The sound of Vale's breathing eventually eases me into a semi-restful sleep. But when I wake up, I'm reminded of what I did, and the panic rises in me all over again. I check beside me, looking for Vale's sleeping form. But he's not here. According to the clock on his nightstand, it's six o'clock at night. I slept with him for three hours. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I think about how I'm going to handle this situation I've found myself in. What am I going to say to Vale? Are we going to be able to recover from this day?

When I finally do get out of his bed, I find my dress crumpled on the floor and slip it back on. Heat blooms in my cheeks as I remember the events that led to me taking it off. Or wait... no... that led to Vale taking it off. The memories are like intruders taking over my thoughts. Oh God. What have I done? I take a deep, shuddering breath and make my way downstairs. Immediately, my eyes fall on Vale, who's standing at the stove in the kitchen, cooking a meal and humming happily to himself. He's wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, and good lord, this is going to be difficult.

For a few moments I just take him in. His messy black curls are framing his handsome face, and his lean muscles are tight as he stirs whatever it is he's cooking. What I wouldn't give to go back in time. To relive the afternoon with him again. To experience the pleasure he gave me just one last time. But no. That can never happen again. Our friendship is far too precious to me, and nothing will ever be more important than that.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he calls as he finally notices me standing in the doorway. I move to sit at the kitchen counter, trying to hide how miserable I am from him. He walks around to where I'm sitting, holds my face sweetly in his hands, and presses a warm kiss on my lips. I want to give in to it like I always have. Want to allow my true desires to take over again. But I know better now. When he pulls away, I see there's so much love in his eyes. And I know what he said to me in bed is true. He really loves me. Which makes this whole situation that much worse. His finger lightly brushes my cheek. "I found some frozen chicken in the fridge and some rice in the cupboard. Thought I'd surprise you with dinner."

"Thanks," I say quietly as he runs his fingers through my hair before walking back over to the stove. My heart is hammering in my chest for all the wrong reasons, and for a minute I just stare at him, unsure of what to say. "Vale, there's something I have to tell you," I whisper in a voice barely loud enough for him to hear me.

"There's something I have to tell you too," he replies, and I swallow back my words, allowing him to go first. He turns around and looks at me, and he just seems so happy. Like every wish he's ever made has come true all at once. And I hate that I have to be the one to crush those wishes. To take them all away. "I missed you, Gen. I really did. And I know that I said I love you after we had sex, which is definitely not good timing on my part."

I shake my head, knowing I have to stop this before it goes any further. "Vale, please—"

"No, I have to say this," he interrupts as he holds his hand up to silence me, and I close my mouth. "I just need you to know that I meant it. Sex or no sex, I'm head over heels in love with you, Genny. I'm pretty sure I always have been. And I really wanted you to know. You have no idea how happy I am that we're back together. That you're here with me right now. It's the only thing I've ever wanted."

Tears burn my eyes as I look away from him in shame. Because even though I feel the same way about him, nothing has changed. In a few weeks, I hope to be on a flight to Boston. And he'll be here in Coeur d'Alene, working in his dad's restaurant or in his garage. If we stay together, it's only a matter of time before the distance eats us alive. Until we break up for good. And then what? I'll lose him. Forever. Because there won't be any way to recover from that. Honestly, I don't know if there's a way to recover from today.

"Okay, okay," he says, a goofy smile on his face as he turns back around to face me again after stirring the chicken in the pan. "I'm sorry. You had something you wanted to say too."

No. No, I don't. But I do have something I have to say. I suck in a deep breath and force my eyes to look into his. And God, they're beautiful. The most gorgeous shade of brown in the world. We stare at each other for several moments, and I watch the smile fall from his face as he realizes something's wrong. "I actually... um.... Yeah."

He shakes his head, his smile completely wiped off his handsome face now. The warm glow in his cheeks has faded away, leaving nothing but cold, pale flesh behind. "No. Don't say it. Please, please don't say what you're about to say."

"Vale," I begin, and I watch as he bows his head. "You know," I gulp, and then begin again. "You know how important you are to me."

His hands spread out on his kitchen counter, and his breathing gets ragged. "This can't be happening," he whispers painfully, and a tear slips from my eye. "There is no way you're doing this to me again. No way."

"And because you're important to me," I continue on, trying to act like I haven't been interrupted. Like this isn't the most painful thing I've ever had to do in my life.

He laughs and shakes his head, which is still facing the countertop. "This is unreal."

"We can't do this," I finally say in a quivering voice as I wipe the tear off my face. "What happened earlier was a mistake. I'm sorry, but we can't be together like... like how you want us to be."

I jump about a foot in the air as he slams his hand on the counter and looks up at me at last. His brown eyes, which just moments ago were filled with love, are now seething with anger. "Bullshit!" he growls, and I see him start to physically shake. "Why? Why can't we be together like how I want us to be, Gen? Give me one good reason?"

If I tell him truth, he'll try to tell me I'm wrong. That we can overcome the distance. That our love is strong enough to withstand anything. But he's wrong, and I know he is. The only way to salvage this situation is to lie to him. "Because I just don't feel the same way about you," I reply, and it's like I'm stabbing myself in the chest. "Sleeping with you earlier was... was a huge mistake."

He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair like a madman. "This is unbelievable. I... I wanted the first time to mean something."

A soft smile creeps up on my face. Even after everything, he's still worried about me. "Vale, it wasn't my first time," I say, hoping this will ease his worries.

"But it was mine!" he yells, and once again, I'm taken aback. Vale has never, in all the years we've known each other, raised his voice to me. But right now, as he confesses that I was his first, I know he's hurting more than he ever has before. He's like a trapped bear in a cage, and I'm the monster tormenting him. And then another thought hits me. I took his virginity, and now I'm breaking his heart. Again. I really am a monster.

"I-I'm sorry," I mutter, unsure of what else to say. Vale's eyes are full of rage and hurt and disbelief as they blaze into mine, searching the deep pools of ocean blue for a sign that I'm lying to him. "Vale, I never... I never meant to hurt—"

"Are you serious right now?" he asks as he laughs humorlessly. I bite my lip, and he watches me for a second before he looks away again. "You keep doing this, Gen. You keep hurting me. First you wanted to keep it a secret. Then you break up with me. Then you fuck me, literally, and leave me. Again. And now you're saying you never meant to hurt me?"

"I didn't," I cry as I hold my hands out to him pleadingly. "Please, Vale. You have to believe me. I never, ever meant to do this. You mean everything to me. You're my best friend."

He shakes his head. "No," he says, and it feels like my own heart is about to shatter. "No, Gen."

"No?" I ask, the tears now filling my eyes. "What... what do you mean, no? I thought you said we would always be best friends? That nothing would ever change that?"

"Guess I fucking lied," he replies, and I watch as he unhooks the bracelet from his wrist and drops it on the counter between us. It feels like he just slapped me as I stare at the symbol of our friendship.

"Vale—"

"Get the fuck out," he says, and I blink in surprise as I stand in the kitchen, totally stunned. "I mean it, Gen. Get out of my house. Go." My jaw drops as a cold dread fills my body. "GET OUT!" he screams, and I jump and run out of the kitchen, through the living room, and down the small flight of stairs leading to his front door. Just as I'm about to exit his house, I hear what sounds like a sob coming from behind me. And I know this is irreparable. That I've finally pushed my friendship with him to the breaking point.

I run down the walkway, the driveway, and to my house. As usual, no one is home, but this time I'm thankful to be alone. I dash up the stairs to my bedroom, lock the door, and throw myself on my bed before bursting into tears. All I wanted was to keep my friendship with Vale. And in trying to save what we've always had, I've lost not only what could've been, but also what always has been. It feels like a piece of my soul has just escaped my body, and I have no way of knowing if, when, or how I'll ever get it back.

Author's Note:
Raise your hand if watching Vale fall apart here just broke you heart? Because I know it broke mine. I really do love him, and right now I kind of hate Gen for hurting him. Do you think they'll work it out? Or do you think their friendship is gone forever? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

As always, I hope everyone is well. I'm doing great. Just got myself a new job that seems to be a much better fit than my previous one. I'm a lot happier, which means I'm writing more. YAY! Hoping to have this story finished very soon. I hope you're all enjoying it so far! I'll be back very soon with more. As always, stay safe and healthy, my dears!

XOXO,
~Aly