Song: Place de la République

Artist, Year:  Coeur de Pirate, 2011

https://youtu.be/Ag34eVtEGCE

One-shot story originally posted to FictionPress under my pen name MistyRose14 in June 2012, edited slightly for stylistic and grammatical improvements.

The Greatest Risk

A night that made me truly sad...

The rain never stops pelting against the window tonight. I feel like it will never stop, tapping against the glass in an endless rhythm that resonates within my head. Ambient light from the street lamps outside this apartment filters in through the thin fabric of the shades draped delicately over the window, the faint glow painting the room in a sickly yellow glow. On any other night, I would find it a charming advantage of city life, some sort of artistic effect. But not tonight.

We are on opposite sides of the bed. The edge, to be correct, with our backs turned to each other. The tangled mess of sheets below us, the dull quality of our appearances, our hollow silence... I feel us clearly bearing the wounds of our emotional battle. Fighting on and on, losing that spark with each attack, I know it's only a matter of time. Nothing lasts forever, I can't expect this to be the exception. I keep saying that to myself, but why can't I truly accept that?

"What do we do now?" His voice hung in the air, all too weak to my ears. It was a foreign sensation to me, I couldn't tell how I was supposed to respond.

"I don't know...Félix," I whispered back, still unable to prevent myself from feeling such a deep attachment to him, regardless of our current situation. What was wrong with me? I could tell the end was near, but how could I bear to force myself continuously closer and closer to him? I knew I was prolonging this pain, but I couldn't stop. I was powerless.

Félix let out an exhausted sigh, rubbing the side of his neck with his hand. "How are we supposed to keep doing this? How is it worth the effort?"

I shot a glance over my shoulder at him. "How is it worth the effort?" My echo of his question reverberated throughout the dimly lit room. "I can't believe you, Félix." I could taste the bitterness of my words on my lips as I spoke. It was such a contrast to how the taste of love used to be so sweet.

"We can't do this much longer," he reminded me in a defeated tone, starting to stand up. "We can't pretend the relationship we had as kids exists anymore. It's over."

"As kids?" I exclaimed, jumping up from my side. His words provoked me even more than usual, firing me up to defend myself, to defend our past. "We were in high school, barely kids, if that's what you think."

"It doesn't matter."

I stood in stunned silence, feeling as if a stranger were in place of my Félix. There was nothing I could do against him, he had decided to surrender and remove himself from this war. What could I do to stop him? If he didn't love me, nothing could be done. Yet I couldn't bring myself to believe that he didn't, I felt something deep within myself yelling that he still felt the same love I did.

"I'll pack my things and leave tonight. You can keep the place."

Tears plummeted to the wooden floor, matching the rhythm of the rain outside. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but only felt more enraged. Unable to contain myself, I ran across the room after him as he turned to leave, tackling him back down onto the bed and beating my fists on either side of the mattress. As angry as I was, I still couldn't hurt him. I couldn't bear to cause him any more pain. He could do whatever he wanted to me, but I would not be the one to hurt the person I loved most.

"Call me Béatrice!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, so desperate to stop what was happening. "Call me that right now!"

Félix finally started to fight back, grabbing my wrists cautiously as I pinned him down to the bed. "Alright...Béatrice. Please calm down." He gazed up at me, fright and confusion clearly displayed in his expression. "What's gotten into you? You've never acted like this before-"

"I love you Félix," I professed, my tears streaming down steadily down onto his chest, leaving spots on his white shirt. My eyes were pleading with him to stay. "I can't let you go. I won't let you go."

"Béatrice..." He weakly tried to soothe me, reaching a hand up to smooth my long blonde hair. He always used to tell me how much he loved my soft tresses. I wasn't sure what he thought about it now.

"Please stay, Félix... I love you so much, I can't imagine what would happen if you were to leave me. What if I never saw you again?"

He looked away from me. "I don't know." His hand dropped to his side on the bed.

I gasped for air, dropping my head lower in disappointment. What was I doing? I couldn't accomplish anything acting like this. What had snapped within me? What was it that kept me so riled up and full of fight?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, but this is really..." He trailed off, watching me tenderly this time. "I don't know how much more I can hurt you."

This made me laugh. At first, just a small giggle, but later growing into almost lighthearted laughter. One day, back when we were in high school, he had said something similar, but at the same time, completely different. Back then we fought too, but over the silliest things. I found it endearing that he would think of my well-being over his. It occurred to me over and over that I was in love with such a selfless man and I could never waste what we had. I remembered how I vowed to myself during those moments, especially now.

I quieted down after a few moments, noticing that Félix's eyes were locked on me. It was such a mesmerizing look, full of wonder and surprise. I suppose now that I had started breathing regularly and the tears started to dry, I was returning to my normal self, the one that he loved all along.

"What are you thinking of?"

"I'm trying to understand what made you stop me." He closed his eyes, sighing gently. "I wanted that to happen, Béatrice."

"I wanted you to stay," I exclaimed softly, nuzzling the tip of his nose with mine lovingly. "I want to enjoy this with you, Félix. This is what our love really is, not all those pesky fights that we had before."

He chuckled to himself, reaching up for my hair once more. "Is that so?"

I nodded enthusiastically, feeling more and more of my previous anger melt away at his touch. "It's the truth. I wanted to risk it...and make sure you would stay with me."

He leaned up from the bed to hover just slightly below my lips. I felt his breath skid lightly across my skin. This made me feel so electrified, invigorated by the momentary dissipation of our problems. I couldn't be bothered to think about the future or how we would move past this terrible style of loving each other. This moment was all I could focus on.

"I love you Félix...never leave me." I leaned down closer, closing the distance between us.

"I love you Béatrice, I will always love you, don't-" His declaration interrupted by the meeting of our lips, I allowed myself to sink into that moment with him, loving how our spiteful actions and bitter distance had dissipated. A million feelings rushed through my body, I thought I was going to explode. Yet I trusted myself in Félix's arms, knowing that I would be taken care of and loved. That was all I needed to be happy. I never wanted to be without this feeling.

When I opened my eyes, my heart stopped. He was gone. Had I fallen asleep? I rubbed my eyes blearily, aware that it was most likely early in the morning by now. After my vision cleared, I decided to check out the rest of the apartment apart from the bedroom we had been in the entire time.

I tiptoed on the chilled floor to the bathroom and flipped on the lights, but he wasn't in there. I peeked into the kitchen to find everything left the same way as it had been before. Starting to panic, I rushed to the front door to find his shoes missing. I quickly checked the bedroom closet next, only to find that all of his clothes were gone. Not a single trace was left that he had been in this apartment.

What was going on? I fell to my knees, feeling my head spin and my body go numb. As soon as I had, the phone rang on the bedside table. I sluggishly crawled my way over to the phone to answer.

The conversation was mostly a blur, my sense of feeling disappearing as I took in everything so slowly. Things steadily grew worse as I listened. Eventually the phone slipped from my hands. I had heard all that I needed to know.

"You're listed as his emergency contact...he was involved in an accident early this morning...I'm sorry to inform you that he has passed away."

I wept softly, knowing the trick my mind had played on myself. My heart wanted to take the greatest risk, preventing our despair and loneliness. Yet my mind hadn't followed through, leaving me to exist numbly in this reality. This long night, the longest I had ever experienced, was the night I lived in true sorrow.

.

.

Author's Note:

This short story was heavily influenced by both the above song and a sad story that one of my professors in undergrad told me during a class I took on intimate relationships (sappy, I know...). This professor was a licensed family and marriage counselor and worked as a crisis counselor during a local tragedy that happened when I was in high school. It was unlike anything our community had ever experienced. Loved ones were gone in the blink of an eye, and no one could have predicted it.

Very long story short, the moral of the story was to always make sure you tell the people you care about that you love them, no matter how angry or broken the relationship seems at that time, because it could be the last thing they hear from you.

Thank you for reading this older story of mine. It was very lightly edited (mostly for typos and name changes), so this is me laying my "old self" out there for you to see and feel. I welcome any votes and comments you may have ♥