Ever been there? Of course you have. I was going to write a rather serious piece on jealousy in relationships. Had the title and everything, and I am one of those weird ones who need the title first? It grounds me and focuses me see? But then two things happened: I fell asleep 2.00pm in the afternoon and woke at 6.00pm to the sound of "So what's for dinner?" I bit back the usual response ("air?") and made the boys some nachos...

Then I started chatting to @Klaius on another site... and see, I had been sitting at the desk for 12 hours prior to my nap, so I returned to bed and started chatting from there. Problem is, I write on a desktop and the svreen (*screen) is several metres away from the keyboard in my lap? And of course everyone knows you can't two-finger type and look up at the faraway screen in total darkness, right?

So the conversation started off well enough but then: (I am the crazy one in bold writing.)

"Carp I had the heading before I slept but never wrote it down... now can't remember it and it was a beaut!!!I just checked. Thought I wote it... damn I hate an empty white page."

"Carp?

*Crap."

"My memory's exceptional so I remember stuff told ya"

"f off. talk to me when you're my age"

"now where have I heard these lines before ???? hmmmust not gave veeb too lon"

"*been"

"*long"

"*have"

"fhit"

"*shit"

"I screwed up big time there"

"I thought you had a fit"

"yeah pretty fitting tough"

"*though"

"dammit"

"stonach hurts"

"np"

"*no!"

"hahaahahha a"

"that's drom laughing, I am excused"

"*from"

"not this one looool"

"so hopefully done with that episode coming back yes the whole age thing sure you are rightmost likely be in your state but will try to be an anomaly"

"yep.... and nope, we all start off thinking we'll be the anomaly... and we are for a while. Then life jappens see, and it all goes out the window... I had the best memory... why I flew through exams... look at me now...cant's recall a few hours ago. Damn time."

"*life happens actually"

"*Can't?"

"Oh how to put this piece out there!!! Gonna find away. Give me a tittle!"

"*title"

"Yeah definitely haha looks like I am on a role here lol"

"define role"

"shit roll"

"role is a shit roll???"

"no no"

"me being on a roll"

"not a role lol"

"I think we need to regroup. deriously, lets jusat start over."

"wow best start ever"

"Okay I wuit"

"hahahahahahahhaha"

"yeah yeah you wuit lol"

"who said to begin with a fresh start???"

"Me or you???"

"So who was right???"

"I is tired"

"I am still up lol so the only person who slept off was you"

"good thing your body needed the rest"

"and I only slep 4 hours, not exactly a Marathon"

"*slept"

"umm more than that???"

"you slept for 6 hours"

"nope cos Marcus woke me to get them dinner"

"or sleep got interrpted"

"*interrupted"

"all of the above"

"yeah yeah got it"

"yeah so not exactly deep restful sleep but yeah, you get that when you fies so who cares"

"*that be you dies"

"*or die"

"I would go with option c) die"

"good choice"

Yeah... So my intention for a serious piece flew out the window since my partner in crime and I managed to completely butcher the English language. Now I am writing a different story... it seems.

Jealousy... I had a small taste of it today. Usually - rather in my previous life - I had little cause to experience this emotion. Today it reared its little ugly head. And I huffed and I puffed and said "I don't like competition, I leave bodies behind."

I said this! Me! Who was this person uttering these insane words?

But here's the thing see: The person instigating this huff and puff, he knew what he was doing. He didn't have to tell me, and I would have blissfully lived unawares. Yet he told me, and in hindsight, once I had removed all murderous intentions from my mind, I understood. A little jealousy is good.

What do I mean by this? And sure, you're probably thinking jealousy is bad, it distorts, and it introduces doubt and fear and insecurity in relationships? And you'd be right. But also wrong. Because of this one other little word: Complacency.

That's when you stop trying, you assume your relationship is stable, and you just let go... The frumpiness I talked about a couple of days ago? You got your partner. Got them for life! No need to keep trying to keep them, you got them! You caught them! Lucky you managed to do the impossible; find a partner who will stick around, who does stick around.

Never mind the extra kilos, the no going out because you're too tired, the flannel pyjamas instead of the sexy lingerie, the 'too stressed' to romp and roll... You got the partner and you can just be now, no more need to impress, to seduce, no more pressure to prove you're the one. You are the one.

Oh but it's a big world out there, full of others who don't have what you got. And they're on the hunt see? They want what you have. And they're trying; they're desperately going 'all out' to grab some of that. Only 'some of that' may well be your partner? And you've become so comfortable and so complacent, you cannot see the dangers lurking?

I have a deep-seated hatred for complacency. My first marriage terrified me. The moment I realised that I would be waking every morning for the rest of my life to that same faithful face... well you know how that ended, in my Memoir. You'd argue, "But isn't this what a marriage should provide? Security and faithfulness?"

Well how's that working out for us with one in two marriages ending in divorce these days? Thus my theory see: The minute you are no longer afraid of losing your partner... the death knoll begins to ring for that relationship. Complacency kills.

Why do people stop trying? Why do they give up being these interesting, alluring, intensely passionate beings the minute they are assured their relationship is secure? Nothing is secure. Someone else is always on the periphery with the interesting conversations and the alluring looks and the intensely passionate embrace waiting to entrap.

So I 'got' why I was purposely made to feel a little insecure today. Early days yet for complacency in this instance but it felt damn good, after my initial "No one gets to say that to you and live," outburst. It reinforced my 'stake' in the relationship and reminded me that there are others, always others, waiting in the wings, wanting what I have.  

I repeat, complacency kills. There should be thrill, there should be danger, and there should be an amount of insecurity felt by both parties, otherwise this gradual letting go and letting routine and life's trivialities get in the way of that initial togetherness... ding dong... partner's gone...  

As to the title? Read and weep:

"god...... SO moving on got yourself a title??"

"I think I am delirious and I need to write and noooooo hope og that."

"*of?"

"yeah no hope for you at the moment your fingers torturing you so much"

"damn, see without my title I am floundering... It centres me."

"or you give it to much of priority just write the bloody thing out see how that turns out??"

"Could be something different all togather"

"Nope gots to have the title to keep me in place"

"*together"

"to gather what???"

"Just dont....."

"I corrected it  that's all there is to it"

"you just typed faster"

"yes I usually do a good job when I am sitting up and typing"

"nuff said"

"well this is not so good when lying down it seems"

"wouldn';t recomment ut"

"*it]"

"yep whatever position you are in wouldn't recommend it to anybody lol"

"I am putting it doen to the fact the screen is so far away.... there"

"*down"

"read above"

"that's my reply right there"

"spluttered"

"drinking coconut water and I inhaled lol"

"so some coming out from your nose now??"

"lol"

"f off"

"I need to not eat drink in thios state"

"*and that word means uncle in Greek"

"I remember someone telling me that one needed to stop swearing so much wonder who that was and yes I am aware lol"

"okay. Starting again. No swearing. Good Rnglish.

"Fuck"

"hhahahaaha"

"oh kkk my stomach hurts"

"Good inyentions?"

"*Intentions"

"ok can't stop laughin here"

"stop"

"now sounding like a maniac"

"please let's just speak like norpam peopla??? Please???"

"hahahahahaha"

"ok tears coming out from eyes now"

"this is a new high"

"I swear.............. I an sure I am typind correctly! I swear!"

"ahhaaa ok ok stop just stop"

"nnonononononononon"

"i will die of laughing today"

"I am going to sit at desk."

"do whatever it takes to keep  both of us alive here"

"Doing tyat, hang in"

"Back. give me a bloody title so I can focus!"

"huff puff jealousy very rough lol"

"lololololol"

"ok you laughed a whole lot more than I realised  was it that funny??"

"it rhymed"

"a rhyming title"

"You like it???"

"might just use it"

"haha wow told ya I come up with the wackiest ones"

"yep fonna use it"

"*honna"

"*gonna!!!!!"