December 30th - Alison

When she woke, she was alone. She jumped out of bed, but Bryan wasn't downstairs. It surprised her, because he was always up first. She was making coffee when she heard him come in from outside. His cheeks were rosy, and he was smiling at her, but his eyes had lost their sparkle.

"I was shoveling. Who digs out the hydrants?"

"The guys in the ambulance usually come around and do them."

He smiled. "You mean the EMTs. I did them a favor and shoveled out the one on this street. You need to make sure you have both exits shoveled out."

She smiled because he couldn't help worrying about safety. "Here have some coffee. You must be cold."

Their fingers brushed, as she handed him a mug. They looked into each other's eyes each lost in their own thoughts. Bryan spoke first. "I checked and the flight's on-time. I'll need to get Sam up soon."

"Don't worry. He'll be fine once he gets back home. I don't think we've scarred him for life."

Bryan just shook his head. She imagined he had a lot to say about Cole, but he had kept his mouth shut. Even with his last stunt, he had been very accepting of her son. Meanwhile, she was thinking of her son as a spoiled brat, and as his mother, she took some blame. She had overcompensated for him being stuck with parents who didn't love each other. Meanwhile, Sam had a worse fate, and he wasn't spoiled at all. Bryan was the better parent, which was why he had to put his son first, and she had his ring in a drawer and not on her finger.

She woke Cole up to tell him to watch his sister, but she didn't even make him say goodbye. Keira threw herself at Bryan and Sam telling them both how much she would miss them. Alison turned away from the vision of Bryan hugging her daughter. It was just too painful.

She offered to park, but Bryan told her not to bother. She climbed out of the car at the curb. She didn't hug Sam, but she clung to Bryan not wanting to let go. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sam staring down at his feet.

Bryan whispered. "Remember, I love you."

Then they reluctantly pulled themselves apart, and she watched as they walked away from her. It surprised her when Sam looked back and gave her a reluctant wave.

Somehow she made it back home safely and hid in her room until she had the strength to talk to Cole. Eventually, she sent Keira out to play in the snow and sat Cole down.

"I hope you're happy with yourself."

"What?"

"Come on, Cole. You did everything you could to make Sam feel unwanted. And Bryan. Do you know through his entire visit he didn't say a single unkind thing about you? You worried he wasn't a nice guy. You were the only one who wasn't nice."

"I couldn't just like a kid I didn't know."

"You never tried to know him."

"He didn't try either."

"Maybe because you made him feel unwelcome. Keira didn't and Sam was nice to her."

"That's his problem because she's an annoying little brat."

"No Cole, the only one acting like a brat was you. Now give me your phone and your iPad and your new watch!"

"What!"

"You're not allowed in the den either."

"What am I supposed to do?" He was shocked.

"Read a book. Go play with your sister in the snow, I don't care."

"I'm telling dad. You can't do this."

"I can. While you're in my house, your father can't interfere."

She knew she would have to defend her actions to Curtis, but she no longer gave a shit.

When Bryan called after he arrived home and Keira insisted on talking to him. Alison shed tears again. Bryan had told her about his most eligible bachelor status in town and it convinced her he'd find it easier to pick one of the many interested in him. Sam would be happy and Bryan wouldn't be alone. She would be, because she could never imagine loving anyone else like she loved Bryan.

December 30th - Bryan

Bryan and Sam barely spoke the entire trip. Sam kept his earbuds in and Bryan didn't even care. When they changed planes in Newark, Sam sat at the gate and Bryan took a walk. He sent a text to Alison.

Bryan: At gate. Flight on time. I love you ❤❤❤

Bryan was just sad. He couldn't be mad at anyone, but himself for thinking he could have everything he wanted. He learned a long time ago life wasn't fair. Alison was concerned for Sam, who Bryan was asking too much of. He couldn't blame Cole, although he wondered if he had been more welcoming, would things have been different?

Darlene was waiting for them and Bryan put on a cheerful face. On the ride home, he talked about the highlights - Alison, Keira, the snow, snowmobiling. Bryan wasn't sure if she bought any of it, but he wasn't about to get into it with her.

The minute they arrived home, Sam retreated to his room and Bryan to his. They had two hours before his shift. A part of him didn't want to call Alison, because he missed her so much it hurt. A bigger part wanted to call and never hang up.

She picked up right away and sounded as sad as he felt. Neither could say what they wanted to say. After spending time with her children, he could imagine her life better than ever before. When Keira needed something and Alison said she was talking to him. Keira wanted to talk to him too.

"I miss you, B."

He felt his heart break. He told Alison he needed to unpack and get ready for his shift. Everything had changed, their calls which used to bring joy were painful. They'd go back to the way things were before Christmas, but he knew she would want more and would eventually find someone else.

When Sam complained about going to Darlene's to stay, Bryan was on the verge of losing his patience. Bryan wanted to tell him in Maine, he would always stay home because Alison would be with him, even if her kids weren't. Instead, he told him goodbye and reminded him he was on a double and he'd see him next year. For a kid who wanted to come home, he wasn't happy as he shuffled to Darlene's door.

Bryan dreaded returning to work knowing everyone would want to know about his trip. Mike was the only one at the station who knew he was hoping to move, so he could blame his mood on missing Alison. Luckily, he had plenty of paperwork to do reviewing the calls that occurred while he was away. He kept to himself until they were called out to an accident scene. He couldn't say goodnight to Alison because they returned in the wee hours of the morning.

January 1st - Bryan

As expected, New Year's Eve was a busy night. He had just enough time to text Al and Sam at midnight. He was tired and was in a foul mood to start the new year. He was hiding behind paperwork when his sister found him.

"Where's Sam?"

"He's playing with the boys."

"He hates your kids."

"Tough luck, because I came to talk to you! Did Alison refuse your proposal?"

"Did she tell you? I didn't even think she told her own sister."

"No, Sam did."

"How does Sam know?"

"He said something about coming back and you were both asleep, really Bryan?"

He remembered Christmas morning. "I dozed off in a chair. She was sleeping on the sofa."

"Well, he heard her refuse you because of him. Why did you just give up? You're the adult."

"I know. That's why we had to put Sam first. I love him and he's my number one responsibility."

"Did you get a job offer and turn it down?"

"Yeah, I had to... Sam..."

"Come on, Bryan! Kids move and survive."

"Yeah, but the boys didn't get along. Why are you mad at me? What was I supposed to do?"

"I know Sam lost his mother, but you lost your wife. You deserve a chance at happiness."

"Why?" His phone started buzzing. He looked at it. "It's a Maine number."

"Answer it and if it's another offer, tell them you'll let them know."

Bryan's heart lurched, because it was Chief Libby offering him a position. He said he would send the official offer in writing for Bryan to review. He could offer him a million dollars and it wouldn't change anything, but he didn't tell him.

"Why did Sammy tell you?"

"Because the kid is miserable, he's feeling guilty. Just talk to him."

"I don't want him to feel guilty. All I want is for him to feel loved and happy."

"Talk to him, okay."

"Yeah okay, now go rescue him from my nephews."

"My kids are angels."

"I know." Sam didn't know what to do with the little ones, but he got along with Keira. That thought just made Bryan feel sad.

They responded to a mutual aid call for a brush fire, but the rest of the day crawled by. Bryan had thought he would look forward to the new year, but dreams weren't real. He stopped for pizza, because they didn't have any food after their trip. He'd have to call Alison since he'd been avoiding her calls all day. When he walked in, Sam was wearing his Maine t-shirt. He had assumed he left the shirt behind. Sighing, he realized he must really need to do laundry if Sam was forced to wear that shirt.