I'm experienced enough to know the usefulness of preparation. His palm rests on the back of my head, and I momentarily fear for my life, yet he does little to encourage me as he grits his teeth in restraint. Tangling his fingers in my hair, he pulls my face up to watch me as I swallow him. 

"A Prince who gets on his knees for a slave? Now I've seen everything." Alpha comments through an airy exhale as I apply my teeth, considering biting him if I didn't think he'd kill me. 

"Do you have to talk so much?" I mock him, releasing him to suck on my fingers. Satisfied with my work, I climb the table, pushing him backward as I move to straddle his hips; sliding my hand between my legs, I slip two fingers inside. Multiple months without a sexual partner hadn't been kind to me, and yet my body seemed greedy for more than just digits. 

Alpha places a series of kisses down my jaw, and I cringe as he reaches my neck; a cold chill runs up my spine as he runs his tongue over my bruises. It was sexy, shockingly hot, and I groaned, shoving my hand in his face in protest.

I couldn't let that happen; I couldn't risk changing my opinion of this asshole who ruined my life. I needed him to be an ally; I didn't need to like him.

"Don't." I don't need or want to be loved. 

There's no need to pretend that he cares about me, that he longed to do anything other than taste my flesh for his satisfaction. With the ease with which he kissed me, I would say he was familiar with the realm of men and women; nothing about this was unique; it was a business deal and nothing more.

I shove the offensive man back on the table and pin him beneath me. He's breathless and bewildered; I'm in my domain, and he was merely my prisoner. I struggle with my fingers, flinching as I attempt to quicken the process. Beyond the anticipation, I'd be lying to say there wasn't a healthy dose of fear. 

It wasn't out of my realm to jump straight to bed without foreplay, without so much as an introduction beyond a last name. It was almost as if sleeping with the son of Lord Darius was as much of an aphrodisiac as anything I could offer. So, this was nothing new to me, yet I could feel the tremble in my body, preparing myself for how little consideration this man would have for me. 

I was giving him the perfect opportunity for revenge, to eviscerate my body, punish me beyond recognition; how many more scars could my frame hold?

A warm hand collects my face, dragging my gaze back to meet his. 

"Hey... Are you sure you want to do this?" 

I freeze, hovering over him. Has anyone ever asked me that before? Had anyone ever cared what I wanted as long as they were satisfied with what I had to offer? 

"Didn't I tell you not to be a tease? You fucked one of my servants, did you not? So, why not me? Alpha, I don't need you to worry about me. I need you to-"

To what? To not treat me like a human?

"Mmm.. yeah, that was an interesting encounter for me as well..."

This wasn't going fast enough; he would lose interest, and I would sober out of my excitement and change my mind.  Keeping my gaze firmly locked on his, I lower myself onto his length and groan at the fullness. I'm not used to him, and I go slow as I wait for my body to adjust.

"So stop talking and be useful." I snap, making him chuckle lightly as he breathes through his teeth.

Shutting my eyes, he writhes beneath me; I hear him growl, a pleasurable sound low in his throat. "If nothing else, your body doesn't lie. You're hard a rock." He exhales, running his fists down the length of my shaft.

His words broke my concentration; it was odd; I wasn't typically hard during sex.

My confidence returns as I start to move, my nails digging into his chest at the mixed emotions of ungodly pleasure and shame that I'm once again using my body to get what I want. I feel powerful when I'm here, on top of a man. I feel in control in a world in which I seem to have very little say; even when they hurt me, it is at my hand that I allow it.

I'd never felt attractive or desirable; as many women have visited our home, it had always seemed as if they knew something was wrong with me. Something alluded to my preferences; something gave away my hidden shame that I was not only perverted but that I wished to lie with men.

Alpha startles me as he sits up; I'd been so lost in thought, feeling him fill me every time I roll my hips against him. My body was on fire, my cheeks blazing; I panted and took in his piercing blue eyes as my hands fisted in his hair, and I surrendered to the closeness. 

His large hands rest on my hips, and I moan into his mouth as our lips find each other. "You feel so good." He tells me as I groan in frustration, thrusting my tongue past his teeth with the desire to strangle him.

"Stop. Talking." I manage, desperate, chasing the intensity. 

"Ok, I think I've played your game long enough; you're thinking about too many other things. Let me help you focus." Sliding off the table, Alpha stands, supporting me with his palms, and I tremble, for I don't trust this brute.

 How did I know he wasn't going to drop me? To savage me? Was this where he proceeded to rip my throat out?

Alpha hovers his lips over mine, teasing me, baiting me until I finally open my eyes to glare at him. "Just hold onto me, yeah?" He exhales, supporting me with one hand as he reaches up to guide one of my arms around his neck. "I'm not going to let you go. Dig your nails in, scratch me, bite me, do your worst. It seems you're in a hurry... so let me help this along." 

Yes, you will. When we're done here, you will pretend like this never happened.

I clutch him, digging my nails into his shoulders as I drag my teeth over his lower lip. "Just fuck me and stop acting like we aren't the other's worst nightmare. I didn't realize you had so many emotions." Using his words against him, I hear him chuckle, though I found myself wishing I hadn't provoked him as he thrust past my sweet spot into my depths.

My body trembles beyond my control; I squirm against him, sinking my teeth into his shoulder as he takes me. It's everything I can do to keep my volume under control, moaning and whimpering against his skin, out of my mind with the sensation; if I knew sex could be like this, I might have chosen a different career path. 

As a Solomonari, I wasn't supposed to crave the flesh.

Alpha used 

He feels so good beneath me; his warmth no longer suffocates me but draws me closer. I'm lost as to what my motives were. My fingers tug at his soft gray hair, and I manage a smile at the noise I'm rewarded with, that I can produce such a delicious sound from him. Alpha was so unapologetically sexual, and my body was blazing at my capability to create a response. 

I was out of my mind with desire, wanting more, needing more, begging him to give me what I wanted.  

Why am I not surprised that he likes it a little rough?

His stubbled jaw teased my skin, the sultry growl of a curse driving me closer and closer to the edge. I know he's close, and I'm chasing my release. My body shudders as I struggle to let go, struggle to let myself slip over the edge.

"You truly are a stubborn thing.... alright then. I said I wouldn't let you go, but I think you'll find my terms agreeable." Unhinging from his body, he lays me back on the table; I gasp at the chill of the wood compared to his warmth, and his hand encircles my throat, pinning me beneath him as he stands at the edge of the table. "Let me know if it's too much... Obviously, I've been too kind to you."  

Still checking, pressing me to communicate, I roll my eyes back into my head as I moan at the intensity. Merciless he uses me, holding onto my thigh with his free hand as leverage as his fingers hold my throat in a possessive firmness. I could feel the tightness, but it wasn't beyond mild discomfort, and I was thriving in the torment. 

"Hurt your ego?" I manage with a low groan, tangling my fingers in my hair, arching my back off the table as I near my limit. 

"Nah, you're coming out of your skin; I'm enjoying the view from every angle."

Who was this man? Was he possibly the same one who threatened to gut my staff? Who sprayed my father's blood across my robes, who threatened to decimate my city? How could they be so wildly different?

 I cry out as I finish, and he follows after me as he clutches me firmly, releasing himself within me as I shake from the aftershock. Running a hand through his hair, he pants with me, hovering over me as we collectively catch our breath.

 If anyone found out... my body shudders at the thought.

"Fuckin' hell.." he repeats, and I flush from the sentiment I can relate to. It was... so much better than what I expected. "Your whole body was shaking."

"You know, most gentlemen don't cum inside." I remind him as I push him to back up, carefully sliding off the table, and cringe as I'm sore and achy; the table has not been kind to my knees or my back. I find my pants and pull them on, as does he, though he forgoes the shirt.

We regarded each other, slick with sweat and a mess of bite marks, scratches, and tangled hair. "Worried you're going to get pregnant?" He retorts, raising an eyebrow. It was almost as if my haste to get up offended him, but I wasn't one to cuddle. 

Parting my lips, I can only shake my head in disbelief, adjusting my shirt, hardly managing to get the buttons lined up as I tug at the collar and push up one sleeve despite how it wishes to fall.

Adjusting my clothes, I fasten my pants with an airy sigh, stroking my hair back into order and smudging my finger at the corner of my mouth to collect unsightly drool. "Now. As we were saying?" I press, unwilling to lose any of the momentum I had gained.

Typically, I would have done this discussion during the act, but, much to my surprise, I found myself quite taken with the experience. It had completely slipped my mind to interrogate him.

As if I were fulfilling some judgment he'd already made long before I parted my lips, Alpha sighed in what could be a disappointment. "Right. Your bid for asylum on rebellion soldiers. Can't forget the business aspect of these adventures, now can we?"

Annoyed by the assumption, I cut him off with a bold statement: "I will help you find the rebellion, but you must agree to speak with them before you pass judgment. They could be helpful."

Why should I care how he regards me and thinks of me? I already know his thoughts; he surely says them often enough.

His expression becomes unreadable, ever the steel trap of emotional distancing.

"Fine. Take this plate back to the kitchen. It's late, you should go to bed."

I take the plate and move to leave, only to pause as I watch him return to his papers. Guilt consumes me once more; why had he looked so.. disappointed? "Would you eat some if I ate it first?" 

The hesitation would cause me to smile if I wasn't disgusted with my caring for this man. The after-effects of getting a release must be affecting my judgment.

"Why does it matter to you?" His guarded expression causes me to sigh, resuming the task of putting my shirt back into order; my frustration tempers. 

"Why does it matter to you?" I retort, though my tone is an octave softer.

We are both unwilling to give up any information, and I'm satisfied with that as he gestures towards a piece of bread. Unimpressed, I snag a slice of the loaf and bite defiantly. The amusement glints in his eyes as he does the same, only with a piece of meat, as well. 

"Is the meat poisoned?" He questions, taking a sarcastic sniff of the offered meal.

While I wished it was, I don't think trying such measures would end successfully for me. "No. I don't eat meat. Besides, Lycan's are immune to most poisons-"

Mention of my father's experiments made me flinch; I regret saying anything. The torture of the early lycans was something I couldn't hide from, and judging by his age, he was probably a prime candidate for those experiments. 

Alpha regards me as if suddenly everything makes sense, and I glare at him only to finish chewing down the bread and wish I'd brought water. He hands me a stolen bottle of wine, and while I'd like to be upset, I uncork it and take a heavy swig. 

"I'm.. sorry. I shouldn't have said that." I mutter.

"It's alright. I figured something was wrong with you, and not eating meat explains why you're so... small."

Rubbing my arms, I allow for the slight as he takes a few more bites, sorting through his papers. Sitting here in silence with the man who killed my family after doing what I'd done, I'm met with the overbearing sense of guilt once more. "Did they suffer?" I ask finally.

"They?" The cold tone is almost insulting. I wait, crossing my arms over my chest as I stare into the rumbling fireplace. The ever-changing flame used to be so comforting; now, it taunts me with its ability to be anything it desires.

Why couldn't I change? Why did I have to have a default that most found so offensive?

Finally, I earn a moment of decency as I down another gulp. "No. I didn't kill your siblings; Beta did, and he's not one to allow things to suffer."

Things. My family and my siblings were things. "Oh."

He didn't know what to do with me, which seemed fitting as I didn't know what to do with myself. I must have reminded him of whatever he saw in me that caused him to comfort me in the bathroom. While he doesn't touch me this time, I feel the relaxation in the air as he forces the calm to replace the heavy.

"It's a pride thing for him. They went quickly."

I couldn't explain why he felt the need to reassure me, why he even thought to keep me alive, how he could have known who or what I was. It wouldn't matter, none of it would matter; I couldn't use the book even if I did find it. But, as I stood here, listening to him, I did want to find it.

I could see the path solidifying what I must do to get through this. If I found the book, if I found a way to use it, I could stop this and stop him. Sparing him a sideways glance, refusing to succumb to the thought that he offered my siblings mercy, I stiffly nodded and handed him back the wine bottle. "Well. Should we arrange to meet with the rebellion?"

Regain control, keep him following your lead, and lead from the bottom.

"Tomorrow." His tone is final. It would appear I'm not the only one who wants to be alone. "We will discuss this more tomorrow."