•| distance |•

•••
ajeeb zulm karti hai aapki yaadein
sochun toh bikhar jaaon,
na sochun toh kidhar jaaon?
•••

"Can I come in?"

"Yes.." Fidah's soft voice resonated from the other side of the door, causing Zarrar to step inside the room, closing the door behind him.

"It's your house, you don't have to ask permission to enter." She said smiling softly as she stood up from the bed, she was dressed in a white tshirt with red strawberry pajamas, her hair knotted at the top of her head and  her usual shawl missing. Zarrar's eyes could only do so much to not blatantly stare at the effortless beauty before him.

"I will keep that in mind next time." He replied back lowering his gaze, his cheeks displaying the adorable dimples again. "Am I disturbing you?"

"No no.. of course not. I was just writing down a new recipe. Please sit." She said blushing red, closing the little notebook and dusting off the imaginary debris off her sheets.

"A recipe on what if I may ask?" He took a seat on the opposite end of the bed, tapping the space beside him.

"Well, I was thinking of baking these french macarons with a raspberry and rose butter cream but the measurements are for an industrial batch, I don't want to bake fifty macarons." She explained sincerely, facing him.

"You can bake fifty macarons if you want to. Don't worry about the ingredients, I will have Basim bring them for you." Zarrar replied just as reverently, thinking she wanted to narrow down the recipe because she didn't have the necessities.

Fidah's eyes widened as she waved her hands frantically dismissing him.
"I am not looking to feed half of the city expensive french delicacies nor do I think I am capable of baking so much without having mental breakdowns over my imperfect macarons."

"I rather you don't bake macarons at all then." He frowned at hearing her saying mental breakdowns. He didn't want that for her, not when he was going away on a business trip.

"Then what would you like me to bake? Tell me your favourite!"

"Anything you find easy to bake. I don't want you to stress."

"I don't get stressed while baking, it's actually the opposite." She whispered lowly, shaking her head, but waved it off, looking at him expectantly. "You wanted to tell me something?"

"Ahh yes. Can I have your phone, please?" Fidah without second thoughts handed her week old iPhone. It was the latest model, curtesy of the man before her.

He typed in something, within a minute and handed it back to her.
"I am leaving on an urgent business trip for max a week. I have saved my number, so we can keep in contact while I am away."

Fidah's heart unexpectedly dropped at his words, she didn't want him to leave. There was a looming fear that came with the thought of his absence that she wasn't ready to face.

"I would've taken you along with me, but it's this deal overseas and you don't have your passport with you. I have applied for a new one so hopefully the next time I won't have to leave you alone." He added as if reading her thoughts.

"When are you leaving?" She barely voiced out, controlling herself from having a full break down. She was used to staying alone her entire life, why she was feeling so afraid only came as a horrific turn of reality that she was living.

"In a couple of hours. Will you be alright alone or should I drop you at a relative's house?" Her safety and comfort was the main priority to him at this point. He hated that he had to leave her all alone in the house, but he was bound to his circumstances, the deal was very important and required his presence as the CEO.

"N-no. I will stay here." Fidah replied back nervously. The thought of meeting new people only added to her list of these new unexpected fears. Her social anxiety was at an all time high and the incident in the mall was a prime example.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes.."

"Well..if that's what you want." Zarrar sighed sceptically. "Basim will stay back a little longer during the evenings and will return early in the morning for the next few days. You have to lock all the windows, turn on the security alarms every night before sleeping and never open the door for anyone except Basim or the househelp okay?"

Fidah nodded mindlessly, her thoughts already reeling back to creating scenarios that didn't exist.

"Hey hey, don't zone out on me like that. I am leaving you here all alone, just be safe for me, alright?" Zarrar said snapping his fingers in front of her.

"Be back soon, please." She shook her head, swallowing the huge lump struck in her throat as she lowered her gaze.

His gaze softened, looking at her anguished state for whatever reason that was, his heart beat rose at the thought her being sad at him going away. It made him want to pull her tightly in his arms and never let go, but he didn't do that. He simply resorted to smiling and saying.

"I will be back before you know it."

__________

It hadn't been long since she had agreed to giving their marriage a chance, but she was so used to Zarrar's comforting lingering presence in the house that it all seemed so much more difficult than it already was. With him she felt safe, protected.

They had been sharing at least one meal a day since the affirmation. Although most of their conversations were mundane and filled with long silences she seeked comfort in his vicinity. She liked having him around.

The first two nights without him in the house were the toughest, the walls of the empty penthouse started caving in on her existence. She would get scared of even the slightest noise. Her skin was always decorated with goosebumps throughout the night and she had missed out on loads of sleep.

So on the third night, when she lay wide awake on her bed, the odious silence and threatening loneliness haunting her. She decided to impulsively drop a message to Zarrar. He had been checking up on her time to time in the past few days, mostly through texts. She heard from Basim that her husband was one of the richest self-made businessmen in the country. He owned a construction company that was worth millions in real time. She was surprised that she hadn't heard of him before, but then again, she was never one to indulge in economic or political discussions. However she could only imagine how busy he must be and how much hard work he must've put in to reach such heights.

Before she could overthink and delete the "Hi" she had sent Zarrar, her phone rang to life, causing her to almost jump out of her skin, breaking the eerie silence of the room.

"Why aren't you asleep yet, Fidah? Everything okay?" Came his urgent questions after she picked up his call dwelling over it for a few seconds.

"Y-ya, I am fine. Sorry if I disturbed you." Came her meek reply.

"Can you hold on a second?" He said, before he screamed at someone who Fidah assumed was his assistant. "Dismiss the meeting, we will recalibrate tomorrow."

"You don't have to do that. I will cut the call." Her face flushed in embarrassment at the thought of so foolishly disturbing his time.

"It's okay. I had to take a break, everyone was probably exhausted from the day's work. Were you unable to sleep?" He replied, hiding his true intentions. How could he continue about the meeting when she had messaged him? Her thoughts consumed his days and nights, he was barely managing to keep his lucidity. She was all over his mind like a goddamn mantra. Anywhere he went, whatever he did, all his thoughts linked to her.

"Yes. Did you have dinner?" She questioned, trying to avoid the topic of her sleepless nights.

"Urm no..I am heading out to grab some, Did you?"

And that was it, from then on like two prepubescent teenagers, they continued talking the entire night. Initially the conversation was exhaustive and awkward but as the night grew old, they ventured into the likes and dislikes of each other. Delirious giggles and demeaning secrets whispered across phones. Fidah hadn't felt so happy in a long time and Zarrar was on cloud nine. He couldn't believe he was experiencing all the things he had sworn off. He had been missing out big time.

By the end of the night, Fidah knew Zarrar's favourite food was his mother's nihari, he was addicted to black coffee but with excessive sugar, and hated everything and everyone who was incompetent.

Zarrar on the other hand knew, Fidah's favourite flowers were hydrangeas, she loved pineapple pastries and her biggest pet peeve was slow walkers.

This was just the beginning of what they knew about each other but the conversation flowed so organically that they had parted ways at 4 in the morning very reluctantly. Although throughout the day they texted each other with much enthusiasm. Both of them had opened up to each other ten times more than what they'd ever done before.

"Fidah Baji, you know you are a good influence on Zarrar Sahab." Basim suddenly stated when, he was preparing a lucious jerk chicken and mashed potatoes one evening. Fidah was hanging around not far, day dreaming and grinning as she repeated the late night conversations that she had with Zarrar.

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" She leaned, placing her chin in the hearts of her palm.

"I mean what I said. He seems so much less grumpier than his usual self and he is even having proper meals just because of you."

"He isn't a grump." Fidah frowned, her mind flashing with Zarrar's dimpled smile.

"Oh he is. You should've seen him before. He was such a chirchira man. He still is, but he is a lot more even tempered now. Your magic has made our survival under his employment bearable." Basim replied, cutting up a few different coloured bell peppers.

"I don't believe that." Fidah blushed red, not convinced by a word that was leaving his mouth.

"You can ask Kashana as well. Zarrar Sahab is very generous with his pay but he is undoubtedly a difficult man to deal with. We were so incredibly shocked to see our local Khadoos Laash getting married to a girl as beautiful as you."

"Khadoos Laash?"
(Rude Deadbody)

"Yaa. His brother, Yaseen started calling him that and then it just stuck. But he truly is a Khadoos Laash. Have you seen him display any emotions apart from his stoic face? It almost looks constipated. Only a Dead body would be so rigid." Basim continued merrily, as if his train of thoughts had broken free without restriction. Badmouthing his employer to his wife.

Fidah didn't know if she should laugh at the incredulous gossip or be utterly shocked. The Zarrar Hamidi she knew was the exact opposite of the man  Basim was talking about.

"Keep him reigned, Baji. Continue whatever magic you are doing on him. May Allah grant you strength to live with him."

A loud laugh finally escaped from past Fidah's lips. This was so ridiculously funny, she was definitely going to ask him about it.

"Who else is there in your Zarrar Sahab's family, Basim?" She questioned, the curiosity bubbling inside her.

"Well, there is Dada Jaan, the patriarch of the Hanidi Family, if you see him never play ludo with him, he cheats. He has two children and five grandchildren. Zarrar Sahab is the oldest of a sister and a brother. He moved out almost ten years back but is sufficiently close to his family."

"Does his family visit often?" Fidah inquired almost fearing the answer.

"No, no. They rarely visit because he is never home but his younger sister does drop by time to time because her husband is a business partner of Zarrar Sahab's and a close friend."

Fidah wasn't the tad bit relieved with the answer but she didn't let it affect her mood. Instead diverted the topic to other day-to-day things.
Soon enough the sun began to set and it was time for Basim to leave for home. Fidah had followed the protocol of instructions given by her husband dearest and sat in her room searching for places to apply for a job. She had been thinking of asking Reem to mail over her certificates and important documents over to Zarrar's house. She was bored out of her wits being unproductive and Zarrar had also said he was busy with a meeting tonight so she tried diverting her mind.

She won't lie she missed him. An overwhelming urge coursing through her body to hug him. To tell him how much she enjoyed talking to him. With longing of his thoughts she unconsciously drifted off into sleep.

______

Zarrar knew his poor assistant was scared shitless whenever he picked up his phone with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. Her name flashing across the screen.

At one point in his life he had promised to never fall in love but it was 3 am and they were laughing way too hard at a joke he had cracked. Yes he had.
And he felt truly happy in a long time. His heart bloomed finally after all his tedious lifestyle.

He wrapped up his work in haste, wanting to go back home. He had a reason to go back home this time and not stay back overtime working his bones off. He reached back, two days before schedule.

Walking into his dark penthouse, he smiled obtusely towards Fidah's closed door. He wanted to see her, God knew how much he did but he wasn't a lewd pervert, he would see her tomorrow like a proper gentleman and maybe even get a hug out of it. Convincing himself he began walking towards his own room when he heard her screams.

His heart nearly stopped at that as he sprinted towards her room slamming the door open. His perseverance broke loose seeing her whimpering and screaming on the bed, eyes still closed. A thin layer of undoubted perspiration covering her body, causing her clothes to cling on.

"Fidah? Wake up, jaanum. It's okay." He walked towards her gently trying to shake her awake, but to no avail, she continued thrashing around, her eyes still puckered close. She was trembling like a leaf. It looked like she was almost in pain.

Before he knew of his actions, his arms wrapped around her body, hugging her head to his chest.
"Shh its okay. Hogaya sab kuch. You are fine. It's okay baby."

She finally calmed down, her eyes blinking open in confusion and fear.
"Zarrar?"

"Yes, jaanum. You are fine. You will be fine. It's okay." He repeated, moving her back and forth, almost like a small baby.

"Don't leave, please." She whimpered in half incoherent sleep, her hands holding tightly onto his collar.

"I won't. I will stay for as long as you want me to."
He tightened his arms around her until she drifted off into slumber again. It was kind of insane how much he wanted to protect her, to keep her away from even the most minor inconvenience.

He wondered how many times she had been getting these nightmares in the past week or even before that. He hated how he wasn't there each of those times, to hold her together. To console her.

Throughout the night, she did wake up a few more times, and each of those times, he consoled her back to sleep, muttering gentle words and blowing over any duas that his mind remembered. He made a note to himself that he would make an effort to learn more duas because in the end it seemed like he was repeating the same ones again and again.
Kissing her forehead time to time, he barely got any sleep, even though his mind was jumbled with thoughts regarding her well being, but alas he did feel at peace, with his wife in his arms.

_______

a/n

Hii beautiess!

How did you find the chapter?
My babies are falling in loveeee
Isn't it too lovey dovey though? Should I cause a few arguments? ;))

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Lots of Love
~ flawfully