By the time I got home, my cheeks dwindled into a pale flush compared to the raging red that they'd been during Home Economics. I spent the entire hour during class ignoring the discreet stares, hushed whispers and the occasional snort from Michelle. I mean, what was that girl's problem?

I didn't do much that evening except tackle my English Literature homework, texting Mona for help on the last few questions and researching recipes before Mom came home. I had no idea why I was even bothering with the stupid project? Tyler seemed intent on making us fail before giving it a fair shot.

During dinner, Mom filled me in on the latest gossip regarding her workplace whilst I sagged deeper into my seat, trying to ignore the feeling of pure hatred that I was developing for Tyler. It sank to the pit of my belly and seeped through my deep frown.

I was trying to keep up with her conversation, nodding occasionally and inputting a question but my mind kept retreating back to the image of the seething glower he had given me before he stormed out of the classroom. It was haunting me, devouring my insides so that I couldn't stomach my dinner.

Mom kept shooting me concerned glances but kept quiet at my lack of concentration, filling the silence with stories about the broken photocopier in her office and how much it was driving her crazy.

However, my mind continued to suffocate me with budding thoughts about the guy who despised me, blossoming until they were deafening.

Yes, I had insulted him. Yes, he hated me. And yes, I was sorry.

But did he really have to embarrass me like that in front of the whole class? The least he could have done was pretend to work with me so I didn't have to encounter such humiliation, watching the smug smiles Michelle kept flashing me every few minutes.

It's not like I meant it when I called him 'useless in the grand scheme of life'. I was just angry and frustrated about having to deal with my birthday, my father's death and Mom's pending breakdown. I had a lot going on; he of all people should have understood that.

I was well aware that I went too far but there was some truth to everything I had said and he knew it. I struck a nerve like lightning, painfully reminding him all that he had lost in the past few years. But Tyler couldn't expect to have everything handed to him on a silver platter for the rest of his life. I got that he was insanely rich but if he couldn't pass senior year and graduate high school then what did he expect to do after that without any qualifications?

Just as I was being sucked into my own personal vortex, Mom's voice cut through my raging thoughts.

"Ashley dear, are you okay? You seem a bit distant."

I glanced down at my deserted dinner, watching my fork drown in the midst of the spaghetti and bolognese sauce.

"I'm fine," I replied in a flat tone, refusing to look up from my plate.

Twirling my fork, I scooped up the spaghetti, stuffed it into my mouth and chewed quickly.

"Ashley?"

I met Mom's eyes, swallowing slowly as she raised a thin eyebrow. Her eyes bored into mine and I sighed heavily, dropping the pretence. I knew that she would eventually force it out of me, one way or another.

"I got paired with Tyler for this project in Home Ec. but he hates me so much that he won't work with me," I muttered quickly, hastily tucking a curl behind my ear when it fell into my eyes. "My teacher is going to fail us if he doesn't step up."

Mom's expression remained blank as I let my words sink, but after a few seconds she blinked at me, confused and relieved that my problem had nothing to do with my nightmares.

"You got paired with who?"

"Tyler Miller," I huffed with annoyance, giving her a prompt before my mother's fork slipped through her fingers and clattered onto her plate.

"Tyler Miller? As in Taylor's brother?" She gasped and her blue eyes flashed with incredulity.

Dumbfounded, I just stared at her, wondering how she could forget Taylor's brother when they used play at my house when we were kids.

"No, I got paired with her dad," I rolled my eyes when her mouth hung open, wide enough to catch a dozen flies. "Of course he's a brother, how could you forget about her twin?"

After my father died, I stopped asking the twins to come over and Taylor never asked so I guess that my mom couldn't really be expected to remember someone who hadn't set foot in our house for over eight years. Eventually Taylor started staying at my house but I never bothered to invite her brother. I didn't want anybody to find out about my family's life.

Mom pushed away her glass of juice, leaning forward as she propped her head onto her interlinked fingers. She weaved her fingers to form a bridge that could support the weight of her head as her eyes darted around the room, recalling the last time she had seen Tyler.

"How is he holding up? Poor boy, he must terribly mis-"

"Mom! You're forgetting the issue here!" I cut her off as her eyes glazed over at the memory of the blond haired boy that used to chase Taylor and I around the house.

"Oh yes! Sorry dear, you were talking about a project, right? I don't see the problem with Tyler being your partner," Mom sat up straight. "I thought you had a crush on him for years anyway. And from what I remember, the young boy has grown up to be quite the looker."

She twirled her fork onto her plate, dragging the spaghetti from it's tangled mess before popping it into her mouth.

"You haven't seen him since the funeral Mom," I frowned, ignoring her latter comment and squirming beneath her intense gaze. "You do remember him at the funeral, right?"

Her eyes flashed with horror, adopting a dazed look as she reminisced over the funeral. I had to admit, Tyler was pretty horrendous to watch. Even thinking about it was unbearable.

"Of course I remember. He couldn't even complete his speech. The poor boy was just howling into the microphone while everybody looked away in shame. I can't even bear to imagine how bad it must feel to lose a twin. Taylor was his other half...Maybe it was more painful for him than it was for us to lose your father. I'm not surprised he ran off the stage, dashing past everybody incredibly quickly with those long legs of his, nowhere to be seen after."

Biting my lip, the image of Tyler's swollen lips and bloodshot eyes flitted behind my lids. Even though his suit looked like a million bucks, the guy himself looked as if he hadn't slept for a year. Blinking rapidly, I shoved more spaghetti into my mouth, forcing it past the boulder lodged in my throat.

"Yes, that's the same Tyler I've been paired with. He's exactly the same-" I croaked, only to be cut off by Mom's horrified expression.

"He still cries? Oh god! Ashley you have to do something! Maybe you could invite him over for dinner sometime? Taylor loved my casserole and since they're twins he'll definit-"

I gawked at her, wondering how she managed to think of such a ridiculous suggestion.

"Of course he doesn't cry! It's more like the opposite and Mom there's no way in hell that he's ever coming to this house! No way! Nope! I am never ever going to invite him for dinner! I mean, come on, let's be realistic here. Tyler hates me even more than ever before!"

The words flew out of my mouth in under three seconds, tumbling over each other as I hurried to get them out. Mom picked up my panic-stricken eyes, furrowing her eyebrows and narrowing her eyes.

"Hates you?" She asked slowly. "For what reason?"

"I don't know?" I averted my gaze with shame, staring the bloodied explosion on my plate. The spaghetti bolognese looked like result of a mass destruction.

"Ashley, what did you do?"

Mom's eyes bored into mine, making me feel unnerved and anxious.

"It's no big deal."

She arched an eyebrow and my stomach dropped. I picked at cuticles, stopping the instant her lips pulled down with disgust at what I was doing. Burying my hands under my armpits, I tried my hardest to keep my face neutral.

"I may have called him a failure?" I answered truthfully, regretting it the instant her blue eyes darkened with horror.

I wasn't surprised that she knew there was more. My face gave everything away the instant I looked down at my plate in despair.

"And?"

I let out a deep breath and in a horrible attempt, I retold yesterday's events, minus my cemetery encounter with Tyler. I didn't want Mom to know that I had spied on him during his private moment with Taylor.

"And...I may have called him 'useless in the grand scheme of life.'" I grunted, rushing it all out in one breath as I concluded my story.

I don't know how Mom managed to catch all of it, but she did, and when she did she was furious. Her eyes flashed.

"Ashley! How could you!"

"Mom! He fails all his classes and cuts the majority of them. He may as well drop out of high school because he's never going to get a diploma! He does nothing in school since Tayl-"

She held up a hand to silence me, glaring me. "And that gives you the excuse to degrade the poor boy? He's your best friend's brother!" Mom hissed, her eyes blazing with fury.

I was taken aback by the amount of anger that laced her voice, shrinking back into my seat.

"Degrade him? I was just stating facts. Everybody knows what a delinquent he's become," I replied feebly, realising how pathetic I sounded the instant I finished replying.

Mom shook her head causing stray strands to fall into her eyes but her bun remained in its tight hold.

"Oh, do they now? Since when did you follow what everybody thinks?" She snapped.

"I don't!" I protested.

With wide eyes, I watched Mom scrape her chair back, standing up with her shoulders square.

"Do you know what Ashley? You've always been hot-headed and reckless but I never had you down to be inconsiderate and just plain rude. You've demeaned the young man when you know how bad things were when Taylor died. I watched you fall apart and it was like your father died all over again so what I can't understand is why you would say that to him. He's your best friend's twin! Doesn't Taylor hold any value in your life anymore?"

"What?" My voice was merely a whisper as Mom picked up her plate and headed towards the direction of the sink.

"I thought that after your father's death and all the bereavement counselling you've been through, that you, of all people, would understand what it's like to believe that a death is a fault of your own even when it isn't."

Tucked underneath my armpits, my hands began to tremble, vibrating against my sweater and travelling up my wrists to the rest of my arms. My chest began to tighten, cornering my lungs into the small space inside my rib cage. Each breath drew in less air causing my breaths to become shallow and ragged.

"Taylor died from leukaemia! Dad died because...because..."

I trailed off. I still couldn't bring myself to say it. If I said the words it would make them real and it was bad enough inside my head and my nightmares. Plus if I said the words, Mom would have dragged my ass back to Dr Jillian and there was no way I was going back there.

"Both deaths were inevitable and nobody's fault. Do you agree with that?"

She turned around to face me, her icy blue eyes meeting mine, chilling my shaking hands until the tremors ceased to be.

"I guess, but-"

"But you still blamed yourself, yes?"

I stood up and picked up my plate, trying to down the spaghetti that was rising up my oesophagus rapidly.

"Yes Mom, but-"

"Who's to say that Tyler doesn't blame himself too?"

I stopped short, the plate in my hand clattering to the ground, shattering into small pieces that rained onto the floor. Shard flew everywhere, grazing my bare feet and I winced, taking care not to move and risk a bloodied foot.

"You think Tyler blames himself?"

Mom's deadpan expression made me shudder as I stared at my feet in shame, the guilt within me too much to bear.

"Didn't you once?"

Suddenly, Tyler's haunting sea-green eyes flashed behind my eyelids and my fingernails dug into my skins when I clenched my hands. My voice was hoarse when I finally found it again and it took every ounce of willpower to cling onto it.

"But why would he b-blame himself?"

"Same reason you did dear. He watched his own twin die before him. He was there when Taylor flatlined; not his mother, not his father but Tyler was the person who watched the life leave his sister. He was helpless and couldn't save her the same way you couldn't save your father. Only difference between the two of you is that your father's death wasn't as long and as excruciatingly painful to witness as Taylor's."

I choked, sputtering as I flung a hand to my mouth and forced all the air that tried to shoot out in a sharp exhale. A leaden, poisonous feeling of disbelief and shock tightened my veins making me lose the ability to move, speak or breath. I was frozen, frozen by Mom's words, frozen by the reality of everything she had said. They were ignited the dry timber of frustration that was bubbling inside me, desperate to implode within.

One sentence rang inside my head, over and over again until I couldn't breathe any longer.

Doesn't Taylor hold any value in your life anymore?

Instantly it was like my insides combusted from an intense fury and I snapped like a rubber band.

"You're wrong Mom! He got it freaking easy! At least Tyler knew it was coming because I sure as hell didn't get a warning note on a noticeboard saying 'Hey Ash, just giving you a heads up that your dad's guts will be spilling out in five, four, three, two, one!'" My voice got louder and louder until I screaming at her. "I saw him die! I saw it all! And it was just as bad as watching Taylor's body deteriorate because I was there when he died, in case it slipped your mind!"

Her eyes flashed with horror before the fire in them died, roaming all over my agony-stricken features that were contorted with anger.

"Ashley, I didn't mean-"

"No Mom! No! I watched the flames lick his skin as he lay there motionless. I watched him scream my name just before his entire left side was crushed to a mushy pulp of flesh, blood and metal! I watched it all Mom, every single moment so don't you dare act like everything Tyler is going through even compares to what I experienced! He got it so easy, but I..." I let out a bitter laugh, hollow like the hole in my heart. "I watched him burn! I watched Daddy burn to death!"

A hand flew to her mouth in horror as tears rapidly pooled inside her eyes, threatening to fall as her entire body shrunk back. Her confident posture deflated like a balloon and she hung her head low. Immediately, an overwhelming sense of remorse made me clamp my mouth shut. I had never spoken to my mom about how my father perished in such detail before, always choosing to spare her the gruesome memory that I relived in every nightmare.

Nobody deserves to find out the details of how their husband died. Not when they were so sickening and ghastly.

"Mom?" I whispered hoarsely but she wasn't listening.

Glazed blue eyes stared straight ahead, frozen still as tears slid down her frighteningly pale face.

"Mom?" I choked, inching forward and stepping on broken glass.

I winced, sucking in a sharp breath as I jumped away from the explosion on the floorboards. Blue eyes snapped to mine, dead and dulled with grief. In a voice softer than a whisper she managed to stutter her next words.

"I n-need a moment."

My heart swelled up, pressing against my chest as it leapt to my throat.

"Mom, I didn't mean to-"

She cut me off with an authoritative voice that made me think again about approaching her. Her entire face shut down, devoid of all emotions but grief as her bottom lip quivered.

"Ashley dear. Just go to your room. P-Please. I'll...I'll clean up t-tonight."

Defeated, I retreated back to my room, mentally beating myself up for lashing out at my mother like that. I sank down onto my bed, staring aimlessly at my ceiling with my fists tightly pressed to my sides. My breathing was erratic and forceful, filling the silence in the room with whimpers that slowly dissolved into quiet sobs. I held a hand over my mouth, trying to still my tears by blinking but it was no use.

What was happening to me lately? I used to have such a strong control over my emotions but these past few days I was all over the place, with no hold over my feelings whatsoever.

My outbursts were hurting people and I knew I was going to have to do something about that fast. It was like I was tossing a pebble of my fury at a lake, letting my rage turn into ripples that continuously seemed to hurt numerous people.

First Tyler and now my mother - the one person who had fought through my father's death alongside me, holding her head high during his funeral as I sat in the corner like a silent kid from a horror move. Mom held us together, she kept us a family and here I was, throwing everything back into her face.

She was right. She always was. Just from listening to my encounter with Tyler, she managed to read between the lines and pluck out the reason for his behaviour. How on earth did she figure out the one thing that the entire population of Riverdale High was still squabbling over? How did she miraculously pinpoint the reason why Tyler Miller had changed so much in such a short space of time?

He wasn't useless. He wasn't a failure. He wasn't just a delinquent or bad boy who desperately craved attention.

Tyler was human, just like the rest of us. He was susceptible to pain, anguish and grief; and it had implanted itself deep within him, poisoning the guy from the inside until all that remained now was the dying embers of his charismatic and charming personality.

He seemed to be as lost as I once was; as lost as I still am - simply just a guy who's carrying the burden of the inevitable death on his shoulders. How could I have been so blind to all this? How could I have missed this for the past year and a half?

Tyler wasn't just grieving for Taylor.

He blamed himself and he still does.

I was wrong.

I was wrong about him all along.