"What the fuck is that thing?" Dad asked when he looked inside the pink pet carrier. I forced it into his hands as soon as I walked in the front door. Puddles was heavy and I was too lazy to carry him any longer.

"It's Puddles, my dog." I laughed at his reaction.

"Jessa, that is not a dog. That is a rat mixed with a potbellied pig." His mouth hung open while he stared at my favorite little creature.

"He is not," I argued. It was a good guess, though; I would have to write it down.

"It looks like someone took a hammer to his face. Is he supposed to look like that?" Dad shivered like he was creeped out.

"Daddy, be nice to him. He has very low self-esteem. His therapist says we need to surround him with positive energy." I whispered as I covered the air holes so Puddles couldn't hear my dad's rude comments.

"I think he's cute." Mom said, sticking her finger in the front of the carrier. Puddles licked her and she giggled.

"You have terrible taste." Dad frowned back at her.

"I know. I married you." She rolled her eyes at him and kissed his cheek.

"She has a point." I shrugged when he went to open his mouth to correct her. He stopped whatever he was going to say and gave up. Dad knew he wasn't going to win this one. Without Jax in the house, he was outnumbered. He would get over it.

I opened the pink carrier and pulled the little boy out. This was the closest thing to grandkids that my parents were ever going to get from me. I fully expected them to spoil my chubby baby like they should.

"What does he eat?" Mom asked, taking him from me as she nuzzled him up to her cheek. He began licking her face with his stinky dog breath kisses.

"Mostly toilet paper." I placed my hands on my hips and smiled proudly.

My dad gave me side-eyes. He wasn't amused.

"Welcome home, sweet pea." My mom was laughing with tears in her eyes. She shoved Puddles into my Dad's arms so she could come squeeze the life out of me. It was like she just realized I was actually home again.

"Too hard." I groaned as I struggled to breathe.

My dad was standing next to us, looking extremely uncomfortable as he held Puddles in his hands as far away from his body as he could. Puddles was squirming, trying to get close to my dad to give him some love too. Clearly, these two needed some family bonding time together. I was considering asking them to babysit so I could go hang out with Jax tonight. He texted me before I boarded the plane to tell me that he decided to come home for a few days too so he could see me. Most of his classes were online right now and he really didn't have to be on campus for anything other than girls and beer.

After a forty-five-minute interrogation over why I was home, I was finally allowed to take my bags upstairs to my old bedroom. I frowned when I realized my parents had started using it like a storage space since I left. There were boxes in the corners filled with old clothes and knick-knacks. The room didn't look anything like when I had left it. It was sort of sad that it didn't feel like my own space any longer. I had to suck it up. These things tended to happen when you left town, got your own place, and didn't come back home for two whole years.

If my room looked like this, I wondered what else was different?

I started unpacking my things into my old dresser. I had brought quite a bit with me. I wasn't sure exactly how long I was going to be staying. I was supposed to be working on ideas for my second album and I just couldn't find the motivation to do it. Maybe spending a couple of weeks pretending to be a normal girl again would do me some good.

"You have never been normal." Bad Jessa reminded me.

I should have really ditched her and left her behind at the baggage claim. She spent the whole twenty minutes I had to wait for my bags, trying to convince me to ride around on it like a carousel.

She had always been a terrible influence.

I walked over to the boxes lining the wall and decided that if I was staying, then they had to go somewhere else. Picking up one of the ridiculously heavy boxes, I paused when I uncovered a photo box in the corner filled with pictures that was labeled 'need to scrapbook' in my mom's overly girly handwriting. I placed the box in my hands down on the bed and walked over to look at the photos out of curiosity.

I opened the lid and was surprised to see it completely stuffed full of old photos. It was like my family's whole life was crammed into this tiny little box. Mom had really been slacking on the treasured memories portion of her neurotic organizational compulsion.

I picked up the first photo out of the box. I swore that I had the worst luck ever. It absolutely sucked hairy, sweaty balls.

In the picture, Cameron and I at the playground when we were fourteen. I would never forget that day. We were partners in our science class and were asked to take pictures of things in nature for a presentation. Cam had the bright idea to do it on one of those little disposable cameras instead of our cell phones like normal people our age did. Halfway through our project, we got bored and just started snapping random photos of each other. In this one, he held his gangly arm out to get us both in the frame. He had his classic cheesy smile plastered on his face and his cheek was turned at just the right angle to catch the shadow of his dimple.

He looked adorable in the picture.

After all the photos were taken, we played around the playground area until my parents picked us up. Somehow, we ended up wrestling on the ground. Before I even knew what happened, we were kissing. I can still remember how nervous I was when he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. We both pretended like it didn't happen and never talked about it after.

Cameron Nash was my first kiss and the first time I ever felt a boner on my leg.

We had so much fun together that day. It was before I had my first manic episode when things were far less complicated in my life. The girl in this photo was not the same one I saw when I looked in the mirror every day. She was happy, carefree, and weightless. She was who I could have been if I had never gotten sick.

She could have been the one who could have given Cameron the world.

If I wasn't missing him enough already, this was the icing on the cake. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell him I was back in town or hide from him while I was here. I would have to make a decision soon. This town was too small; everyone was always in everyone else's business. It wouldn't take long for word to spread that I was back. I didn't know what would be worse, him finding out that I came in town and didn't reach out to him or me showing up on his doorstep unannounced to have him turn me away.

Both options sucked. In the end, I would make my choice by not choosing either one of them and pretend they didn't exist. I would be happily oblivious, or at least I would try to be.

I sat down on the bed cross-legged and began going through the rest of the photos. There were a ton in the box from when Jax and I were younger. I spent hours sorting through them, trying to remember every moment I could. I had lost a lot of my memories over the years from my drug use and various mental episodes. I couldn't even remember half the places and faces in the photos. In a lot of the ones from when I was a teenager, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Half of my life was wasted, either I was lost in my disorder or high. It made me a little sad to realize what I had lost.

The few memories I still had were precious treasures that I never wanted to let go of. I just wish I had more of them to hold onto.

"Hey, Chuck Norris," Jax said, snapping me out of my silent reflection.

"Shut up." I groaned and stretched out my sore body. I looked down at my phone and was in shock when I saw that I had been sitting in the same spot for almost four hours. I must have been lost in a time-sucking vortex again.

"Oh, it's bad when you don't even have a comeback." Jax smiled.

"Give me a second. I have jet lag." I complained.

"Don't make excuses for your inferiority. We both know I have all the brain cells in the family." He laughed.

"Yeah, but you are well on your way to second place. You seem to have lost a few in college, you drunkard." I joked with him.

"Well, I just wanted to make you feel a little better about yourself. It's not fair for one person in this family to have all the looks and brains." He teased.

I jumped up and ran over to my big little brother and almost knocked him over with a hug. I missed his attitude and expert level of annoyingness. It was somewhere on the wing sauce menu between hot and going to burn your stomach lining off.

"I can't believe I actually missed you, you big little jerk face."

"That makes one of us." He laughed as he hugged me back.

"You are such a brat, but I forgive you. Do you want to hang out tonight? Just the two of us. Some brother/sister bonding time." I asked, hoping I had a companion. I wasn't used to being alone since I had two overly social roommates and it wasn't like I had any friends left in Ohio to call. Other than Cameron, I really never had any to begin with.

"Do I have to?" He complained.

"Yes, or I'll tell mom about the video of you puking after doing three keg stands in a row."

"Fine, I'm in. Let's go before I change my mind." He blushed, knowing I would do it.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him out the door and down the hallway. I was starting to get a little twitchy and needed to go do something fast to keep my brain stimulated. Even now, I still had problems standing still. If I stopped now to rest, I would collapse and sleep for the next three weeks just from sheer exhaustion. I had literally not slowed my body down once since I left and was afraid I would crash down hard if I did.

"Mom, Dad. Jax and I are going out. Don't wait up." I said, rushing past the living room before they could stop us and try to convince us to stay in tonight.

I stopped at the door and laughed when I saw Dad snoring on the couch, holding Puddles on his chest. Puddles was snoring right along with him right under his chin.

I knew Dad liked him. Big old softie.

"Don't punch anyone tonight." My mom made a terrible attempt at a joke from the kitchen.

"What about each other?" Jax asked.

"Jackson Miller, I do not want a call at two o'clock in the morning with you crying because you picked a fight with your sister and she beat you up. Do you understand me?" Mom came out of the kitchen just to give him one of her death stares.

"What if I avoid hitting his face?" I asked.

"No fighting with each other or anyone else. I'm serious." She huffed.

"No promises." I winked and grabbed Jax to pull him out of the house before we were smothered some more.