August

Matt

Now that I had figured out what I was searching for when it came to having a partner, I was confident in my decision to break up with Kayla. I wasn't overly enthused about being single again, but it wasn't fair to string her along either. Lord knows I'm no stranger to that feeling.

As anticipated, Vanessa had never reached out to me for that movie. I was hardly surprised that she didn't but nevertheless, still disappointed. But I would survive.

The day I called it quits with Kayla was a sweltering hot afternoon. I stuck my face in front of the AC to absorb as much cool air as I could before having to shut the machine off. Even though the temperature was well above the minimum degree my dad had set in place for the unit to be turned on, it still had to be used sparingly. Air conditioning was not a luxury we could afford often.

I had taken on some odd jobs around the neighborhood such as painting fences or mowing lawns to help pay for community college and to fill my vast gaps of free time, but on this particular day, I had nothing to do except melt in the heat. How did I ever manage to entertain myself before Addison and Vanessa came along?

With no other options left on the agenda, I made the executive call to choose that moment to end my relationship with my girlfriend.

When I arrived at her home, I wasn't sure if anyone was around as there were no cars in the driveway and the curtains were drawn. I tried the doorknob, and to my surprise it gave way. "Hello," I called, peering inside the darkened house. "Anyone home?" All was quiet and still.

Shrugging, I was about to leave when I heard loud moaning that sounded rather familiar coming from down the hallway. What the fuck?

I followed the noise all the way to Kayla's bedroom where she sat atop another dude, straddling him. "What the fuck," I repeated aloud.

She whirled around, a wide-eyed expression painted across her face as we made eye contact. Quickly she scrambled off the other guy and threw on a satin robe. "Matt, this isn't what this looks like," she pleaded, tying the sash.

"Really?" I scoffed. "Because from here, it certainly appears as though you're cheating on me. And I scarcely believe that you found him unconscious on your bed just as you were getting out of the shower and had to immediately administer naked CPR." I pointed at the male lying there who made no effort to cover his junk. A cocky smirk appeared on his lips as I realized he was Scott Barnes.

My vision clouded with red, but it wasn't Kayla's betrayal that had stirred up the rage. That asshole can't let me have anything. Troy and Scott will never be satisfied until they've taken every last shred of joy away from me.

Backing out of the room, I held up my palms. "But hey, don't let me stop you. Please continue." I turned to leave, and Kayla followed me down the hallway.

"Mattie, Wait!" She yelled, grabbing hold of my arm. "Can we talk about this? Let me explain."

"Nope." I shrugged her off as I reached the front door and opened it. At that point, I didn't care. This would be the out I needed to end the relationship.

She rushed in front of me, slamming the entrance shut. "You were unfaithful too," she shouted, her blue eyes flashing like a lightning bolt on a summer day.

I froze, my mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out. Finally, I found my voice. "What...what are you referring to?" I know damn well what she's referencing.

She scoffed. "Oh, please. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You and Vanessa locking lips was the hot gossip of the Fourth of July party. She was all over you."

I threw up my hands. "Fine. I kissed her. We have a history."

Crossing her arms, she leaned against the doorframe. "Exactly. I'm not an idiot, Matt. I know you never loved me or got over her."

Sighing, I took her hand in between mine. May as well be honest. "You're right. I never stopped loving her. But to be fair, you were only using me for my looks." I gestured towards her room, lowering my voice. "And Scott? Really? Why did you have to pick him, of all people?"

She blinked at me, a blank expression on her face. She really doesn't know what he's done to me. But then again, how can she? She's so wrapped up in herself that of course, she's oblivious to the hatred those guys have for me.

She dropped her gaze to the floor. "He has a football scholarship," she mumbled.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Ah, I see. The next big thing, huh?" I clasped her on the shoulder. "Well congratulations, Kayla. It sounds as though your plan to become a trophy wife is going swimmingly."

I grabbed the door handle once more and this time, she moved aside. She didn't say a word as our sights locked. What was there left to discuss? We had laid all our cards out on the table, exposing everything that we had kept close to our chest for so long.

***

Vanessa

I kicked the sheets off as I lay in bed, tossing and turning. It was hot, humid, and my mind was racing. After staring at the ceiling with no hint of rest on the horizon, I gave up on trying and took a place at my window seat.

Pulling back the gauzy curtain, I gazed at the full moon that shined bright and full. Is Matt awake right now, observing the same lunar image? I glanced at my bedside clock. 11:30 pm. In half an hour, he would be nineteen.

We were no longer children. Yet how long will I continue to play this game of hide and seek with my feelings as though I am one?

Sighing, I pulled my knees up towards my chin and wrapped my arms around them. I should have followed up on that movie. But I had let my fears creep into my mind amongst the shadows of the night and allowed them to plant roots in my veins.

Addison, of course, was furious with me and swore that she never wanted to hear me mope over him ever again. "You're throwing away something great," she lectured. But I hadn't listened.

Branches scraped against the glass pane, causing me to jump. Why is everything always scarier at midnight? Maybe, it was because one couldn't see what was lurking in the dark. The unknown was a terrifying concept. Perhaps, it was why so many people hated the sea.

And why I could never find the courage to take that final leap with Matt.

Closing my eyes, I leaned against the wall as I realized that this would be the first year I didn't celebrate his birthday with him. My mind lingered back to the day we met, when were only just fifteen.

I thought I knew it all. How wrong I was, I thought smiling.

I had no idea that feelings could be complicated, and that love wasn't as simple as just a flutter in one's stomach. It wasn't always a perfect fairytale. Sometimes, it was ugly or left one crying and fearful. And sometimes, it wasn't even love to begin with but just a carefully constructed illusion that could shatter when one least expected it to.

It was difficult to discern what true romance was and what was nothing more than deception. But I had learned that lesson the hard way. Real love was forgiving. It made me feel protected, as though I had a cozy blanket wrapped around my shoulders. It was gooey chocolate on the tip of my tongue.

It was a constant as sure as the sun. Something one could rely on and that would still be there even after the stormy weather. But in the rarest of moments, it was a concept so much deeper.

Love was just as frightening as the ocean. It was unpredictable and put one in a vulnerable position. But the scariest part about it all was stripping my soul down bare until every last inch was exposed. But there was no way to know when it was worth the gamble.

I had blindly thrown myself into Devin's arms on the sprint away from Matt. I wound up being squashed as though I were nothing but a bug beneath his thumb. The irony wasn't lost on me that I had sought shelter with Devin because I was afraid of being wounded by Matt but in doing so, I had traded in the one that wanted to protect for the one that only ever had sinister intentions. What I had tried so desperately to avoid with Matt, I had walked into willingly with Devin.

My thoughts drifted to the rollercoaster analogy I had once given Addison. No matter how long or short the wait was, it was always the same rollercoaster in the end. It held identical risks and guaranteed twists and turns. It was one's attitude that made the difference in how they enjoyed the ride.

They could scream their head off the entire time as they closed their eyes and repeatedly shouted, "I can't do this!" Or they could throw their hands up and laugh with glee, savoring the breeze that caressed their skin. It was only when we allowed ourselves to truly fall, did we get to experience the pleasure and sheer thrill of it all. The kind of stuff that made for a memory of a lifetime.

I glanced at the clock again. 12:01 am. I knew what I needed to do.

Matt's Birthday

Vanessa

I sprang from the window seat and rummaged through my dresser drawers as I hunted for something to wear. Tossing clothes from the bureau, I dug through my options. Too ugly. Too small. That one's stained. I threw a purple sequin piece over my shoulder. Fairly sure this one belongs to Addison.

It doesn't matter. Just pick something! There's no time to be choosey. I tugged a plain black tee over my head and slid on a pair of denim shorts that I pulled from the hamper. I sprinted from my room as a new thought occurred to me, causing me to backtrack.

Dropping to my knees, I scanned beneath the bed for where I had seen it last. There it is! I spied the balled-up sheet of paper before grabbing it and tucking it away in my back pocket.

I hovered briefly in the doorway to listen for signs of movement in the house. After determining I was free and clear to sneak out, I tiptoed down the stairs, being careful to avoid the creaky step. Once outside and undetected, I began the jog to Matt's home.

He lived about a mile and a half away and I had to stop every few blocks to take a quick breather. "Don't judge me," I whispered to a beady-eyed raccoon. "I never claimed to be athletic."

I arrived at his place, panting and out of breath. As I sat on the curb to recuperate, I formulated my plan. My hands were shaky, but I knew I had to persevere, lest that trash panda mock me again.

Then hoisting myself up, I started to ring the doorbell. My finger hovered over the brass button as I remembered the late hour. Crap! It's Saturday. That means Mr. Jones is home. No problem. I'll just call Matt. I felt around in my pockets for my cellphone, my heart sinking when I realized I must have left it at home in my haste. Double crap!

What to do? I scanned the yard for an alternate solution, my sights settling on a drainpipe that was within arm's reach of Matt's bedroom. As I studied it, I thought back to gym class when I couldn't even pull myself up the climbing rope more than two feet before I gave up. Addison laughed until she cried. Alright, so that option's out.

What else? I drummed my chin with my finger, my gaze landing on the bushes lining the front of the house. Nestled beneath the branches were small stones, scattered around for decoration. I smiled to myself. Perfect. Picking up a handful, I began to toss them at Matt's window as I prayed that I didn't shatter the glass.

***

Matt

I was drifting off into my wolf battle dream again when I heard tapping against the windowpane. Rolling over, I strained my eyes in the dark as I focused on where the noise was coming from. Tap, Tap, Tap.

What the hell? Tossing back the covers, I swung my feet over the side of the bed and picked up one of the weights off the carpet. Just in case. I crawled over towards the window so that whatever was prowling around below, wouldn't see me. Gingerly, I peered over the sill.

My brows furrowed as I spotted Vanessa standing on the sidewalk, tossing something at the pane. The clock on the wall read 12:45 am. What is she doing here so late? Actually, never mind the time. What is she doing here, period? I hoisted up the window, pressing my index finger to my lips and signaling that I would be right down.

As I crept out the front door, I gestured for her to follow me around to the back. Only when we were seated on the dewy grass, did I ask why she was there.

Wordlessly, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter.

Raising a brow, I stared at her. "Arson? You were planning on setting my house on fire?" I grinned. "I know things have been rocky between us lately, but I didn't think they were that bad."

She blew out a breath. "No." Fingering the tool, she moved it from hand to hand. "Today's your birthday."

I nodded. I'm trying to forget. Birthdays aren't much fun when you have no one to celebrate them with.

She continued. "Ever since we met, I've spent every year being with you on this day. It felt weird not to be here for this one too."

Giving her a small smile, I lightly punched her arm. "Thanks. That's very thoughtful of you."

She flicked the lighter, a small flame dancing in the soft summer breeze. "Happy Birthday, Matt," she whispered, her eyes never leaving mine. "Blow out the candle and make a wish."

Leaning in, I blew on the fire. It flickered before going out, leaving us in darkness once more. The only thing I could ever hope for was currently sitting cross-legged, right there in front of me. Does the flame really have the power to make her love me?

She flipped the instrument over in her hand before returning it to her pocket. She was quiet for a few moments then slowly raised her gaze to mine. "Are you happy with Kayla?"

Figuring there was no use in lying, I opted for honesty. "We broke up. She cheated on me."

"Oh." Vanessa's eyebrows shot up. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "I'm not. She was only using me, and I never loved her. Doesn't exactly scream happily ever after, now does it?"

"No, I don't suppose it does." She raked her fingers through the grass, plucking out a blade. "I want you to know that I wasn't content with Devin either. I mean, I was at first but then I realized that what we shared was never real. It was all just a façade he was putting on. Nothing but smoke and mirrors."

Sighing, I stared up at the night sky. The clouds had moved in, and I could just barely make out the moon. "I want you to be happy, Vanessa. Whatever that looks like for you."

"I think," she began slowly. "That for me, happiness is being right here with you. Talking just as we are. Feeling safe and cared for." She glanced up at me, hope shining in her wide eyes.

A knot formed in my stomach as I took a deep breath. "That does sound nice. Truthfully, I would have said the same thing a year ago, six months ago, hell maybe even four weeks ago but now, I perceive elation to be something a bit different."

She nodded, tears gleaming in her eyes. "It's too late for us, isn't it," she whispered. "I never meant to hurt you, Matt. Even if you don't believe anything else I say, please trust that much."

I took her hands in between mine as I looked into her sorrowful eyes. "Vanessa, falling in love can be terrifying for anyone. What makes it better is knowing that the other person is the safety net. You fled as soon as I took that jump, leaving me to fall flat on my face. That type of pain is immensely difficult to recover from." Sighing, I glanced away. "I appreciate you stopping by, but I think you should leave."

She swallowed. "Wait," she protested, fumbling around in her pocket and presenting me with a crumpled-up sheet of notebook paper.

"What's this?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

She nodded at it. "Read it." Taking it from her, I smoothed out the wrinkled edges, but she covered the writing with her hand before I could get any further. "Aloud."

"Okay." Perplexed, I grinned at her. "Is this some sort of chain letter that you've conned me into looking at and I'll die if I don't share this with three other people in the next seven days?"

"Matt, be serious," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Alright." I cleared my throat. "Vanessa Adam's Junior Hot Guy List." I glanced up at her. "I don't understand."

She gestured at the paper. "Go on."

"Number Five, Simon Pratt. Smart. Number Four, Derek Ouelette. Funny." I made a face, giving her a bewildered expression. "You thought that clown was humorous? All he did was tell Dad jokes."

She narrowed her eyes. "Continue."

"Number Three, Mark. Harry Styles 2.0 but a jerk. I'll say," I muttered beneath my breath. "Number Two, Kurt...Whitman." I scoffed. "Hazel eyes." I could barely get the words out and they left a bitter taste in my mouth. I still hate that guy.

She watched me intently as she ripped a blade of grass to shreds. "There's one more name left."

"Mat...thew Jones..." I whipped my head up at her. "My entire heart," I finished. Swallowing, I rubbed the back of my neck. Did I read that correctly? I was her number one? Not Kurt Whitman...not Matthew Kennedy? But me?

Shellshocked, I handed the list back to her. "The lipstick kiss is a nice touch," I muttered. "However, the heart around my name is a little jagged so I must deduct a point for that."

"Haha." She nudged me with her foot. "Don't you see, Matt? You were always my first choice. By a landslide." She tore the list into tiny bits that she scattered amongst the grass. "You were the only one I wanted. Then and now."

I bit my lip as I choked back the tears. This is going to hurt like hell. "I'm sorry...but it's not enough."

A sob escaped her throat and her mouth fell open but she didn't argue. Instead, she just nodded. "I understand." Shoulders sagging, she stood up before turning to leave. "If you ever feel differently..."

Watching her go broke my heart in two but I had to release her from the hold that she had over me. It's for the best.

I kicked at the scraps of paper on the grass, needing to funnel out my inner turmoil somehow. It was then that I noticed another shriveled piece. Odd. It must have been stuck to the list and fell out when I opened it.

I picked it up, briefly debating on whether I should invade Vanessa's privacy by peeking at it, but curiosity ultimately won out. Frowning, I skimmed over the words. It looked to be a poem of sorts.

Does He Know?

Does he know his eyes are beautiful because when he gazes at me, I see the beauty in his soul?

Does he know that I believe in him when he believes that he is just a failure?

Does he know that to me, he's not a joke and the only thing funny about him is his humor?

Does he know that the taste of his kisses is as sweet as his demeanor?

Does he know I feel the pain he carries because an unrequited love can hurt too.

Does he know?

Vanessa Adams, Age Sixteen

I glanced up in the direction Vanessa had left, realizing the poem was about me. What are you doing, Matt? She loves you. She always had. It just took her some time to be able to admit it. Don't let something amazing slip away.

"Shit," I muttered, bolting into action. Maybe I can still catch her.

I flew down the sidewalk with every ounce of speed I had inside me until it felt as though my heart was going to explode right out of my chest. I managed to catch up with her three blocks away from my house. Gasping for air, I grabbed her arm. Startled and thinking she was being attacked by a stranger, she turned around with her fist raised.

A puzzled expression crossed her face when she realized it was me. "Matt...what's wrong? Is everything o-"

Pulling her to me, I covered her mouth with my mine and kissed her with a fervor that left no questions unanswered. Breathless, I broke away as I smiled at her sheepishly. All I could do was shrug. "I changed my mind."