XVII
You Don't Deserve Me
~~~

"Aww yeah!! Got 'em!" Gar screamed. He had just beat a boss in story mode of a Battle Royale type game.

"Nice job Gar," Amber congratulated. "But maybe you should use an AWP instead of the semi-automatic." She suggests.

"Hmm...ok, lets see how this works..."

The only ones there were Amber, Gar, Raven, Jack, Myra, and Jackie. The others had things to do apparently.

Raven stood with Amber as she usually does when she comes with Gar. Mainly because Gar was going to bring her home again, but she didn't mind staying after school with him for his practices. She liked the Manticores, they've been there as her friends before Gar even got there. Now she just had a better excuse for coming than "because she wanted to".

"So what exactly happened with Adam?" Amber asked.

She sighed. "Can you tell I'm a bit worried?"

"You have that look on your face."

"Well he's targeting other people to let out his anger on. People who have nothing to do with him and I. Maybe he targeted Jackie because he knows she's Vic's sister, but she still has nothing to do with us. He doesn't know she's my friend."

"That is a problem. A big problem. Especially if he targets people that are obviously weaker than him like Jackie. He could seriously hurt someone."

Raven nods. "And..." she gives a long sigh. "It's all because I still haven't reported him. If I reported him for harassment or bullying it would be over just like that." She snaps her fingers. "He'd either get expelled, suspended, or given a severe punishment, and that would be the end of it."

"Then why don't you do it?"

"I...I don't love him anymore, but I think it's because I still care about him. And I don't want him to get in trouble. He..." she groans. Spit it out Raven!! "He was my lifeline when Gar was gone. He was someone I thought I could trust with my feelings. So I can't get that sentiment out of my head."

"I understand Raven. I was in an abusive relationship like that once. We had broken up but I wasn't ready to totally get rid of him and move on."

"Well the thing is, I've moved on. I guess you could say I have a crush on someone else. But I've shared a lot with him. About my life and about my past. I don't want him to spill any of that either. And I sure as hell don't want Gar to hear any of it."

"Hmm? What's Gar have to–"

"When he left when we were kids, we made a promise to 'never change'. Obviously that didn't happen. Everyone changes as they get older. It's inevitable. It's more of an emotional and personality change than anything now. Now I know the promise was more mental than physical. The choices we make, our morals, and our view of eachother. Things like that.

"But I know Gar. And he holds onto things. He's held onto the way I used to be more than I have to the way he used to be. If he found out I've made some of the choices I have I don't know what he'd do. I don't know what I'd do."

"Raven, Gar needs to find out some time. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be."

"I know. That applies to both my problems. I just...I don't think I'm ready to deal with his reaction. Not yet."

"You understand Gar quite well don't you?"

"Heh. Not at all. I only remember the past. He's changed as I have. I've already sort of figured out something that he was trying to keep from me on Saturday. That's why I wasn't speaking today in school. I was taking some time to think over my situation. I want to do the right thing. I don't want to screw it up."

"Hate to break it to you Raven, but that's inevitable."

"What?"

"You can't prepare for the unknown. You experience the unknown so you can prepare for the next time it happens. Then it's not the unknown. Take this team for example: We prepare for tournaments after we know what's going down. But we practice because we know what can happen. And we prepare for what we know could happen. Apply that to any sport. Every athlete knows how the game is played, and they prepare based on what they know about the game. But there are some things you can't prepare for that you have to deal with on the fly. Like an unusually good player or an unusually strong and fast runner. You can't really get ready for anything like that because everyone is different. You have to deal with it in the moment, when it's happening. That's what you have to prepare for Raven. You have to think of what you'll expect from the situation, and get ready for anything. That's how you deal with life's toughest situations. But if you just avoid them entirely, you're going to get absolutely nowhere."

Raven looks at Gar, who is very into the game he's playing, and lets out a loud curse when he dies again.

Raven sighs with a melancholic smile and walks over to him. She pulls up a chair next to him and sits and watches. She lays her head on Gar's shoulder as she watches. He knew she was there as soon as she sat down, but he acknowledged her presence this time with a slight head turn and a smile, which Amber clearly saw.

Myra threw off her headphones in frustration and let out a curse.

"Stupid computer!" Raven raised her head quickly which got Gar's attention. When he turned his head and looked at her in confusion, she pointed to Myra and he took his headphones off.

"You good Myra?" Amber asks.

"No! My computer I lagging so bad! And I just lost a match because of the lag! My PING is now shit and I can't freaking play!"

"It's lag and resolution problems?" Gar asks.

"Yes."

"I got it." Gar puts down his headphones and gets up from his chair. He goes over and takes a look at Myra's computer.

He goes into the settings some 5 tabs deep and fixes the DPI problem, but the lag looks to be more complicated.

"It's not the computer that's causing the lag. It's the game itself." Gar states.

"How do you know?"

"Because this game you're playing is old as dirt My. It's not meant to be on these computers. But I can fix it."

He brings up a coding program to her surprise and messes around with the code of the game. Soon he's done and opens the game back up again.

"There. Smooth as butter."

"Wow. Thanks Gar."

"I didn't know you knew how to code Gar." Amber stated in surprise.

"I got sick of having to send my computer at home in for repairs if I got a bug or whatever, so I took a coding class in my sophmore year, then an advanced one last year and one over the summer."

"That's a handy skill." Myra states.

"That's why I took the class. And this year I'm taking computer science. I want know how to fix the damn thing if I break it by accident."

"Smart idea." Amber praises.

"Thanks!" He beams happily, and Raven gives him a wry smile. Jack of all trades.

~~After Practice~~

"Ok, so I forgot that I needed to see a teacher." She admitted sheepishly.

"Raven..." Gar began to scold.

"Hey don't do that to me! I forgot ok!"

"Ok ok. You want me to stay or..."

"No you can go if you want. It might take a bit."

He shrugs. "I'll just do my homework here. I get distracted at home. Heh."

"Ok. You remember where my Writing and Poetry class is right?"

"Oh yeah. Ms. Cara right?"

"Yep. You can sit outside in the senior lounge while you wait. Ok?"

"Alright."

They got upstairs and Gar sat down and got himself comfortable in the senior lounge. Raven knocked on the door and it opened, revealing Cara Tale clad in her favorite rose colored dress.

"Hey Raven. Bit late."

"Sorry, I was with Gar at his practice."

"Its ok. I'm in no rush." She smiles warmly and lets Raven into her classroom.

Gar puts on his headphones and gets out his calculus homework. Math isn't his best subject, that's for sure. He's slightly behind though, as calculus, specifically pre-calculus, is a sophmore class. He presses the eraser to get the led out of his mechanical pencil and grabbed his calculator.

He was doing ok, though he was skipping multiple questions. But he was feeling pretty confident in himself. Then he reached a question that he completely blanked on.

"Did we even learn this?" He asks himself. "What kind of teacher gives you homework at the end of the year on stuff we didn't even learn??" He went on for a few more minutes and gave up. That was his only homework left so he was done. Who cares anyway? It's a homework grade during the last few weeks of school.

He sat in the chair with crossed arms. Having nothing better to do he played games on his phone. But he was still bored out of his mind.

Raven said she was thinking about me all day. I wonder what could've been running through her head? I really hope she wasn't thinking about Saturday... I want her to forget Saturday. She shouldn't have seen or heard any of what happened. It's none of her business. It's my problem.

He was about to get angry, but...

She said I did her a favor. All the things she said...theres no way I did all that for her. She probably just uses me as an excuse. She's strong enough to do it by herself.

Gar didn't hear the door to the stairwell open or close.

She's going to keep trying to help me, but I'm going to hurt her, a lot worse this time, if I let her keep trying. He lowers his head. Should...should I–

His thoughts were suddenly broken by a large arm wrapping around his neck and putting him into a chokehold.

"H-hey...!" He croaks as his connection to air begins to get cut off.

"Bye, Cara." Raven left and shut the door. She had a wry smile on her face, but it diminished when she heard sounds coming from the end of the hall.

They sounded like...punches...

"Gar?" She jogged down the hall to see what all the commotion was.

When she came into the senior lounge her worries were confirmed. Adam had targeted someone else now. And that someone else was Gar.

His cheek was bruised from punches, but he was still standing. His knuckles were bloody just like hers were in her dream, and he had a bloody nose. He had a busted lip like she did in the dream too. All the injuries she had in her dream he had. The only difference was that he wasn't lying on the ground.

But that changed when Adam socked him in his already bruised cheek and he went down.

"Hey! Asshole! What are you doing to him?!"

"Look what the cat dragged in. You here to save your little boyfriend, Raven?"

"He's not my boyfriend. But he is my friend. So I will defend him if I have to. Especially against you." She spat.

"And how do you think you're gonna do that? You know I'm stronger than you." He smirks.

"You may easily mess with him, but you don't have the balls to touch me. You've only done one thing to me. You're afraid of me and it's obvious, Adam. So step off before I make you." She said the last sentence and clenched her fists. Anger growing inside her. Raven was getting the worst sense of déjà vu.

It was a premonition dream... well sort of. Gar's the one getting beat up. Not me. I wish I was wrong for once.

Just as in her dream, Adam was angry at this statement, but this was exactly where her dream stopped. So it was unclear what could happen.

Then, oddly enough, he smiled. Darkly. It was a malicious smile. A smile that frightened Raven as it was a warning as to what he would to Gar next.

"Ha! Afraid of you?" Raven walked closer. "I'm not afraid of you, Raven. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're afraid of me right now." Raven faltered, but then kept moving forward. She stood in front of Adam proudly and stood her ground in between him and the bruised Gar behind her.

"You're the last person I'd be afraid of." She shot.

"Oh yeah?" He kicked a chair right at Gar's face. Luckily Raven's reflexes were fast enough to catch it before it rolled into him.

"Seriously Adam?! A chair?!"

"Who cares what it is? It was gonna do what I wanted it to do."

"You can't just pick on other people because I'm not doing what you want!! He has nothing to do with this! He's not my boyfriend, I don't like him like that, and he doesn't like me like that! Just leave him out of it!!"

"Then what were you doing in the hall before I got there?" He asked slyly. Raven was stuck. How should she answer?! C'mon Raven in the moment in the moment!

"I was talking to him. You know what talking is right? It's the way people communicate. I'm sorry if that's such a difficult concept for you to grasp but that's what we were doing." Annoyed at her smart mouth, he tried to find some leverage. And then it hit him.

"You were visiting Tale weren't you?" Adam grinned again.

"No." Raven firmly replied.

"Then why are you up here in the English wing after school? Your locker isn't up here. You have no business being here for anything else."

"Cara isn't even here today dumbass." She lied. "Why are you here huh? Why'd you just suddenly come out of nowhere?"

"I was actually with a teacher. He wouldn't change my F to a D and now I'm pissed. I saw nerd sack over here and I figured I needed a punching bag." He gave that malicious smile again. Laughing at the pain he's inflicted upon Gar.

"You're sick. Absolutely disgusting! You can't just use people like that Adam! Especially to beat them up!!" Raven was getting extremely angry. She balled up her fists even tighter than before and gave him a hearty hook with her left hand. He stumbled back in utter shock. Raven had never done something so satisfying and so necessary. "I don't care about you anymore! I'm telling guidance, main office, anyone who will get you f*cking expelled!! Because you don't deserve anything this school has to offer! Including me!! You hear me?! You don't deserve me!!"

The silence was deafening. Adam had never looked so shocked.

Adam scowled at Raven and kicked Gar in the stomach, and left. He coughed a lot but was still very concious. But Adam made sure that he pushed her into a table before he left the area.

"Ouch..."

"Nngh..." Gar was trying to sit up on his own. He managed to be successful and smiled at Raven when she looked over.

Raven rushed over, a worrisome look in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" She put her hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Bruises build character." He jokes.

"How can you even joke around right now?" She asks.

"Because I know it'll make you feel better." He smiles as wide as he can with his swollen cheek.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Yes. A lot."

"Then stop that!" She gently shakes him Gar starts laughing.

"Ok ok!"

"Can you stand?"

"Yeah."

"Your face..." she holds his cheek.

"Eh. I'll be fine." He waves it off.

"And how did this even happen?" Raven lifts up his hands and examines his bloody knuckles. Trying to come up with ways it could've happened if Adam didn't have any wounds on him.

"He dodged my punch and I ended up punching the wall instead, heh." Raven looked at the stucco wall and understood how the scratchy wall could've caused his knuckles to bleed.

"Ouch."

"You think?"

"Well I'm not letting you drive like that."

"Raven you don't have to drive for me. I'm fi–"

"Shhhh." She placed a finger gently on his lips. "Grab your stuff. I'm going to go to the bathroom to grab some paper towels to clean some of this up."

After Raven wiped the floor and the wall they left the school through a back door. Just so nobody in he main office would question it.

She got in and started up his car, pulling out as quickly as she could. Raven went to her house instead of Gar's only because Gar didn't really want to go home for some reason.

She helped him out of the car eventhough he insisted that he could walk on his own.

"Raven, Adam bruised me, he didn't break my legs. I can move fine I swear." He defied rather annoyed.

"I'm sorry. He kicked you in the stomach though..."

"I'm fine, Raven." He assured.

"No you're not, Gar." She grabs his hand and brings him into the house.

Arella questioned why his cheek was so purple, but she was satisfied with the answer of 'Adam.'

Raven leads Gar upstairs into the bathroom. She grabs a stool from her desk and drags it into the bathroom and sits on it. Gar sits on the toilet.

"Did your nose stop bleeding?"

"Yeah." He sniffs. "Can you give me a wipe or a tissue or something?" She grabs Gar a few baby wipes and he wipes off he blood from his nose.

"How is your lip not swollen?"

"Huh? It's not? It feels a little swollen."

"No. It looks fine. Does it hurt?"

"The cut does yeah."

"Just lick it. I can't put a band-aid on it. It'll just come off."

"Lick it?"

"Saliva heals. Look it up."

He shrugs.

"Does your stomach still hurt?" She asks.

"Nope. I'm fine." She looks at him skeptically, and without saying a word she grabs his shirt and attempts to pull it up. But Gar shoves her hands down. She shakes her head and gently moves his hands out of the way. He groans as he reluctantly lets her pull up his shirt to check his stomach.

Just as she thought, he was lying. His skin was begining to gain coloring in the spot where Adam kicked him. Raven looks at him condescendingly, but loses the look quickly when he gives an ashamed gaze downward.

"Looks like you need two ice packs instead of one."

"Nah. I don't need ice. They'll go away eventually."

She sighs. "Well yeah, but don't they hurt?"

"Yeah. But–"

"You're getting two." Raven makes the final decision.

Well ok then.

Raven grabs some gauze and wraps up his hands. After she cleans them she goes around and around his hand down to the beginning of his wrist and stops. She cradles his hand in her's when she finishes. "There." She laughs. "You look like a boxer."

She looks up at him but he looks to have zoned out with a disheartened look on his face. He stares at his wrapped hand endlessly like he is in some sort of trance.

"Gar? You ok?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm good. I was just thinking."

"About...?"

"What you said to Adam." "I don't care about you anymore!" "You still cared about him?"

"What are you jealous or something?" She replies.

"What? No! I was just...curious."

She laughs. "It's not like that I promise. I just cared if he got in trouble or not. Because I told him a lot about myself and I don't want him to spill any of it. But that doesn't matter anymore. I have to stop being selfish now that he's hurting others at my expense. I'm telling guidance tomorrow as soon as I get into school."

"He's not my boyfriend, I don't like him like that, and he doesn't like me like that!"

"And...the other thing...when he called me your boyfriend..." she remembered what she had said and she realized why he looked so disheartened. She stared into his sad eyes, thinking of what to say.

"I just said that prove to him that I can stand up for you even if we're not dating." She broke her eyes from his and looked at herself in the mirror.

"I didn't mean it. It was a lie." Gar's eyes grew wide. Raven turned back and looked him dead in the eyes.

"You mean everything to me, Gar. I've made decisions based on what I thought you'd do. How you'd feel. And the one time I didn't, it was probably the worst decision of my life. I don't know what I'd do if you disappeared a second time. I'd probably make a lot more of those poor decisions."

"Raven, I'm not going anywhere. You're the main reason I came back. You think I came back because I wanted to live in the same place where my parents were killed? On the same street? I chose the house. I chose the street. I chose everything involving this move. I wasn't having good days in Washington anymore. I wasn't happy. Trust me." He grabs her shoulders. "I am not going anywhere." He gives a reassuring smile.

Raven stares at him. Emotions and ideas were whirling around in her head. His blue eyes were bright and his smile warmed her heart. She decided she was going to finish what she had started earlier today.

She pulled one hand off her shoulder and entwined her fingers with his. Then she started to lean in and got up slightly off the stool. He was breathless, and so was she. She got close to a centimeter from him, and hovered in front of him for a bit, but then she did it. Her soft lips connected with his and she gave Gar his first kiss.

It was tentative at first. He looked down at her with shock in his face. Both of them were hesitant, but Gar's shock melted away and he kissed back. She knew it was ok now. She knew everything was ok now, so she advanced. She pushed herself closer to him and deeper into the kiss with her hand on his leg. Both of them were comfortable. Really comfortable. So comfortable in fact that neither seemed bothered when Gar let go of her hand to place his on her lower back. And when he did she repositioned her hand to cup his non-bruised cheek.

It was a dream come true. But then Gar stopped kissing back. Everything unraveled between them and he gently pushed her off.

"Gar?" He had a sad or angy expression now, seemingly coming from nowhere. Raven couldn't tell which. "What's wrong?"

"This is..." he replies.

"What?"

"This isn't right. I don't deserve you. I hardly deserve you as a friend. Let alone like this. I'm a mess on top of a mess..."

"I can say the same thing about you. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I'm a much bigger mess than you." she contended.

"I doubt that."

"Doubt it all you want. But it's true." She thought for a second. "If we're both giant messes, why don't we both just be one big mess?"

"Are you sure?"

"I kissed you first."

He smiled. "Ok."

"Oh, and one thing," she got up in his face again. "You have to go to Prom with me."

He smiled even wider. "Deal."

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