"Some girl who can't tell the difference
between a wolf and her grandmother
must either have been as dense as teak
or come from an extremely ugly family."

― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

9. Stories in the Dark

When Gandalf woke them up a few hours later Kat took her usual morning bath – i.e. licking her fur thoroughly – while Legolas combed and braided his hair.

I wish I too had some way to clean myself, he thought morosely. I miss baths!

She looked at him. To her, he appeared as clean and neat as usual. Don't fret. You look good.

Well I know that. He smirked. Good – but filthy! He held out a golden strand of his hair and dropped it with distaste.

Want me to lick it for you?

Nah... I am good.

Licking oneself is not all fun and games, you know. The furballs make it almost not worth it... But with my present cat's instincts I shudder at the thought of a real bath.

Interesting. So you have two different personas right now – cat and human?

More like meshed together. Sometimes I don't know if I want something because my cat part needs it or if it's genuinely my own wish. Kind of confusing actually, and a bit uncomfortable. She did not add that one of those needs was the urge to cuddle with him. She was beginning to suspect she would have wanted that if she were a woman too. Cuddle and... other things.

Part of why I did not believe you were a woman at first, was how animal-like you were. I could not imagine a human toying with the feathers of my arrows or Gandalf's beard. He chuckled. But I guess it makes sense in a way; your soul is adapting itself to its host.

After a short pause, he added thoughtfully: That makes me wonder how much of my own behavior comes from my elf body, and how much is really me?

Hm. Never thought of that. This is getting quite philosophical. When I was a woman, which of my choices, preferences and interests would have been different in this body – or in yours?

Aye, and how much is just basic survival instinct? I may think I like almond cookies, but what if that is only because I need the nutrients and would die unless I ate?

You like almond cookies? Tell me about your favorite foods. I'm so hungry. Kat licked her nose, feeling her stomach growl emptily.

That will only make it feel worse.

I don't care.

Shrugging, Legolas humored her and began a long account of the elvish cuisine.

Meanwhile, the Fellowship had made themselves ready to leave. Gandalf, who had spent the time while the others slept thinking, had finally figured out which path to choose: the one which smelled less foul.

When they set out, Kat strained her ears to hear if they were still followed, but this time there were no footsteps. What a relief! Hopefully whoever it was had given up and decided to leave them alone.

The passage wound slightly upward but it did not feel like they were nearing an exit, quite the opposite, and the effect on the elf was notable. Kat rode on his shoulders this time, allowing him to continue his food descriptions until he ran out of them, but the moment he did so he began to look around him uncomfortably.

Don't shut me out again. Please! thought Kat anxiously.

I will not. Though... could we continue talking then? I need something else to focus on.

Sure. About what?

Tell me about your world.

Kat happily complied, and began a lengthy tale of cars and aeroplanes, cell phones, computers and the internet, her world's history and geography and various cultures. She talked about religions and Jesus – whom she had compared Legolas' age with before – about music, movies and books.

Legolas was silent the whole time, and Kat almost thought he had not been paying attention when he suddenly asked: They just make stories up?

The authors you mean? Yes.

Not basing them on past events at all?

Sometimes they do, but a lot of books and movies are just the author's imagination.

We do not have that. Can you do it? Could you tell me a made-up story?

No way! I'm no author.

Oh. He sounded disappointed.

Maybe I can tell you one I've read?

Please do!

Kat picked a nice, classic murder mystery and tried her best to recall all the twists and turns. Legolas listened a lot more actively on this, clearly becoming absorbed.

That is brilliant. One knife cut each – nobody would know who dealt the killing stroke. Amazing. Humans are clever sometimes. And this lady made all that up?

She did.

Amazing, he repeated. Can you tell me another one?

This time Kat picked an old Jane Austen romance, and after that a movie, followed by another one, and a third. Being thus pleasantly occupied, the eight dark hours of walking went by faster than ever.

How sad. Had she been an elf she would not have gotten sick, and could have seen her boy grow up.

Yes, it's a bittersweet ending.

I was glad things worked out for Lieutenant Dan though. Fancy having metal legs! I must say I liked this story better than the previous one.

Oh, how so?

That made me angry. The way only the rich were allowed in the lifeboats... And it was based on a real event, you said. How unfair. In my realm everyone is equally important, from the smallest elfling to the king. He is our leader, but his life is not more valuable than anyone else's.

We have changed since then, though. Sure, the world is still not entirely equal, and some countries have a longer way to go... but we're working on it.

There was a moment of silence. Then Kat suddenly heard it again: a patter of feet in the darkness far behind them. Her stomach sank. So their follower had not given up then.

Before she could say anything about it, they came to a new place; an open area that felt empty and large. A cool gust of air hit their faces.

Gandalf said something, but his voice was too hollow and distorted by the echo for Kat to make out his words. He sounded very pleased though, so it was probably good news.

Suddenly he made his staff shine stronger than usual, enough to light up part of the surroundings. Kat looked around with wide eyes. They were in a huge chamber with many tall pillars, made of black, smooth stone, shiny as glass. It reminded her a little of a cathedral or an old train station.

Too soon the staff light winked back to its usual dim glow and darkness resumed.

Gandalf spoke again and Legolas translated: We are far up now, close to the mountaintop, and Gandalf thinks there are windows in the ceiling. We may see sunlight when the morning comes! He sounded excited. I like this hall much better than the narrow passages we have walked through before. It is colder, but so much more airy and spacious. A bit like my father's throne room, only less fine.

They decided to spend the night in a corner of the large room, finding shelter from the wind behind a pillar.

While they made their bedrolls ready, Gimli explained this had once been a great city called Dwarrowdelf, rich and glorious; a bustling metropole full of hard working dwarves.

Looking nostalgic and sad, he began to chant a poem, his deep voice really coming to its right here in the echoing hall; vibrant and melodic, sending shivers through Kat's body.

Legolas translated. It was a story about the first inhabitants of this city, Durin and his people. When Gimli had finished reciting, Gandalf explained that they had been miners – not for gold and jewels but for a metal called mithril, now so rare it was nearly priceless. It looked like silver but was light and strong, and because it was abundant here, the dwarves had grown exceedingly wealthy. However, when they kept mining it they went deeper and deeper, burrowing their way in the direction of Caradhras, that angry mountain. This had led to their destruction, for they had disturbed some unknown enemy in the deep; Durin's Bane.

According to Gandalf, Bilbo had used to have a mithril shirt, one of his spoils during the same quest that also gave him the One Ring, but the wizard did not know what had become of it. Apparently that single piece of armour was worth more than the whole Shire, the country the hobbits came from, and they looked deeply impressed at that.

A silence followed, as they one by one lay down to sleep, except for Frodo who had the first watch. Like previously, Kat curled up with Legolas, but this time it was not because he seemed anxious. On the contrary, he was rather cheerful from the prospect of seeing daylight soon. No, this time it was for more selfish reasons. She just liked to be near him.

Shall I tell you a bedtime story? she offered.

There are stories for different times of day?

Just for bedtime.

It is not a naughty one, is it? He sounded suspicious.

It's for children! Relax.

Oh. Then, aye, I would like to hear a bedtime story.

Right! Here goes: Once upon a time, there was a little girl, who everyone called Little Red Riding Hood, because that was what she always wore.

It makes sense. We elves often take our names from clothes and other specific details. There was this famous king called Grey Cloak, who–

Am I telling this or you?

Sorry. Go ahead.

One day, Little Red Riding Hood was sent with cookies and stuff to her sick grandma, who lived deep inside the forest. Then suddenly the Big Bad Wolf stood before her on the path. I imagine he looked a bit like a warg. Wolf said: 'Hello, little girl, where are you going?' and she replied: 'To Grandma with cookies and stuff.'

Her parents should not have sent her alone into a forest where there were wargs, thought Legolas reproachfully.

They probably didn't know. Anyway, Wolf figured he would very much like to eat the girl, and her grandma too, so he cleverly thought up a way to catch them both. 'Look over there', he said. 'See those lovely flowers? I bet Grandma would like a bunch.' And Little Red Riding Hood agreed. Soon she was busy gathering flowers, and–

What kind of flowers?

I don't know what kind! It's not important.

No?

Oh alright, let's say they were wood anemones then.

So it was spring?

Yes it was spring. Now, let me continue. So... she was gathering flowers, and meanwhile Wolf went to Grandma's house and swallowed her whole.

Whole? A whole lady fit into his mouth?

He was very big, obviously. Now shush. When Little Red Riding Hood finally got there, the Big Bad Wolf had put on Grandma's clothes and lay in her bed. 'Oh, Grandma, how large eyes you have!' she said. 'That's so I can see you better,' replied Wolf.

Would not the sheer size of the warg make it impossible for him to wear Grandma's clothes? Legolas interrupted.

You're hopeless. Kat boxed his ear with her paw. This is a fairy tale, they are not supposed to make sense.

Oh. I see. Do go on.

You're only teasing me, aren't you?

Maybe. In the darkness she could not see him, but it sounded like he was smiling. She boxed him again for good measure.

Stop that. Anyway. Next, the girl said: 'Oh, Grandma, how large ears you have!' and Wolf replied: 'That's so I can hear you better.' Then she said: 'Oh, Grandma, how big a mouth you have!' whereupon Wolf roared 'That's so I can EAT YOU BETTER!' and devoured Little Red Riding Hood. Afterwards he fell soundly asleep after his hearty meal. Now, in the vicinity there was a hunter, who had heard the girl scream and came to see what was going on. He found the wolf and understood what he had done, so he very cleverly cut his belly open and rescued Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood.

And the wolf slept through that?

He was a heavy sleeper.

Ah.

Next, the hunter took some large stones and put them into the Big Bad Wolf's belly and sewed him all up again. When Wolf woke up he felt very thirsty, and went down to the well to drink. But the stones made him so heavy he toppled over and sank to the bottom, where he drowned. The End!

Hm. And this is supposed to make the children sleepy?

Now that you mention it, it's kind of a rubbish bedtime story.

Well, I liked hearing you tell it. He reached out to stroke her head softly. Thank you for today. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your tales.

Don't mention it. I enjoyed telling them. Without thinking, she turned her head and gave his jaw a quick lick.

His hand stilled. Was that your cat persona's doing or your human one?

Cat persona, obviously, she lied.

Oh. She could not determine if he sounded relieved or disappointed. Perhaps both.

A/N:

Does that count as a first kiss? Let me know your thoughts about it.

Image Credits:
Public Domain