Angel: if Karma doesn't hit you, I f*cking will!

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*at a zoo*

Captain: so what are they in for?

Player: Captain, this isn't jail

Captain: so they can leave?

Player: no, but-

Captain, pointing at a meerkat: I think that one murdered someone

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Captain: if you put "violently" to describe your actions, it sounds funnier

Captain: violently practices 

Engineer: violently studies

Player: violently sleeps

Bro: violently shoots pictures 

Veteran: violently boxes

MrCheese: violently murders someone

Player: violently worries about the previous statement

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TheGentleman: are you laughing at that video of MrCheese and MrEgg fighting?

Bro: no

Bro: I'm laughing at the comments

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: ah, hello again, we should stop meeting like this

Player: maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY F*CKING HOUSE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: you're not jealous, are you?

Player: no!

Veteran: good, cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dum: being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world

Gnome: unless you're home alone

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TheGentleman: given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds

MrCheese: forty five seconds?!?!

TheGentleman: no I said four TO five seconds!

MrCheese, hugging TheGentleman: too late

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* ok everyone, be cool, this is a robbery

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stoner: *texting* hey can you pick me up I'm drunk? 

Stoner: oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now

Captain: yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: I just want someone to take me out...

Veteran: on a date?

MrCheese: with a sniper gun?

Angel: both, if you're not a coward

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: it's Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Player: merry crisis

Stoner: jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way

Bro: how hoe hoe

Captain: guys, please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MrEgg: ow!

Player: what's wrong?

MrEgg: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow 

Player: it's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stoner: drink your school, stay in drugs and get 8 hours of drugs

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: croissants, dropped

MrCheese: road, works ahead

Veteran: BBQ sauce, on my titties

Gnome: shavacado, fre 

Bro: miss Keisha, f*CKING dead

Blue: 

Blue: I don't understand a word of that and I hate every single one of you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother: *is hugging Dum*

Angel: it's my turn to hug Dum! *grabs Dum*

Gnome: *kicking down the door* what do you mean, "YoUr TuRn"? We agreed now is my time slot!

Mother: no it's my turn!

Dum: *suffocating* girls, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!

Angel: but we need the moral support!

Mother: and you're small, which is cute!

Gnome: if I don't hug you right now, I think my depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning 

Dum: *close to tears* well, ok I guess...

I ship these four ngl. Also @Circusbabyxzane you know what to do >:3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: Player just gave me this rock and said "You deserve the moon, but all I can give you is this rock"

Captain: if you don't marry him, I will

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TheGentleman: I just had a long time with MrCheese and MrEgg about hitting and now they are yelling "It's my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence!" before hitting each other

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: can we go to a haunted house?

Veteran: what's wrong with the one we live in?

Player: wh-what?

Veteran: goodnight Player

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gnome: someone take me to art museums and make out with me

Engineer: but they said not to touch the masterpieces

Gnome: well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall~

Stoner, on a walkie talkie: this is Stoner, those idiots are f*cking around in the east wing again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stones: forgive me father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: is this plan B?

Veteran: well actually this is plan P

Captain: plan P? Is there a plan M?

Veteran: yes, but I marry Player in plan M

Player: I like plan M

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: I just found out that humans can fit a light bulb in their mouth with ease but can't take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: I give up, I'm so tired...

Captain: get the emergency supply!

Dum: *carries Veteran and places him in front of Player*

Veteran: *smiles*

Player: AND I'M BACK BABY! LET'S GOOOO!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MrCheese: yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over MrCheese's mouth* I said stop eating it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: so I got this amazing plan!

Player: we fail almost every time you say that

Captain: well this is the same! But with a hamster involved

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MrCheese: remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? 

TheGentleman: no, I said "MrCheese, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran, on the phone: hey Player, do you know my blood type?

Player: oh course, it's B-

Veteran: oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: *heavily bleeding while laying on a bed in MedBay*

Player: quick, Captain, what's your type? 

Captain: tall, wearing a red beanie, brown hair and brown eyes...

Engineer: he means your blood type!

Captain: *looks at his wound* uhh... red?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dum: the floor is lava!

Engineer: *helps Gnome onto the counter*

MrEgg: *kicks MrCheese off the sofa*

Player: *lays down on the floor*

Dum: ... are you ok?

Player: no...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother: so, what are we doing? 

Player: waiting our lives

Mother: I meant for lunch...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Captain: *aggressively throws water bottles*

Veteran: uh... what's up with him?

Dum: he's trying to tell mental health and wellbeing into us

Captain: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Player, crying: it's working-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gnome, after a nosebleed: welp, time to wash the blood off my hands

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: life needs a search function or something 

Veteran: I need my socks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: look, guys, I need help

Captain: love help?

Engineer: financial help?

MrEgg: emotional help?

MrCheese: help moving a body?

Everyone: *looks at MrCheese* 

MrCheese: what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MrCheese: you seem familiar... have I threatened you before?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gnome: I invited you all here because I crave the deadliest game...

Angel, nodding: knife monopoly

Gnome: I actually was going to play Russian roulette but now I'm really interested in whatever knife monopoly is

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: just so everyone knows, don't try to climb a tree at night while carrying a strobe light. Owls DON'T like it

Player: ... what happened?

Veteran: I made a VERY bad mistake...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How the crew responds to being stabbed by a knife

MrEgg: rude

Bro: that's fair

Player: not again

MrCheese: now are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother: where's Gnome?

Dum: don't worry, I'll find her 

Dum, shouting: ENGINEER SUCKS!

Gnome, from a distance: ENGINEER IS THE BEST PERSON EVER! F*CK YOU!

Dum: found her

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up to a circle of people talking', but it sounds lovely, thank you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: if you would guess, how many brain cells do you have?

Veteran: Doritos cool ranch

Player

Player: I'm just gonna assume zero for now

Veteran: I love that song

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MrCheese: the bloodline ends with me

MrEgg: that's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TheGentleman: where the devil is MrCheese?

Veteran: well, it's raining outside... maybe he melted?

Captain: shall I look outside for a cheese hat?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: could you be any more annoying?

Bro: yes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stoner: I know you love him

Bro: I'm not in love with Ninja!

Stoner: I never said who...

Bro: *realizes*

Bro: sh*t. Well, anyways-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stoner: who do you know that has handcuffs

MrCheese: well, TheGentleman and I-

TheGentleman: *elbows MrCheese* 

MrCheese: -wouldn't know 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Player: that was so hot, Veteran

Veteran: I just called the person who flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they gets dragged down the streets

Player: I'm so in love with you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok that's it XD