Hey guys!  So yesterday I said this book is on official hiatus (see last chapter).  However, I am considering re-doing some of the earlier chapters in a new (and hopefully funnier) style.

I was bored today, and re-did the first two chapters in a new style.  So my question is: Is this style better?  Is it funnier?  Less funny?  For reference, I posted the two original versions at the bottom of this chapter.

Also, if I do end up re-doing the book with this style, there's probably going to be a main plot running underneath everything they get up to.

In summary:  Could you guys read the chapters in their new styles and tell me what you think?

STUDYING

I have occasionally had people approach me and ask for wisdom from the stars. They nearly always leave extremely disappointed.

Really, why should amnyone assume the stars have any particular wisdom? Experience, certainly, that I have plenty, but there's very little I could relate that would not be just as easily gleaned from your average history textbook.

A particular note here is due to the zodiacs. They are, undoubtedly, the absolute worst stars (or people in general) you could go to for advice under any circumstance. And yet, people constantly ask their advice. They consult them for making plans, for insights about themselves and their friends. They base entire decisions upon their whimsical opinions.

And interestingly enough, some of the time, it works.

You have to get their attention first, of course. Largely, asking a star for advice is like trying to speak with a man on the telephone. He's talking to someone alright, but his advice is usually of very little relevance to you. But the one time I actually did stoop low enough to ask for advice from the zodiacs, I got the most helpful answer you could possibly imagine.

"Use two scoops of baking soda," advised Taurus. "I think the problem is you're not getting it to rise enough, and that's just about the most important thing when it comes to making a soufflee."

See, that never would have occured to me. As I walked away from the house into the night I decided that the zodiacs really were more than just the people you call up for a party you want to be especially wild. They really did occasionally have profound insights into our universe.

-

"Okay guys," said Virgo, glancing up from his textbook. "We really need to study for this test."

Gemini spewed his drink. "We have a test???"

Virgo facepalmed. "Weren't you listening in english."

"Who listens in english?" scoffed Gemini.

Leo ran into the room, tripping over Taurus's sofa as he did. "Wait! Virgo! What does instubstantiatingishable mean?"

Virgo facepalmed, again. "You're going to fail this test."

"Weird," mused Leo, flipping through his dictionary. "I had no idea they made words that specific."

Taurus strolled back into the sitting room from the front hall. "Dude, where did you put the snacks?"

"In the kitchen," said Virgo. "Who was at the door?"

"Just some guy," shrugged Taurus, heading for her kitchen.

Libra, meanwhile, was giving her textbook the sort of look you give someone who owes you large amounts of money. "I don't get this."

Aries peered over her shoulder. "It's a personal pronoun."

"Nah, it's possessive," squinted Saggy, elbowing Aries out of her way.

"Uh, it's personal, ya goof," said Aries, shoving Saggy.

"Possesive," argued Saggy.

"Personal!"

"Possessive!"

"PERSONAL!"

"POSSESSIVE!"

"PER—"

"Guys, let's not get too personal here, or I may have to get possesive about the study materials," said Aquarius.

"OOH!" said Gemini.

"PERSONAL, YOU STUPID IDIOT!" Aries then preformed a frankly incredible tackle from the other side of the table and knocked both her and Saggy onto the other side of the couch.

Cancer, at this point, wisely decided the safest place in the room was under the couch, and got there as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing here?" whispered Scorpio once Cancer had settled in.

Capricorn walked into the room just in time to see Cancer running screaming away from the couch, which appeared to be chuckling quietly to itself. Neither of these things were of particular interest to him, so he moved over to the blackboard installed in Taurus's sitting room and began solving Pi.

Pisces, meanwhile, was staring at the fish tank. "I didn't know Taurus had pet fish!" He dipped his hand into the water.

"Guys!" yelled Virgo. "Can we please try to concentrate?"

"I cannot concentrate with Scorpio lurking under the couch," said Cancer.

Leo blinked. "Why is Scorpio under the couch?"

"I DON'T KNOW OKAY?? I'M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS RIGHT NOW!"

"PERSONAL YOU DUM DUM!" yelled Aries, flipping over Taurus's coffee table.

"NO IT'S NOT!" yelled Saggy, hurling a vase at her.

"Guys, let's not fight—" began Libra, and then ducked quickly as a flying vase hurled towards her head. The vase smashed into the wall above Pisces's head, who was so surprised he accidentally climbed into the fish tank.

On the other side of the room, Aquarius was engaged in a deep debate with Capricorn. "...so you see, dragons must be real, or how else can you explain the scorch marks on twenty-six trees in northern Hampford county?"

"Mm-hmm," said Capricorn, squinting at the blackboard.

It was then that the inevitable happened: Aries and Saggy went crashing out the window. Nobody noticed.

That is, until Taurus walked back into the room. "Dude, what happened to the window?"

"Heck," muttered Virgo, tossing his testbook over his shoulder, and wadding through the piles of cheetos to the front door.

-

I provide this sample chiefly as evidence of when the zodiacs can be asked for advice, and when they should not. They may provide excellent and pragmatic advice in the soufflee culinary department, buy you should never, under any circumstances, ask the zodiacs for help when studying for your english test.

SCHOOL

"Chemistry!" beamed Gemini, looking at the sign on the door. "This should be fun!" Upon reaching his desk, he immediately began pouring chemicals into a large test tube he pulled out of his backpack.

Capricorn's original plan had been to sit down next to Gemini, but on second consideration, he instead turned at sat as far away from Gemini as was physically possible.

I should make a brief note here: Gemini is in no way meant to serve as a role model. One should not aspire to emulate his actions. His uses, if any, are mainly to serve as an example of what one should not attempt while in chemistry class.

"You know," called Capricorn across the room, "I'm pretty sure that's not how this class is supposed to work."

"Hush child, I'm channeling my muse." Gemini squinted at the colorful smoke rising from his test tube.

"Fine," said Capricorn, standing up. "You do me a favor and add that last ingredient after I leave the room to use the bathroom."

"Okee!"

Capricorn left the room and counted down from ten in his head.

BOOM!

"Figures," he muttered, and went to use the bathroom. Later on, Gemini would spend the rest of the class bragging to Capricorn about how rad the whole thing was.

Perhaps a better role model for scholorary behavior would be Libra. Libra, on this day, was not doing anything particularly noteworthy, but then, neither was she blowing up her chemistry class. This alone makes her a better role model than Gemini.

"Hey Scorpio?" called Libra, peering into the girls bathroom. "Are you in here?"

"No," said Scorpio.

"You do realize we're supposed to be in history, right?" asked Libra.

"Sure, that's why I'm in here," said Scorpio.

"Alright," shrugged Libra, and left.

This bathroom was generally known throughout the school as "Scorpio's bathroom." There was a reason for this: Scorpio made a habit of lurking in the bathroom whenever she didn't feel like attending a class, and somebody had torn out all the electrical wires that normally powered the lights. (Most people assumed Scorpio was responsible for this, but it was actualy a disgruntled custodian on a crusade to avenge his meagre paycheck. Other exploits of his you may recognize include the School Lunch Fiasco of 2017 (they still haven't peeled all the ham slices off the ceiling), the Thanksgiving Football Game Disaster (it's assumed that the football in question entered celestial orbit), and the School Dance from Hell (to be fair, we're not entirely sure who was behind summoning the demons). The janitor's name was Jerry, and Saggy payed him bribe money on a regular basis so she could continue to keep her smuggling ring in operation.)

By sheer unlucky coincidence, Scorpio was chuckling sinisterly to herself in the pitch black bathroom when Cancer walked in looking for some paper towels. Needless to say, this was the last time Cancer attempted to use Scorpio's bathroom.

This was not the last time Taurus walked unsuspectingly into the school gym, but given what nearly happened, it should have been. Had it not been for a particularly shiny nickel Taurus bent over to pick up, there is a slight chance she would have been decapitated by the dodgeball that came hurling towards her so quickly it left a smoking black mark on the wall behind her.

As things stood, however, Taurus continued on obliviously to the bench, where Leo was drawing an extensive car chase sequence on his math homework. "What's up dude?" she asked.

Leo pointed. "I'm watching Aries and Saggy getting way too competitive for gym class."

"LOSER! YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING!"

"OH YEAH? LOOK WHO'S TALKING!"

Leo and Taurus casually ducked as another dozen dodge balls steamed over their head so quickly they set of a fire alarm (although arguably the fire alarm was caused by what was going on in the chemistry room at the time).

Fortunately for all those involved, it was at that moment that the school bell rang. Among other things, this event led directly to Aquarius sprinting out of the building yelling "FREEDOM!" and subsequently crashing headlong into a telephone pole.

"One would expect you to have learned from experience about this," said Virgo, as he walked out of the building.

Aquarius mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "shun the haters" but may also have been "burn the taters". It remains a mystery to this day.

"Guys!!" yelled Pisces, running out of the building. "There's a new pet store in town, and they have fish!!"

Virgo scratched his head. "Well, so does the current one."

"This one has more fish."

"You know there are more things to do after school than visiting pet shops."

At this point Aquarius had chiseled himself off of the telephone pole. "Eh, let's go. It's an upstream battle." Pisces at this point took advantage of Virgo's momentary distraction from the pun and began to drag the pair of them to the local pet shop.

THE ORIGINAL STUDYING

Girls: Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Libra, Scorpio, Saggy

Boys: Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

Virgo: Okay guys, we really need to study for this exam.

Gemini: We have a test???

Virgo: *facepalms* Weren't you listening in english?

Gemini: *scoffs* Who listens in english?

Leo: Wait! Virgo! What does "instubstantiatingishable" mean?

Virgo: You're going to fail this test...

Taurus: I could use a snack... *wanders away*

Libra: I don't get this.

Aries: It's a personal pronoun.

Saggy: No, its a possesive pronoun!

Aries: Uh, personal.

Saggy: Possesive.

Aries: Personal!

Saggy: Possesive!

Aries: PERSONAL!

Saggy: POSSESSIVE!

Aquarius: Guys, let's try not to get personal here, or I may have to be possesive about the study materials.

Gemini: OOH!

Aries: PERSONAL YOU STUPID IDIOT! *Jumps over the table and attacks Sag*

Cancer: *hides under the couch to avoid the fight*

Scorpio: What are you doing here?

Cancer: *screams and runs away from the couch*

Scorpio: Heh heh heh.

Capricorn: *solving Pi*

Pisces: Ooh, there's a fish tank here! *Watches the fish*

Virgo: Can we please try to concentrate?

Cancer: I cannot concentrate with Scorpio lurking under the couch.

Leo: Why is Scorpio under the couch?

Cancer: I DON'T KNOW, OKAY? I'M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS RIGHT NOW, AND I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT! *Hugs Pisces for comfort*

Leo: ...

Aries: *flips a table* IT'S PERSONAL!

Saggy: NO IT'S NOT! *Punching Aries*

Libra: Guys, let's not fight-

Aries & Saggy: *punching each other*

Pisces: *trying to crawl into the fish tank*

Aquarius: *talking to Capricorn*... so you see, dragons must be real, or how else can you explain the scorch marks on twenty-six trees in northern Hampford county?

Capricorn: Mm-hmm. *Not paying attention*

Me: *crashes in through the window* Hi guys!

All: ...

Virgo: Who are you?

Me: I'm the author! Smile for the camera!

Leo: Wait, we're on TV? HI, I'M LEO!

Me: It's an expression. Soo, we just wanted to introduce you guys! These are the zodiacs! Now, I have to go! Enjoy your studying! *Disappears*

All: ...

Taurus: *walks back into the room* What the heck happened to my window?

THE ORIGINAL SCHOOL

Girls: Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Libra, Scorpio, Saggy

Boys: Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

Gemini: Ooh, chemistry! This sounds fun! *Pours frothing liquid into a test tube*

Capricorn: I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

Gemini: Hush, I'm channeling my muse.

Capricorn: You do that. I'll go stand over here.

Gemini: Okee! *Pours liquid*

*The test tube explodes*

Gemini: *covered in ash* ...

Capricorn: Thought so.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Libra: *walks into the girls bathroom* Scorpio? Are you in here?

Scorpio: What?

Libra: You do realize we're supposed to be in history class?

Scorpio: *scoffs* Of course I do. Why do you think I'm hiding out here?

Libra: Ah.... *Leaves*

Scorpio: *laughing*

Cancer: *walks in* *hears Scorpio laughing* *is scarred for life*

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Taurus: *walks into the gym* What's up?

Leo: I'm watching Aries and Saggy getting way too competitive for gym class.

Aries: LOSER! YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING!

Saggy: OH YEAH? LOOK WHO'S TALKING!

Taurus: I thought they were best friends.

Leo: They are.

Taurus: Oh. Right.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*The bell rings*

Aquarius: FREEDOM! *Sprints out of the building* *runs into a telephone pole*

Virgo: *facepalms*

Aquarius: Shun the haters!

Pisces: Guys!!! There's a new pet store and they have fish!!!

Virgo: Uh, so?

Aquarius: Eh, let's go. It's an upstream battle.

Virgo: *facepalms*

Pisces: *drags Virgo and Aquarius to the fish store*

...so, uh, is it better this way?