The Duke left ahead of me. I took the moments alone to blush and fawn over the idea that he and I would be together. Actually together. That Askar was on his way to seek my parents' counsel and that he would propose for all the world to see in a week's time. That I would be his wife.

Wife.

I thought about how silly it felt to say, considering that I had never meant to see him beyond the Apple Faire. I had never been so happy to be so wrong.

I held my head a little higher and set out to find Ser Willoughby. I wanted to tell him first because I knew he would be upset that I had not followed his orders, that I had wandered from the hall, and because... Well, because when I thought about it, I realized he was my friend. My best friend.

When I was presentable enough to pass the critical eyes of the night, I hurried down the stairs and back through the long corridor toward the Grand Hall.

I was nearly to where my Blade would be when somebody stepped out of one of the rooms. I jumped, stumbling backward, but caught myself on a suit of armor lining the wall.

"K-Kristjan?" I stammered. I cleared my throat. "Lord Beck. My pardon. You startled me half to death... What are you doing back here?" I asked.

He hmmed, folding his arms around each other, and looked me over. "Where did you run off to?" he asked. "You were supposed to dance with me."

"Right." I nodded once. "I'll be back soon. I'm looking for Ser Willoughby."

"Mhm. I might have guessed. Does Ser Willoughby know that Askar came out this way not too long ago? Wouldn't blame him if he assumed he was back here with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him. "I spilled champagne. I was treating a spot on my dress before it set. I don't know where His Grace is."

"That's funny," he said.

"I don't think it's particularly funny, sir," I replied. I narrowed my eyes. "...How did you get past Ser Willoughby?"

"Was he supposed to be guarding something?" he asked. He motioned toward the other hall. "I came through the kitchen."

"The kitchen? Why?"

"I was worried about you," he said. "You left the dance in a hurry, and if you think I did not notice that, then you're not giving me the credit I deserve. I notice everything you do."

"I," I stopped. "I don't know what to do with that, Krist. That doesn't explain why you would've circumvented the hall to find me. No, this was an intentional workaround."

"Do we really need to play this game?" he asked.

"What game?" I said. "I'm not playing a game with you."

"You and I have always played games. Haven't we?" he said. "I can think of a few times you–"

"I can't think of any," I spat—a knee-jerk to his attempt. I was heeding Ser Willoughby's advice. "I can't think of any games we played."

"...We need to talk, Eliza."

"I don't want to talk to you," I said. "I want to go back to the party."

"And I do not want to do this merry-go-round with you anymore," he said.

"I'm not trying to merry-go anything; I'm trying to... Look. If you want to dance, I'll come dance with you, but–"

He took a step closer to me, and I stepped back. My reaction spurred a curious look.

"What, are you scared of me now?" he asked. "After everything we've been through? Everything we've shared together?"

I didn't answer him. I tried to walk around him, but he moved with me, barring my exit.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"What are you doing? That's the better question." He sighed. "Trying to make me jealous?"

"I don't understand. I–"

"Really?"

"Krist, ple–"

"My cousin, Eliza?" he asked. "Of all the men in the world, that's who you've chosen to fuck in place of me?"

"I didn't know he was your cousin," I said.

"Horseshit," he said. "I was at the Hunt."

"I meant–" I shook my head. "I meant I did not know until the Hunt."

"And you didn't deny fucking him either," he said.

"I'm not–"

"Maybe you knew, maybe you didn't. One can't be certain with you," he said. "The world's smartest woman, she would like us all to think, and she didn't know the rich Duke was related to her... Whatever I was to you? I don't even know. First conquest?"

"Whatever you were to me?" I croaked. "You were not a conquest, and you know it!"

"Did you let him touch you in the study? Hmm? Is that why you're back here? Was it everything you wanted? Did it remind you of me? Or replace the memory? Was it better? Did you–"

"There's the joke," I said. "And it's hilarious." I stood taller. "Amazingly hilarious considering what you— You know what, Kristjan? Sorry, Lord Beck. I would love to define what our relationship was... I would love to define the study, but I don't believe in phantoms, let alone the energy it would waste in speaking to them."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"You left me!" I sputtered, jabbing my finger in his space. "Do you not remember that?"

"That's not–"

"I told you I loved you, and you– You vanished!" A sort of sinking started in my gut. "You fucked me, and then you vanished. Right into thin air! A ghost! Too good to return my letters. Too good to call on me. Too good to speak to me or of me to our friends. You haunt me day and night, but you can't acknowledge that I–!" I groaned. "Ugh! Don't you dare stand there and scold me for finding company in another man when you–"

"You think I vanished on you? On you?" He shook his head. "Is that how you remember it?"

"W-What?"

"That is not what happened," he said. "God, Eliza. You are proper bonkers, aren't you?"

"What are you talking about!?" I cried. "What other way is there to remember it?"

He chuckled hatefully. "You're the one who took what I said wrong. It's not my fault your little lizard brain filled in the blanks the way you wanted it to. Yes, you said you loved me, but I didn't say I loathed you; I just said nothing back. I can't help it that you thought, 'Welp, Kristjan's an asshole!' You were always looking for a way to sabotage us, or do you not remember that night? Don't you remember everything you did leading up to it? The insistence you put upon sex? Do you even remember how pushy you were about making things 'official' with an offer?"

"An offer you agreed to deliver in exchange for my virginity!" I cried. "An offer that never came! That mattered to me!"

"Oh, I agreed. But you didn't even want to go through with it, did you?" he asked. "Do you have any idea how that made me feel? You tried to emasculate me."

"I was scared," I whispered. "You took it anyway."

"You gave it to me, don't play the victim. When you do that, it makes me wonder why I'm even back here trying to mend this relationship with you."

"What?" I shook my head. "No. Don't do that. I don't want that."

"No?" he checked. "Then you weren't staring at me at the Hunt?"

"N-No, I–"

"I get it; you're angry with me. You have every right to be upset with how I reacted to what you did, but–"

"What I did?" I asked. "I–"

"I mean, come on. Look at this," he said. "Look at you. You're back here fucking the closest thing I have to a brother, and now you're screaming at me for it."

"I'm not screaming," I whispered.

"It's honestly unbecoming. If you'll notice, my voice is calm. My voice is reasonable. Do you not even hear yourself? I feel sorry for you, for if anyone comes in now, God forbid the Duke because I hate to break his heart like this. I'm sure he's rather smitten with you and your lies. They are so appealing, after all."

"I'm not lying to him; I'm–"

"I mean, what would anyone think? Let alone Askar, finding us like this? They will assume the worst; I can promise you that. And they will know what we've done. They will. You know it. And you...? You will not survive it. Not without my reputation to salvage it. Princess or not. They will label you a whore."

"I will tell them you've trapped me in this hallway," I muttered.

"Trapped?" He cocked his head. "Really?"

"I will tell them that I've tried–"

"Do you feel trapped, Princess?" He came closer.

My words were faster. "I will tell them that I've tried to leave, but you've insisted upon boring me with your nonsensical... nonsense! And that I fear that there will be no escape except through death."

"Do you think anyone will believe you?" he asked. "Especially when you make it a joke? Do you think Askar will believe you? Do you think he'll think it's funny?" He rolled his eyes. "Given how angry he was with me after your little show at the Hunt, I can't imagine he hasn't started to wonder why you're so hung up on me."

"Krist, please," I said. "I want to go back to the party."

"Did you tell him you love me?" he asked. "Does he know?"

"Let me–" I tried to step past him.

Krist grabbed my arms and jolting me. "I'm trying to talk to you, dammit! Is that not what you want!?" He took a long breath in and let go. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry. I should not have raised my voice. You're just making me crazy here."

"Please," I asked. "I want to go back to the party."

"You still know how to twist me at the seams, I guess."

"I'm not trying to twist you," I told him. "I'm trying to go back to the–"

"What happens after I tell my cousin about us?" he asked. "Do you think he'll want you after he knows how used you are? Not sure many men enjoy the idea of indulging in sloppy seconds."

"Kristjan," I tried.

"Eliza. ...I'm sorry, but I cannot stand by idly and let you torture him the way you've tortured me. He's my cousin. My kin. If you're trying to insist that there is nothing between you and me, then I'll have to put a stop to your mental warfare. It isn't right."

"I'm not... I'm not... Sir, listen to me." I tried to remember all of my knight's instructions. "Please understand my words. I am not using the Duke or anybody to get to you or whatever it is you think is happening. I am just trying to live my life. To move on. I haven't even thought about you since you ended things," I lied.

"I don't believe that," he said.

"It doesn't matter if you believe it; it's true," I lied again. "I didn't tell anyone. I promise. I don't plan to."

"I don't believe that, either," he said.

"I don't say your name out loud," I promised. "I don't breathe life into the grave. I don't hope. I don't beg. I don't brood. I don't wait. Do you understand?"

"I understand that you're trying to hurt my feelings, Princess. And I understand it's because I have been absent."

"No," I said. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to convince you that–"

"If any of that was true, then you never loved me at all. And if that's the case, I think maybe you aren't capable of love. I think maybe it's time all of our friends, and your parents, know what a temptress you are. Lest you ensnare them in your wickedness, too."

"...Are you threatening me?" I asked.

"Threatening you?" He unfurled his arms to either side, taking a step. "What threat is there if it's true? God. You're so sensitive, I swear."

"I am not sensitive!" I said. "You've just implied that you'll destroy my reputation!"

"The truth should not offend you, Princess."

"The truth?" I cracked. "Is that what you want?"

"It's all I've ever wanted from you."

I frowned. "The truth is Askar knows. He knows about us, and he won't be affected by what you tell him because he loves me."

"You're a terrible liar," he said. 

"I'm not lying!" I spat. "He knows, and he loves me despite it."

"Hmm. He knows the truth of it? You're sure? What did you tell him?"

"I told him–"

"Did you tell him how you begged me to bed you and how you cried about it after it happened?" he asked.

"Y-You hurt me when it happened!" I said. "You hurt me, and I told you to stop, and you–!"

"I did not hurt you," he said, disgusted. "God. Sex is supposed to hurt. It's not my fault that you didn't know that. That you romanticize everything. Do not sit there and try to make it what it's not. Did it ever occur to you that this is why I didn't call on you afterward? You make it sound like I–"

"You raped me!" I hissed.

"I did not ra– If that was what happened? If that's what you honestly believe, then why did you insist upon seeking me out at every social affair afterward? Hmm? Why did you send me letters and cards and beg for my attention? Hmm?"

"I wanted to talk to you..." I tried. "I wanted to... I loved you, and I thought we could move past it. I thought that if I–" I swallowed, glancing into the hall. "I want to leave," I said softer, staving off tears. I didn't want anyone to hear me. I didn't want anyone to know. "I want to leave. Please let me leave."

"I am talking to you," he said.

"I want to leave. Let me leave. Please."

"No. When I am done speaking, then you may leave," he said. "I think you owe me that."

I could hear the orchestra, but it was muted. I wondered if I screamed, if anyone would hear me, and if I could bear the consequence of it upon my reputation. Upon Askar's. And if we were caught, what would he think? What would he do?

Lord Beck bored into me with his gray, drilling eyes. "You wanted my attention. Yes or no?"

"Y-Yes, but–" I stuttered.

"Yes. See? Doesn't it feel good to tell the truth?"

"Please."

"Well, Princess. Here I am. Here I am, and you have my undivided attention," he said.

"I don't want it." I swallowed. "I want to leave."

He spoke over me. "Yes, yes, you do. You just sai–"

"No, I said I did want it. Past tense, but I do not want it now. Not anymore. What I want is to leav–"

"You have done nothing but run around this Season, flaunting how good you are without me, uninviting me to every dance just so you could spread your legs for my–"

"I left you alone!" I cried. "I left you alone like you wanted."

"You wanted me to hear about it. Didn't you? You wanted to piss me off. You will feel better if you just confess."

"There's nothing to confess," I said. "I didn't know he was your cousin. I would never hurt you like that. Not like you–"

"Like I what?" He came so close, I put my hand up to stop him, but he caught my wrist and held me in place. "Like I hurt you? Is that what you'll say? I did not hurt you," he promised me. "You and I made love as we had planned it. Just because you got cold feet after we got there, does not mean–!"

"Stop it!" I yelped as he grabbed either side of my arms and spun me toward the wall. He pressed his body into mine. "Ow! Stop it!"

"Princess, that's just what couples do. They experience things together," he whispered. His breath was hot over my shoulder. "They take the good with the bad. You were scared, but that doesn't mean you didn't want it," he said. "And you won't convince me you didn't want it just because you're angry with me now. I felt you, remember? I felt how ready you were for me. How wet."

His words penetrated the looser strands of my braid, and I shook my head.

"You love me, remember?" he asked. "Forever and ever. Unconditionally. You told me so. But even if you didn't, your body did, so I just find it really hard to believe that you think I... raped... you when you clearly wanted to be with me."

"Kristjan, stop, please," I whined.

"You used your knight to make me jealous back then, and you're doing it again now with my cousin. Confess."

"No," I told him. "I love Askar, and I didn–"

"Oh, you love Askar?" he asked. "Now and forever? Just like you told me? Or just until someone else comes along to toy with when you get bored?"

I felt my spirit disconnect as the Marquis pulled at one of my dress' laces. No longer did I hear the music from the party; no longer did I feel the fear coursing as blood in my veins. Lord Beck put a hand on my hip, and the other came around the front of my dress.

Kristjan pulled at the layers of my skirt, bunching it into the nonexistent space between us.

"Krist," I whispered.

He kissed my neck. "Shh," he teased, pressing his finger to my lips. "Don't make too much noise." His words were hot against my skin; I was scared my mother would walk into her study at any moment. "It would be hard to explain what we're doing in here," he said.

I shut my eyes, thinking about his pewter ones. I gripped the edge of the wood table that he had put me on. He settled my dress over my legs and dragged me close.

"Wait," I said.

His hand covered my mouth. "Princess, stop," he ordered me. His face was serious as he released my lips. "We're both adults."

"Yes, but..." I shifted. "I'm so nervous."

"I thought you wanted this?" he asked.

"I did, but," I bit my lip.

"Princess," he purred. "Princess... Princess... Princess. Don't you love me?"

"Yes, but," I was shaking. "I'm scared. I don't want to get caught."

"If you stop being so loud, we won't get caught," he said.

"But Willoughby is always–"

"God, must we speak of him right now?" he asked. "Is there a time that he doesn't cross your mind? Because if it's not while I'm between your legs, I—"

"No, I–"

"Honestly, Princess. You talk about your Blade so often I think I should be jealous."

"Of Willoughby–? He's just my friend."

"Knights shouldn't be friends with Princesses," Krist said. "You like him, don't you?"

"No!" I sang. "No, I only like you."

"I don't know about that," he said.

"What do you mean?" I tried to kiss the corner of his mouth, but he turned just enough to dodge it.

"I think you're having doubts about us," he told me. "I think you say one thing, but I think you'll do another. I think if your Knight in Shining Armor said the word, you'd be his pet. I don't think you'd hesitate like you're hesitating with me."

"No!" I shook my head. "No, I would never. I love his wife; she's like an aunt to me. And Willough, he's–"

"Willough, see?" he said. "Did he ask you to call him that? Or did you think of it your own?"

"I don't think I like what you're implying," I said. I scoffed. "I only have eyes for you. You know that. We've talked about our wedding. What dress I'll wear, how many kids we want... I–"

"And now you don't want to make love to me," he said. "Even though we promised each other we would. It's not lost on me that this change of heart comes after a dance with Ser Willoughby."

"I'm just nervous," I confessed. "You're being sort of... mean."

"I'm not being mean," he sighed. "You're being insensitive. Flaunting another man in front of me. You know how that makes me feel."

"I don't have feelings for Willou– Ser Willoughby."

"Did you do that on purpose?" he asked.

"No!"

He jerked my dress and shift up together, pinning them to the desk's surface. When I gasped, I swear he grinned, but I didn't know what to do. Krist tip-toed his fingers up my thigh and pulled my panties to the side.

"Stop," I said. "Please, I–"

I remembered he licked his lips, and he–

"Get off of me!" I screamed. I hit my palms on the wall and tried to force him back, but he didn't budge. He tried to bolt down both my arms, but I twisted enough to turn and face him, though it wrung my arm the wrong way, and I yelled.

"Fuck! You're hurting me!"

"Stop being so loud," he ordered. He let go but replaced his hand beside my face and started to brush my hair out of it. When he tried to kiss me, I tried to knee him in the groin, but he caught my leg and swung it to the side.

Then he was mad.

"You fucking brat," he said. "All Season, I've heard nothing but how wonderful you are, how beautiful, how fun," he spat. He started to unfasten his pants. "You think I forgot any of that? I only left you, as you put it, because you were so goddamn weird about that night together. Do you have any idea how you made me feel? And now you're accusing me of hurting you. Let me show you. Sex always hurts."

"Willoughby!" I screamed, but his hand clamped over my mouth.

"You want this. You want me," he said. "Always and forever, right?"

I drew the dagger from my thigh without much thought to it, without much realization. It arched through the waning space between us like a metal claw, and it clipped the back of Lord Beck's hand, splitting the flesh like the rine of an Oreian Red. He snatched himself away. He nearly fell completely as he staggered back.

"What the fuck?!" he yelled. "Holy fuck," he said. "Fuck! You crazy fucking whore!"

I tightened the knife in my grip. "Do not touch me!" I said.

"What are you going to do? Cut me again?" he asked. "You want me to hurt? Is that what needs to happen to get this back on track? Is that what you want? You want the power here?" he asked. "Oh, please, great wondrous Princess, don't hurt me anymore!" He straightened and came forward, and I hooked another swing at him in the way Askar had shown me.

His expression froze, but his body moved to dodge it.

"What are you going to do?" he pressed. "Are you going to kill me? That'll be a funny story to explain, considering I'm not doing anything we haven't done before. I wonder how soon anyone will ask why you were back here with me?"

"If you want to leave this corridor still a man, you'll turn and walk away!" I spat.

"Ha!" He didn't believe me. "Yeah. Okay. You're seriously deranged. You wanted this as much as I did, but now I can see you're just bat-shit crazy, aren't you? A real wild ma–ahh!"

For the comment he had attempted to finish, I feigned a charge at him, sending the dagger over his head and stopping just short of him once he panicked.

"I will disarm you, Lord Beck," I promised, pointing the blade. "Your blood will bleed into the castle floor, and it will never sire an heir, so help me God."

"They'll say–"

"I do not care what they'll say!" I yelled, taking another swipe. He stumbled. "They always have something to say!"

We were staring at a stalemate. There were footsteps running somewhere, and then there was the Duke. He emerged from the end of the hall and came to a stuttering stop. He looked between us.

"Eliza?" he asked.

"Cousin, the Princess has lost her–" Krist started.

"My love?" Askar worried. "Are you okay?"

I was too far gone to stop. Too enraged. I turned the dagger up to dare the Marquis a second time. "Tell him, Krist!"

"What did he do?" Askar asked.

Krist shook his head. "T-Tell him what?"

"Tell him I'm okay," I cried. "Lie to him!"

He took a glance at Askar and then tried to tear past him, shoving the Duke, but then my knight swang around the corner and seized the Marquis by the throat. He went into the air like a weasel into a mouth, and Willough was the wolf.

"What is happening?" my knight buzzed.

Lord Beck shook his head, clawing at his gauntlet.

Willoughby slugged toward me, toting the lord with him. Askar shook his head, and I was shaking so badly that when he stepped toward me, I reacted by nocking another swing. Askar caught my wrist, but the edge sliced the webbing between his thumb and fingers. I gasped, letting go. Metal hit the floor.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. I tried to touch his wound. "Askar, I'm so sorry!"

He started to bleed. "It's okay," he said. The unmarred hand tested the air between us, and then he bent down to collect the dagger. He handed it to me, the point out and toward his gut. "Here," he said. "Take it."

"What did Lord Beck do to you?" Willough asked. His voice was calm. "Tell me. I won't be angry. I just need to know."

Krist's words were garbled as he tried to protest. My knight loosed his grip just enough for the words to form meaning as he pulled his mouth to his ear. The Marquis was able to murmur a broken; "I didn't...she...wanted..." followed by an attempt to gasp for air.

All at once, the entire year came back to me, and I started to cry. I covered my face to dampen the sound, but I could not stop it once it began.

"Shh," Askar sang. "No, no, no. It's alright. You're safe. You're safe." His arms came around me, and his voice was heavy. "Did he touch you?" he asked.

Willoughby jerked Kristjan a little to aid his effort. "Did you touch her, my lord?"

He tried to deny it.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I hurt you. You're bleeding," was all I could say.

The Duke flashed his palm off to me and then the back of it. "It's a scratch, really," he said, though that was a tale. "I am so sorry I left you," he said. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

"No," I muttered. "I didn't think– I shouldn't have...." I pulled back to find Ser Willoughby's face. "I'm sorry I defied you. You were–You were so far away, and–"

"Eliza, no," he replied. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Lord Beck choked as Willoughby formed the sentence again, but slower. "Are you hurt?"

"N-No," I told him. "No, he didn't... I didn't let him touch me this time."

"This time." My knight nodded. His head made a quick, despondent nod. He didn't sound like himself.

"I–I–" I stammered.

Lord Beck met my eyes, daring me to say it. I couldn't. I didn't want Willoughby to know. I didn't want Ask to know. I didn't want to know myself.

"Princess?" the Duke asked me.

I looked at him but didn't speak.

Willough was still. "I understand." He took a long blink. "Your Grace?"

"Yes, Ser?" Ask responded.

"You will do me a favor." My Blade was too cool and too smooth. "A very simple favor, but very difficult considering what's happening."

"Tell me. I'll see it done," he said.

"Go back to the party."

"What?" I shook my head. "But Lord Beck, he–"

Willough addressed the Duke. "Go back to the party," he said. "Take Eliza with you. Take your time, too. If you see Ser Elías, tell him that I'm looking for him. He's standing by the punch bowl, last I saw. Tell him I am looking for him, and then go find the Queen and tell her the same."

I shook my head. "I-I don't know what that means; I–"

"I understand, Ser," Askar said. "I will take my time."

"Good. I need you to go now. The Marquis and I are going to have a little chat about manners."

"M-Manners?" I tried.

Ask took my hand. "Come on," he said.

"And don't let her hurry, either, Duke," Willough near-purred. "You'll draw attention to yourselves. Go back to the party. Dance a time or two, and when you stumble upon the Lord Commander, tell him I am looking for him."

"I-I..." I decided to nod. "Are you going to hurt him?" I asked.

"We're going to have a conversation," he said. "Stay with your Duke, and you don't leave his side, no matter what happens. Do you understand?"

"You're scaring me," I said.

"On you go, Princess."