Chapter 36

Carmen wanted to leave her victims, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was mentally exhausted from her fight, it all could have been avoided if they had only listened to her. But, they didn't, and now they lay splattered across the floor in pieces.

The woman's light blonde hair had been drenched in thick blood, and her clothes soaked. She wore their blood like medals, only she couldn't take them off no matter how hard she tried. She scrubbed her hands against her shirt, only for them to squelch against the surface. It was impossible to rid herself of her crime - maybe it was deserved.

Hearing the zipping of wires, Carmen looked upwards and out of the warehouse window. She hoped it wasn't their enemy, or worse more dolls. However, relief overcame her when she saw Levi peak through the broken window. His eyes didn't move from her bloody figure, ignoring the countless bodies that were dismembered around her - he solely focused on her.

None of them said a word until the other members of the squad caught up, Jean was first by Levi's side, laying eyes of the bloody warehouse. "No! Don't look!" Carmen ordered the boy, who promptly turned away. But it was too late, he'd already seen enough to plant nightmares into his head.

"Everyone, go regroup with Sasha and Connie." Carmen heard Levi order, followed by a few mumbles. Within seconds, she knew the squad had left, she was glad.

Levi used his gear to carefully glide through the broken window and into the warehouse, careful not to step on any of the corpses. He was disgusted, yet impressed with his ally. While he knew that what she had done was beyond barbaric, she had single handedly controlled the threat of the dolls, and had done so valiantly.

"Are you okay?" He asked her. It was a loaded question, looking at her practically answered it.

"It's not my blood." Carmen got to her feet, fighting the urge to wipe her hands. "I got cut at some point, but I can't see where." She told him, it was impossible to see past all the blood, let alone tell if any of it was hers.

"Your face is messed up." He replied, pointing at his own cheek to where it was on her face. Carmen shook her head.

"No, that's a gunshot graze." She replied. "I got cut, with a dagger." Levi hummed, if there were guns involved in the fight, then it was a miracle she was still alive - however, a part of him believed her skill played a major role in her survival.

"I'm proud of you." He said quietly, Carmen wasn't entirely sure she heard him correctly. Was he stupid? She'd just killed 20 people and he was proud?

"What?" She questioned, eyes wide.

"If those assassins had gotten to the squad, they would have been dead. Mikasa told me what you did, you got everyone out of the building and made sure every one of those fuckers were with you. You saved us, and I'm sorry that my side of the mission failed after you went through all the trouble." He was both apologising and thanking her, now Carmen was sure that he'd gone crazy.

"I gave them a chance." Carmen finally responded, ignoring Levi's statement completely and focusing on what she had done. "I told them to leave or die, they chose their fate." She added, trying to justify the death.

Levi nodded his head in understanding. "I know, you offered them a way out, it's not your fault they didn't take it."

That was something Carmen needed to hear, she hadn't killed anyone in a while, last murder she remembered wasn't nearly as guilt striking. She figured it was because she could relate to her victims, and actually felt sorry for them. Something she wasn't used to.

"You ready to meet the others?" The captain asked her. "You brought spare clothes, you can get changed and we can try to find that cut you mentioned." Carmen nodded wearily as she and Levi walked out of the warehouse doors, moving through alleyways to reach the other warehouse.

It wasn't a far walk, despite both travelling in complete silence. When they entered the main doors, Mikasa aimed her swords towards them, but soon relaxed when she recognised them - it was good to see that at least one of them was on high alert.

"Boil some water." Levi ordered the squad as he reached into the cart that held their belongings. He rummaged around until he found Carmen's bag, noticing it was filled with weapons. As he reached into it to find spare clothes, his hands brushed against paper, curiously, the man pulled it out of the bag and examined it.

To his surprise, it was a drawing of him. Well, more specifically, it was a drawing of his old squad. Petra, Oruo, Gunther, Eld, Carmen and him were all sketched onto the paper. It was an excellent piece of artwork, he guessed that Eld made it considering how there was seemingly and inside joke he was missing. Eld had placed Levi and Carmen closest together, in the portrait, they were both glaring at each other out of the corner of their eyes. Somehow, Eld had captured the essence of their relationship in a single drawing.

Admiring the art, his lips curved into a slight smile, barely noticeable to his squad.

"Eld drew it." Carmen approached him and looked at the drawing. "Petra wanted to stand next to you, but Oruo bribed Eld and told him it would be ironic to make us glare. He was under the impression I was holding a grudge against you." She relayed, recalling the years of teasing that followed a little grudge.

"Did you?" He asked. "Hold a grudge?"

Carmen shrugged, she had always denied it, but didn't see the harm in telling the truth this once. "Guess our first fight got under my skin." She answered. "Drawing with you wasn't good enough."

Levi scoffed, that fight had struck a nerve in him too. It's one of the reasons why he was so reluctant to have her on his squad to begin with. "Likewise." He agreed. "And then, on your first expedition, you copied my technique and killed those titans. I hated that." He pushed her to continue, they hadn't ever talked casually, it was purely on scouting business or humanity's survival.

"I didn't know what a figure of speech was at the time. Cut me some slack." The woman tried to joke, it had been her first since the squad died. "Besides, I'd killed countless titans before that expedition, it was all part of my training." She elaborated, and it made Levi feel better about being humiliated by her. "You were right though, you mentioned my friends would be scared. Petra and Oruo pissed themselves when I followed you."

"I don't blame them." He defended, and suddenly, Carmen wasn't speaking anymore.

"It's stupid really." She explained. "That's the last thing we talked about."

Noticing the change in tone, Levi picked up the first aid kit. "The water should be boiled by now, you should clean up." He offered her some clean clothes, she grabbed it, the blood on her hands now dry and crusty.

"I'll come get you when I find that stab wound." She stated before wandering back to the squad and stealing the water, along with a few clothes she found on the supply cart.

Cleansing herself took longer than she thought it would. The blood was soaked beneath her nails, and clotted in her hair, she mainly focused on removing it as best she could, but gave up when she realised her hair was staining. She would shower properly after they had gotten Eren and Historia back, there wasn't enough water or soap to fully rid herself of the blood.

On the plus side, she had found the wound. It was on her upper arm, a slice that definitely needed stitches, and was bleeding ever so slightly. She didn't put her shirt on, deciding it was best to keep it clean while she could until her wound was tended to. Instead, she called for Levi.

"You found it?" He held the first aid kit and Carmen pointed to her upper arm. Levi winced, it would have hurt if she wasn't immune to pain, yet somehow, he wasn't envious of her gift. He'd seen her in conditions that would normally render someone unconscious and she would be standing in nonchalance - it couldn't have been good for her.

"Yeah." Carmen replied, looking at the area. Her arm was already covered in scars, so the wound wouldn't look out of place on her. She almost mentioned that fact to Levi, but figured he wouldn't be as humoured as her.

As usual, he was looking at her scars as he poured alcohol onto the cut, whilst he was still aware of treating her, it was as though his mind was elsewhere. Clearly, there were questions he wanted to ask. In the past, he had asked, but was shut down by the assassin, she didn't trust him at all back then.

But now, she wanted him to ask her, mainly because she felt she was ready to tell him some things. He had laid his trust in her hands, and now she wanted to return the favour.

While he threaded the needle through her skin, Carmen began to get tired of his wandering eyes and silent treatment. Thus, she took matters into her own hands. "One scar a day." She said, forcing him to look at her in confusion. "You keep looking at them, you might as well know about a few." She tried to reason, but it was mainly just because she wanted to trust him with something.

"So I can ask about any scar and you'll tell me about it?" He repeated, and Carmen nodded. "Can I ask more than one, just today?" Added the captain. The assassin considered it, realising that there wasn't any harm in giving him a few scars to unravel - she had more than enough for keep him asking questions for over a year.

"I don't see any harm in it." She nodded her head. After Levi tied the stitches and wrapped the wound in a clean white bandage, he examined her upper half, looking for a scar that told a story. He only had three choices, but he was certain that none would go to waste.

It took him a moment to pick out the first, but it looked fairly faded compared to the others - clearly an older wound. He pointed to it, his finger inches away from the woman's skin. "That one."

Carmen hummed, trying to remember that far back, until she finally realised where it was from. "My first kill." She confessed, tapping the scar on her shoulder. "I was around 8 at the time, the person in charge of me told me that the man I was after had a thing for young girls. So, I went to his house, knocked on his door, and pretended I was a runaway. The man didn't question it, he let me in and went to go and make me something to drink. I knew he was poisoning it, so I took out my Bowie knife and stabbed him in the back. He responded by smashing a glass on me, a few shards landed in my shoulder, and I got these."

Carmen pointed at some of the smaller scrapes around it, they were mostly too faded to see, but she knew they were there. "Are all of them that interesting?" He seemed intrigued by her response as his eyes looked over her for another story. He found one that interested him straight away.

Three parallel scars on her collar bone, each of equal length and structure, they seemed interesting enough. "I was told to put down a gang, I was only 12 or something like that." She began. "The gang used a strange weapon, knuckle dusters with claw-like blades on the ends. I got too close and one scratched me."

The captain slowly nodded his head, as if he was reliving a memory of sorts. "I remember that gang, they were from the underground." He revealed. "You made the streets a little safer." He praised, brushing over the fact that he just told Carmen something as significant as his upbringing.

"You're from the underground?" She questioned. "So the rumours were true, and Petra was right, again." The woman didn't seem too surprised.

"How about this one." Levi finally chose a third scar, only when he saw the dark look in Carmen's eyes, he feared that he made the wrong decision. Instead of nostalgia, she emitted pure rage, something he didn't enjoy coming from her.

"Not that one." She shook her head.

The man didn't know the details, but he'd pushed enough boundaries to know that he shouldn't persist. Instead, he chose a different scar, the one that trailed past her jawline and onto her chin. It was the most obvious scar, the easiest to see compared to the others. Usually, the MPs saved her face, but this was different.

"Oh." Carmen caressed the scar, her anger fading. "I tried to shoot myself, but I moved last minute and missed. I think that was when I was 13."

Levi was at a loss for words, so many questions running through his head, yet uncertain whether he should ask or not. It was clear that it was a painful memory, but there had to be a reason for the sudden change from numbness to sadness to numbness again.

"Why?" He finally settled, it sounded stupider the more he thought about it. Why wouldn't she? Her life was hell.

Sighing, the woman finally answered him. "They took something from me." She admitted. "Something that I'll never get back." She didn't elaborate, and Levi didn't pry.

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Authors note

Technically, this is two chapter in one day, despite it being past midnight.

For those wondering what they took, think about Carmen's age. She was 13. That may be a clue.

Also, glad I got more Levi in that chapter because let's face it, he's amazing.

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