of being with another person. Things were easier with us, I guess. Now that I have a kid with her, I feel like we should be more serious than we are." He hesitated, unsure as he continued, "I like Lily, but she isn't you."

At a loss, she exhaled. "You don't get to do this, James. Not now." Her voice was harder than any diamond and sharp enough to cut through one, too. "If you're feeling like this, why are you with her? Why were you going to marry her?"

     He chewed on his bottom lip. "Because I want to be a proper family for my son. I owe it to him to at least try. He deserves to have both parents in his life — together — instead of wondering if he was a mistake or thinking he needs to choose between his mum and his dad. I don't want him to be in the middle of something that's been fractured and fucked from the start."

"First of all, tiny ears!" scolded Juliet, covering the baby's ears from where he was stirring from a quick nap. "And second of all, you're an idiot. My parents were married and we were the furthest thing from functional, my life was no better because my mother had a ring on her finger. Sometimes — sometimes the best thing for a child is the best thing for you too. Take it from me, he'll be a lot happier if his parents aren't constantly putting on a show."

     Looking away from Juliet, James found himself fondly staring at a picture frame above the mantle, one he had yet to take down. It held a photograph of the boy with his first broom at age five — he was excitedly pumping his fist into the air whilst his parents stood behind him, proud as ever with a hand each placed on his lower back.

Following his longing gaze, Juliet's features promptly softened at the image. Leaning forward, she gently touched his shoulder. "James, you're going to be a great father," she stated sincerely. "But you don't need to reconstruct your own childhood or orchestrate a carbon copy of what you parents had for your own son to have a good life. He will be so loved, whether his parents are together or not."

     "I just want to do right by their memory," he whispered hopelessly. "I — I miss them so much and I wish my mum was here to tell me what to do. They've been gone for less than a year and I've somehow managed to mess everything up. With Lily, with you . . ."

     "Nobody expects you to be okay straight away," she quietly assured him. "I know you're rash and impatient to a fault, but there's no time limit on grief."

     Blinking back tears, he chuckled and shook his head, "When did you get so wise?"

     "I resent that!" she protested, bumping his shoulder. "I've always been wise, but we never did do much talking, huh?"

     "Nah, I think we had some good talks," James disagreed, his hazel eyes momentarily catching on her lips. When he realised what he had done, he leaned his head back, closed his eyes and released a breathy laugh. "Merlin, I'm a mess. You deserved better than me anyway."

     Juliet arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Because I'm the pinnacle of emotional stability? You know, it's hard to believe that you think I'm the one who's too hard on myself."

"It's more like . . . I wish things were different."

Her gaze flickered to the newborn, the familiarity of his thick, black curls and the vibrancy of his green eyes making her stomach twist. "I do too."

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"Are you going to introduce me then?" Juliet prodded, inclining her head towards the child that Sirius had only ever referred to as 'Little Prongs.' "I feel like I'm entitled to his name since I've been helping babysit for over an hour now. Not that he's been much trouble. Surprising if anything, considering he's related to you."

Indecision swept across his features. "Well, about that . . . we haven't decided yet. Lily said I could name, but I don't know yet. That means, Juliet meet Little Prongs. Little Prongs meet Juliet."

"And I thought Lily was smart," she snorted. "Poor Elvendork Potter."

Little Prongs suddenly reached out and enclosed his tiny hand around Juliet's pinky finger. A dazed expression passed over her face as she smiled down at the boy.

James watched the two silently before murmuring in awe, "You remember that?"

Her head snapped up as she shifted her attention from the baby to his father. "I don't have amnesia, James." Then, she adopted a gentler tone as she went on, "And I remember everything with you."

    "Right, well," he pointedly cleared his throat, "Lily suggested his middle name should be James, to keep up the tradition because mine is Fleamont after my father, but I don't know about the first name. It's a lot of pressure. You've been right all along, names mean stuff."

     "I know," Juliet recalled with only a twinge of bitterness entering her voice.

      There was a thoughtful pause before James idly wondered, "Do you have any suggestions? Trust me, whatever you say can't be worse than Sirius Junior."

     "Harry." The name slipped from her tongue automatically — it felt comfortable and right somehow. "Harry because he won't be robbed of his youth, I swear it. No matter the cost, we're going to change it, we're going to change Harry's story."

     "Isn't that tempting fate?" James pointed out, his forehead creasing.

     Juliet smirked. "Exactly."

    "In that case, I like it. Harry James Potter."

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A.N: This chapter low key has me emotional, especially because you can probably guess where we're skipping to next chapter. This is the last James and Juliet would've seen of each before 1981, so yikes. I hope some of you understand James a bit better now, even if you don't agree. I think I've pictured James as not necessarily traditional, but always bought into the 'perfect' life with a wife, a dog and 2.5 kids. Anyway, I also have a lot of explanation to go into some things like the end scene with the name, so I decided I'm going to drop all the deeper meanings to things in the book after the last chapter for those who case and if anyone has questions, I'll answer them too.

Question, do you have a favourite chapter or moment in this book? We're coming to an end and I'm feeling emo. I think mine is Juliet's first Christmas with the Potters and that conversation she has with Sirius post-Lucius.