"Nickole!" Ana yells sharply over her shoulder. "You were right. I need the color correcter."

Ana holds my chin between her thumb and fingers examining my face. "All due respect Princess. But what the hell did you do last night? These bags under your eyes are tragic."

I don't tell her about the sob fest of the entire bottle of champagne I drank. Which didn't fare well at two in the morning after I ate all the food I ordered.

"She was probably out all night partying!" Brady says running a brush through my hair.

I just nod and stare into the mirror. My face hurts and so does my body. I haven't spoken to the boys since I kicked them out yesterday. The ball that signifies the end of the conference is at eight, I know that I'll see them tonight. It's noon and the team got here an hour ago.

It's going to take me a while to look presentable. So I let them work. I'm not able to doze with my face being sculpted my hair being styled. But I can daydream. I close my eyes and try to find some peace.

The winter islands. My mother's parents live there. My nana loves to ski, but my papa and I are all about having lodge days. We dress in our best winter mountain outfits and sit in front of the the the biggest window watching people ski down the mountain while drinking coffee and eating souffle.

The fantasy doesn't last long though. I'm pulled back into my reality far too quickly. My hair is being curled into tight ringlets with a twist wrapped around the back of my head and it burns the back of my neck once they're released from the iron.

I focus on what Ana is doing to my face in there mirror instead. Unlike the past two days, my makeup is subtle. A warm brown covers my eyelids and my lips are colored a natural pink.

By the time they finish, I still have an hour to spare before the ball starts. A couple of servants help me into my dress, as not to damage my hair or makeup. It's an apricot orange dress with brown glass beading around my waist and at my neck. The skirt is long and clings to my legs. It fans out onto the floor when I stand still. But when I spin the skirt flies out like an ejected parachute. These dresses are the best for dancing.

I walk down to the courtyard where the event will be taking place. The bricks have been swept and lights have been strung above our heads. Long rectangular tables line either side with food and drinks. Smaller circular tables are scattered about, and there are four elevated ones with golden tablecloths instead of yellow ones. I walk out to the center of the cleared dance floor and spin in a slow circle.

A few servants stop to watch me before remembering their place and continuing with their work. I tip my head towards the sky and the twinkling lights slide in and out of focus. The tiny lamps are casting the entire area in a warm glow.

"You look like you're on fire."

I look towards the place where Felicity is standing. "I was going for dessert."

"Then why is your tiara made of flames?"

My tiara is twisted glass to match the beads of my dress. But it does resemble a leaping fire. "I didn't mean to steal your theme."

Felicity looks like a candle. The top of her dress is pure white, fading from yellows to oranges, going all the way down to blue at the very hem. The dress is gorgeous, she has no business wearing such a thing while pregnant. It's infuriating.

Felicity cocks her head, she's trying to read me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just perfect," I reply. "The dances have always been my favorite part."

"I know." She nods. "So why are you so upset?"

"I'm not," I reply quickly. Too quickly.

"It's all right to have feelings you know." She says taking a step towards me.

"I'm aware." I step back.

"Something is clearly wrong." She looks exasperated. "What is it?"

"It's really none of your business," I reply. "You've done a pretty good job of leaving me alone since the conference in Amet. Why start bothering me now?"

"Because we're friends." She says.

I scoff and look at her in disbelief. "No, we are not. Not anymore."

She looks genuinely hurt. "What?"

"Where have you been Felicity?" I demand. "Because it's not been with me, or the boys. You stopped being our friend when you became Queen and suddenly decided that you were too good for us."

"Well, ruling an entire Kingdom isn't exactly easy." She crosses her arms. Becoming defensive. "I've been very busy."

"Too busy to say hello? To give a hug? Or ask how we've been? Too busy to at least pretend you still like us?" I shoot back. "I'm sorry you're just realizing this now, but we haven't been friends since the day you got coordinated."

"I-" Felicity looks like she might start crying. Then she doesn't. She's sealing herself off. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

She stops everything right there. No more emotions. The truth is out. This conversation is over.

"Yeah," I reply. "I'm sorry too."

The ball starts soon after my conversation with Felicity. We avoid each other for the rest of the night. The courtyard fills up quickly with the rest to the Court and officials along with a handful of commoners.

Fifty citizens are chosen to attend the balls at each conference. I have just the luck to be dancing with a man who has big feet and a lack of grace. My brown satin heels will not be recovering from this dance.

Once the song ends I do my best not to limp over to the drinks table. I sip on some water and watch the orchestra prepare to play another song.

"May I have this dance." Philip has his hand out and stands bowed.

I take it. Mostly because the cameras are watching. To refuse him would cause a scandal we don't need. He whisks me out onto the floor are we both begin to step in practiced movements. We stand close together, there is very little space between our chests and I could easily whisper into Philip's ear.

He beats me to the punch. "Do you hate us?"

I don't move my lips when I reply. "No."

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I panicked."

"I was in shock," I whisper back. "And I was scared. I can't lose either of you. I shouldn't have screamed at you."

"Travis and I talked after we left. Once he and Eloise are crowned we're stopping. It was too dangerous for us to continue." Philip speaks quickly. This conversation is deadly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "This can't be easy for either of you."

"We'll be okay," Philip replies. "When you really love someone, you know when it's better to just let them go."

"You'll find happiness with your wife." I try to sound encouraging. "You're going to be just fine."

"I hope so." He whispers. "We'll still be friends."

"You'll still have me," I add. "It's all going to work out."

The song ends and we both exit the dance floor. I look around for Travis. He's across the dance floor dancing with his little sister. I catch his eye and nod. He smiles before returning to his dance.

The night goes on and it feels as if a weight has been lifted from my chest. I didn't even know I was carrying it. I dance until I think my feet might be bleeding. But even then I don't want to stop. The ball finally ends at two in the morning and I am forced to retire.

Tomorrow I will say goodbye to Aedifex and the next time I return I will be Queen of my own Kingdom. As I prepare for the night I watch the wave crash onto the beach. I feel at peace. I hope it lasts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I planned to sleep on the train. I meant to sleep last night, I would have slept last night, but Travis insisted on going bodysurfing. He also wanted to build a bonfire, but you can even make a spark with damp wood.

By the time I got back to my room, showered, and packed it was time to leave. So I was going to sleep on the train, but my father decided to dump the entire southern region's ration reports on me. So I instead drank copious amounts of iced coffee and tried not to screw up the distribution orders.

By the time we get back to Legibus, I'm uncertain if I will even be able to form a complete sentence. By the time we get off, I want to do nothing more than fall over onto the nearest bed, but my aunts and uncles stand to greet us.

I swear under my breath before embracing my uncle Clint quickly. I quickly move on to my aunt Molly and uncle Barney. My grandparents walk in and my father immediately stands conversing with my grandfather. He doesn't even pause when I embrace him.

My grandmother holds out her arms and I practically leap into them. I inhale the scent of sugar and champagne that she always seems to carry with her as she squeezes me tightly.

"How are you doing, Emmy?" She whispers in my ear.

"Barley standing, "I murmur back.

She releases me. Letting me know that I can finally go up to my bedroom and sleep for a solid week. But before I get too far away I hear her mutter, "Me too."

As I climb the final steps to the children's tower I am met with an assembly line of teenagers (which isn't entirely true, because Lily is six, Juliet and David haven't turned thirteen, and Bobby and Genie are both twenty).

They all stand with warm smiles on their face waiting to greet me. I have to applaud their coordination because they're standing in age order.

Somewhere between the top of the stairs and Genie, my brain went into hyper-exhaustion. Because I have a burst of every.

"Hi!" Genie cheers embracing me tightly.

"It's good to see you!" I smile hugging her back.

She releases me and I'm about to hug Bobby when I notice something different. I accidentally push his face away from me as I look back at Genie.

"You cut your hair!" I exclaim.

She blushes and tucks her now short locks behind her ears. "Do you like it?"

"Like it?" I gasp. "It's perfect!"

It is. She cut it to the length of her chin and got bangs. It looks thicker and darker. It suits her face shape so well.

I enfold Bobby in a hug and I feel him whisper in my ear. "You don't have to pretend to be nice to her."

"I'm not pretending," I whisper back. "I like Genie. She's good for you."

Bobby looks perplexed as I go to hug Nick. Nick is my cousin and the only person who knows more about me than I do. He takes a big whiff as I hug him.

"Are you drunk?" He demands, also whispering in my ear.

"No!" I snap back. "I'm just about to fall over from sleep deprivation."

"Of well, if that's all."

"That's all."

"Get some sleep, Em." Nick is the only person I allow to call me Em.

I squeeze Sloan, Marcus, and Brooke, who is Nick's sister. They don't have anything to say, so I just give each of them a kiss on the cheek. David thanks me for the note and Juilet reminds me that I promised her to go riding.

Lastly, I reach baby Lily. She's not a baby anymore. She's six, but because she is the youngest out of all of us she remains baby Lily.

I squat down and hear my left knee pop. "Hi, baby. I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been?"

"Daddy took me to the Painted Mountains for the summer," Lily replies once we finish hugging. "I'm back for school."

"How were the mountains?" I ask.

The painted mountains used to be called the Rockies, a bloody battle took place there towards the end of the Burning Period. The mountains are painted in blood.

"Boring!" Lily answers. "We kept going on hikes! It was so hot."

She is sporting quite the tan. "Why don't you tell me about it more on Thursday," I suggest standing.

She nods and I walk into my bedroom bidding them all a goodnight, even though it's four in the afternoon. It's like a switch flipping, the second my door closes I want to collapse. I stumble over my feet and brace myself against the doorframe to my parlor.

"Princess?" Kennedy appears from the shadows of my dark room. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," I try and wave Kennedy off. "I'm just tired that's all."

I walk to my bed and sit on the edge. I slip off my shoes and yawn loudly. I look over to the bathroom, knowing I need a shower.

"Kennedy," I start, "be a dear and spray some lavender around."

"Yes, Princess."

I stand and make it one step before I get a head rush and my vision blanks. For a split second, everything goes black and then I feel myself falling. A sharp pain spread across the back of my thigh where it slapped my marble floors. I'm disoriented and my head aches.

I hear something clatter to the floor and rushed footsteps. "Emmalyne!"

Kennedy is standing above me, their head seems to be moving. Like the room is spinning. They grab me by the waist and clutch my hand. I'm hoisted upright and I sling my arm across Kennedy's shoulders. They half walk, half carry me back over to my bed, and set me down gently.

"I'm okay, Kennedy." I protest. "I just got a little light-headed."

They don't listen to me. "Stay there."

I almost fall asleep sitting up while Kennedy fetches something. My eyelids grow heavy but before I can fall back onto the mattress and succumb to sleep, something thumps at my side.

My favorite pair of pajamas. Forest green satin shorts and a shirt. Kennedy tosses down my brush and elastic as well. I look up at them confused.

"All due respect Princess, but you are in no condition to ready yourself for bed. You can hardly stand." Kennedy says. I know what they're implying.

My limbs ache with fatigue so I just nod. Kennedy climbs up behind me and brushes out my hair and puts it into a ponytail at the top of my head. Only then am I allowed to stand, Kennedy unzips my dress and I pull it off my shoulders. It falls to the ground and pools around my ankles.

Kennedy has seen me naked hundreds of times. Now is no different. I take off my bra and toss it to the side. Kennedy puts my shirt on like a jacket and leaves me to button them. I pull on the shorts and turn to go to sleep but Kennedy stops me.

"Your buttons are wrong."

They're right. The buttons are mismatched and the shirt crinkles because of it. I let something out between and moan and a whine. "Will you do it, please?"

Kennedy reverses all of my work and redoes it properly. The windows to my room are already dark, so as I crawl under my sheets I catch one last glimpse of Kennedy as they flick off the lights, then I succumb to the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes me five days to return to normal. But I got all of the preparations for the ball done which is the only redeeming factor to this week.

This is the first hour of downtime I've had. I have my work panel in my lap and I'm sketching a maxi dress. There are hundreds of tapes from different parades in the past that I watch for inspiration. The way people used to dress is fascinating. On this tape, a lot of people are wearing colorful capes or carrying flags. My favorite pattern is the flag with orange and pinks.

The door crashes open and Nick marches into my bedroom. He carries a giant bag of chips with him.

"If it isn't my favorite person on the planet!" Nick smiles hopping up onto my bed. "What are we watching?"

"Just some old tapes," I shrug, "I can turn it off."

"Woah, did you draw that?" He askes looking down at my sketch.

Yeah," I answer, hesitantly.

The top of the maxi dress is creme-colored with sleeves made of baby pink tulle. The skirt explodes with pinks and oranges, it fades in and out, of the white. The dress would be perfect for a Unity Day celebration.

"Em, this might be the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Nick exclaims. "You got this idea from some parade?"

My smile is so wide my face might split in half. "Yeah, it's from June of 2387."

"Damn, that was forever ago," Nick says looking at my television. His eyes grow wide and he looks from the screen to me. "You said this was from June?"

I click the 'info' button on my remote. "June twenty-second. Why?"

"Turn it off!" Nick shouts.

I jump and jam the power button. "Why?"

He turns and looks at me dead in the eye. "Emmalyne, I want you to be honest with me. Are you a lesbian?"

Lesbian. That word sounds familiar. "What?"

He looks frazzled. He places a hand on either one of my shoulders. "Do you like girls?"

I scoff and push his hands off of me. "What kind of nonsense are you spewing! Do I like girls? That's illegal remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." He says grimly. "Those tapes are illegal too."

"What!" I cry. He's not making any sense. "What do you mean they're illegal, they've been in the public archive for years!"

"Emma, I'm pretty sure only the court is allowed to see those." Nick shakes his head. "I'm sorry for accusing you of being a lesbian."

"It's fine." I shake my head and pat him on the back. "It's already forgotten."

"Can I pick something to watch?" He askes.

I hand him the remote and he scrolls through movies and television shows.

Do I like girls? What a ridiculous question. How would I even know if I liked women? I mean sure they're pretty. I shouldn't even be entertaining this idea. It's against the law, I'm already in danger just knowing about Phil and Trav.

"You like horror movies right?" Nick askes.

"Not one bit," I reply shaking my head.

"Well, then this is really going to suck for you." He starts a movie.

Great.

It begins like every scary movie, people are always happy at the beginning of the movie. Sometimes it shows a vague horror scene to get people's blood pumping.

I would have to have had feelings for a girl to be a lesbian. I've never had a crush on anyone. Not even boys. Felicity told me that they're called crushes because they hurt.

Felicity.

Oh.