I manage to coast my way through the rest of the afternoon in a professional, calm and relaxed manner.  Even Mrs Goldman doesn't set me off when she comes in at 4:45pm. Perhaps  Jake is good for me.  A calming, relaxing influence that I should welcome with open arms.  And open legs, don't forget open legs Alex.  Before I head home I check my phone and there's a text message from him from about an hour after I left him this afternoon:

                             //I'm hard again thinking about you covered in me. Call me tonight. Jx//

My heart flutters in my chest as I quickly tap out the response. Wouldn't want him to think I'm rude.

//You really ARE relentless. Smelling of you isn't so bad.. Thanks again for lunch. I'm starving again... Ax//

I smile at my saucy wit and shove my phone into my bag. Time to go home to prepare for my confrontation with Rob. Since she's annoyed she's unlikely to let me off with anything vague. It's hard enough trying to get anything past her. I word and re-word in my head all the way home how to explain Jake and the thing that was just a thing but is now more than a thing and might be an us. Well this would be fun. And enlightening. I may even be able to figure out what's going on myself.

I manage to get a quick dinner of feta and olive salad before the doorbell goes just after seven pm. I know she's still annoyed because she would normally just come straight in after ringing once. I take a deep breath before opening the door to see her standing there with an impassive look on her face. Good. Impassive was good. I was expecting angry and betrayed. Impassive is definitely better.

"Hey," I smile too wide as I stand back to let her in.

"Hi," she says tightly, flouncing past me into the living room. I roll my eyes and close the door before following her through. Okay not impassive then. Passive aggressive. Oh well, I suppose I brought this on myself.

"Do you want a tea, coffee, anything?" I ask as she takes a seat on Jake's armchair and puts her bag on the floor.

"No thanks. So? What the hell's going on Al?" She rounds on me. No messing about from Robyn, ever. It's one of the things I love about her. I purse my lips and nod as I take a seat on the sofa across from her.

I sigh. "Ok, well firstly I'm sorry that you had to find out from Dan about something I should have told you about myself. I know that would have been weird, so I'm sorry," I give her my most sincere look.  I am sorry. I hate fighting with Rob. It's one of the things I hate most in the world.

"It was embarrassing Alex. I felt like I didn't even know you," she shakes her head looking puzzled. I nod, my mouth in straight line.

"I know but you do know me," I tell her. Though somewhere in my head I'm wondering how true that can be since I don't even know me. I literally have no idea who I am at the moment. This guy is a bull in my china-shop life.

"Well apparently I don't know anything. Dan comes home last night and says that he saw you all over some guy in the street, that wasn't Sam or Ben." she shakes her head. I'm mortified.  Dan said I was "all over him"? I thought I was restrained. Very restrained, compared to how I normally am around him. I picture Jake naked on his back on my bed this afternoon whilst I took him in my mouth and my hand comes up to my mouth involuntarily. "...and since you've never mentioned any other guy to me I obviously don't know anything," her eyes are wide and her voice fragile so I know that she's hurt.

I look down away from her guiltily. We tell each other everything. Not a thing left out. She told me about how my brother went down on her in our parent's conservatory. I told her when I had my first orgasm. She was the first person I told about Ben's affair. Nothing is hidden between us. Nothing until now apparently. In keeping him a secret I've hurt my best friend. I feel awful.

"I'm sorry babe," I say quietly. "I did keep this from you but it wasn't to hurt you," I shake my head.

"But why? Why keep it from me at all?" she asks. The harshness is gone from her voice but she still sounds hurt. Then "Does Leigh know?"

"No. No one knows. I don't even know," Which is the truth. She looks confused. "I just didn't know what to tell you or how to explain it," I say. She sits forward looking even more confused.

"I don't understand? Who is he? Where did you meet him? Is he married or something?" she looks suspicious now. I guess that would explain the secrecy. A married man is not something Robyn would approve of. A married man makes Jake look like the most eligible bachelor in town.

"No, god no. He's not married. He's just. No," I say shaking my head.

"Then what? Why all the secrecy? Who is he? How serious is it? Can I meet him?" Robyn blurts all of the questions out in one go and gets up, coming to sit beside me on the sofa. As she does it makes me relax and I so sit back, trying hard to hold back a grin as I stare at her.

Her eyes widen expectantly before she loses patience and gives my knee a slight shake. "Well? Tell me?"

I put my hands up to my face and shake my head, "Jake, he's Jake." I tell her. Immediately I feel like the albatross around my neck has just broken free, flapped its wings and flown away. I just said his name aloud to Robyn. It isn't enough for Rob though because she's still looking at me expectantly. That's because she has no idea how big an issue saying his name aloud is for me. I swallow. "I met him at that club a few weeks ago, the opening," Not a total lie. In fact, it's more truth than a lie. That's when I formally met him. Robyn's eyebrows move together whilst she digests this.

"The club. That Surgery place? You never mentioned you met anyone?" she shakes her head. "Oh wait, the guy you were dancing with? The one who disappeared?" Who? Who is she talking ab - Oh Matt. Poor Matt.

"No, not him. It was after that,"

"After that you went home with a headache?" she looks confused again.

"Before the headache. After the dancing guy. When I lost you guys," I shrug, feeling as though I'm digging myself into a hole. "I was a little drunk and I gave him my number. Then he called and asked me out," Well technically I gave his club my number and he texted and said he wanted to feel himself inside me, but it's pretty much the same thing. Robyn chews the information over in her head.

"So why all the secrecy about it?" she asks.

I shrug again "I don't know. I just thought he was... you know just one of those guys. I never thought it would happen. He owns a nightclub for god sake. I felt... impulsive even going out with a guy like him. I thought I'd wait to see how it progressed before telling you. Then there was the Sam thing. It was a lot," I'm surprised at how genuine I sound spilling out my bastardised truths to her. She nods.

"So wait, he owns the nightclub?" she sounds shocked, or impressed, I can't decide. Maybe both. I nod. Then she smiles.

"So this is the real reason you kicked the eligible Doctor Wardley to the kerb. The nightclub owner." It's not a question. Her voice is level and her eyes shrewd. Nope, nothing gets past her, not a thing. I do a half shrug nod thing. I didn't exactly kick him to the kerb. I was just powerless in the face of the human sex tornado that is Jake Lawrence. Rob is quiet for a moment before she speaks again, sounding excited now. "So it's obviously progressing well. Dan said you looked....really... close," she squeezes my thigh.

"I thought Dan said I was all over him?" I smile.

"I think his exact words were 'they looked seriously into each other' and since I knew you'd broken it off with Sam and you were never really that into him in the first place I was confused. Then hurt," She looks away again.

"I really was just waiting to see what happened babe. I thought it was just a little thing. I felt a little foolish, and I don't know, slutty..." I look up to her and her brows are furrowed.

"What? Seriously? Come on Al. You're the least slutty person I know - AND the least foolish. You're the girl least likely to jump into bed with a guy," I glance down again. Maybe she doesn't know me. "You fall in love first, you want the romance," she explains. She sees something in my face. "Oh my god. You've jumped into bed with him haven't you?!" she practically squeals.

"What?" I do a nervous laugh as I look away from her.

"Al, either you've slept with him, or you're in love with him. Your face is an open book, it always has been. You're all that red way!"

"I'm not in love with him! I barely know him Rob," I laugh. Her mouth drops open.

"Dr Alexandra Marlowe... you... secret nightclub owner shagging slut!" she blurts before collapsing into a fit of excited giggles. She hits me on the leg once more and of course demands to know every detail of every encounter to date. I tell her what I can without feeling like I'm spilling Jake's secrets; mainly that he's completely hot, very intense, and that the sex has been amazing including this afternoon's lunchtime dalliance, which makes her squeals with excitement.

"Well I for one want to meet this guy who has turned you into a harlot!" she giggles, but there's no judgment. "Oh bring him to dinner at ours on Friday night?" she says practically jumping off the sofa. I'd forgotten about Robyn's monthly dinner party. "Obviously, Dan and I were thinking we'd get you and Mark together cause he's started asking about you more and you get on, but now you can just bring Jake and it'll be perfect! Though probably not for Mark but he's a big boy, he'll get over it," she giggles again.

Invite Jake to Rob's. I'm really not sure how I feel about that. Were Jake and I dating? Not really. We're having a lot of sex. That isn't really the same thing as dating. We've been on a date but are we a couple? A couple that goes to dinner parties together with other couples? Oh I don't think we are. I can't imagine he'd want to come to a dinner party with Rob and Dan and their friends anyway, who he'll probably think are stuck up. Why do I think he'd find them stuck up? Does he think I'm stuck up? He'd never come anyway.

"I don't know Rob. He works Friday nights," I say watching her deflate visibly. "But I'll ask him. See what he says." I add.

I know what he'll say. I don't want to see his face when I ask him and he tries to think of an excuse to say no. I'll ask him on the phone later when I call. He works though and that's what he'll say. It's a perfectly acceptable excuse. Oh but what if he said yes? What if he actually came? I try and imagine him sitting round the table chatting with Robyn and Dan's public school educated friends. He would hate them surely. But then I'm public school educated and he seems to like me just fine. Well, he likes having sex with me anyway. I flush again. Then I remember I haven't showered yet.

Robyn and I chat for another hour on the subject of Dan and his mother, the wedding, and work and Leigh, but it always seems to lead back to my current sexual dalliance with the mystery nightclub owner and how she can't wait to meet him. When I think about Jake meeting anyone from my life, it seems strange and incongruous. He feels so separate from it, larger than it, outside of everything that's otherwise normal. And keeping him separate has made being with him seem more...I don't know... manageable. Less risky. It's as though he doesn't really exist in the same universe where I do everything else, and everything that's happening with him is therefore happening separate from my actual life. God, that doesn't even make sense in my own head.

It's just before 9pm when Robyn leaves, and after she does I go upstairs and run myself a hot bubble bath. As I relax into it I pick up my mobile and dial his number. Pathetically, I'm excited to hear the sound of his voice on the phone because I hadn't heard it over the phone yet. It rings twice before he picks up.

"Well you took your time," He says softly, no greeting. Oh, I like the sound of him on the phone (what a surprise). He sounds deeper voiced and very male. I can visualize him doing that lazy half smile thing with his mouth.

"Sorry. Robyn left and I thought I'd run a bath before calling you," I stretch out my legs, running my toes across the Victorian style taps. The bath is very warm, though not Jake warm, and the bubbles pop and crackle around me.

"You telling me you're in the bath right now?" his voice lowers.

"Yes. I just thought if I waited until I came out you would have thought I was being really rude."

I hear him groan "You are fucking killing me here baby. Now I'm not gonna be able to stop thinking about you naked and wet. Actually wait, I'm always thinking about that anyway," he laughs a low sexy laugh.

I giggle, feeling my body heat up even further.  "Relentless," I say. "So, what are you doing?"

"Nothing much, just watching the football, West Ham game from earlier so don't tell me the score yeah?" he says. I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh I'll try and not let it slip," I say. "So, a West Ham fan then? Must bank that little nodule of information away somewhere - gold dust and all that. Very sharey of you," 

He laughs. "Told you I wasn't that interesting. So are there bubbles?" he asks.

"Always. Lots of bubbles. It's also completely hot," I smile. He curses on the other end.

"I could come over there you know. I could make it in say.... twenty minutes. Your bath is big enough for two if I remember right," he sounds utterly serious. I'm utterly tempted.

I close my eyes at the thought of him climbing naked into the bath with me, his body slippery and wet and me wedged between his thighs. I almost groan out loud. God it would be bliss.

No. I can't have him thinking I need him every minute of every day - even if it is the truth. That would be giving him far too much power. He has too much already.

"You'd be breaking the law if you got here in twenty minutes and that wouldn't be good. Anyway, I'm pretty exhausted. It's been a long and eventful day..." I smile.

"You saying no to me again?" his voice is low but playful.

"No," I giggle. He breathes a laugh into the phone and I really really wish he were here.

"Good. Because I really don't take rejection well,"

"Oh really?"

"No. Actually, I don't know how I take rejection, it's never happened before. It nearly happened once with this gorgeous doctor I was mental about but she came around in the end," He says.

I smile "Well she sounds like a pushover." I slip down a little lower under the water.

"Nah she's not. She just doesn't know what's bad for her," he says.

My heart stutters. He's saying he's bad for me again. He's alluded to that before. Is he alluding to the fact that he'll hurt me? I swallow and try and go back to another place. One outside of my normal everyday life. Where Jake belongs.

"Well, I'm not rejecting you, I'm just.. delaying you." I counter. He groans again.

"Fine," he huffs. "So how'd it go with your friend? Tell her about your sexual deviant did you?"

"I did. She em...." Here goes. I take a deep breath. "She invited you to dinner at her place," Well I did say I would ask.

"When?"

"Friday night, she's having a dinner party. I did tell her you work Friday nights and that it probably wouldn't suit,"

"I'll come," He says immediately.

A strange warm ripple courses over my body.

"Oh. Ok,"

"Well, unless you don't want me to?" he sounds wary.

"No, no. I do. I just thought, well you don't know any of them, so you'll be kind of, I don't know, on your own," Why am I trying to talk him out of this? Why am I so terrified?

"I assume you're going?"

"Of course I am,"

"Then I'm not gonna be on my own then am I?" his voice is light again.

"No, you're not," I say.

He sighs. "Alex, do you want me to come to your friends for dinner or not? Tell me what you want and I'll do it," What am I doing? I care about him; I might be falling for him. I want him to meet my friends. I should be happy that he wants to meet them.

"I do want you to come," I tell him.

"Okay. Then I'll come,"

"Okay," I whisper.

"Okay," he echoes.

"She'll be delighted," she will be. I should be. I'm terrified. Two worlds are going to collide on Friday and I don't know how I'm going to manage that. Jake becomes a real, in my actual life thing.

"I want to see you tomorrow," he says distracting me from my nervy thoughts. "Can you have me for lunch again, or dinner? I'm not really fussy,"

I grin like a fool and a ripple of goose bumps break out over me.

"Ummm, I actually can't, I have a seminar in the afternoon so I'm out of the office from 12, and wont be home until god knows when. Anyway, I don't think I can make a habit of meeting you at lunchtime for sexual deviance," Oh I could absolutely make a habit of that.

"Why not?" he asks sounding serious. "C'mon!!" he shouts and I almost jump out of my skin. "Sorry, Sakho just scored a class goal from a corner," He tells me. I laugh and shake my head. "So where's your work thing at? In town?"

"Yes. The Lancaster. 2 until 5," I could really do without wasting half a day listening to sales pitches but Douglas wants a full report on what the new patient management system is all about, and whether we really need to buy it. And since Sam went to the last one, and Helen before that, it's my turn.

"So meet me after. You could stay the night?" he says.

"Stay the night? What you mean at your place?" I ask.

"Yes at my place, where else?" he laughs. "I'll make you dinner,"

See where he lives, his place? Oh the idea intrigues me. I can't imagine him relaxing around the house in comfortable trousers and slippers. No, he doesn't do slippers. He does bare feet. Suddenly I want to see his feet.

"You cook?" I ask. The idea is amusing to me too for some reason. Cooking is another thing I can't imagine him doing. I imagined he just sustained himself on sex and the swooning of wanton desperate females. Like me.

"Yeah I do. I'm not too bad either, " He sounds a little offended. Ok, the chance to find out more about him, what kind of place he lives in, what kind of things he surrounds himself with is just far too tempting. Before heading into town I could come home and feed Fred, then ask Ed and Betty to put some food out for him later on and in the morning. They always say I only need pop next door and ask and they always look after him when I'm in France. I hate neglecting Fred but he's mainly self-sufficient, and he knows I love him. I'm a terrible mother.

"Ok, that would be nice. I'll come to yours and stay the night. Text me your address so I can figure out the tube,"

"No, I'll pick you up. About 5? Which Lancaster is it? There's two. Is it the one at Hyde Park?"

I nod, "Yes that one. Ok well that would be great. I'll see you at 5 tomorrow then. I guess I'll let you get back to your game. I have some cleansing to do anyway and the water's getting cold,"

He sighs loudly "So you're just washing me away are you?" he makes a little tutting sound. "No matter, I'll just cover you in me again tomorrow,"

My insides tighten and I break out in goose pimples again which aren't from the cooling water.

"Deviant," I smile. In my head I'm imagining his hands and body on and in mine. I'm also imaging a certain other part of him. Robyn was right; he's turned me into a harlot.

"You know it baby," he growls quietly. "See you tomorrow. I'm off to have a cold shower. Night Alex," he says before hanging up.

I finish my bath and get out and dried before packing a small overnight bag so I don't have to do it in the morning. With my hair still damp I climb into bed feeling exhausted but warm and content. All of which I know is down to him. I can still smell him on the pillows and on the sheets from this afternoon meaning I really need to change the bed. But not tonight. Tonight I'm happy to go to sleep with the scent of him in my nose. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, letting his scent wash over me. I'm asleep in seconds.