I kept my word of not trying to date for months. I didn't check dating apps. I also didn't hook up with anyone at all.

It'll happen for me when it happens. I'm going to try and not put so much emphasis on it.

I focused on work, mostly. For a while there it felt like my life was just going to work and occasionally seeing my friends. It didn't feel exciting, but at least I wasn't stressed out over someone's daughter.

I was now twenty two years old, turning twenty three on January 10th, and I decided it was time to start thinking about moving out of my mom's house. I was saving money at my new job, something I never did while serving, and I knew I was getting to the point where I wanted to live either on my own, or with a roommate.

Both Josie and Savannah had graduated from college at this point, however Savannah was moving in with her boyfriend, and Josie lived an hour away.

I was still friends with Div. In fact, we seemed to be much better as friends, as I thought we would. I would go to the coffee shop after work around once a week and hangout with her while she closed the shop.

I told her about my woes of wanting to move out.

"There's nothing wrong with living with my mom," I explained, "I just feel like it's time I move out, I'm almost twenty three, and it's not like I was living at college the past four years."

"Would you live alone?" Div asked me as she restocked coffee flavoring syrups.

"I would, it just makes me kind of nervous as a young woman."

"I understand that," Div nodded, "Just like a relationship, it'll happen for you when it's meant to. I firmly believe that, May."

I smiled at Div, "Thank you, Div."

That night as I was relaxing in my room, I was scrolling on social media.

Alexa didn't post much on social media, but we still followed each other. When I saw her post from that night on Instagram, my heart dropped.

She was kissing a very pretty girl with light brown skin, curly hair, and glasses on the cheek in the photo.

Part of me wanted to be happy for her. I should have been happy for her.

Yet I couldn't help but to think that should've been me.

I shouldn't have let her go.

It's too late now.

That night I redownloaded Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge.

I started casually talking to a few women, none that truly caught my attention.

Until about a week later, I matched with Sam.

When I initially saw her photo, I thought she was attractive. She had long, straight light blonde hair and wore a gray t-shirt and a baseball cap in her photo.

She also turned out to be really interesting to talk to.

Sometimes on the dating apps, the conversations went flat for me because the person on the other end wouldn't ask me questions. I felt as though to have a two way conversation, you have to ask each other questions.

Sam seemed genuinely interested in learning more about me, and I felt the same about her.

About a week after we started to message, she asked me to hang out.

I smiled as I read the message from her asking if I wanted to meet for a drink. I messaged her back that I would really like that.

As I got ready to hang out with Sam, I was more nervous than usual. I hadn't done this in months. My hand shook ever so slightly as I tried to apply winged liner.

"May, chill. You'll be fine," I told myself, "The worst that can happen is that you don't click and you never speak again."

That did not happen.

We seemed to click right away.

Sam greeted me with a hug, which immediately made me feel less nervous. As we pulled away, I could see that she was about an inch or so shorter than my five foot four height. Not that I minded at all.

"It's so nice to meet you in person," she said to me with a grin, "I must say, you have really pretty eyes."

I smiled back as I said, "Thank you, so do you."

She did have pretty eyes. They were a grayish green shade that I had never quite seen before.

Something about Sam made me feel comfortable. She had a certain warmth to her, it almost felt like I'd known her for much longer than a week.

I learned that her full name was Sam Sutton. She worked as an electrician and was twenty four years old.

"How do you like being an electrician?" I asked her.

"Overall, I really enjoy it. I love that I didn't have to go to college for it and I can still make a decent living. Granted, I was the only woman in my class at the trade school I went to, but I tried not to let that bother me."

I found Sam to be just as interesting to talk to in person as I did through messaging.

We stayed at the bar for hours talking, and we each only had two drinks.

As we walked out of the bar, Sam turned to me, "No pressure at all. Would you want to come back to my apartment? I'd love to hang out with you more."

Normally, this would have turned into us having sex. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, however I was trying a different approach. Which was to not immediately hop into bed with someone.

I agreed to go back to Sam's apartment, and while we wound up making out on her couch, we didn't go all the way.

I stayed at Sam's apartment until 1:30 AM, not even caring that I had work at 8 AM that same day. I was buzzing from how great of a time I had on our first date.

Maybe this will actually work out for me.

As the weeks went on, things seemed to be going in the right direction with Sam. We were talking every day and hanging out multiple times a week.

One thing that I really liked about Sam was that she was upfront about her feelings. She didn't seem to want to play games. She told me that she liked me a lot and wanted to keep spending time with me. She didn't leave me with more questions than answers.

I was really glad about how things were going with Sam. She wound up going out with me, Josie, and Savannah for my twenty third birthday and got along really well with them.

"I like Sam a lot," Josie said to me, "She's really down to earth and easy to get along with. You picked a good one, my friend."

A couple of weeks after my birthday, Sam asked me officially to be her girlfriend. I said yes, of course. Sam made me happier than I'd felt in quite a while.

My mom seemed to take notice.

"You seem really happy, May," she said to me one day as I sat with her while she was making dinner, "I'll have to meet Sam sometime soon."

"I'll bring her around," I said back to my mom.

My mom paused and then asked me, "You're still not telling your dad about your sexuality, right?"

"I still don't feel ready. I mean, it's not hard to hide exactly. He doesn't ask me about my love life, and I don't even see him and Vanessa very much."

Vanessa is my stepmom, who I don't mind, but don't have much of a relationship with.

My mom shook her head, "I don't understand why your father has to be the way he is. It's fucking ridiculous."

"At least I have you to talk to."

My mom smiled at me, "Always, sweetheart."

My relationship with Sam was very stable, which was something I wasn't all that used to. There wasn't drama, it was a mature relationship. I enjoyed the peace of it, and was starting to picture a future with Sam.

That was until about two and a half months after we became official.

Sam texted me every morning, telling me to have a good day, usually with a heart emoji. I woke up that Wednesday morning without a text from her.

Odd, but she's probably really busy with work.

I didn't hear from her for a few hours, so I decided to text her at work that I hoped she was having a good day.

I was unsettled. An uneasy feeling washed over me, especially when I wasn't hearing back from her for hours.

I was at the point where I was concerned something bad happened to her, when she finally texted me back.

The text read: Hey, sorry I'm just texting now. Had a really busy day. Hope your day was good.

I blinked a few times and reread the text.

Something is off about this.

I texted her back, and we messaged for a couple hours that night, on and off.

Something still didn't feel right. Sam wasn't being her usual affectionate self.

For two more days this went on and I felt completely unsettled. To the point where I could barely eat. Sam and I had plans to hangout that Friday night, and she texted me on Friday afternoon saying she didn't feel well.

That's when I called her, and she answered on the third ring.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her as I paced around my room, "You're acting kind of strange."

"I'm fine," Sam responded, "Sorry, I'm just not feeling great this week."

The conversation lasted a couple minutes. I felt a bit more reassured by the end of it, but not that much.

That night I told Josie my concerns about Sam.

"How about I come visit you tomorrow?" Josie suggested, "We can have a girl's day, I'll pick you up at 10 AM and we can get coffee first."

"That sounds great," I said, "Thank you, Josie."

Once again when I woke up the next morning, there was no text from Sam. I was tempted to text her, but I decided not to.

I'll let her come to me.

"This is so unlike Sam," I said to Josie as we sipped our lattes, "This whole time I thought she wouldn't play games with me. Now I'm here questioning whether I should text my own girlfriend."

Moments later, my phone vibrated, and I immediately looked at it. It was a text from Sam.

The text read: Hey. I know I've been acting weird, and I'm sorry for that. I just want to be honest with you. I am not in a place right now to be in a serious relationship. I'm really sorry, May.

That's when I said, "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

I tried to not cry in public, but I couldn't help that a few tears escaped as I started to process that Sam and I were no longer together.

Josie and I left the coffee shop after talking more, and we decided to go shopping.

"Retail therapy will be good for you," Josie said as she drove us to Target, "Seriously though, what is wrong with Sam? Who breaks up with someone over a text like that?"

"I guess she does," I responded, "I didn't know her as well as I thought I did."

As Josie and I shopped at Target, I was numb and in disbelief the whole entire time.

As we walked out, bags in hand, my phone started to vibrate.

I wonder if it's Sam, telling me she's sorry and that she made a mistake?

At this point, I don't even think I'd get back together with her.

I looked down at my phone and almost dropped it when I saw who was calling me.

Alexa.

Well...that's certainly unexpected.