Mercilessly kept conscious, the darkness sucked Astrid down a hellhole of pain and screams. Her skin started splitting, from her fingertips to her shoulders and across her chest. Excruciating couldn't even begin to describe the agony.

Each beat of her heart slammed against her ribcage as it frantically tried to escape. Unable to breathe and starting to choke, she rolled onto her side. Coughs wracked her frame and something warm and sticky, followed by the heavy taste of blood, filled her mouth.

I'm dying--I'm actually going to die this time.

She fought to open her eyes. Her vision was crystal clear, sharper than it'd ever been before--yet the scene was so surreal. The minder lay in a crumpled heap, her hair sticking up around her head to form a fuzzy halo floating as if she were underwater; her suit smoldered and burns marred the pale skin of her neck.

Astrid gagged at the sickening stench. The lack of oxygen had to be affecting her brain; there wasn't any other logical explanation. Twisting onto her stomach, her chin smacked against the floor and her teeth sunk into her tongue.

At least she could breathe.

Sweat rolled down her temples as the burning energy coursed through her body. Her skin was stretched too tight across her cheekbones, threatening to tear.

My arms, my arms!

Astrid's muscles contorted and cramped as she lifted her head a few inches to stare at her hand. The skin was smooth, unbroken. The sleeve of her shirt hid the rest of her arm from her elbow up, but it remained crisp and unmarked by blood.

She brought her head a little bit higher.

Ten yards down the hallway, more than a dozen minders crowded in attack formation, the red lasers of their weapons' sights lancing right through her eyes to the back of her skull. Their mouths moved nonstop without a noise.

Astrid started coughing again, red flecks spattering across the floor. Still, her world stayed silent.

What...what happened to the minder? Why...how am I...?

Unable to hold her head up any longer, she let it fall, pain radiating from the top of her skull and ear on impact. The pulsating in her fingertips ebbed and grew with each shallow inhale as she pleaded for death to finally take her. Why did it have to torment her more when all she wanted was its blissful end of suffering?

Dear God, please.

Her eyelids slowly closed. One noiseless moment flowed into the next, but her chest still rose and fell. The familiar woman's face accompanied her as she faded in and out of consciousness. Sometimes, her mouth moved to form words Astrid couldn't see, her extended hand just out of reach.

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Floating. She was floating in the stillness, her body numb and her eyes closed. Inhale... exhale... This wasn't what she'd imagined heaven to be like, but it was peaceful. Painless.

The soft rasp of her breathing wrapped around her, the reassuring throb of her heart echoing in her ears. She sighed, a fuzzy sensation developing in the tips of her ears and spreading across her scalp.

A soft murmur gradually grew louder, splitting into two different pitched rumbles. Voices... it was still nothing more than incoherent rumblings with the occasional understandable word. Gradually, they became more distinct until she could make out entire sentences.

"Is it safe to touch her?"

"It's only been thirty minutes since we gave her the meds, so we need to wait at least another fifteen." There was a heavy sigh. "Dr. Rytron should be here by then."

So...I'm not dead. Should she be happy or upset?

"You'd think she'd be higher on his priority list." This voice was higher with a raspy edge, but male like the other one.

Fabric crinkled and boots squeaked as one of them shifted their position, causing a yellow glow to penetrate her eyelids. Mustering all of her strength, Astrid attempted to move her arms and open her eyes.

The fingers on her left hand twitched, but nothing more; and that took so much effort that breathing became a struggle again. The sudden urge to scream, to fight and claw for her sight and a full breath became overwhelming, panic consuming her.

Her brain screaming for her body to respond, she tried again. And again. And again. But her limbs were fastened with unbreakable bonds.

"We good?"

"Five more minutes."

Help me, Astrid pleaded. Even her tear ducts refused to work.

The air grew heavier, threatening to crush her as each hellish moment passed.

Please, please. God, if you're really listening, help me!

But minders couldn't read thoughts, and it seemed she was going to die now. She drew another shallow breath, forcing herself to calm down, to pretend like it was a regular Saturday morning and she was trying to sleep in.

Any moment now, Mom will come and wake me up and I'll act like I'm still sleeping. She released a shaky exhale. Then she'll tickle my ears for however long it takes to finally annoy me enough that I push her away. Another inhale.

If she retreated far enough into her head, she could feel the smoothness of the sheets and warmth of sunlight against the back of her neck. The clicking of the fan overhead like whispered secrets lulled her deeper in.

Yet even there, memories of the woman with brown hair and grey eyes that shined with unshed tears lurked--perhaps it wasn't the sheets but the woman's arms that wrapped around Astrid, holding her close, murmuring promises.

I love you, Astrid.

The words pierced Astrid in the deepest part of her soul, tearing it open as her lips, unbidden, mimicked the words.

I love you.

They felt right, as if Astrid had responded to the woman many times. But...but that couldn't be--she was just a hallucination caused by her unstable mental state when she didn't take her meds.

It was all just so real.

You'll be happy...and safe. And that's enough to make me happy, too.

The woman pressed a kiss onto her head, clutching Astrid so tightly to her chest that it hurt. But the embrace only lasted a few seconds before a new pair of hands grabbed her under the armpits, lifting her away.

Immeasurable loss drowned her, the cracks in her heart widening until her heart broke from the pain. She couldn't see anything, just light changes as she was carried down a hallway. It didn't matter what she did--kicking, scratching, squirming--those scarred hands held her tightly.

Tears dripped down Astrid's face, pooling on the floor and clinging to her sweaty skin.

"Check her pulse," a vaguely familiar voice ordered.

Agony slammed into her, forcing all the air from her lungs as someone rolled her onto her back. Her eyes shot open, a pair of emerald ones staring back.

"Can you move?" he asked.

Astrid blinked. It was the only thing she could do.

He glanced at the minder opposite him. "Dr. Rytron just entered the lobby, he'll be here with the needed medications."

Strange, hearing him called Dr. Rytron. She moved her head to the side to avoid the glare of the lights. Scared she wouldn't be able to open them again, she kept her eyes open.

The minder licked his lips nervously. "It's critical that you remain relaxed."

She attempted a nod to let him know that she understood. He didn't seem reassured, rocking back on his heels, gaze flitting from her, to his watch, then to the door at the far end of the hallway.

"Wh-what...t-the girl," Astrid croaked.

The minder paled, eyes widening like she was a monster.

"H-happen?" Her thick tongue couldn't form any more words.

He didn't know what she was talking about, the same fear-stricken look in place.

"Happen'd? To..." Swallowing again, she continued, "My guard?"

"She's dead." His voice was raspier than before and empty, his eyes hollow. Seeming lost, he mumbled, "Charged with so much electricity she was gone in less than a second."

At least it had been quick. She strained to see the minder out of the corner of her eye, but the body had already been removed. Because the minder had been holding onto Astrid's arm, shouldn't the electricity have killed her as well? Did one of her weapons malfunction or had someone intentionally done it?

Astrid winced, trying to recall the weapons that had been strapped to the woman's body. There hadn't been anything that used or produced electricity as far as she knew. 

But who would have done something like that?

No.

It couldn't be. There was no way.

The ringing in Astrid's ears blocked out everything except the muffled yells of the minder and the tramp of running feet. She rolled onto her back, gasping for breath as a burning heat poured through her veins, starting from her chest and spreading outward.

A sudden burst of light seared her eyes and she cried out in pain. The minder's fingernails dug into her arm for a moment, then released.

Too much yelling, too many screams...

It hadn't killed Astrid because it had come from her.