(CHAPTER FIVE :
THE FIRST KILL)

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PORTLAND, OREGON [1908]

STUMBLING, I FELT MORE lost than ever after clawing myself out of my own grave only to be rejected by my own Mother. Albeit, we had out differences but I didn't think she would banish me — I thought I was fine, I didn't understand why I had been buried. Beneath the early strokes of night, I lugged my body to the train station and went to purchase a one way ticket for the next departing train. If they wanted me to be dead, I intended to play the part. In the most unladylike manner, I elbowed myself through a surge of people, impatient for my new adventure.

Glancing up at the notice board, I realised the next train was to leave in seven minutes. "One for New York, Sir." I requested a little breathlessly — rightly so too, I had in fact ran to the station, posing as a frantic mess with tears blurring my vision. "The next one, if you will." I added as an afterthought, straining to mature my voice. I was seventeen, I had never been on a train and my parents always dealt with such things until now. I was a stranger to this big, unfamiliar world.

"A pretty little thing like you in the Big Apple? It's gonna' eat you up." The Clerk chortled, the mention of eating reminding me how famished I was. It's been an entire day since I last ate, given my grave predicament — pun wholly intended. Licking my lips, my turquoise irises drifted towards his neck, watching how his prominent veins pulsed. "I'm afraid that isn't enough, Miss." He snapped me out of my trance, looking down on the few gold coins and screwed up notes in my hand. Stealthily, I pickpocketed what I could on the way here, knowing my parents were the ones who kept the money. Even I was in disbelief in what I had to resort to, the prim and proper lady I was prodded to be was no more.

"I need to be on that train." I told him, holding back a wince as my gums began to ache. "Let me onto that train, please." I connected my eyes with his, desperate to leave Portland behind. I didn't know much, but I knew enough, New York was far away and that was where I needed to be.

For a moment, I swore his muddy eyes misted over. "I will let you onto the train." He voiced in a monotone manner, handing me the ticket with a blank face.

Deciding not to question him, I gleefully accepted the ticket and skipped towards the platform. Things were finally in motion after the strange, unexplainable day I had. Standing by the platform, I couldn't help but overhear multiple conversations and covered my ears. The white noise of passenger conversations was deafening, I could only hope the train would arrive soon and food would be available. Giggling to myself, 'I'm so hungry, I could eat a human,' I thought without realising the darkness of those wretched words.

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"Heal me." I begged, my voice worn and raspy from the high-pitched screams I had been releasing at regular intervals. Not only was the bite slowly killing me, it was forcing me to live through one of my worst days. "I—I don't want to go back . . . Don't make me finish it, I can't, I don't want to. . ." My low voice trailed, my lungs burning as if being devoured by fire whilst I began to succumb to the memory once more. Looking back, I couldn't believe how callow I was, how oblivious I was to the monster I was fated to become.

"You need to learn, love. Your existence has consequences, being a vampire does." I was cautioned venomously. "I'll know when you've had enough, when your spirit has been crushed and against what the Devil on your shoulder is saying, the only thing worth clinging onto will be your humanity — the one pathetic part of yourself you could never truly despise for reasons we both know." His voice was smug, but not recognisable. Somehow, it felt fuzzy, yet familiar, distant but it was as if he was whispering right into my ear. Stirring inside of me was all this anger directed towards him, but I couldn't comment on this because the sound of the man whittled down into an echo. Like a tsunami, a rush of warmth attacked me, capitulating me back into my memories against my angst ridden cries.

✧࿐ ཾ✧

PORTLAND, OREGON [1908]

I had a bad feeling — my stomach was in knots and I didn't like it. In spite of being on one of the most marvellous inventions of my time, I couldn't relax into the leather seats. Perhaps it was paranoia, but everybody seemed to be watching me, it was like they knew I didn't belong. Hissing like Medusa's snakes, they were urging me to leave the carriage.

"No." I growled, a heightened fury bubbling underneath the surface. All these strangers were clearly judging me when they had no right to.

"Please, not another crazy one." A woman chided, sliding into the seat beside mine.

Outraged, I glared at her, drinking in her appearance. First thing I noticed was her age, she was young enough — a little older than me maybe. She had a soft-structured face with plump cheeks, hazel doe eyes and thick eyelashes. Her hair was the colour of soot, tied into a complex braid and adorned with a sheer, cream veil. Dressed in a long-sleeved lace gown with skin as white as snow, she was a shining beacon of light. Embracing her was an aura of innocence that I greatly envied. Lately, I had felt dirty, the woman before I met Kol might as well be a corpse. My life was now destined to be divided into 'before' and 'after' Kol . . . I missed him, even if he did ruin me.

"You are going to forget that I hurt you, I just woke up and you have been waiting for me."

"How do you feel, really?"

"Now, take this knife and stab it into your heart, love."

Blinking away the peculiar memories, I forced a wide smile onto my features. "Bad day, that is all." I clarified, assuring the woman I was not crazy. "However, by the looks of your outfit, your day is set to be quite marvellous. Charlotte Hatton, nice to meet you." I extended my hand to the bride to be.

Cautiously, the woman gave me her gloved hand to shake. "Elsie — woah, you're quite strong." In shock, she retracted her hand from my overly firm grip whilst I shot her a curious glance. Normally, I was far from strong and struggled to carry the milk crate inside most mornings. "And do you think he will like it?" As she toyed with the hem of her gown, the hope and desperation in her tone was overpowering. "Henry is a fast-paced city boy, a part of me is afraid he will find a better girl in the time it takes for me to get to the altar. We met when I stayed with my Aunt over the Summer and we've wrote to each other every day, but my family thinks me to be foolish." Elsie confided in me, pouring her little naive heart out.

"You look stunning, darling." I promised, frowning when I realised that I started saying 'darling' like he did. "And I don't think you to be foolish. In fact, I would argue you are wise, love is rare and chasing it when you could potentially lose all that you know is undeniably brave." I asserted, looping our hands to offer her some futile comfort and giving her hand one small squeeze to calm he erratic nerves. Thump, thump. It was almost as if I could hear the thundering sound of heartbeat.

A drink cart passed our seats and the corners of Elsie's painted lips edged up. "We shall have your best wine, Sir." She ordered before turning her attention to me, handing me a glass overflowing with crimson liquid. "Thank you, Charlotte. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." She declared happily. "To love!" My new friend toasted with the giddiness of a school girl.

Swirling the blood coloured liquid, thoughts of my heartbreak seeped through. Did I imagine it all? I didn't think I was dead, but should have been. Shaking my head, I half-heartedly raised my glass and clinked it against hers. "Cheers."

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"Elsie, I'm sorry." I cried out, my voice cracking and entering the realm of hysterical, now soaked in my own sweat. "You were my first friend in years . . . Mother never let me play with kids my own age." I whined, suddenly feeling small and incapable like a child. "I don't know if I want Henry to have found somebody else, but I'm sorry to him too. I wasn't in control, I didn't know I was in transition. Kol never told me how you became a vampire, I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know!" I started to chant, embedding it into my brain until the excuse could be deemed acceptable.

Elsie stood in front of me as a tangible spirit form, nudging me. "You should have known. How dim are you, Charlotte?" She ridiculed. "Wait, it's Lottie now, isn't it? Well, Lottie may be what you named your monster, but remember it was Charlotte that made the first kill. She's no more innocent just because you keep her locked away in the safety of your memories." She taunted, hitting a sore spot. Yes, Charlotte was my human name and within a month of being a vampire, I decided to become 'Lottie.' I refused to let what had happened to me taint the human version of myself that died, the version Kol adored.

"Go away!" I demanded. "Tell her to go away!" I relied on Klaus, which was a first.

"Ouch, I see the effects of the bite are already taking place. That looks like it could hurt." Klaus teased, the hallucination of Elsie poking the oozing wound, which caused me to release a drawn out wail. "You're running out of time, sweetheart. Turn it on, then this will all be over." He informed me, sounding almost delighted at the thought. Actually, I'm positive he was delighted at the thought considering he had wanted me dead since day dot.

"All this is your fault." I claimed, panting for breath. "If you never killed me, things would have been different." But did I want things to be different? No, I decided. No matter what came as a term and condition of vampirism, I wouldn't take it back. Despite all the bad, I wouldn't change who or where I am today.

Klaus seemed to sense that my accusations held no weight. "I'm fine with being the villain, Lottie." He mused, observing how my body slumped as I drifted deeper into my unwanted memories.

✧࿐ ཾ✧

PORTLAND, OREGON [1908]

Elsie was drunk — incredibly drunk even. One bottle turned into a few more than I would like to admit. In spite of my inexperience with alcohol, my tolerance was impressive. Although, a part of me wished I was drunk too because she seemed so careless, which was a stark contrast with the uptight girl I initially befriended. Certain things I wanted to forget were pressuring my mind and I needed to bottle to take effect to numb the pain.

"Charlotte," she hummed, her head lulling to rest on my shoulder. "You're too pretty to not be courting, who's the lucky guy?" Her words were slurred and eyes were flitting shut, I doubted she noticed how my muscles locked at the question.

"It didn't work out, he didn't want to marry anyway." I treaded lightly, my chest already burning with longing for him. "He thought it was a curse and a weakness to be condemned to one person, that we only participated in such idle activities to give us purpose." I echoed his opinion, resisting the supernatural force that was trying to transport me back to that night he confessed as such, the night we played a game of questions.

In the most melodramatic way, she formed a wide 'O' shape with her mouth. "I could never be with a man like that. Did you leave him? Why would you be in a relationship with somebody if it was never going to last? Surely courting would restrict the . . . pleasures of marriage." Of course she didn't understand it. I didn't understand it myself, I had just known that Kol was a once in a lifetime love that I wanted to cherish. Now that he had left me, I did feel regret for disgracing my name and going further with a man that I knew could never have been my husband.

Elsie continued to rattle on to my dismay. Truthfully, I had taken a shine to the girl, but I had wanted to marry Kol so she was merely twisting the knife. Attempting to block out her lecture about the importance of marriage, I rested my head against the table and sucked in rapid, shallow breaths. They had yet to bring around any food, I was still starved and the wine barely acted as a substitute for my turning stomach.

"I'm done with talking about him." I stated, the negative emotions I concealed as a 'polite' twentieth century woman prepared to burst out the body bag at any given moment.

"Well, I was just saying that you can do better. Any man that doesn't want to commit is a boy. Boys are unsatisfactory and unnecessary, tr — —" Elsie proceeded to my annoyance, unaware of how livid I was.

"Shut. Up." I interrupted her long winded rant, breaking the sentence up so she could comprehend it. "Kol was not unsatisfactory nor unnecessary whilst your presence is." Immediately, my head was launched off the table and the skin stretched around my face hardened. Somehow, my features were morphing entirely. As if I was being possessed, I leached onto the woman's neck, draining her dry off blood until her head fell into my lap. She screamed and screamed and screamed, but nobody dared to move.

Blood decorated my mouth like smeared lipstick, leaving me on a high. Like a forest fire, the events had escalated and left me confused — but not displeased. Absentmindedly, I ran my fingers through the soot coloured locks of the severed head in thought. When I turned my head, I caught my reflection in the darkened window and realised . . . I was a creature of the night.

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Memories. If you ever asked me what was the most excruciating form of torture, I would not miss a beat in saying remembering. Even when I was experiencing the kill, I had broke down. After realising I was a vampire, I fled to the toilets, curled into a ball and cried. Knowing that I had killed Elsie in a blind fit of rage . . . killed me. In New York, I was a shell of myself and refrained from getting too close to anybody out of fear. However, the fatal flaw was my resistance made the feeds all the more bloody. Thankfully, I promptly discovered the switch that Kol had mentioned in passing. For Elsie's murder was a trigger, the first domino in a line of many and it hurt to acknowledge that. Hurting was a terribly human thing. So, without my consent, my humanity crashed back.

"It's on." I murmured, an overwhelming emptiness brewing in my bones. "Heal me." I repeated my earlier sentiment, the hallucination of a bloodied Elsie in her bridal gown glowering at me.

"Now, was that so hard?" Klaus smirked in victory, biting into his wrist.

✧࿐ ཾ✧

A.N: Her humanity is back but we are also going to be back in line with the Season 4 episode timeline next chapter. There's still going to be a lot of original content too, of course. I really enjoyed writing about her first vampire kill and how clueless she was.

What song do you think suits Kol and Lottie best? I was listening to The Louvre by Lorde and think it describes their relationship in this book perfectly.