Greya's POV....

There's nothing like a quiet and calming space. A place where my body literally sinks into the sofa and I feel like I'm being snuggled. If I hadn't come here to talk, I could easily fall asleep.

"Greya, I think it's time we take you off the anti-depressants and focus more on anti-anxiety meds," my psychiatrist tells me.

I've been sitting in her office for the last hour thinking I've been suffering from more depression than usual lately and she's telling me I'm not depressed any more.

I have twenty text messages from Chase, Fynn, and Lox wondering where I went and I've yet to answer them.

"You didn't mention to anyone you were here did you?" She asks in a non-judgemental tone. She never judges, only listens and has been known to give me good advice.

I shake my head, no. My therapist knows basically everything about me and what I've been through and only at my last appointment did I tell her Becker is alive. She was obviously shocked and admitted I've been her most complicated and surprising case she's ever had, but also confident she can help me.

"You're sure you haven't told anyone that he's alive?" I triple check with her because talking about him puts his safety at risk, yet I really need to talk to someone about him... a professional who can help me sort out my depression or anxiety or whatever she says I'm suffering from.

"Patient-doctor confidentiality, Greya."

She's in her rocking chair across from me, her notebook on her lap and pen in hand ready to fill the pages with my problems. There's a dedicated drawer in her desk filled with documentation concerning me. She's going to need a bigger desk soon.

"Why do you think you're depressed? Tell me what symptoms you're having?"

As I sit here and think about it, I realize she might be right. I'm not sad anymore. I was sad when Becker and Alec were dead, but they're not anymore. That fact alone sounds so crazy when I say it in my head. I've dealt with the death of my parents and grandmother. Sure, I'll always miss them but I've processed their loses and I've moved on with my life. I'm not a recluse, I enjoy going out and spending time with my group of friends I call family. I love spending time with Lox. So, maybe I'm no longer depressed. I am something though.

"I'm scared. All the time. Lately, I don't have an appetite and I wake up multiple times during the night; although that's not a new symptom."

She begins filling a page in her notebook. She calls it "my recovery journal" I have many journals and sometimes I read some of her older ones of me to remind myself how far I've progressed.

"I'm scared of Lox's father finding him and him being shot again. Or that he'll be found, kidnapped , and tortured."

"Those are all valid concerns, Greya. What happened to him and you believing he passed away was a very traumatic experience. One that consumed you for the last three years. Finding out he's really alive and suffering with physical disabilities and memory loss is also traumatic. It's normal for you to develop an anxiety disorder from all this. Tell me more of what scares you? Are you afraid of being in a relationship with him? Having the disabilities he has is also challenging and completely normal for you to be scared about them too."

"I am. Well, not afraid of being in a relationship with him. I love him no matter his handicaps. More like, I worry about him having a seizure when he's alone and getting hurt. I worry about him falling when his leg doesn't want to work at all. I'm worried every time I'm not with him that something bad could happen or that I'm going to lose him again."

She quickly writes something else before setting her notes on top of her desk.

"You love him Greya. It's okay to be worried about the people you love. I also think your situation is special and what you and Loxley have experienced would cause a great deal of worry. There are also things that are out of your control and sometimes makes a person's anxiety worse. He has a lot of complex health issues that he doesn't always have control of either. It will take some work on both your parts to learn not to let the things you can't control, take over your lives."

That's much easier said than done. There are too many things I can't control. It's not even about control really. What bothers me most is that I can't prevent bad things from happening or knowing when they're going to happen.

"How about we come up with a few ideas that the both of you can try so that it eases some of your worry?"

I nod my head. I'll try anything. Whatever helps.

"Okay. Besides being afraid of losing Loxley, tell me something specific that worries you daily about him?"

Oh, gosh! So many. Where do I begin?

"Um, I guess his seizures. What if he has one and he's by himself? He could hit his head or hurt himself."

"How many times a day do you feel like you're worrying about his seizures?"

I shrug my shoulders. I can't count.

"I'd say every time I'm not with him. Sometimes I can't sleep at night when we're at our own homes. I know when he's stressed about something he's more likely to have a seizure but sometimes they're spontaneous. Although he does say that he has a minute or two before they happen when he feels dizzy and not himself, kinda like a warning."

"Hmm," she rubs her chin with her fingers.

"So, you know they can be random but he has a few second or minute window that he can feel one coming on?"

I nod.

"You can't prevent them from happening, Greya, but you and him can come up with a plan for when he has these warning signs. Maybe he can call or text you quickly so you know what to expect. That way if it's possible, you could get to him in time. You need to be open with him about your feelings and what bothers you so that you both can try different strategies and see what works. And remember, he's lived through the past three years not knowing when he'll have a seizure and he's had to learn to accept it's something he can't always control while also trying to live as normal a life as possible. I'm sure he will appreciate you wanting to make things easier for the both of you."

That's true. I haven't thought of it that way. He's suffered through them for three years. He must be scared too, yet he's still trying to live his life.

"You both can come up with a plan to check in on each other throughout the day if that helps too, then at least you have those daily moments where you know he's safe. And try to remind yourself that if you spend every minute worrying about things you can't control, then you're not really living through each day."

"Okay. I'll try and we can try what you've suggested. We'll be together all this next week on vacation so we have plenty of time to talk."

I'm feeling slightly optimistic until I remember what brought me here today in the first place.

"There's one more thing. Actually what drove me to see you this morning. He mentioned wanting to go visit his father and find out once and for all what his intentions are. He thinks if he asks him he can somehow convince him to leave us alone forever and we can all be safe from him. I told Lox it's a crazy idea and he can get himself killed that way. I made him promise me that we will all talk about it together over vacation, but I have a bad feeling about whatever plans Lox has thinking it will keep everyone safe from that man. What do I do?"

"Wow! Seems like there's something driving him to believe that's his only option. While you're all on vacation together, I suggest you all continue to talk openly about what options are available and the consequences of each one. If there's no good solution, you could always come talk to me together after your trip and hopefully I can help. For now, I want you to enjoy yourselves next week and work on the things you know are possible."

"Thank you. I'll try."

"I'll also increase the dose of your anxiety medication and we can see if that helps any."

"Sounds good. Thank you."

I leave her office feeling a little better. Once I get into my car, I send everyone a quick text letting them know I'll be home soon. We all need a vacation I think.