Alpha's expression tells me he wasn't expecting my question. He falls silent, suspicion hanging in the air. 

"Come on, I need to know how worried I should be." My hand slides up to his neck as I massage and clean simultaneously. Being close to him makes me feel more comfortable testing the boundaries, treading on the edge of how far I can prod.

"Don't worry; you'll have plenty of opportunity to kill me yourself once the ceremony is over." He mutters, coaxing my chin back towards him, capturing my lips with his own as he kisses me. Smirking against his lips, I shudder at the feeling of his stubble, Alpha brushes his nose against mine in a way that brings me to pause. 

My heart was pounding in my chest, every hair on my body was raised, the sex was over, and yet I was still in this state of euphoria. 

Had sex ever been like this? 

I marvel at the muscle beneath me. The man doesn't have an ounce of fat on him, but I suppose neither would I if I exercised for a living. We were both damaged, not what the average person would consider the picture of attraction though his face was much to my liking. He might be one of the only people who knows my pain, how much these scars had caused me to suffer, and how much they continued to hurt me.

Right.. I wanted to kill him. Concern crosses my face, and for once, I'm speechless. I had no retort, no comeback, for at this moment, that plan had been altered by the wave of emotions I was feeling. Damn him, I wasn't often rendered so incapable. 

Alpha captures my lips once more, dragging his teeth over my lower lip with a heavy exhale of desire. "No snarky remark? Don't fret too much over it. I might be broken, but combat is something I was born into. It'd be a cold day in hell before I lost to any of these children." 

The faint hint of a smile curls at the corner of his mouth, dimpling his cheek; I offer a smile back. "My my, aren't you charming when you want to be? Children, hmm? Now you sound as old as your hair conveys. How old is that again...?" I reach up to stroke his thick hair back into some sort of order, tangled from my savaging of it, and take note of how soft it is.

I expected a more coarse texture from the color, twisting the few slivers of white mixed in with the gray around my finger. As our gaze centers on the other, I retract my hand and clear my throat. 

"I'd wager I'm close to twice your age, horrifying as that is." 

Not wanting to think about climbing into bed with another older man, I introduce chaos as I wring my washcloth out over his head to wet his hair. "Couldn't you just lie to me?"

I can't afford these moments between us to expand, and I can't be allowed to feel anything beyond malice towards him. 

The shock of my assault causes him to splash me, and I gasp in mock horror. 

The steamy water soaks my chest, and the silk undershirt greedily absorbs the liquid. "You've soaked me, you brute." I pluck at my now-clinging white shirt, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Alpha's hand sweeps his hair back out of his eyes with a curse to the gods, blazing with rage at my ill-timed behavior. 

Only when he spots my vulnerability does the inferno simmer.

Much as I wished to resent him, I couldn't find it in me to regret taking full advantage of the sinful man when he was the only one to see me for the pathetic creature I was. A lycan warlord had been the only man to honor my consideration, to avert his eyes when I shrunk beneath the weight. 

"So there's no challengers for your position?" I press, crossing my arms over my chest, stroking my forearm with my thumb as I attempt to unravel from the shyness of my exposure. 

"There is an officer that I trained, he's a Beta loyalist." 

"If you trained him, he also knows your weaknesses." My eyes drift, ending on his shoulder, admiring the maze of the marks as they slice into the pectoral muscle and collarbone.

My lingering gaze pulls the corners of his mouth down as he slips out from under me to stand. The moment was over, and it couldn't have ended soon enough. I needed to get some distance, yet my fingers trail over my lower lip when his back is to me. 

Men didn't like to kiss. 

His tanned skin contrasts against the white fluffy towel he uses to dry himself as he exits the tub. Unshamed at my admiration for the form before me, I drink in the width of his chest, the spattering of hair there, and follow the trail before he catches my attention by clearing his throat. 

I'm unapologetic.

 Alpha was one of the most physically capable men I'd ever seen naked. It'd be a waste not to examine the male form before me. He differed significantly from the chubby bodies of aged wizards and the lilith lines of dragons turned to men. 

Alpha squares his shoulders with a tight jaw, flashing me that annoyed but amused look as I drink him in. "You should worry more for him; my weakness is visual; I count on him trying to exploit it. I'm more than capable of defending myself."

"I'll say," I mumble, startled by the laugh that my response provokes. 

Alpha raises an eyebrow, "Do you, now? And what do you have to say? You've not taken your eyes off me, so tell me, what is your measure?" He looks genuinely amused. 

Standing from the tub, my nature is to respond with scathing determination, yet the visual of the lines of his hips dipping behind the towel makes my mouth threaten to water. I found him more than acceptable. 

"We all have needs, Alpha," I tell him simply as I wrap my towel around myself, earning a chuckle as I cover my torso from curious eyes. "If you're done paying yourself compliments, I'd like to know when does this ceremony begin?" I ask, "Should I dress a certain way?" 

Playful, witty, and willing to take my commentary, he had pulled me out of the depths, and I could feel my mood threatening to lighten. 

"Naked. Absolutely naked." Alpha's tone bordered on sultry. 

I pale as I stare at him before concluding that this is his attempt at humor. 

"Ass," I scold as he delivers a sharp smack to my ass for the trouble of my insult. My gaze follows him back into the bedroom; I reluctantly trail behind, not wishing to return to the world where I needed to hate him. "What will you be wearing?"

Hesitating, Alpha considers his words. "It will mostly be wolves in attendance; it's not safe to be in our human selves when it comes to ranking battles where anything goes, and the only rule is the competitor must die. I will be there as 'Alpha.' I suggest if you're going to tremble as you did before, you remain in this room."

Irritation boils to the surface; the reality can't be kept at bay. "How is this right? Why must you die? Why can't you step down if you are bested in a dual?" 

Alpha doesn't answer, I remember Tonic telling me about their religion. I recall his own words that their fate had been predetermined. To die in battle was honorable; no matter how insane I felt, it was what they believed. 

In silence, we dress; I attempt to accept that he wasn't going to tell me any more, that there was no way I could demand the answers from him when, technically, he was my captor. 

Pulling on his tights and fiddling with the string that fastened the front, the heat radiating off him let me know I was nearing the line of his tolerance. Finally, when I've given up, he speaks. "I will tell you because to align with us, you must understand us." 

Grasping the hem of his pants, I button them for him as the back of his fingers brush my cheek, trailing through my hair before collecting the back of my neck with a reluctant sigh. 

"Honor, discipline, commitment to a cause... all of those things are what our religion was founded on. That religion came back when we were enslaved, as it was what kept us going. It was easier to convince these men to follow the old ways than to let them believe there was no reason to fight back. 

We fight to the death because there is a greater place beyond this realm, and to get there, you must die in battle. It is a touch hypocritical to prevent such a journey when a battle is upon you. All these men want the same thing, a warrior's death; who am I to deny them that?" 

Stepping away from me, he grabs his shirt and pulls it on, layering his vest over it. The top few buttons of his shirt remain open, and I resist the urge to button them for him. He probably won't stay in these clothes for long; it'd be a wasted effort, and I won't entertain my unreasonable urge to touch him.

"Even if you don't believe it yourself?" I challenge. "As someone who grew up in the church, I'm well aware of what religion can do to a society, making unreasonable claims for the uninformed to follow. But you don't seem to be too convinced, so why must you die? You haven't convinced me-" My voice trails; I suppose it wasn't my place to be convinced. 

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Alpha regards me quietly as he laces up his tall boots, muttering to himself in a language I don't understand. 

"Can't give away all my secrets, now, can I?"

Moving to look out the window, I feign indifference. We aren't so different, him and I. It would seem he treaded on the same principles, following laws neither of us believed in the pursuit of damnation, all because society deemed it so. I was not welcome in my church if I went as myself; only as a man who loved women could I sit in those pews. 

The significant difference between us was mere sophistication; I was not descended from barbarians. The sight below startles me; a courtyard is crawling with wolves. There has to be over a hundred, nearing two hundred. 

Alpha joins me, looming over me with his substantial height compared to mine."I've got to get down there; it's starting soon. Tonic will be behind me with Adriam and Sota; I suggest you join them there if you must come. The men get a touch overcharged, and it is dangerous to be on your own." 

This is not a suggestion, and I can only nod absently. "Don't count on me passing this up."

 "I figured as much... I'll send Tonic up to fetch you."

I know the warlord has replaced the charming man I just spent the last few hours with.

I dress in my robes to prepare for the evening and return to the kitchen to finish my lunch, though I suppose it is dinner now. The halls are empty with everyone outside, and the air feels electric and unsettling. They mobilize, not in a war against me, but against their own men. 

All in the name of make-believe gods, to claim rank in some ancient society. Men would die in my courtyard, lessening their numbers, modern gladiators but for sport rather than entertainment. I should encourage them, yet the pain I feel for these men is akin to that I feel for my own people. 

Werewolves, Lycans, they used to be my people. 

How totally pointless. 

I shut my eyes tightly as I close the kitchen door and take a few deep breaths before seeking the only source of comfort I can think of: wine. I pour myself a glass and take a long swallow. The taste is so familiar, and I welcome the warmth it brings, only to come crashing down as to the source of the familiarity. 

Clutching the cup so tightly, I press my forehead to the rim as I hold back the desire to succumb to the memory of my mother; I can almost hear her voice as she tells me that wine is the only thing holding her together some days. 

My mourning is interrupted by Tonic. 

"Are you okay?" He asks, his voice small but concerned. 

"Yes.. yes, I'm fine. I'm just remembering my mother is all. Do you drink?" I offer him the bottle and he holds up his hands. 

"I'm okay. I'm just coming to bring you to Alpha. It will be starting soon; you and I are, unfortunately, targets." He regards me, looking as though he wishes I wouldn't partake in the drink as I swallow the rest of the glass.

"Of course we are; chaos is the breeding ground of assassination attempts. If any of us survive the night it'll be a damn miracle, might want to reconsider that drink, Tonic." I follow him out of the dining hall into the central courtyard, overwhelmed by the thunder of drums. The sun started to set over the tree line, enhanced by the lighting of multiple fires surrounding a place that was once grass but is now dense sand. 

I feel like an invader in an alien world. Surrounded by naked men, partially clothed or shifting into wolves, their shadows cast eerie figures across the castle's walls. My heart throbs, and I clutch Tonic closer, blocking out the catcalls and beckoning hums of men who wish to end my life. 

Hearing the drums and the snarls, it sucks me right back to that moment where my life was forever changed. 

Ducking my head down, I follow close to Tonic, and we mount a set of stairs to climb up to a large boulder that overlooks the new sandpit. At its peak, the Alpha stands. The fire cascades light down his coat and illuminates his startling eyes, casting shadows across his large body. Adriam is sitting in a chair backed up to a rock face, and I notice we are in a modified version of the garden. 

I sit beside him, uncomfortable with the spectacular view of the sandpit.

 Alpha's whole body trembles with anticipation, and his large head is lowered as he watches his pack gather. The noise consumes all else; my entire town must think they are being invaded again. 

Stepping away from me, Tonic allowed his wolf to rip through his body; it never ceased to make me cringe away, shutting my eyes until it was over. He's darker than Alpha; his dark chocolate eyes play on the colors in his coat. I find him much more of an off-gray than the silvery color that Alpha possesses. 

Uninterested in the activities, Tonic lies down and curls around my chair, resting his head at my feet. My palms sweat; I wipe them on my robe with a slow exhale, trying to calm my racing mind.

Lost in the texture of the pelt brushing against my knee, I stare at Tonic's forehead for what feels like hours, counting the hairs and examining how his coat melts from one color to the next before I hear Alpha speak.

"Silence!" he barks, a hush falling over the crowd.

"We are here to carry on the traditions of our people. Tonight, a position has been opened, and as you all know, we must have a full hierarchy." 

A grumble runs through the pack, and I hear a snarl from the sizeable gray wolf as the group falls silent. My blood runs cold, and my stomach threatens to flip. I want to be anywhere else; it was a mistake to come here. 

 "If you have a grudge, settle that debt in the ring rather than running your mouths. Threats against me will not be tolerated. We're approaching a war, gentlemen; the opportunity to change this leadership is closing beyond an all-out mutiny. There is no surrender, so choose wisely but do feel inclined to reveal yourselves as I'd rather not drag your sorry asses into battle."

The white-haired man approached. Sota was not sitting with us. He had been so quiet, off to the side; the look on his face showed concern. Ol One Arm lifted his hand, giving Alpha a hard look, suggesting he was displeased with such an inflammatory speech.

 "Everyone clear the ring," Sota snarls, shaking his head at the gray beast. "Go," he mumbles, "I hope no one is stupid enough to call your bluff."

Alpha leaps down from his perch into the sand, his presence enough to send the front line stumbling backward. 

"Does anyone challenge the rank of the Alpha?" Sota demands.

Silence. 

I glance at Adriam, who is very focused on the event. 

"Don't be shy, anyone at all?" Sota presses. 

Tonic whines, hiding his muzzle beside my foot, "I hate this. I don't want anyone to get hurt." Reluctant to touch one of these beasts, my nerves are shot, yet the discomfort in his voice mirrors my own. Beyond being a living weapon, he was also my friend, and without thinking, my fingers stroked the top of his head.

"Would maybe like to try for Alpha? Might be better pay grade." 

Everyone's eyes snap to the massive white wolf that steps into the ring. Adriam smirks, chewing on his knuckle, his crossed leg bouncing nervously despite his obvious amusement. 

 What is this? 

"Come now, I don't want break other shoulder. Step out of ring, I let you live."

 His Russian accent rolls thick. Victor?

I'm about to watch Alpha die. 

Unable to see his face, I can only see Victor's; his expression appears smug. My eyes shift to Sota, and I squirm in my chair, fighting with the confusing string of emotions that makes me wish there was a way to call off the brutality.

The two begin to circle each other, sizing each other up. Victor moves first; I force myself to look away, shutting my eyes tightly as I knot my hands into fists. 

Would they kill me immediately, or would someone else claim me as a servant?

I wait with baited breath for the sound of the impact, but it never comes. "He's alright, Nicolas." Tonic sighs in relief. 

I force my eyes to open; Alpha was, in fact, skilled. He aptly avoids Victor, at one point even jumping over him, but it doesn't appear that Victor is truly trying to hurt him.

In the distance of the crowd, the occasional chuckle surfaces, and there's a collective sigh of relief among their ranks. After all, they had fought and marched together; I could only assume that most of them felt closely bonded to the man who had just called for their blood.

 Adriam glances at me from the corner of his eye, and I glare back at him. 

Sota demands they stop, with Victor giving Alpha a playful shove. "Can't fight when can't catch, eh?" he comments and looks at Sota. "I guess I just accept the Beta position, then?" 

Sota rolls his eyes at both of them, displeased with the pair.

"That's not usually how this works. But.. I'll allow this ridiculous behavior in the spirit of the event. We are all brothers in the end, and no blood was spilled to initiate battle. Do we have any challengers for the Beta position?" 

Victor goes unchallenged, to nobody's surprise. 

Delta looks sore as he limps into the sand pit while the other two exit. Struggling to think that Delta has fought for anything, I scrutinize his sandy pelt, and all I can think of is watching him die.

Much to everyone's disappointment, a challenger steps into the ring.

Less skilled than the fight before them, the contender rivals Victor in size but lacks the speed and cunning to land the world-ending blow it would take to disarm Delta. The sandy wolf was smart, he'd gained this position fair and square, and it would appear he'd taken Alpha's tactics as inspiration. 

The smaller male narrowly avoids his foe's jaws and yet succeeds in wearing him down without taking on much damage. The crowd cheers, chants, and howls in approval of Delta's cunning, and I note the smallest of grins curling onto his muzzle.

"Come on.. don't get cocky." Adriam frowns. 

"Finish him." Sota demands, "We don't have all night."

Darting in, Delta grips the large wolf by the throat, attempting a move John had used to nearly end his life. Only, without the substance to back it up, it's a premature attack spurred by inexperience and bravado. 

"Damn it." Alpha snaps; Sota places his arm before him, warning him not to interfere as the battle begins to favor the challenger, easily breaking free of the hold; in a quick move, Delta is seized between the massive jaws.

The larger male shakes him, trying to disorient him, purposefully aiming for the already softened areas of previous injuries. Using his hind legs as a balance, the sandy male braces himself, narrowly preventing the final blow. 

"Break loose, Delta," Alpha demands, earning murmurs of disapproval; a side had clearly been chosen. 

 Suddenly, his claws find the rival's eye, and Delta takes his opportunity. He digs his hind feet into the other male's stomach, kicking him strongly and twisting his body to try and free himself. 

The rival is forced to release as the crowd cheers. Delta moves quickly, grabbing the other wolf by the top of the muzzle, I spot the first hint of reluctance. Those chocolate eyes glance upwards, and with a nod from the Alpha, Delta expertly tosses his head and snaps the male's neck.

 The crowd roars with approval, and as Delta stands over the body of the challenger, bathed in the light of the fire and the blood of an innocent man, I struggle to find the humanity in these beings. 

"I can't do this... can you.. can someone take me to my room? Tonic?"

The gray wolf is not at my feet; shouts of surprise catch my attention, and Adriam clutches my arm. Tonic had entered the ring; my eyes fall on Alpha's face, he mirrors my horror. 

This is not part of the plan.