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Dinner with the Sheffields was a most dreaded occasion. If given the opportunity, Anthony would find an excuse not to attend, but they were Edwina's family, and since she was about to become his wife, it meant they would become his family as well. Quite frankly, he preferred working on his business affairs than undertaking an inopportune event, but betrothals come with these types of situations, which was only making him regret continuing with this.

To make matters worse, the wedding date was getting closer, but he wasn't referring to his. He was referring to Elizabeth's. Ever since seeing her in her wedding dress, he was constantly plagued with the image of her. While she looked remarkably beautiful, he was distressed that she was wearing the dress for someone else. She was betrothed to another and despite his rationality reminding him that this was for the better, he was still upset by her decision.

Well, he couldn't complain considering he was on the same page. He was getting married as well and this entire agreement had been solely for this reason only. If he had known he would have become the bearer of such feelings, he wouldn't have commenced such an accord. Perhaps he would have spared himself all this trouble if he simply stayed away from her, but it was too late to dwell on the past. He can't turn back the time, so all he can do is move forward despite wanting to stay stuck in the present.

A sudden knock on his study placed his thoughts on a halt. He looked up and smiled once his mother entered. She was ready for the dinner, which meant he'd be forced to abandon the safety of his home for the dreaded occasion.

"Lord and Lady Sheffield's return is certainly a surprise," Violet commented as she placed her earrings on. "But it shall be pleasant to see the family reconciled, will it not?"

"I will be finished in a moment, mother. We shall not be late," Anthony assured her, not bothering to glance up from his papers.

Violet could sense there was something more in her son. He had been more stressed, more upset, and would isolate himself ever since the announcement of Elizabeth's betrothal was released. She knew better than to pry, but it was getting harder with everything being witnessed. "It is not that. I have been watching you all week and I- I told myself I would support your choice, but I must admit, I am finding it quite difficult to continue to stay silent."

Anthony tensed upon her words, afraid of the imminent lecture about to be given. He understood her concern, but he had no desire in speaking about what could have been or what is right. The present was the only thing that mattered and it meant fighting for the family he has now. Dwelling on the future won't do him any good, which was all he hoped his mother would understand.

"You have been anything but silent," he remarked.

"This is your betrothal, Anthony," she tried pleading her case, hoping that somehow, her stubborn son would have a change of heart before it's too late. "Your marriage. To the woman that shall replace me as head of this household, might I add."

"You question Miss Edwina's suitability for the role?" Anthony knew it wasn't the reason, but he wasn't willing to admit to the truth.

Violet disagreed, "I question the example you are setting for your siblings, marrying a woman for whom you clearly hold no great tenderness or love."

Sighing heavily, Anthony felt his frustration return at how much she was insisting on such an inconceivable thing. He had his priorities straight, which was following his rightful duty as head of the family. With everything he witnessed, he desired no possibility of love in his marriage as it would only bring nothing but pain.

"Why will you not accept that the love match between you and father was the exception, not the rule?"

"Because I wish for you two to know the joy of an exceptional marriage," Violet emphasized her words since it's all she's wanted for her children to experience. Love was deserved and nothing would change her mind about it. "You should be excited to wed Miss Edwina, but for all I have seen, you act as if you are approaching the gallows instead. Not to mention how tormented you are over Miss Windsor's betrothal."

"I am not tormented," Anthony attempted to correct her, but he was a fool to believe he could convince her otherwise.

Violet was silent for a quarter of a second as she approached the desk in a leisurely way. "You have spent nearly every day at Mondrich's bar. You rarely spend time with your siblings and you treat your wedding preparations as if they are nothing but a burden, and do not think I have not noticed how much you keep rereading the announcement as if hoping anything were different."

He couldn't say anything seeing as it would all come back to slap him across the face. All the signs pointed to the truth and he was angry that he hadn't been careful in hiding his emotions. She was right, but he wouldn't dare admit as it would mean that all of these months have been a mistake.

"If this is not what you want, you must say something now, Anthony, before-"

"What I want is besides the point," Anthony interrupted, refusing to continue having this conversation. "I could never dishonor Miss Edwina by begging off now and Miss Windsor is set to be married, so it would be of no use."

Violet felt a tinge of satisfaction at having obtained a hint of the truth. Her son had feelings for Elizabeth, but the circumstances were preventing him from doing something about it. Both of them were engaged to someone else, so nothing could be done to remedy the situation, but perhaps one thing could.

"You are right. A gentleman cannot take back his word, but a woman may," she implied, hoping he understands what she was trying to say. "It happens all the time with young ladies, swept up in the dizziness of receiving a proposal before the reality of marriage becomes clear."

Anthony knew what she was trying to imply and while it would be a solution to this, he was uncertain if these sentiments would be returned. What's to say anything would change? What if everything unraveled for the worst instead?

No.

He couldn't risk it.

"If Miss Edwina were to call off the engagement, no one would find fault in her," Violet explained. "And you would not be dishonoring her in the slightest, releasing her from the obligation before any vows were exchanged."

"She does not wish to end the engagement," he said in a lower voice that nearly resembled a whisper.

"But does she know your true feelings on the matter?"

"My feelings are of no concern," Anthony placed a few documents aside as he tried convincing himself not to take his mother's words for consideration.

Even if he did decide on being honest with Edwina, Elizabeth would still marry the Duke. He would still lose her either way, because she does not wish to end her engagement. She's perfectly content with her betrothal, so how can he dare wreck everything for her?

"What matters is my responsibility, which has always been to wed."

Violet was visibly disappointed and afraid of his future that would be lacking in joy. "My darling, if you have doubts, do not simply set them aside. This is the most important choice you will ever make, and it would break my heart to see you spend the rest of your life in regret. I dare say it would break your father's heart too."

The mention of his father was more than enough to shatter him completely. Everything he did, he did it to honor him. His father had looked out for them until his very last breath and Anthony wanted nothing more than to follow in his footsteps. To hear from his mother that he would be disappointed in him, it maimed him to consider that perhaps she was right.

But it was too late to take back his decision.

He was set to marry the diamond and nothing would change it.

__________________

Within the Windsor home, Elizabeth was having trouble sleeping. It was still early, but she couldn't handle Adelaide's anger and Aurora's excitement. She was having all kinds of mixed feelings, so she couldn't fathom remaining awake any longer. Following her example, the rest of her family called it a night as well.

It was a quiet evening and despite its silence, she couldn't remain in her bed any longer. With a heavy sigh, she tossed the covers off and walked out to the balcony. The wind was colder and she shivered upon its graze, but it felt refreshing against her skin. It made her feel like she could take a breath, but if anything, it made her long to head to the lake.

Solitude was deeply needed, especially soaring the skies on the swing Anthony had built her. It was the first grand gesture anyone had ever done for her and it ached her that it happened to be with the man she could never be with. Both were set to marry soon, so she needed to try and move on past these feelings, but of course, it was easier said than done.

She rested her hands on the balcony and gazed out at the gardens. A few crickets were chirping despite the crisp weather, offering a tinge of alleviation to the chaos in her mind, but just when she believed she could acquire a minute of rest, she heard a carriage arriving.

Wondering who it was, Elizabeth glanced down and narrowed her eyes for a better focus. It wasn't until a few seconds when she recognized it was Anthony, but he didn't look composed like he always does. If anything, he seemed distressed, like something had occurred and he finally had enough.

His footsteps marched toward the door, but knowing his visit wouldn't be well-received, Elizabeth did the only thing she could think of. She reached down for a few pebbles and tossed them in his direction, the small rocks bouncing off the walls to the ground and catching his attention.

"What are you doing? You cannot be here!" Elizabeth whispered, attempting her best not to make much noise. She wouldn't know how to deal if her family were to know about this, especially with Adelaide refusing to offer her support on her marriage to the Duke.

Anthony didn't say anything and instead just began climbing up her tree. She gaped at him in concern, wondering if he had officially lost his mind. He shouldn't even be here and even more at late hours of the night and sneaking into her room.

"Have you gone mad? You cannot come up!" Elizabeth muttered, but he ignored her demands and continued climbing up. Instead of continuing to argue against this, she simply stood back and headed inside. Regardless of anything she said, he was just bound to dismiss her and do as he pleased.

With a soft thud, Anthony landed onto her balcony and stormed into her room. He was out of breath and his face was flushed with frustration. She noticed he was still dressed in his elegant attire, which meant he came right after his dinner with the Sharmas and Sheffields. Based on the loss of light in his eyes, she grew concerned on what could have possibly happened that had upset him this much.

"What is wrong?"

Anthony breathed heavily as he paced all around, "I cannot marry Miss Edwina."

Elizabeth furrowed her brows in confusion, not understanding his sudden change of heart. All he's ever wanted was to acquire Edwina's hand and now that he's so close to marrying her, he's intent on tossing it away. It didn't make sense for him to be acting this way.

"What happened tonight?" she asked, her voice laced with concern and dubiety.

Anthony was trying his hardest to remain composed, but just being in her presence was making him crazed. She was wearing nothing but her silk nightgown, its white color nearly appearing as if it were see through. He became flustered at her exquisiteness and she hastily shielded her gown with her robe when noticing his lustful eyes. Such action made him tempted to remove the garment from her, but he reminded himself that he was a gentleman and needed to act as one.

Averting his gaze from her, he cleared his throat and focused on anything but her tempting essence. "Miss Edwina and I have been misled, so it is best to call off this doomed engagement before it is the cause of any more strife."

A part of her wondered if everything that transpired between them could have been the cause, but it didn't seem likely. He had no trouble proposing the next day after they nearly kissed, so something more must have happened for him to reach this conclusion.

"Care to elaborate?" Elizabeth could tell he was hesitant in continuing, which only made her grow much more concerned.

"It seems her sister had schemes rolled up her sleeve."

Kate? Schemes?

Kate wasn't capable of such things. She was the most honorable person she had ever met, so his accusation was the most ridiculous thing.

"No. That cannot be," Elizabeth shook her head, refusing to believe such calamity. "Kate would never do this."

"Well, she did," Anthony clenched his jaw as he glared down at the floor. "Miss Edwina has to marry a gentleman with an English title in order to obtain a dowry."

She turned silent, not understanding the issue since it's not something rare. Marriages are nothing but business transactions and many have even gone to great lengths to acquire a higher status. It was the harsh reality, which was why she wondered why Anthony was acting like this wasn't a normal action.

Just take a look at them. They made an agreement to find a suitable match and if this became known, everyone would be shaming her for seeking help in finding a husband. On the contrary, he would come out unscathed, because that was the way things worked.

"And why would that concern you? You are using Edwina to fulfill your duties," she could tell her response took him by surprise. He had expected her to side with him, but he should have known better than to believe she would agree to this. "Why is she any different?"

Anthony stared at her like she had grown two heads, "Are you quite serious? I was honest with her. During the poetry reading, I made my intentions clear and she accepted. She was the one who lied."

"I do not believe that," she defended, hating the tone he was using against the Sharmas. "She would never do that. Impossible."

"Her sister definitely did," Anthony argued, refusing to allow her to get a point across. "I cannot marry Miss Edwina anymore. It is best that I end this engagement once and for all."

Even though her feelings for him were greater beyond anything, Elizabeth couldn't allow him to besmirch Edwina's name by calling off their betrothal. Even if plans could be made to salvage the situation, they never run according to plan. The ton would create gossip that would eventually end in Lady Whistledown, which would be the end of Edwina's impeccable reputation.

"You cannot do that," Elizabeth demanded and he seemed surprised that she was urging him to continue with this engagement. "You have spent all these months wanting to marry her. I have helped you get her family on your side and now you are willing to toss her aside?"

He remained silent, simply listening to her explain all the reasons as to why he needed to continue. None of them seemed to matter anymore, but in her mind, there were a million more.

"And do not tell me it has anything to do with a dowry," Elizabeth rambled on, her veins burning with fury and vexation. "We both know you have all the money in the world to care for such things, so tell me, what has she done to deserve this?"

Anthony finally seemed to have had enough, "She has done nothing. It is you. You have made this match impossible."

She was astonished at his accusation, "I have done nothing but support you through all this courtship, so I should not matter since I will be leaving for Edinburgh!"

"And it is not far enough!" Anthony breathed in frustration, his declaration stunning her into silence. "Do you think that there is a corner of this earth that you could travel to far away enough to free me from this torment?"

Her heart pounded against her chest as the blood rushed to her face. She couldn't breathe or even think as for the first time, she was permitting herself to dive into her emotions.

"I am a gentleman," Anthony's voice was low and fervent, causing goosebumps to trail down her skin like lines on a map. "My father raised me to act with honor, but that honor is hanging by a thread that grows more precarious with every moment I spend in your presence. You are the bane of my existence..." his voice faded into a perfect silence as his gaze burned with every passion repressed. "And the object of all of my desires."

Anthony walked closer to her and she remained perfectly still. He gazed at her with such fervence, allowing a vulnerability to come in between them and strengthen the flame burning inside. "Night and day, I dream of you. And what I..." he trailed off as he took in her alluring aroma of lilacs, the same one that's haunted his dreams upon first meeting. "Do you even know all the ways a lady can be seduced? The things I could teach you."

Their faces were in close proximity to the point they could feel the heat emanating from their bodies. She gazed down at his lips as she desperately seeked for a taste and he felt like the most fortunate man to have the solitude of the night in their favor.

Elizabeth breathed heavily and tried forming a coherent sentence, but he was the only person who ever made her forget all sense of reality. Closing her eyes, she dove into the burning sensation of his graze against her, "I did not want this. To become poisoned by these feelings. By you. It is... wrong."

"So... wrong," Anthony ran his fingers against her chestnut hair, admiring her blushing face and the desire trapped in her eyes.

"Hiding from everyone and always searching for you every time I enter a room, it is... unforgivable," she whispered, barely managing to string a sentence together.

"Then you agree," Anthony laid his hand against her cheek as he memorized every aspect of her being. Every birthmark, every movement, every sound. He memorized it all, locking them into his vault for an everlasting dream. "It is insupportable."

"Impossible," Elizabeth wasn't aware of what she said. All she could focus on was the graze of his lips against hers. This traitorous distance was preventing them from connecting and she prayed to the stars for just one taste of heaven. Being away from him was taking a step into perdition and his presence was the grip saving her from it. She needed him just as much as she needed air to breathe, as much as she needed alleviation, and as much as she needed a haven.

Anthony Bridgerton was her poison and if she acquired a taste, death's carriage would come marching through her door, but Elizabeth didn't care. If he was her sweet death, then she would gladly die a million times over if it meant relishing in paradise for just a short while.

Just when she believed heaven would be acquired, he drew away into a colossal distance. She wanted to reach out to him, but as if their separation had been the gravity centering her, she was reminded of how forbidden this was. He was meant to be nothing but a dream and how much Elizabeth desired to never awaken.

Anthony breathed heavily, a hand running through his locks frustratedly. He didn't know what to do, what to say, or what to think. All he knew was how much he desired her and how he wanted to be the man she called in her dreams. He wanted her lips to call out his name like a prayer and while a part of him knew this was meant for the shadows, he was tempted to lose all sense of honor just for tonight.

His heart banged against his ribcage as if a spirit had become trapped. His chest heaved uncontrollably and his face was a burning red. All signs pointed to a desire needing to be fulfilled, but in spite of his passions burning more intensively, his honor reminded him that these illicit affairs were meant for fantasies and never meant to see the light of day.

"You and Miss Edwina are each other's second family, so if I wed her, you and I will be binded for an eternity," Anthony explained breathlessly as he gestured toward her and himself. "Through every minute, every hour, and every day of my marriage, I will be wanting you, dreaming of you, wanting to call your name, dreading the day when my last thread of honor finally snaps."

There was no conceivable way of escaping this. Even if she were to leave for Edinburgh, she would always be thinking of him. In the mornings, in the evenings, in her dreams, her thoughts of him will never cease. This was an impossible situation and running away would make matters worse as distance would never rid her of this torture.

Anthony took a few steps closer, his gaze filling with pleading and longing. "You may be marrying the Duke, but it is my name you will call. When you wake in the middle of the night, I will be haunting you like you will be haunting me." He glanced down to her lips one more time as their bodies burned ferociously, "Is that the future that you want for us? For her and for him?"

A fate filled with longing stares and clandestine meetings was beyond anything she ever wanted. She wanted to be content with this life she was choosing, but in following her heart, she would be breaking two. As much as she desired to be selfish just once, being so went against all her morals.

The sudden sound of footsteps approaching disrupted her thoughts. She and Anthony glanced at the door as they waited to be discovered, but with her having locked it earlier, it granted them the opportunity to remain in the shadows a while longer.

"I must go," Anthony declared as he headed to the balcony, but paused nearly halfway out to take one last glimpse of her.

Both knew their fates couldn't be intertwined, but life brought them together on that warm spring day. Arguments, mockery, agreements, and unexpected friendships became their golden thread, setting the course of their destinies together.

They completed each other like they were the missing pieces of their puzzles, and while their connection was written in the stars, they would fight the universe for salvation from the other.

Elizabeth Windsor was the bane of his existence, but Anthony Bridgerton was the specter haunting the abyss of her mind, body, and soul.

Author's Note

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