2. Nanako's fears. 

⋆┈┈｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪𓆙 ❁ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆

Trigger warnings: Mental health issues. You have been warned. 

COURTNEY.

"You both are in sync or what?"He asked. 

"Stating the facts, Henry Alexander Corbyn. And a snake monster just warned you. Kaya sinasabi ko sa'yo... stay down on the war or else!" Sigaw ko. 

"I don't care if you're a Demigod. I'm Gorgonia, I am different from all of you, Half-Gods."I glared at him and the snakes on my hair started hissing all over me at sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. 

Yes, it's because Medusa is one of the monster figures known as Gorgons. She was usually represented as a winged female creature having a head of hair consisting of snakes; unlike the Gorgons, she was sometimes represented as very beautiful.

Which is why, me, her daughter who is a Gorgonia is taking after her name and the fact that Medusa was one of the Gorgons. As for the species, I would likely be classified as a unique and mythical hybrid being, that's what I am. At isa akong Teras.

"First was Scylla's Descendant who's a Sirenyila who tried to stop me and now Gorgonia? These damn targets.."He hissed.

I know what he's talking about. Scylla is a legendary monster who lives on one side of a narrow channel of water, opposite her counterpart Charybdis.

The two sides of the strait are within an arrow's range of each other—so close that sailors attempting to avoid Charybdis would pass dangerously close to Scylla and vice versa.

The Descendant of Scylla is called as Sirenyila known from her mother's name and she's potentially known as a Siren, a mythical creature from the seas. 

As for the species, she is described as a hybrid being that combines elements of human and sea creatures. And she is said to be the savior of the Greek Gods. 

Napataas na lang ang kilay ko sa kanya, "And you damn villain. Thinking all these genocide. You're a damn deranged bastard."

"So, tell me. What do you want?"

"To find out what made you a villain." Sagot ko sa kanya at hinigit ko yung damit niya, "And I wanna know who you are, Henry."

Alam kong alam mo kung sino ako. And you got something to do why my memories are erased. Why am I so clueless... of who you are.

Hindi ako makikipaglaro sa'yo, villain!

Whether you are Saku that I know, I will find that out on my own. Until then, wait for me till I save your ass.

Ngumisi naman yung lalaki and looks like he is interested with this.

"Fine, then. Let's play a game, Prosecutor. Yun ay kung gusto mong makipaglaro."May nilabas siyang mga piraso ng mga baraha at isa-isa yun nasunog.

"Pick one. Whatever you choose, it will be your fate. Kung gusto mo malaman ang katotohanan, then pick your own fate." 

Ngumisi naman ako sa kanya and then I pick up up some card. And it was spades. It means swords and destiny.

Mas umalab yung apoy, and then bigla na lang ako inihip ng hangin and I was transported back in 2067. When I was saved....by the twins.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

NANAKO.

 Everything went back to me.

It was already 4:00 am and I couldn't sleep.

 It feels so tough especially that you're battling with your mental health. 

I could my hands shaking at halos naramdaman ko na lang na halos nasa gilid na ang luha ko. And I remember my Dad treated me nothing but as a tool.

Tangina.

Lahat ng intrusive thoughts, lahat-lahat ng cruel inner voice rinig na rinig ko. Rinig na rinig ko kung paano ko murahin ang sarili ko.

"No! Get off me!"

"Tama na!"

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!"

I gripped my hair and I was trembling.

Tumakbo agad si Shori and I could hear him shouting my name. I–I don't know what to do. I thought I had everything prepared, pero the moment na bumalik sa'kin ang lahat, it was terrifying me. It was scaring me.

Ang bigat sa pakiramdam!

Ni 'di ko alam kung paano ko papakalmahin sarili ko. These blue devils keep on saying lies to me. It won't stop!

Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko papakalmahin sarili ko. These blue devils keep on saying lies to me.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali. Or what did I even deserve to feel all of this? Why do I have to be the one who has to suffer like this? Tears came out on my face and I cried.

"Why, me?"I cried and I felt my voice sounding throaty. My emotions are overflowing.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

"Nanako!"Halos matumba-tumba pa si Shori and he got closer to me and he cupped my face, "Did you hurt yourself again? Nanako, why did you do that?" Tanong niya sa'kin and he sighed and he put his arms up to me at halos mapaluha na rin siya. 

Kitang-kita na nahihirapan lang siya sa'kin. Just go! Leave me alone! 'Di ko na alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag sa kanya. Kasi paano niya maiintindihan?

Will he understand that how many times that I have to endure all the pain? All that trauma? Will he ever understand how it was hard for me especially that you're battling alone with those symptoms, huh?

Ni 'di ko alam kung paano ko 'to sasabihin sa kanya. 

"I'm going to call Rino's step dad. Your doctor." Diin niya sa'kin at halos nagtatakbo na lang ako at hinigit ko 'yong kamay niya at umiling-iling na lang ako at umiyak na lang ako.

"Ayoko..."

"Nanako, naman! Look at you! Look at your situation right now." Sabi ni Shori and he closed his eyes while trying to understand the best of my moods. Kahit alam kong naiinis na siya sa'kin, he is keeping his emotions just to understand me.

"I don't want to.."

"Then, what will you do? You do realize that you're having a panic attack. Nanako, please. You can't be like this."

"Eh, paano ha!? Paano ko mapapatahimik 'to? How can I make it shut up when my anxiety is ruining my life!? Sa tuwing naalala ko 'yung kahayupan ng tatay ko? Paano kung–"

"No, you are not!"Shori scolded me.

"Are you saying that you're crazy? Is that what you feel? Or is that what you hear in your inner voice? Hindi 'yon totoo. Hindi 'yon totoo, ha..." Hinagod niya ang mga braso ko and he sighed.

"You're not crazy." He told me.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

Halos ang bigat-bigat na ng nararamdaman ko at iyak na lang ako ng iyak, "Shori, natatakot ako...I'm scared. Baki't ba ganito? Baki't..." Halos mapiyok na 'yong boses ko.

"Safe ka. Andito ako, oh." Sabi ni Shori sa'kin and he just patted my head. "Sabihin mo lang. Ano pang assurance gusto mo marinig? Papakinggan kita."

And that surprises me everytime I talk to him. 'Di siya kagaya ng iba. He doesn't really judge what I feel. Kahit na alam kong nakakainis na, alam kong minsan napipikon na din siya dahil sa paulit-ulit na lang na gan'to. 

Still, ginagawa pa din niya ang lahat para pakinggan niya ako. Shori is the only thing that I have. Sa tuwing nagkakaroon ako ng panic attacks, he never judged me.

Minsan, iniisip ko did I ever deserve this kind of kindness?

Dahil buong buhay ko, isang kasalanan ang naging tingin ng tatay ko sa'kin. And kapag nalulungkot ako....even my classmates wouldn't understand. They would just say na kaartehan lang daw 'yon. 

Na h'wag raw ako nakiki-trend o nakikigaya! Sana nga, eh! Sana gano'n lang 'yon! Sana madaling sabihin sa inner voice mo na mahimik na lang! Eh sa araw-araw, you don't get how dreadful this anxiety was!

And what pisses me off is sinabi nilang " 'Di ka naman ganyan dati, ha..nagbago ka na." Clearly they are invalidating all of my feelings!

Walang nakakaintindi sa'yo kung anong laban ang hinaharap mo sa araw-araw especially that you have battles on your own. Sanay na'ko. Sanay na'ko na kimkimin na lang minsan ang nararamdaman ko.

No one cares anyways.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

Shori got closer to me and he hugged me, "Nandito lang ako Nanako ha, nandito lang kaming pinsan mo. You're safe... walang mali sa'yo. You deserve so much love that you never got with your dad and with your ex-boyfriend. But please Nanako, I hope you see that there's someone out there who loves you. Nandito pa ako.. I'm still here, cousin."

"Well, how about this? Pupunta akong party bukas. Sa bar bukas!Sumama ka na. I know how much you love parties so–"

"When!?"I asked him.

"Tommorrow. After class. Napag-usapan na namin nila Yoshino 'yon. Nakalimutan mo? Hina-hunting niya 'yung journalism student na hinaharot niya." He chuckled.

"Oo! 'Yung kapatid ni Saku? Gagang 'yon! I need details for the cheezemeez!"Irap ko.

Shori knows how to make me feel better.

Sa totoo lang, after my twin brother and I haven't been in touch for a long time and Seto and Shori adopted me. Niligtas nila ako kay Dad mula sa mararahas niyang kamay. Yes, my Dad is a mad scientist.

He is one of the scientists who are studying about the Demigods. And I was never treated as a daughter to him. Kahit na kailan...'di ako naging anak sa kanya.

Kahit kailangan hindi ako naging sapat.

I never felt love.

He just needs me when he needs to use me.

That's the course of my life.

That's why it always haunts me.

It haunts me so fucking bad.

How dare those who people blame people's struggles in their mental health? Of course, they wouldn't even understand that because they don't know the pain that they are going through. 

Kaya sana h'wag n'yong sinasabi na ang dali lang pagdaanan 'yan. In my case, no. It will never be okay. Lalo na halos araw-araw lagi ko ramdam kung kabigat ang nararamdaman ko because of my silent battles. 

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

Shori pats my head, "Okay ka na ba?"

"Shori, can you drive me towards the Church? I wanna visit Saku's church. Gusto kong magdasal don.."

"Of course. I'll grab my keys. Wait for me."

And I visited the church.

Saku is the one who taught us to pray. Kaya naman 'yon ang aking ginawa. And m—maybe I just need some guide today. Gusto ko lang malaman na hindi ako nag-iisa. Kaya naman pumasok ako sa loob at nagdasal ako.

And after praying, I saw someone who was cleaning outside the church and I saw Saku.

"Mamaya pa ang Misa, ang aga mo yata."

I took a deep breath, "I just need some of his guidance. And I prayed today."

"He will, Nanako. God always hears you. H'wag ka lang mawawalan ng pag-asa. You're a strong person, girl."He said and he ruffled my hair.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

"At utang ng loob ha, mag-move on ka—"

"Letse–" Napahawak ako sa bibig, "Sorry!"

"Hala, lagot!"

"Ewan ko sa'yo!" Tinadyakan ko paalis si Saku and I let out my tongue at inirapan ko siya.

"Sana makahanap ng mas gwapo si Minami. Tignan ko lang kung hanggang saan 'yung angas mo! Tse!"Sigaw ko

Tarantado nitong si Saku kahit kelan! Palibhasa napaka-torpe kaya naman dinadamay ako sa kagaguhan niya, e!

I just walk around for awhile. Ni 'di ko alam kung saan ako mapadpad. I just want to see some of the nature around here.

Lalo dito sa'min sa Cragsville Village, puno ng-puno ng kalikasan. You can just see a lot of garden in here and it was so nice to see some nature here. Malalaki ang mga puno at magaganda rin ang mga bulaklak. 

Maganda ang tanawin dito sa lugar namin! Magaganda ang mga bahay at tanawin rito. Lalo na rin ang mga bahay dito. It's an exclusive village. Dahil pagmamay-ari raw 'to ng mga abogado na bumili nitong lugar. 

Malaking hectare ang mga lupain rito. Madalas marami ring business dito sa lugar. There are some café, restaurants, at marami ring nagtatayo nang resort dito sa lugar namin. 

At malapit lang din kung lalakarin mo ang simbahan. Marami ring court dito kung gusto mo mag-basketball o volleyball. At maganda rin ang arko dito at pati na rin ang waiting shed! It's really a beautiful place!

Habang naglalakad ako, nagulat na lang ako noong mabunggo ako sa isang lalaki. He was also surprised by it at napahawak siya sa bewang ko.

"You have the nerve to dress like that, baby."

Nagulat na lang ako sa kung sino 'yung nagsalita. He sounded so arrogant and he pissed me off!

It was him...

Akihiro Akino, my ex-boyfriend from senior high!

"Are you absurd!?" Sigaw ko at napabuntong hininga na lang ako at ginulo ko na lang ang buhok ko.

He crossed his arms at napataas naman ang kilay niya, "Really? Seeing a Gorgonian here wearing a Red Silk Dress Sleepwear Satin Dress and walking around the street like nothing? Babae ka Nanako."

"Then nasa lalaki na yon. Wala sa babae ang masama kung ano suotin niya. If men looked women in such inappropriate way 'di mata nila ang mali. Why does women have to be blame when they are assaulted on the way they dress when the men is the one who is hungry for lust?"Seryosong sagot ko.

I rolled my eyes at him at iniwasan ko siya.

I don't think I have to explain it to him because he's stupid enough anyways. Totoo naman ang point ko, e!

Mga lalaki ang problema kapag mali ang tingin nila sa mga pananamit ng babae no matter what they dressed.

Para bang tinatanggalan ng karapatan ang mga babae na suotin nila ang gusto nila. Tsaka kahit ano naman yata ang isuot ng mga babae kung mali pa din ang mga tingin ng lalaki, sila pa din nasisi. What a toxic mindset!

Tch. I am not ruining my night with my ex, seriously.

"What? Do I looked like that to you?" Aki asked me. I bit my lip at tinulak ko siya paalis.

"Ano bang gusto mo, ha!?" Sigaw ko

"Come back to me."

Fuck..

Why is this happening?

Going back to 2067, does that mean that I have to go through those days again? Hindi ako pwede mapalapit kay Aki.

He's dangerous.

I don't trust him.