Richynerd20

Rating: A, top notch stuff.

This is well written, and you should be proud. This first chapter is such a powerful and vicious first chapter. We see this young woman stolen of her pride and ravaged without consent. It's harrowing and uncomfortable to read, which is, in this case, a good thing. It is a strong and solid chapter throughout, and would require only minor editing.

What I look for the most in first chapters are character and accurate story representation. It's very important to have those two key elements, and you got them both.

Your structure and flow, as far as I can tell with my juvenile eyes and student mind, go without break or waver. This chapter is a betrayal, a mutilation, a disgrace, and it's damn near fantastic. I'm not going to go on praising this, because I'm sure you already know what your chapter holds.

What would benefit you the most is going through, piece by piece, sentence by sentence, until you can fix every little typo. There's not many; they're all just kinda scattered throughout. This isn't a big enough problem to get a line editor, so I think you should just sit down some day and sort through it. It's not that big of a problem, as grammar and spelling rarely is, but it'd be worth doing. This includes the accurate format of dialogue, quotation marks, and the sentences surrounding dialogue. It's a shame there's no real school for teaching us writers how to do this, so what you have to do is just go through really any book with dialogue and notice what the author does.

It's funny how in my reviews I always make a big paragraph about the thing that never is a big deal.

The last thing on my mind about your chapter is the setting and imagery. It's not overflowing with it, thank god, but it does seem to be a little sparse. You have a very powerful rape scene here, and what I think would enhance it is to describe what the character feels, smells, tastes (not really, hopefully), sees, and hears, and then try to put that into an accurate connotative language to express those emotions. I'll explain connotation in the next paragraph (like I do with ellipses and other lesser known nuances and techniques), so if you already know what that is just skip this next paragraph. I include this stuff anyway for the other readers of the review who may not know (Just to spread the knowledge).

Connotation is the other definition for words. Denotation is the dictionary definition, and exactly what the word is in reality. Connotation is the definition based off of how we react to words. For example: Hatred, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is an extreme dislike for someone. Hatred is a heavy word, and if you drop that into a conversation it's like a bombshell almost. It carries emotional baggage. However, if I were to say I have an extreme dislike for someone, it wouldn't carry as much oomf  to it, even if it means the exact same thing as hatred. You can't just say a word is connotative, but that it has certain type of connotation. Love has a good connotation; homicide has a bad connotation, etc. You'll see these connotative trigger words (oooh, trigger is a good connotative word) in the news a lot on headlines to try and get people to read or watch their stuff.

So, anyway, I think if you include a lot more imagery words with evil and sinister or gross connotations it would freak the audience out a lot more.

That's basically all I have to say. Excellent work on your story. I hope you keep writing. Good luck with everything!