ISABELLA

CHAPTER NINE

NOVEMBER 14TH, WEDNESDAY

I YAWNED.

I gazed towards the field, watching as groups of pupils dressed in white with different numbers plastered onto their backs gather in small crowds of their own.

My eyes set onto the boy in the number two jersey - More specifically, bright, neon pink nail polish brightly lacing his fingernails. He momentarily distracted me from my endless boredom at a game that I didn't know the rules to with his expanded and drastic movements.

I couldn't remember what his name was - Albert? Alan? Aaron? - but I could recall that he sat with Ro, and the rest of her friend group during lunch.

Then, my mind echoed back to Nathan.

I looked back to the field again - For a sport that the golden boy of the school had built an entire reputation upon, it was surprisingly boring to watch.

Of course, that is ignoring the fact that I practically knew nothing about the sport or the rules, and was invited here purely because I was too much of an anxiety-ridden, mess of a teenager to say no.

I sighed.

"Are you done with your part of the album?" Nathan's head snapped up at the question. His mouth was tilted in a soft smile, and his head was lolled to the side, still reminding me of a beaming, curious golden retriever.

"Oh, right! That reminds me of something," He exclaimed, putting his hands together in an excited manner. "I still need just more pictures of baseball-related stuff, so I'm going to the baseball game after school tomorrow."

"Oh." I blinked. "That's cool."

"Mhm. Yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck, clearly anxious about the mysterious, upcoming question that I was already dreading in the pit of my stomach.

"Do you wanna, maybe, come with me?"

"I, uh-"

"You don't have to come if you don't want to! But I was just thinking that if you do, maybe we can go to my house, finish up and edit the photo album for the project, you know, the last hurrah before we present them tomorrow?" Nathan smiled nervously after finishing his sentence.

I chewed on my bottom lip, wanting to decline the offer as I knew absolutely nothing about the sport. Hell, I hadn't touched any kind of sports in a good few months without wanting to immediately decapitate myself.

However, the thoughts were erased as he cocked his head to the side just a bit, and peeked at me through long, dark lashes. His green eyes glimmered dangerously, pleading silently as I felt my self restraint slowly dissolve.

And at that exact moment, I finally understood why these so called 'puppy dog eyes' were so infamous around school.

"I, um, I think-" I saw one corner of his lips raise just a bit, and I swore I could almost see a tail wagging behind him. I blinked again. "-Uh."

"Please?" He asked, voice warm and soft around the edges.

I realised I stood no chance, and simply nodded as he bounced around excitedly.

I wanted to yawn again, to distract myself with something else other than this weird, fancy game of don't let the balloon touch the ground with wooden sticks, but I couldn't.

I was tense beyond belief in my seat, since apparently people didn't understand what manners were, and had been staring at me like I was some sort of two-headed gremlin since the beginning of the game.

I didn't expect much from teenagers at a high school baseball game, but this-

I looked around.

Yep, still staring.

-is the fucking worst.

Nathan's mop of chocolate brown hair was located near the front rows after being - although, reluctantly so - dragged off away from me, and towards the front of the field by some other baseball team members the moment we stepped into their view around half an hour ago.

Half an hour? Fifteen minutes? I didn't even know at this point. Being put in the centre of attention was practically torture, and every minute felt like an entire year wasting through my body.

The two team members murmured something about something along the lines of the "Captain's priorities" and "Just come to the front, you hopeless piece of sunshine" all while flinging different insults towards their supposedly beloved, hopeless piece of sunshine.

There was just something about me, and being abandoned at social gatherings.

It was truly a sight- Nathan Smith stumbling down some stairs as two other baseball players grabbed his arm and laughed maniacally - and the others sitting on the benches seemed to agree as well.

That was a polite way of saying - They haven't stopped fucking staring since we stepped into the damn place, and I am so close to try to snap my neck just to escape from this current situation.

I could feel their eyes on me, still, long after Nathan's been dragged off and taken his place in the front. I could hear whispers through the air as they murmur to each other about the new girl who has somehow made her way into a friendship with the supposed golden boy, and I could practically smell their curiosity.

I briefly wondered how Ro handled all this attention on a daily basis.

I didn't take her as the type to appreciate attention, as she was practically having a panic attack through text the time her mother told her to call their network company, spamming the keyboard with random letters and simulating screaming.

She was also close to tears in the bathroom stall when she had to make a speech in front of the year group, and had to lock herself in another stall for half an hour right after the speech.

I just assumed that she would be alright with attention, since that was practically in the handbook of "Befriending the golden boy", but in the period of time I've gotten to know her, she always seemed so put off by any kind of it.

She was always so cheerful and happy, so I had never really taken her for the kind to not be alright with attention

However, she never broke down or hid herself in a stall when it's public.

Ironically, when it's public - Like sitting at her lunch table - She's always smiling.

No hiding herself in the bathroom stall, no panic attacks, and no hyperventilation.

It's almost as if she didn't know how to do anything but smile in front of others.

I felt someone sit down next to me.

By chances of the devil, I turned to face Ro, and unsurprisingly, she was smiling.

"Hello!" She said, swinging her legs a bit as she shuffled towards the back of the seat, managing with her short height. It was adorable, and also made my stomach do things that I did not appreciate.

"Nathan convinced you to come to the game?" Ro asked, taking me completely off guard as to how on-point her questioning is. I nodded as a quick repose, not really trusting my voice to do its job.

"Speaking of him, where is he?" She twisted her hand around all over, attempting to spot the brunette who was soft around the edges. "He didn't just bring you here and wander off, did he?"

"Oh, uh, actually." I pointed towards the front. "He got dragged off by some baseball team members before the game started, said something about how they need their captain because captain's priorities or something."

Ro laughed. It wasn't loud, so it was easily overlapped by the background noises through the field. In face, it was soft, just like her.

It still made my heart clench, and my mouth to tug upwards.

"I mean, even when he can't play, I guess a captain as bright as Nathan is always good for moral support," She said. I flashback to him bouncing around excitedly when I promised him I would come, and sighed.

"Don't have to tell me twice."

She looked over, grinning. "Puppy dog eyes?"

"Puppy dog eyes?"

She laughed a little bit more at that, and I smiled at her laugh.

"Well, that's for the better." Ro smiled, gazing longingly towards the front. She stared at Nathan, eyes gliding over the purple fabric of his shirt. Her eyes shimmered with adoration and affection as her cheeks flushed, a smile tugging at her lips.

It was a dreamy, gorgeous smile.

Nathan turned back, promptly catching her eyes and smiling back, waving quickly. She immediately turned red, letting out a small noise of surprise before waving back.

She was flustered, and the smile was still there.

And what a wonderful smile it was.

But it wasn't for me.

Maybe it would never be.

My chest tightened, and my heart hurt.

"He looks happier than I've seen him in months," Ro murmured, picking and scratching at a ripped part of her light wash jeans. Her oversized, pastel pink jumper pooled around her in the seat as she scratched, picked, and tugged at a loose strand of fabric.

"Months?"

She shrugged. "Well, yeah. Like three or four months."

Three or four?

The assembly happened in October.

Ro was still staring at him, with a sadness in her eyes that I couldn't grasp entirely. It wasn't like Myles', full of wanting and desperation, or like Nathan's when we were in the library, filled with fond, but sad nostalgia about the past.

No, it was like a mother staring at her child.

She looked at him like how a parent would watch their children blossom, proud and happy for whatever they've accomplished.

It was kind of strange, to be honest. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone staring at their crush with motherly love.

But it was still adoring. It was still that loving expression that people only put on while looking at someone they treasured. Hell, she still looked at him with so much affection that it was practically scorching.

But it was sad.

It was so, so sad.

She was still looking at him so tenderly that I felt like I could break, and I wasn't even the one receiving her stare. I couldn't even bring myself to feel some sort of jealousy at her softened looks at the boy.

Her eyes were gradually turning glassier and glassier, but her lips were raised in a tight smile.

"He hasn't been this happy since Lucas first went to the hospital," She whispered quietly.

And suddenly, though being surrounded by a lovely, soft pink, she had never looked so lonely.

It was always about someone else. It was always about how, "Nathan looks a bit pale today, do you think he's okay?" or "I think Spencer's stressed out about his student council work, do you think I can help him?"

I could tell she wanted to do nothing more than wrap him up into a tight hug - She was easy to read, and neither of them knew anything about personal space - but she didn't.

She stayed still, eyes never leaving the front of the seats as Nathan cheered at something that just happened on the field.

She was right- He looked happier than he had all the previous times I'd seen him.

"He deserves it," Ro said. Her voice was shaky, but sincere, and I could tell that she was trying her best to straighten out the shakiness. "To be happy. He's so selfless, and brave, and kind all the time." She took a small breath in. "He deserves this and so much more."

I took one more look at the boy sitting to the front, dressed in a red hoodie, and I agreed with her.

Then, she smiled again, like always.

And suddenly, thought surrounded by a lovely, soft pink, she had never looked so lonely.

It was always about someone else. Always "Do you think Nathan's eating okay? He looks a bit pale." and "I think Spencer's been stressed out on student council work, do you think I can somehow help him?" or some other question concerning one of her friends.

I've never heard her talk about herself.

Fuck, ever since the assembly, I've only seen her let herself cry once, and I had to find her in a fucking bathroom stall by herself, sobbing as quietly as possible.

It was never about her, always about someone else.

I stayed quiet.

"You do too."

She blinked, confused. Huh?"

"You deserve to be happy," I stated, determined. I didn't overthink, didn't stutter, and just continued, "And everything else."

Ro, with eyes as wide as saucers, was clearly bewildered by the quick subject change of our conversation. Or maybe just the statement of her deserving happiness. Either way, it broke my heart.

"I- what?"

"You always go on about someone else, and you're always concerned about one of your friends, but never yourself." I internally scolded myself for handling such an emotional conversation at a loud baseball game, but quickly shook the though off and continued questioning. "Why not?"

"I- I just," Ro stuttered, still picking at those light wash jeans with her short, neatly trimmed nails. She pushed her glasses up, staring down at the ground.

"I feel selfish," She mumbled.

Selfish.

"Why?"

"They need it more than me." She shrugged weakly, as if it was just the clearest thing in the fucking world.

"Need what?"

She stopped scratching, and instead, started tapping on the side of the seat. "I don't know, the comfort? I just want to be there for them, and I don't want to use up anyone's time to just complain about me, and-"

"You don't think you're worth the time."

Ro sunk into her seat, her silence just as loud as the cheering of the crowd.

Beyond the rose tinted glasses that I've had on for god knows how long, she had dark circles underneath her eyes. Her lips were slightly chapped, some places raw from her biting and chewing on them, and her hands.

They wouldn't stop shaking.

This wasn't the persona that she had always put up around people. She wasn't smiling joyfully, nor were her eyes sparkling with cheeriness, nor was she patting someone on the back, comforting them softly.

She looked so weak. So defeated.

She looked like she was just ready to give up.

This wasn't the violin prodigy Ro, or the ball of sunshine who always cheered you up during rainy days Ro, or the gushing about Nathan Ro.

This was the girl who cared way too little about herself. This was the girl who felt like she wasn't worth anyone's time. This was the girl who was crying in the bathroom stall after the assembly.

This was Ro Zhang.

"You are."

I looked into her eyes, wanting to do nothing else other than to grab her trembling hands and hold them still. "You're worth my time."

She stared at me. She stared at me as if I was an alien with two heads, and not as if I had just simply stated something that I thought she'd realised from the start. She stared at me until she began to crack, and the tears began rushing out.

Shit.

"Shit, uh, I didn't mean to make you cry." I pat around my pockets like a madman, trying to find something along the lines of a packet of tissues. The crowd was still cheering at someone I couldn't give less of a shit about in the background. "Sorry, too far? I didn't mean-"

She wrapped her arms around me, sobbing.

It was the simplest sentence. Just some words mashed into one, simple, simple sentence. It reduced her into a crying mess.

When she pulled herself away from me, I had finally found the packet of tissue I had been searching for, and just gently passed her the piece of white, scented material.

"Well this is familiar," She immediately said, letting out a few quietly laughs at her own words before wiping her eyes. "Well, I guess it's just me, Ro Zhang, crying, in the middle of a baseball game."

The crowd was still loud. I smiled.

"Hey, at least you have me, Isabella Del Vecchio, to cry with, together, in the middle of a baseball game." I comforted her, mimicking her pauses between phrases.

She laughed, barely audible with the loudness in the background.

"Thanks," Ro murmured. "It's nice. Hearing someone saying that."

"Saying that they're going to cry with you in the middle of a baseball game?" I raised my brows at her, and she laughed again before slapping my shoulder softly.

"To, you know." She rubbed at her pink cloth covered forearm. "Hearing someone say that you're worth their time."

"Oh, that, yeah, of course." I pat her on the knee, giving an experimental squeeze that she chucked a bit at. "Think about yourself more, and not someone else, yeah?"

Ro nodded.

She looked to the front again, right at the front row, where the boy with his chocolate brown hair sat.

I looked at my nails instead, and decided that the chipped, bitten edges need some filing.

"Think about yourself more, and not someone else."

My heart didn't hurt.

"-Not someone else."

Fuck feelings.