Prompt: Field Medicine / Self First-Aid

Title: Even In Suffering

Fandom: Mission: Impossible - Fallout

Warnings: Gun violence, bullet wounds, blood, death, dislocated knee, broken bones.

Word Count: 4,497 (this literally took me four hours... maybe five...)

Synopsis: When a meeting with a black market seller for a core of plutonium quickly ends up going south, Agent Y/N L/N and the rest of her Teammates quickly find themselves in a situation that might very well end in catastrophe...

----

Even In Suffering

"I'm sorry, what?!"

You can mentally picture the communications specialist's flabbergasted expression on the other end of the phone line, the small device laying idle on the small table in front of you, his voice filtering tinnily through the small speakers.

"Yes, Benji, we're buying three cores of plutonium," Ethan affirms from your side, the ghost of a grin tugging at his lips, even visible in the dim darkness of the sparsely furnished apartment you've both been occupying for just under a month, waiting for your next assignment and laying low.

And it had been on this fateful evening that it had came - through the rain and all.

Though you can't help but notice the nagging feeling of worry in the pit of your stomach...

Or maybe it's just the rather ominous weather plaguing your thoughts.

"From a Black Market seller, too. Can't forget that detail," You chime in with a chuckle upon hearing the huff of disbelief from the man on the other end.

"So they'll be armed."

"To the teeth."

"And we're going in with..."

"Concealed carries only," Ethan states firmly, passing you a glance to which you nod. "That means a handgun and maybe a small knife each."

"Against automatic and semi-automatic rifles? Fantastic."

The enthusiasm in Benji's tone sounds so laced with sarcasm it's almost not even humorous.

But in the dim darkness of the dingy apartment with the relentless rain pounding against the windows, you can't help but laugh aloud.

"When do we meet?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. More details will follow," The man at your side states, though he pauses for a moment, his voice lowering. "Stay safe out there, Benji."

You can practically hear the bewildered smirk on his features.

"I'll try my best. See you two soon."

And with that, the line goes dead.

Leaving just you and Ethan alone in the quiet once more, thoughts of this new objective beginning to occupy the two headspaces.

****

The rather obnoxious sound of the short heels you wear on your feet against the cobblestone beneath them pierces the quiet evening air of Berlin, still damp with the threat of rain, and...

A lingering sense of unease.

"He's late. He's never late," A rather wavering tone sounds from your side, seeming to share your unspoken feeling of apprehension. "That's the one thing I read up on. This guy is never late."

"He'll be here."

The mere sound of your Partner's voice is almost enough to quell the ripples of anxiety radiating through you, though when he appears at your side, moments later, a reassuring grin being tossed your way, for a moment, you feel fine.

Normal.

But how normal is waiting in whatever dark underpass for a Black Market dealer selling plutonium?

Not quite normal enough for your liking.

It had been such a... tease, for lack of a better word, spending the last few weeks almost living completely regular lives throughout the day and keeping an ear to the ground for any word at night.

In all your years working for the IMF alongside Agent Ethan Hunt, the pair of you have been put in numerous scenarios that to an outsider, would seem legitimately real.

Whether romantically or platonically intimate, scenarios of all sorts always seem to follow you both around...

But as time moves on and the Missions continue to get riskier and riskier...

The more you find yourself on those late nights that you can't sleep, your hazy gaze wandering the ceiling, wishing and wanting to live a normal life.

With the very man you've spent almost your entire career beside.

Heck, it's a running joke amongst your Teammates and acquaintances back at HQ that you and he are practically already a married couple - some even suspected that's why he left Julia, his former wife, all that time ago.

But, you know Ethan.

He explained everything to you after 'rescuing' him from that Prison in Moscow.

And when he'd laid everything out - explained his thought process, his objective - to you, you'd nearly broke down in tears right then and there, a sorrow so deep running through you upon hearing his motives, you'd merely hugged him in reassurance.

And since then, he's kept an eye on Julia, watching over her from a distance, almost like a guardian angel of sorts.

A trait that he carries even towards his own Teammates and lately...

Especially over you.

"I'm supposed to believe you're perfectly relaxed? Right here and now? In a dark alleyway? Waiting to buy dark market plutonium from a psychopath?!" Benji exclaims as you tear yourself away from your thoughts, refocusing on the here and now, a shiver rippling down your spine as a cool gust of wind dances over your bare arms.

"I won't let anything happen to you," Your Partner grins with a chuckle, exchanging a rather humored glance with you.

"I thought you were the one who wanted to be in the field?" You tease the communications specialist, a genuine laugh sounding in your earpiece.

"Yeah, tough guy! You were the one who wanted to be a field Agent and here you are!" Luther chuckles, his voice a slight comfort knowing he's parked down aways, watching the scene unfold from the safety of the van.

"And tonight, Luther, I'd like to be in that van!"

You allow the accented tone and the voice in your earpiece to fade as a new set of headlights dot the dark road in front of you, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach from last night once more on the rise.

"Cut the chatter."

"He's here."

"Here we go! Time to finally meet the psychopath!"

All you can do is watch as the headlights draw closer and closer, the familiar figure of your Partner stepping in front of you slightly, almost as if to shield you from what could very well be a setup.

The vehicle comes to a halt, the tires rolling and splashing through a puddle as it does so reaching your ears.

And the next thing you know, a group of evidently armed men, all clad in suits are making their way towards the three of you, your gaze not wandering from the man leading the group - clearly their leader and the seller.

"Are we gonna do this or not?" Ethan calls out in greeting as the darkly clad figures approach, their expressions of neutrality unwavering.

Their footsteps echo in the empty, silent underpass surrounding you, the sound of it merely providing a stark reminder of how outnumbered you and your Teammates truly are.

"Of course," The man in the lead grins falsely, his expression appearing so unnatural it earns an inward frown from you. "But my price has changed."

"Let's hear it."

"Her," He practically purrs, accent becoming thick as surprise choruses through you, your adrenaline gradually heightening as time begins to slow. "I take her, you take the plutonium. That way, we both get what we want and you suffer no financial stress. A fair trade."

The mood filling the already tense air in the underpass heightens, becoming far more dangerous than before.

"We had a deal," Ethan states firmly, stepping completely in front of you, blocking your slightly smaller frame from the view of this psychopath. "I accepted that deal. Not whatever this is turning into."

"You should know that in this business, deals constantly fluctuate," The seller drawls, stepping closer to your Partner, who simply stands his ground, unmoving. "Hand over the girl or we'll all go home in tiny little pieces."

You swallow down the rising lump in your throat as your Partner stands there for a moment, his shoulders tensing.

"Fine. Her for the plutonium."

You resist the urge to allow your eyes to widen in shock, stifling back a cry of alarm.

He has a plan.

He knows what he's doing.

Slowly, your Partner turns on his heel to face you, a glimmer of something you've seen numerous times before and... something else, shining within his gaze.

"Tu vas avec lui," He speaks in French, a coldness so real dropping into his tone, it inwardly sends a wave of dismay through you.

It's almost too easy for him to adapt to any role nowadays...

Stepping towards you and roughly grabbing your bicep, Ethan shoves you forward, stumbling towards the seller's rather smug features.

Falling into your own act, you let out the cry of alarm you'd stifled earlier, though you pitch it just right, knowing right well that in this moment, acting as a fragile female is likely for the best.

"She only knows French," Your Partner informs, tone unwavering, still icy. "So have fun trying to communicate with her."

"I'm sure we'll manage," The man holding you growls, shoving you aside to someone else, his grip around you incredibly tight, effectively pinning you to him.

A silence settles between the two groups, your life completely in Ethan's hands at this point.

But, you trust him.

Everything just needs to go according to his plan...

Suddenly, a new noise cuts through the quiet like a knife, instinctively sending you diving for whatever sort of cover you can find.

Squealing tires and gunshots.

Lots and lots of gunshots.

Your side hits the ground as you drag the man holding you down to the damp cobblestone beneath you, a grunt of pain falling from your lips.

The grip of the man who'd been holding you abruptly goes limp, his body lurching twice as hot blood splatters across your face, rendering you blind.

And as you lay there, the cries of agony and alarm quickly ceasing, you desperately attempt to calm your ragged, shaky breaths, merely focusing on the fact that for now, you're still alive.

But before you can wipe the blood away from your eyes, someone hauls you roughly to your feet, their gloved hand capturing your wrists in one foul swoop, pinning your hands and arms behind your back.

Who the hell is this, now?!

Panic is beginning to set in as you stumble along blindly, the stranger's blood gradually beginning to dry and harden, crusting around your eyes.

"You're not escaping, Hunt. Give us the plutonium. And walk away," A new, absolutely bone-chilling voice sounds from somewhere behind you, accompanied by a rather muffled cry of pain.

Shit. Who else could that be?!

Surely Ethan and Benji found cover when the fight broke out...

Cold realization sinks within you as an all too familiar feeling of a handgun barrel presses into the back of your head.

Luther.

"Get the car, Benji!" You barely hear Ethan demand urgently from quite some distance, his voice echoing in the large space.

But then, a new set of tires squeal against the cobblestone street, the breeze of something fast passing to the left of you barely resonating with your muddled senses.

The sound of something hitting the ground and skittering across it meets your strained hearing, a deep pang of panic rising in your throat.

"We'll make your a deal, Hunt," The same voice from before calls out, closer than before, his footsteps no longer evident, though his tone has changed, now far more sinister. "Give us the plutonium and we won't kill your friends."

The cool steel of the pistol digs deeper into the back of your skull, biting so deep, you swear it's beginning to draw blood.

And in that moment, as time slows once more, you're almost glad you're not able to see.

But in your mind, you can oh so vividly picture Ethan's expression of desperation, a certain anguish and anger igniting in his gaze.

Shots ring out.

Someone falls with a thud beside you, a rather pained gasp of surprise sounding from him, another, unfamiliar cry of agony following.

Though you're still held tightly, unable to see... completely restrained.

"What a move! Shooting your own Team! So desperate, aren't you, Ethan?"

A new set of hands find your wrists, the firearm at the back of your skull for certain now drawing blood.

"You shut the hell up and get your hands off her or I'll shoot!" He orders, his desperation clear to you, though you've gained the ability to hear through his bold, unwavering facades.

"Oh, but what if you miss?" The cold tone taunts from behind you, sending a genuine shiver of fear down your spine. "What if I shoot first?"

"I'm willing to bet that I'm a far better shot than whoever the hell you are," Your Partner states lowly, your heart practically beating out of your chest at this point, your breath ragged, a sweat beading on your forehead. "Now let her go."

"Attached, are we? Surely you should know by now, Agent, that you shouldn't grow attached to things, especially women," Your captor sneers, a sudden, immense pain shooting through you as you're kicked in the back of the knees, crumbling to the wet stone beneath once more.

A cry of absolute anguish and agony falls from your lips as you lie there, writhing in pain absolutely beyond immeasurable, tears stinging your eyes sealed shut with dried blood, beginning to gather.

"Oh no," The taunting voice sneers, false compassion in his tone. "She likely won't be walking again for quite some time... such a shame, truly..."

"Benji!"

"On it!"

And in your writhing state, your tears gradually wetting the dried blood, you barely make out the car whizzing past where you lie, crashing into the brick wall behind you.

"Ethan, we gotta move!"

"Get her and get the hell out of there!"

Your Teammates echoing voices of concern are merely a distant, foggy drone as you allow your eyes to flutter open, hazy, tunneled gaze surveying the brick above, almost appearing to move and shake in your agonized state.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Your Partner's slightly clearer tone manages to cut through your increasingly muddled state, his familiarly handsome features appearing over you moments later, fear and concern creasing his brow as he stoops towards you. "Please don't tell me that's your blood."

"N-Not mine," You somehow manage to croak out in between cries of pure agony as you're scooped up from the ground, your left leg screaming in protest. "What the hell happened, Ethan?"

Your Partner makes no reply as he tightens his grip around you, pressing your bruised, broken and bloodied figure closer against his chest, picking up his pace.

And through your ever decreasing tunnel vision you barely make out the scene you're leaving behind.

The car that you'd arrived in is totaled, crashed into the brick wall, limp figures slumped over the hood, pinned against the broken bricks.

"Good thinking," Is all you manage to slur out as you feel your head begin to fog over, your vision becoming black.

And before you lose consciousness completely, you merely hear your Partner mutter a profanity laced with such guilt and concern, it makes your heart ache even stronger than your dislocated knee.

****

"We've got to do something about her knee. She needs to be able to at least walk if all hell breaks loose here again in a while."

"We can't just set it back here in the field! A procedure like that calls for some sort of anesthesia - especially if it's broken! And by the looks of that, it's got to be at least fractured!"

You come to with a groan of grogginess and pain, your throat so dry, all you can manage to croak out is a simple whimper.

And almost instantly, Ethan is at your side, his hand finding yours and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Blinking away the grain from your eyes, you struggle to focus on your Partner's features, his lips clearly moving, but your brain fails to register the words.

Noticing this, he frowns, turning away for a moment, lips moving again, concern etching on his brow, before turning back to face you, offering a thin lipped smile.

All you can do is wordlessly blink at him as he hovers over top of you, your peripheral vision gradually returning.

And that's when you notice where you are.

You're clearly lying down, your back against small pebbles, though the damp ground is being mitigated by what you can only assume is the blazer your Partner no longer wears.

What seems to be a bridge is stretching above you, a gentle water lapping at your right side, mere meters from where your head rests.

It dawns on you, through your pained and hazy thoughts.

We must be somewhere along the Spree - the river that runs through the heart of Berlin.

Which means we're not quite out of dodge yet.

"So who wants to be the one to put it back? Because I certainly don't want to be the one she'll hate for weeks on end after this is over."

Put it back?

Put what back?

"What's going on?" You practically whisper, your voice so broken and strained, it earns a frown from you.

No reply.

Simply the bustle of the late night city, the now falling rain and the hum of the chattering crickets in the long grass that no doubt occupies the bank of this river.

"Ethan?"

A certain desperation fills your tone as you mumble your Partner's name, his glimmering gaze once more returning to meet yours.

"Your knee," He begins to explain, tone low as he takes a seat at your side, his thumb running soothing circles against your bruised wrist of the hand he holds.

"Yeah, it hurts like hell," You chuckle weakly, though it comes out sounding more like a wheezy cough.

"It's dislocated, possibly even broken..."

He pauses, sighing heavily, compassion and sorrow swelling in his eyes.

"We can't go on without at least trying to put it back into place."

Alarm ripples through you at his statement, your breath hitching in your throat.

"It will be immensely painful for a moment, especially if it's been fractured and dislocated," Benji's tone sounds from in front of you, simply stating the facts.

"Well, has it been broken?"

"I would suspect it has been, yes."

Grimacing, you lay your head back against the cool stones, squeezing your eyes shut before opening them once more.

"Okay. Let's get it done then."

A silence settles between the four of you once more, the drone of your surroundings the only sound keeping you company.

"Alright, fine. I'll do it," Luther's heavy sigh reaches you a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding escaping, his features appearing in front of you moments later. "But don't you blame me for whatever's about to happen. I'm just doing what's got to be done."

All you can do is offer a weak smile.

And as Benji joins you at your other side, with Ethan at the other, Luther steadies your leg, audibly exhaling in agony on your behalf.

"We're here, okay? Once this is back in place, we'll get back to the safehouse and get an evac outta here," Ethan assures, once more squeezing your hand in reassurance, his other wiping away a tear mixed with sweat that you hadn't even noticed had fallen before softly covering your mouth.

You furrow your brows in confusion at his action, though as he wordlessly explains with his eyes, it becomes all too clear.

Those guys from the exchange... They could still be around...

And I'm about to undergo something that will likely cause me to scream.

Breathing through your nose, you huff, closing your eyes in anticipation, inwardly chuckling at the irony of the situation.

I would've rather been shot or stabbed than this.

"On the count of three, ready? One... two..."

And before Ethan can even make three, you feel your knee click back into place in one swift motion, your entire body jumping with surprise as you let out a scream of agony, once more begin to writhe where you lie, though this time, you're not alone.

You're with your Teammates.

Luther's hands that had once been on your knee are now placed steadily upon your shoulders, keeping you in place as you grasp Benji and Ethan's hands with white knuckles, his hand muffling your cries and whimpers of pain, stopping the tears that are flowing from rolling completely down your cheeks.

"You're alright, you're okay," A comforting voice coos from your side, the hand that had been covering your mouth no longer there, instead, running soothingly through your blood and sweat matted hair. "That's it, just breathe through it."

With wavering, shaky breaths, you gradually begin to settle down, your body stopping its jolting, your grip around the hands holding yours no longer white knuckled...

And for a moment, it all goes quiet.

The drone of your surroundings become blotted out by your Partner's warm tone, your teary gaze locking onto his.

A look of such relief and admiration sits upon his features, it shocks you slightly.

Maybe it's just the gravity of the situation, maybe it's the pain...

But as you lie there, a thin-lipped grin tugging at your lips, you could swear there's something else you haven't seen in quite some time lingering in his gaze.

"Thank you," You finally breathe out, sitting up slightly to face your two Teammates, relief also evident on their features. "Both of you. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. We've still got to get the hell out of here and get you to a hospital," Luther nods, sharing a glance with the man at your side, his fingers still running through your hair. "Benji and I will get ahead. Meet us on the north side of the park we passed by earlier - hopefully by then, she'll be able to walk and we can meet up and get an evac."

Ethan merely nods in agreement, passing the British communications specialist a look as he clambers to his feet, quickly following after the hacker.

"Good thinking about the car, Benji," He commends, a genuine approving grin on his features.

"Yeah, it was a shame we had to ruin it, though. It was such a nice car..."

"Let's go!"

"Coming!" Benji hollers back softly in reply, turning to face where you're partially sitting up, offering a small smile. "The two of you need to get back to us in one piece, okay?"

"We'll be careful," You assure weakly, once more cracking a grin, your lips so incredibly dry, you wouldn't be surprised if they crack as well.

And with that he disappears up the bank and away from your view, leaving just you and your Partner, sitting silently beneath whatever dingy, ancient looking bridge they'd happen to have found while you were unconscious.

"Want to try and sit up?" Ethan muses aloud in question, breaking the silence.

You simply hum in reply, whimpering softly as he slips his hands beneath your shoulders, pulling you to a sitting position, placing your back against the cool bricks of the bridge overhead, your gaze now facing the glimmering waters of the river.

The rain splashing against the water, making ripples, is almost a soothing sound, coupled with the warm presence from the man at your side.

It almost feels as if you shouldn't be in this moment.

It feels too surreal.

Heck, you should've been dead.

But you're not.

You're here - even with a fractured knee and maybe even a broken leg.

"Ethan..."

"Y/N..."

You both speak in unison, earning a shared light laugh from the pair of you.

"You go first," You urge with a shove to his side, earning one back in return.

At this, the man at your side shifts slightly, turning to face you completely, the same glimmer in his gaze as before resurfacing.

"Listen, I never meant for any of this to happen today. The Apostles came out of nowhere and I didn't have time to-"

"It's alright. I'll be fine - I'll just need to take some time to heal, that's all. What happened today wasn't your fault, Ethan."

"But I was the one who handed you over to that seller in the first place... and because of that one action, we'll be months before we'll be in the field again."

Surprise filters through you at his statement, his own eyes widening in realization at what he'd just said.

"We'll?" You quote, a swell of something you haven't felt in who knows how long beginning to rise within you, your breath hitching in your throat as you wait for him to elaborate.

And he merely sighs, a look of slightly humored disbelief settling upon his features.

"Ever since Julia and I had to split... I've found myself in a position where I know I still care for her, you know I do, you know how much she means to me," Ethan explains, his tone lowering, almost sounding soft and sheepish. "But as much as I can't bear the thought of something happening to her, I nearly froze today when all I could do was watch you tumble to the ground, covered in someone else's blood."

You feel a heat rise to your cheeks at his sudden confession, the meaning behind his words gradually sinking in.

"You're more than just a Partner to me, Y/N - you've always been a friend, someone I know who I can trust no matter what..."

He trails off, offering a grin as he nears, a hand cupping your cheek, thumb swiping a stray tear away.

"But as of late..."

And before you can say two words or shift away, you find your lips locked against his, hesitating for a moment before warming up to the newfound sensation, deepening the dance.

This is nowhere close to any of the intimate moments you've been forced to share hundreds of times before.

No.

This is different.

Genuine.

Real.

Honest.

Grateful.

"I know it's bound to catch up with me, one way or another, but as long as I'm able, I'll protect you - protect Julia - before any sort of Mission orders, that's a promise."

"But you're merely one man, Ethan," You sigh, compassion swelling within you.

"That's why I'm telling you this," He breathes, once more pressing a kiss to your lips. "So from now on, we'll be on the same page... and that you'll understand me when I have to go against orders."

"You've been going against orders for a lot longer of a time before you met Julia or me. I've heard stories of your Academy Days - don't you try and pull that one on me, Hunt."

"Some rules are meant to be broken, you know that as well as I do."

Sharing a chuckle, you find yourself leaning your head against his shoulder, simply enjoying his company and the pitter patter of the rain against the river.

But then, you find yourself in his arms for the second time in the evening, the bridge no longer sheltering you both from the rain as you begin to make your way through the stormy darkness of Berlin, a newfound understanding between the pair of you.

And a gratefulness for one another...

That even in suffering, you know for certain now that Ethan's with you all the way...

And that you're with him - no matter what life throws your way.