...For the hope of it all

Augustine

I excused myself from the table, desperate for a moment of space. I couldn't keep listening to conversations about cooking, and my sister's chatter about God-knows-what. I headed up to my room in order to collect my thoughts. Entering the room, I was shocked to see James sitting on my bed with my open journal in his lap. I froze.

He looked terribly guilty, and I couldn't figure out if what I was feeling was sadness or anger. After a few beats of silence, I spoke.

"I trusted you," I said. "I trusted you, and you shattered everything."

He flinched as if I had slapped him. I expected him to apologize, to make an excuse of what he was doing with my journal in his hands. Could it be a misunderstanding of some sort? Instead,  his guilt cleared and he stood up, placing my journal on my bed.

"Miles liked you?" he demanded. "He liked you, and you didn't bother telling me?"

"Are you serious right now?" I exclaimed. "I caught you looking through the most personal item in my life, and your first reaction is to interrogate me about your brother?"

"Did he like you or not?" James said, anger laced in his voice.

"No, he didn't!" I burst out. "It was a misunderstanding."

"You still should've told me," James glared.

"You don't have the right to tell me what to do!" I said, stepping closer to him. "You can't possibly think I owe you anything anymore. I finally learned to trust you, and you ruined everything."

"I thought I could trust you to tell me anything I should know about," he shot back.

"We're not even dating."

James stepped back as if I had hit him, but quickly recovered. "Then what are we?" he asked.

"At this point, I don't even know."

"I love you," he stated.

"What?" I breathed.

"I love you. You've made me stronger, happier, and a better person," James said bluntly. "All I wanted was to stay with you."

Why is he bringing this up right now?

"Clearly I haven't since you don't understand the meaning of privacy," I snapped.

"Augustine, come on. We're meant to be and you know it."

"We're a summer fling!" I burst out. "What would even happen once I leave? We live so far away. Will you even call me when you're back at school? God, I don't even know where you're going to school next month!"

"We can make it work," James pleaded.

"Seriously? A minute ago you were angry at me, and now you want to stay together? After I caught you reading my journal? After you broke my trust? We're done, James."

"Please," he begged. "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to know what was wrong, and you wouldn't even speak to me."

I picked up my journal from my bed, stepping forward and grabbing his arm, pushing him towards the door. "I never want to see you again," I stated. "Take my journal with you since you chose it over me."

"Augustine, let me fix this," he said, tears welling in his hazel eyes. The eyes that used to truly care for me. The eyes I loved.

"Fuck you, James," I said. I pushed my journal against his chest, shoved him out of my room, and slammed the door in his face.

I spent the remainder of the night packing my suitcase for the plane. My mom had come in to check on me once, so I told her I felt sick and she left me alone. James didn't attempt to call or text me. I didn't care. I was done with him.

I folded my bathing suit and placed on top of the clothes in my suitcase and zipped it shut. Next were toiletries. I slowly walked into my bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.

I didn't look sad or angry. Just...numb. I wanted to cry, to throw something at my wall, or at James's head. But I couldn't bring myself to find the energy. My eyes were no longer red, but I looked exhausted, like all the joy had drained from my body. I sighed, tying my hair into a messy bun. I had already changed into my pjs, wearing a lavender hoodie and gray pj pants decorated with white stars.

I put all my toiletries into my bag, excluding my toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush, knowing I'd need to use them in the morning. After doublechecking all the drawers were emptied, I went to my window, gazing up at the stars that were forming.

No outcome I had imagined leaving James ended with us on bad terms. I couldn't believe he broke my trust. He knew my journal was my most treasured belonging. Every entry was filled with all my thoughts, ranging from minor situations to my biggest secrets. Inez had ditched me, but James betrayed me. That was worse in my opinion.

Exhausted, I crawled into bed, shutting my lamp off and laying in the darkness. For the first time that August, I wanted to leave.

*

"Auggie? Time to wake up."

"Auggie?"

I groaned, not ready to get up and on a plane. Opening my eyes, I saw Aurora standing at the side of my bed.

"Mom says you need to wake up," she said, leaning over to give me a hug.

"I'm getting up," I told her, pushing the blankets to the foot of my bed and standing up.

Aurora tilted her head like a puppy at me, her big brown eyes filled with concern.

"Mommy said you were sick last night. I'm sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around my legs.

"It's okay, princess," I chuckled. "I'm good now."

"I'm glad," she said, reaching her arms for me to pick her up. I did, giving her a kiss on top of her head.

"Let's get ready to go on the airplane," I smiled.

An hour later, we said goodbye to the beach cottage. Aurora went around literally saying goodbye to everything, from her room to the living room chairs. Leah and Miles came over to drive us to the airport. They drove to their cottage every year, so they had a car with them.

"Are you feeling any better, Augustine?" Leah asked as she began driving.

"Much," I told her, glancing at Miles sitting next to me in the last row of the van.

"Liar," he whispered. "James told me what happened."

"Still think he's a great guy?" I asked sarcastically.

"I do," Miles stated.

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "Seriously"

Miles sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Yeah, he fucked up, but his heart was in the right place. He was going crazy wondering why you wouldn't talk to him."

"That's no reason to let it slide," I argued. "He can't break my trust and restore it the next day. It doesn't work like that."

"Love is messy," Miles said.

"Seriously?" I said. "Love is messy, but love is not breaking trust."

"Sometimes it is," he said calmly.

I felt my stomach clench, holding back an angry rant I wanted to spray onto him.

"Whatever," I mumbled instead, crossing my arms and choosing to watching the rolling hills of PEI go past as opposed to looking at Miles's face.

"C'mon, Auggie," he pleaded. "Is this really how you want to leave things? You two had the best month together, and you're planning to give that all up without even saying goodbye. He spent the night crying over you. He confessed his love to you and you shut him down. People make mistakes. Forgive him. Please."

He cried?

I sighed, turning back to face him. "I'm so tired," I told him. "I don't even know how to fix things. My last words to him were, 'Fuck you.'"

"Ouch," Miles cringed.

I shrugged.

"Let me ask you something," he began. "Before this month, would you have been able to swear at someone like that?"

I shook my head, remembering the times Inez belittled me and I did nothing. All the times she spread rumours about me, and I never once told her off. All the times she shoved me in the hallway and I never pushed back. Now, I felt like I could.

"Exactly," Miles said, as if reading my thoughts. "James helped you gain confidence to stand up for yourself. If you're not going to stay with him, at least thank him for the times you spent together."

I bit my lip, his words finally registering with me. "Ok," I gave in. "I'll let him know."

"Thanks, Auggie," he smiled, as we pulled up to the airport.

I smiled softly in return before getting out of the car and grabbing my bags.

We entered the small airport, heading to the security line.

"Well, this is it," my mom said. As she and Leah hugged, I turned to Miles.

"Thank you, Miles," I said.

"I'll miss you," he responded, wiping his eyes.

"Aw, Miles has a soft side," I teased, wrapping him in a hug.

"Shut up," he muttered. "You better text me."

I pulled away, laughing. "I promise."

"Bye, Miles!" Aurora exclaimed, jumping into his arms.

"Bye, Rory, he smiled, giving her a hug. "I'll miss you, kiddo."

"I love you, Miles," my sister said, beginning to cry.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," he said, brushing away her tears. "We'll see each other eventually, okay? And I'm sure you can call me from Auggie's phone."

"Okay," she sniffed, clinging onto him.

"Bye, Auggie," Leah said, giving me a hug. "It's been wonderful getting to know you. I loved having a girl around the house."

I smiled. "Thank you, Leah. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," she said. "But we'll all be back next year."

"Time to go," my mom said, walking towards the security line.

"I guess this is it," I said to myself. "Stupid summer romance is over."

"Wait!" a familiar voice yelled.

I spun around to see James running towards up from the airport's entrance.

"Fuck," I muttered.

"Augustine, don't leave yet!" he said, trying to catch his breath when he reached me.

"We'll give you two some space," Leah said, ushering everyone away from us.

"How'd you get here?" I asked James harshly.

"I took a cab. I couldn't let you leave without talking to you."

"What do you want?" I demanded, not ready to let him off the hook.

"Please don't hate me," he begged. His eyes were red and puffy while his white t-shirt and grey shorts looked wrinkled. "I am so sorry. I was up all night thinking and crying, and I know I messed up horribly. I never meant to hurt you like that or betray your trust." He paused, still struggling to catch his breath. I remained stoic, waiting for him to finish.

"I'll do anything to gain your trust back. When I said I loved you, I meant it. I love you, Augustine. I knew it the moment you crashed into me on the beach. I knew it when we built that sand castle together. When we had our first kiss. When we slept together. I fell harder for you everyday, and I can't let you go knowing you hate me. We haven't known each other for long, but I truly believe you're my soulmate."

I froze, unsure how to respond.

"Please say something," he begged.

Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do. After all this time, I figured out what I needed.

"I forgive you," I said.

Relief washed through James's eyes, slowly replaced with hope.

"You really think we're soulmates?" I asked.

"Yes," he responded instantly.

"I need time to work on myself, to figure out how to be in a relationship where I don't doubt myself and know I deserve love," I began.

James nodded, taking my hand in his.

"If we really are soulmates, we'll find each other again," I continued. "I think you're the right person for me, but we're at the wrong time for us to be together. I am incredibly grateful for every moment we spent together, but I know this is the right decision. If we're mean to be together, we'll end up together."

James nodded again. I saw pain in his eyes, but I knew part of him agreed. He leaned forward, touching his forehead against mine.

"I'll make myself better everyday for the chance I can hold you in my arms again," he said quietly.

I pressed my lips against his. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, Augustine."

"Goodbye, James," I said, stepping away from him.

As we left, I didn't look back to wave. My heart hurt with my decision, but I knew one day, if he was my person, I find myself with him again. With a newfound sense of confidence and peace, I stepped through security, knowing I would forever look back with happiness on my summer romance of August.

The End