Chapter Thirteen: A First

   We landed on what I knew to be grass but I could only tell by touch and reason. It was dark, too dark, so I waited for my eyes to adjust to the sudden lack of light. A distant flicker just ahead of us began to grow. From the shadows cast on the near horizon, I could tell where the vertical stones stood in the circle that was Stonehenge. To keep away the cold I wrapped myself in my cloak.

   ‘Good, some have already turned up,’ Delrand whispered.

   ‘Why are we whispering?’ I whispered back.

   He chuckled and took my hand in the dark. ‘I don’t know. It seems appropriate.’

   ‘Why couldn’t we transport to the inside?’

   ‘Merlin put a permanent shield around the stones to stop magicians like Mordred from being able to hear what we say when we meet.’

   My eyes had adjusted by now and I could make out the clouds’ linings that covered the sky. A shuffle of feet on the grass made me increase my body shield and intensify my hearing. Of course, Delrand could feel my sudden instinct.

   ‘It’s only Merlin,’ he reassured me as he gently pulled me closer to him. ‘Follow me. Oh, and don’t say anything unless they talk to you personally. They deserve and expect a lot of respect from us younger magicians. Also, I am meant to speak on your behalf, being your mentor in their eyes.’

   ‘Am I the only female again?’ I asked as we walked towards the darkened pillars.

   ‘Yes.’

   Past the pillars and in the centre, were stood three shrouded figures. Two were very elderly and held a grand posture. They wore cloaks similar to Merlin’s. The other was younger looking and stood a little further back. Either he was an apprentice, like me, to one of the others or he was, what Delrand called, a younger magician. He looked familiar somehow yet I knew I had never seen him before. He had short, dark blond hair, grey eyes and slightly high cheek bones; he was also about my height. He looked up and walked over when we entered the light. I watched him carefully; though I knew I could trust those who turned up, I was unwilling to let down my defences.

   ‘Nice to see you again, Delrand,’ he spoke in a friendly, unemotional voice. ‘And to finally meet you, Elara.’ I was puzzled that he knew my name and that he bowed quite overdramatically.

   ‘Elara, this is Lucifer,’ Delrand introduced me to him as he already knew me.

   ‘Another friend?’ I asked.

   ‘We only keep in touch when things like this happen.’

   ‘Which is hardly ever, I might add. We usually talk when one of us needs a favour of the other.’

   Just then another figure came through the circular shield around the stones. I knew his face instantly, it was Justin; and following close behind was Oscar and Harrod.

   ‘A few more and we can start,’ Delrand whispered to me. He smiled at his friends and they came to join us.

   Unsurprisingly, I felt closed off among these magicians. They all knew each other and I only had Delrand and Merlin who I could really trust to talk to.

   Turning my mind to Delrand’s, I asked something that had just occurred to me. Did they all know that I was meant to be a sorceress?

   He looked at me softly but kept it conspicuous. All of us knew after Merlin told us the year before you turned eighteen. He said that it was Arthur’s wish it was kept a secret. Your father knew about Mordred before you were born and he didn’t want you kidnapped or killed as a baby, not after what happened to your mother.

   My hand gripped his tighter. What are we actually discussing at this meeting?

   Whether we should all get involved with the battle. I know you’ll need all the help you can get, even though you could beat him single handedly. Truth is if there’s too many of us we’ll just be in the way and it’ll mean more lives will have to be taken.

   I turned the subject on the people around us. So who are the other two over there?

   Merlin’s friends, I don’t know them that well. The one on the left is Percival, the other is Kay.

   How old are they?

   Only they themselves know that; but probably older than they look.

   Though Delrand had said about ten would be here, there were much more than he predicted. After awhile a few small groups, of about four or five a time, walked in out of the shadows. It could be that I was there or the fact that this was a serious matter that needed many minds working together.

   ‘As you all know, Mordred has gained power again. How and when we do not know. However, we do know why,’ Merlin began. A small unheard voice in my mind told me to expect an introduction of myself to the company. ‘Only one of us now has the power enough to beat him.’

   ‘And I do not see one of us here who is worthy enough of that title,’ declared a middle-aged looking magician to my left of the circle. ‘If we want to destroy him now then we must act now, while he is still thinking of his plans.’

   ‘Do you not remember what I told you a couple of years back?’

   ‘Merlin, I just think that relying upon a new and inexperienced sorceress is completely ridiculous.’

   Inside, I was becoming a little angry that some of them would be unwilling to give me a chance. A chance that I knew I could succeed; but all I could do here was listen. I couldn’t bear to let Delrand down now.

   ‘You haven’t experienced her powers, Cyrus,’ Delrand added. ‘And we have already had a very short meeting with Mordred already. He’s still as incompetent as usual, but he isn’t letting us get away with anything.’ I watched him from the side; I still didn’t want to be completely noticed.

   ‘Delrand, how can you think that we haven’t already figured that out? You still don’t seem to want to allow yourself to believe that we have been using magic far longer than you have been alive.’

   Clearly Cyrus wasn’t the most popular among them, especially with Delrand. ‘My magic isn’t just mere magic; it is sorcery, in case you have forgotten. Though you have been controlling your magic for longer, does not mean that I am less powerful than you.’

   ‘That remains to be seen,’ Cyrus retaliated.

   I knew I had to say something. Delrand, what are you doing? We both know that you are able to beat him but I thought that was the reason why I came along; for them to see me in action.

   If you really want to, then be my guest. ‘If you need to actually see it for yourself that you’re not as powerful as sorcerers, then you can try against Elara. She needs the practice.’ He pushed me forwards.

   ‘What? No, Delrand. I...’ I broke off when I saw the look on Cyrus’ face. He was grinning darkly. I gained control of myself. ‘I don’t want to...’

   ‘What’s the matter, Elara? Think you’re not good enough. Delrand seems to believe in you. You don’t want to get his hopes down.’

   That hit a very sensitive nerve. I scowled at him and put on a minor offensive face. I held my ground, stared him straight in the eyes and focused in on his mind.

   It was harder to find with all the others so close, but once I had found it, guessing what he was going to do was easy. I realised that he didn’t notice that I had access to his thoughts, now it was my turn to smirk. He did, however, notice that one thing, and I had probably caused him to think that if he was going to win he would use force and speed. Fortunately, I had a very patient teacher, who also taught me that thinking is more important than actual words and movement.

   Cyrus lashed out a white-blue streak of lightning at me. Instead of easily stepping aside, I thought of my shield and strengthened it. The magical stream met the barrier and disintegrated instantly into a wisp of smoke. I let him try a few times more; nothing happened to me, though I could feel he was beginning to tire.

   Finally, when he seemed to give up and take it that he could never beat me (or in fact, Delrand), I released my own stream of magic. It was orange. As he wasn’t expecting it he had no defence. It struck him in the chest and he was launched backwards into the pillar behind him. He fell to the ground and landed in a heap.

   Delrand, how do I revive him? I asked as I looked over to him, a little worried.

   You don’t have to; I usually leave them where they land.

   Soft clapping sounded around us. I looked around me at the company. At least that will give any other suspectors some insight, I thought. I was a little surprised to see that Merlin was smiling. I, personally, wasn’t expecting to do that much with a single blast. I’ll need to work on strength within spells or charms, I noted.

   I looked back over to Delrand; he motioned me to come to him. I gladly walked over.

   ‘Well, now we know who to rely on if we have any major problems,’ commented one of the others I didn’t know. Some of the rest laughed as subtly as possible.

   I looked Delrand in the eyes on hearing this, I looked a little shaken and I continued past him into the shadows. I didn’t stop once I was past the stones; I walked and walked until I couldn’t hear anything from the magicians and carried on a little more to make sure. I took a few chilling breaths and stared up at the sky. I wished I had never chosen this option. Though it was inevitable, I realised now that once I had finished my basic lessons I should have returned home and stayed there. Whether Delrand stayed with me didn’t come into it.

   It was dark now I had walked out of the fire light. My eyes steadily adjusted once again. Up in the night sky, a few bright stars twinkled down onto the world. They looked so peaceful. They had nothing to worry about. No cares and no consequences; nothing to stop them from diminishing their light to the vacant emptiness of the blackness between. I was tired and I wanted to be in my warm bed. Here seemed too... too insubstantial.

   Something inside made me want to cry; I couldn’t explain it but it consumed me. I let a few tears fall down my cheeks. Somehow, it felt like the only comfort I had in life was Delrand; as if he was the only person who cared about me or whatever happens to me. I didn’t pretend to not have heard him come up behind.

   Elara, I know it’s hard with them there. I should have told you they may judge or use your abilities.

   Don’t blame yourself; you do that too much. Things happen and there’s nothing you can do about it, until it’s too late.

   I understand that as well. He walked around me. I looked at him and tried to smile. When I knew I couldn’t manage it, I looked away and down at the black grass. There’s probably nothing they can do, but I can.

   He stepped nearer to me and held me tight. He lifted my head up from under the chin. I looked him longingly in the eyes, and he did so to me. His stare was impulse enough to make me kiss him. I let my tempted mind take control. My hands moved up to his shoulders and I kissed him.

   Despite the situation that had just passed, it was the most romantic and sensational moment I had had with him, I had strong butterfly-numbness inside. He turned it into an on and off kiss. I began to smile. I opened my eyes and pressed my fingers onto his mouth. He pulled one of my hands down onto his chest.

   Do you want to go home?

   I wasn’t sure. Yes and no. I don’t know what to do. Nothing matters much anymore.

   How do you mean?

   Eventually, I’ll have to kill him or be killed by him. What’s the point in being somewhere when I know things will turn out bad?

   His eyebrows furrowed in thought. They might not. Though I understand how you feel.

   No, you don’t; that’s the whole problem. No one knows what it’s like for me. I feel so alone. I’ll be alone when I fight him and, if I die, I’ll be alone even more. My grip on his shoulder increased and he had to take my hand from off it to stop me from digging my nails into his skin through his clothes.

   Don’t say that. I do know what it’s like through this type of thing. I haven’t told you, but Merlin did think I was the one to kill Mordred; and as I was older than you, it almost happened to be true. He looked out blankly at the night sky. Don’t say no one’s been through what you’re going through now, because they have, I have. I’ll be with you all the way. You won’t be alone, not completely.

   That doesn’t change the fact that one of us will die.

   You remembered that. At least... He broke off and looked behind me. I turned my head to see who it was.

   Merlin stood there with the distant fire light on his back; like this he looked more dangerous than the old man I had grown up to know. I turned around completely.

   ‘Don’t say it, Merlin.’

   ‘Say what?’

   ‘Whatever you’re about to say, don’t.’

   ‘Delrand, you may be her master and no longer my apprentice, but that doesn’t mean you can be abrupt with my being here.’

   ‘Sorry.’

   ‘Why are you so cautious about what she knows anyway?’

   ‘Because I want to keep her as safe as possible.’

   ‘I’m sure that Elara can take perfectly good care of herself. Am I right, Elara?’

   ‘Yes,’ I answered.

   ‘How can you take his side?’ Delrand asked from behind me.

   ‘Because you are a little too alert about what may happen to me. I have always watched my own back; I don’t think it would have changed now I’m able to use magic. What is it you wanted to say, Merlin?’

   ‘Nothing, actually. Only that you two need to practice against each other. Elara, you need to find a strategy of your own and for Delrand it’s just a need.’

   I looked behind at Delrand; but he wasn’t there when I turned around. He must have gone back to my room. ‘Why did he go?’ I asked openly, still watching the darkness beyond where Delrand was a second ago.

   Merlin answered. ‘He doesn’t like people interfering with his own plans.’

   ‘I can try and change his mind, if you want?’

   ‘Try all you like. He’ll listen to you more than anyone else; except maybe his friends.’

   He was leaning on the balcony, looking out across the night, when I found him. I didn’t know if I should leave him for a while or talk to him right now. The truth was that Merlin was right; Delrand could, sometimes, be over cautious. I could easily take Mordred on myself (well, hopefully); but Delrand was comforting back-up if anything got out of hand for me.

   ‘Are you angry?’ I asked him. I couldn’t think of what else to ask or say.

   ‘No, just worried.’

   I remained still. ‘You don’t need to worry about me. You’ve always been saying I’ll be fine; don’t change your mind after what I said.’

   ‘I’m not worried about you. You should be more confident after tonight. I’m worried about what the others will see in you.’

   ‘Don’t go making this a disagreement,’ I warned him.

   ‘I’m not. I’m telling you what I’m thinking.’ He didn’t face me. I walked up behind him. A step behind, I wrapped my arm around his and held his hand. I stepped to his side and leant on the veranda.

   A minute later, he moved his hand from mine and placed it around my waist. He took my hand in his other. I kept looking away; he needed to know that things weren’t always going to be as easy as before. Surprisingly, he didn’t try anything, he just held me there. I looked up at him. He looked down at me, smiled and then looked back up at the sky. What did that mean? I leant up and kissed him on the cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed.

   ‘What’s wrong now?’

   ‘Why do I love you so much?’ he asked back. I just smiled, was that all?

   ‘Sometimes I wonder the same thing,’ I told him. ‘Why say it out loud though?’

   ‘To see what you would say. And since you said that...’ He didn’t finish his sentence as he had begun to kiss me. I pushed him away and looked him deep in the eyes. ‘What did I do?’ he asked half-heartedly.

   ‘Nothing.’

   ‘Then why decline?’

   I folded my arms and turned to lean fully on the barrier. ‘It just didn’t feel right. I can’t explain.’

   ‘Should I go tonight?’

   ‘I thought you said you weren’t going to ever leave me alone, day or night.’ I wasn’t arguing.

   ‘I did, but do I really have to be with you every night?’

   ‘Look, can you be more open? It doesn’t have to be like this.’ I walked inside and hoped he’d follow me in. I heard no footsteps behind me.

   I looked up at the door and a shadow covered my mouth. I tried screaming but nothing came out. Delrand must have stayed with his back to my room.

   Sssh, came a familiar voice inside my head. I nodded and stood still; then he removed his hand from over my mouth and I didn’t dare speak.

   ‘Elara?’

   I sounded so worried I knew it wouldn’t be convincing. ‘Delrand, whatever you do, don’t come in.’

   I felt my hand being pulled towards my known captor. I closed my eyes and searched for a way of getting out of my situation. I found one that I knew would get rid of Mordred from my room. With my free hand, I touched him on the chest and grounded him where he stood. I was unwilling to let him get out of this hold. Pulsing the spell into him, he vanished. I collapsed to the floor, I hadn’t used such a strong configuration before and it was too much.

   Before I hit the floor, Delrand caught me then sat me down on the floor. ‘Elara, what did he want?’ Delrand knelt down beside me. He must have sensed what had occurred when I used the spell.

   ‘I don’t know, I didn’t give him the chance to take me over.’

   ‘Need a hand?’ He took my hand and helped me onto my feet. ‘That’s the second time he’s been here. He must be desperate to get you or he wouldn’t have tried after the first time.’

   Staying in his arms, I pressed myself to his chest. ‘I don’t think he’ll be coming back here again. I used a strong spell to banish him from my room.’

   ‘See you are more confident. I hope you realise that he has no hope against you now.’

   ‘Can we change the subject?’ I asked, as I had a question in mind.

   ‘To what?’

   ‘You and me.’

   His gaze fell down to my lips and then back to my eyes. ‘Do I have permission to kiss you again?’

   I shook my head smiling, was that all he could come up with? ‘As long as you make it better than the last one.’

   ‘No problem.’ As ever he caressed me in his arms and I wrapped mine around his neck. I pressed my lips against his and straight away felt at home with him. It was another kiss that seemed to last forever.

   When he did release me and just held my hands in his, I asked him. ‘Will you sleep with me tonight?’

   His lips became thin and his eyes widened. ‘You’re not being serious?’

   ‘I didn’t mean it in that way. I just want you to be with me, but in a closer form than just watching.’

   ‘Can I be sure you won’t change the idea of us together?’

   ‘Delrand, I would never force you to do something like that. You’re too meaningful to me. Also, I’d never do anything that might question your trust in me.’

   ‘I was just making sure. I’ll have you know that it’s hard enough, when we kiss, to stop myself from making a mistake.’

   I made the softest smile I could muster. ‘If I tempt you in that way, I don’t do it intentionally; I hope you’ve noticed that.’

   ‘I have. The problem is that you’re very beautiful in my eyes and I suppose I could call you my soul mate. We were meant to be together, and I don’t want to be the one who changes that.’

   ‘Soul mate wouldn’t be the word I would use, but it sounds like we’re stuck with each other.’

   ‘Yes we are. I’ll let you change.’

   I reluctantly went into the washroom. I got changed and went to join him on the bed. He was sat with his back to me again, crossed-legged on the covers. He looked too tense. I sat on the mattress behind him. ‘Can I give you a massage?’ I asked him.

   ‘Does that involve me having to take my shirt off?’

   ‘Yes, but I promise I’ll only keep to your back and shoulders.’

   He took off his cloak and shirt. The candle light from the walls danced on his back. I hadn’t actually done a massage before or even had one.

   ‘Delrand, it won’t work unless you’re relaxed,’ I told him. That was one thing that I knew from instinct.

   His shoulders dropped. I knelt up onto my knees and started on and around his shoulders first. I could feel the muscles under his skin; they were tight, as though he had done a lot of physical work despite how magical he was. I moved onto his spine and down his back. About five minutes later I stopped and sunk down onto my legs. He turned around to face me.

   ‘Do you want me to return the favour?’ he asked. His shirt remained forgotten on the floor.

   ‘Are you any good?’ I asked.

   ‘We’ll have to see. You have an amazing way with your hands.’

   I smiled. ‘Did you like it?’

   ‘Very much, you’ll have to do that again sometime.’ He was now facing me completely.

   ‘Before you start on me, can I lie down instead of sitting up?’

   ‘Elara, as you did to me, I’ll only keep to your back and shoulders.’

   I wriggled where I sat. ‘I think I’d prefer it if I was lying down. I know you won’t take advantage but it’ll make me feel more secure.’

   He chuckled. ‘Go on then.’

   ‘Close your eyes.’

   He looked a little shocked but closed them anyway. I took off my night gown and lay face down on the warm quilt. I folded my arms under my head.

   ‘Delrand, I’m ready.’

   ‘Relaxed?’

   ‘Mm-hm.’

   I was nervous to start with, but when his hands gently massaged my shoulders I quickly sank into a tranquil state. He roamed down my whole spine and back up to my shoulders again. A few minutes later he slowed down to a halt and I opened my eyes.

   ‘How was that?’ He must have been leant over me and whispering in my ear.

   ‘Amazing. Can I turn over or would you prefer me to stay like this?’ I asked.

   ‘I think I can manage you turning over.’

   I rolled onto my back and watched his reaction. He didn’t flinch a muscle or blink. I knew he wanted to prove to himself, and to me, that he was in total control of his tempted mind. I wish I could help being that way to him but I couldn’t understand why he saw me in such a way. I knew he loved me enough but this was something new for the both of us.

   ‘Considering your knight-hood, I noticed that you don’t have any battle scars.’

   ‘I haven’t been in any battles. Also, the others tend to be more careful when it comes to fighting me; they don’t want to be responsible for me losing blood or missing a limb.’

   He lay down on his side next to me and I turned onto mine so I could see him better. I made sure I kept a gap between his body and mine; though he noticed my effort. ‘If I said that I’ll be the one to make sure neither of us gets carried away, will you come closer?’

   ‘Maybe,’ I hinted.

   He reached out a hand and stroked my cheek softly. I shuffled closer to him until I could easily kiss him without really moving my head. He placed his top arm around me and the other under the pillow beneath my head. I kept my arms bent, so my hands lay between my chest and his. His fingers traced up my back and side and continued up my neck. All the while we looked each other in the eyes. His finger tips reached my cheek and he moved them to my lips. He returned them to my cheek and rested his palm on my jaw.

   ‘Is kissing permitted while we’re like this?’ I asked, teasingly.

   ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’ he replied.

   His hand returned to my back. I let him take this one. I closed my eyes and waited for the touch of his lips on mine. At first it was slightly awkward, being in the positions we were. As I was willing to let him reposition, I didn’t care what happened tonight. And, as if he read my mind, he turned me over without breaking away. I didn’t need to look to move my hands. One went around his neck and the other settled on his back. As he had said, he made sure it stayed at just the kissing. I understood why he wanted it that way and I was glad he kept to it.

*****

   I woke up under the covers alone. I sat up but held the quilt to my chest. I searched the room. Delrand wasn’t there and I imagined him to be in the Table Hall getting breakfast, so there I went.

   Downstairs was empty, except for the servants. Where were they all?

   Delrand? I called for him.

   I’m outside with your friends. He sounded cheerful.

   I rolled my eyes to myself, and swung out of bed to get changed. I hope you’re getting along.

   Of course. I can see why you’ve managed with them around all the time.

   As I brushed my hair, I continued to talk with him. How, then?

   They’re very much like you.

   We are not alike.

   Not completely. They care about you a lot.

   What have they been saying? Now I was concerned about my vanity.

   He gave me no answer which left me to find out what they had been saying when I turned up.

   By the time I had arrived all I heard from them was laughter. I stopped, closed my eyes and prepared for humility. Eyes open, I walked over to them with a curious look on my face. As soon as they saw me they burst into fits of laughter, except Delrand. He saw my eyes go wider and beckoned me to him.

   ‘Don’t worry. They were telling me about the first time you were all tested against each other,’ Delrand explained. I searched my distant memories for the appropriate one. I gasped when I knew which one they had told.

   ‘How could you all betray me like that? I trusted you to tell no one. That includes everyone you meet, Gawain.’

   ‘I wasn’t the one who told it. If you want someone to blame, blame Tristan and Bors,’ he defended himself, but I knew he would tell the truth just to see my anger upon someone else.

   ‘Tristan,’ I said more calmly. ‘Why?’

   ‘Well, we knew you weren’t going to let out all our shared secrets. He has a right to know about your past,’ he replied, not meeting my eyes.

   ‘But I was going to tell him everything gradually. You didn’t tell him the other one, did you?’ As soon I mentioned it, I knew I had made a mistake.

   ‘No, I haven’t. Would you like me to?’

   ‘No. I was just checking. That was so embarrassing when I found out. What you thought of it, I still need to know.’

   ‘I thought that it was really funny. Too bad the others know as well.’

   ‘Hmm. And you, Bors. I should have known you’d be in on it somewhere.’

   His hands twitched by his sides and he stared at me harder. ‘I have no problem with letting friends know about our small mistakes.’

   ‘Oh, you’re all friends now. Well, that’s good; because I was hoping to tell him about your humiliations.’ I took the chance for some pay back. They looked at me bewildered and stunned that I even thought to say that. ‘But I won’t, seeing that I care for you a lot more than you dare to believe.’

   ‘Since all that’s settled,’ Delrand began. ‘Anyone want to go out for a ride?’ I smiled at him. It seemed to me that he had taken the bother to befriend the knights. I had no need to worry about tensions between my relationship with him and my close friendship with them.

   ‘Glad you mentioned it,’ said Lancelot. Out of all of them I thought that Lancelot and Delrand wouldn’t get along at all. Considering the fact that I was caught between them, Lancelot seemed to be the closest to Delrand. ‘Come on.’