III.

I was expecting that Caleb would still pursue me on the next few days but he didn't. Akala ko pinapakalma lang ako o kung ano man pero umabot na ng isang buwan at hindi pa rin niya ako kinakausap pang muli. Mukhang wala na nga talaga. It was just a scene huh?

"Grr. Talagang matatadyakan ko na si Caleb. Putangina ang sarap pilayan." Sera formed her fist as if she's ready to beat up somebody. Itinaas pa niya ang mga manggas ng suot niyang P.E uniform. Masyado ata siya naging komportable sa suot niya. Our P.E uniforms are indeed comfortable.

"Hoy, gagi 'wag." Hinila ko si Sera palayo sa bintana kung saan tanaw na tanaw si Caleb sa baba patungo sa kabilang building kasama ang babaeng kasama raw niya sa research. Alam kong hindi lang siya basta-basta na kagrupo dahil siya rin ang babaeng nakikita ko sa pictures na sinisend sa akin ni Sera dati.

"Yo!" Agad akong inakbayan ni Paul nang makatayo siya sa tabi ko. Sinamaan ko agad siya ng tingin kung kaya't agad niyang inalis ang pagka-akbay sa'kin. "Umagang-umaga ang init ng ulo ah? Anong meron?" Bumaling ang tingin niya kay Sera. "Sera?"

Ngumuso lang si Sera sa bintana. Sinilip ito ni Paul at agad na napasimangot.

"Trust me, kahit ako nahihiya ba't pinsan ko ang gagong 'yan."

"Maybe it runs in your genes." I scoffed before turning my back to him and going back to my seat. I noticed Melee, who was my seatmate, gazed at me and back to Paul. Ayan na naman siya sa pagiging chismosa niya. 

Magsasalita pa sana si Melee pero agad ng tumunog ang bell hudyat na magsisimula na ang mahaba-habang prayer at mahabang araw bilang estudyante. 

I was keeping myself busy. Sinisigurado kong wala akong oras maging bakante para maiwasan kong hindi maisip si Caleb. Either I will do my assignments at dorm or study during free times in libraries. I never study too much. Ngayong mga panahon lang. I am that desperate.

I just don't want the pain to take over me.

"Veda." Napalingon ako sa ibaba ng hagdan habang pababa ako patungo ng library. It was Paul. Anong kailangan niya sa'kin?

"Bakit?"

"Tara canteen?" He raised his shoulders before returning his gaze back at me. "I mean mukha kang stress. Maglalibrary ka na naman hindi ka nga kumain kaninang lunch."

I didn't know he would notice he wasn't even in the classroom that time. 

"Bakit?" Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa straps ng backpack ko.

"Alam mo tanong ka ng tanong." Umakyat siya ng hagdan at kinuha ang kamay ko. "Baka may pwede pang makain sa canteen."

Hilang-hila niya ako patungo ng canteen. There were a few students. Karamihan sa kanila nakasimangot. Mukhang naubusan na ng pastries ang bakery section. Kahit ang burgers ubos na. Tanging mga biscuits nalang ang nasa canteen.

Nagulat na lang ako nang bitawan niya ang kamay ko at may pinagtitipa sa phone niya at mukhang may tinawagan. He was ordering stuff from Mcdo!

"Ikaw Veda? Anong gusto mo?"

"Just fries."

"Okay. Two medium cheesy burger mcdo and Two hot fudge..."

Goodness saang banda ng fries ang hindi niya maintindihan? 

Natapos na ang tawag nang nakakunot noo akong nakatingin sa kaniya. He just smiled before walking past on me.

"It has fries and soda. Doon nalang tayo sa bench sa harapan ng building maghintay."

We sat on the cemented bench under the rosy trumpet tree that flowers every mid-January until March. Para tuloy kaming nasa set ng isang drama. 

The delivery arrives and Paul stood from his seat joining the swarm of students in front of the delivery man. Poor him. Ang dami talagang costumers ang mcdo pag nauubusan ang canteen at friday eh.

We silently ate our food facing the street that separated the junior high and senior high building. May kalsada dahil may ibang estudyante, nagsusundo at mga teachers ang may kotse. It's no shock for this is a private university. Complete from nursery to college. Ang college nga lang ay nasa main site.

I remember Paul and Caleb only studied here ever since.

Ayan na naman Caleb na naman.

Halos mabilaukan ako sa kinakain kong fries nang bigla akong inabutan ni Paul ng coke. Agad ko itong tinanggap at ininom. Even Caleb's name is already giving me bad luck.

Though bad luck I can't help but to miss him.

"Feeling better?"

"No," I honestly answered. "I only cried once pero pakiramdam ko hindi pa rin sapat."

At that moment there was a white handkerchief being offered in front of me. "Do you want to let it all out? I can hide you somewhere."

Tinanggap ko ang panyong ibinigay niya. "Where? Buong campus ay kitang-kita ng lahat."

Mabilis niyang niligpit ang pinagkainan namin at inilagay ulit sa supot. Inilabas niya mula sa wallet niya ang isang susi. He waves it in front of me before standing up.

"Follow me."

Sumunod ako sa kaniya at nagtungo kami sa parking lot. He opened his car and let me in. I thought he was going in but he almost shut the door not until I grabbed his arms. 

"Dito ka muna. I needed someone to vent out with. If you won't mind."

There was a faint smile on his lips before sitting back again to the driver's seat. 

"Caleb has always been a cheater isn't he?"

Bahagyang tumango si Paul. "Unfortunately, he is. Kailanman hindi siya nagseryoso. I tried warning you about it remember?"

Napakunot noo ako pero isang iling lang at pagngisi ang nakuha ko sa kaniya bago hinawakan ang manobela ng sasakyan. He looked at straight outside and stared at the little girl running towards his car. Binuksan niya ang pinto at kinarga ang batang babae na sa tingin ko ay nasa limang taong gulang pa lang. 

Agad kong binuksan ang pinto sa kinauupuan ko at lumabas ng kotse. 

"She can sit here."

"No. No. Don't worry she loves to sit on someone else. Do you mind joining us home?"

Wait? Ako? 

Before I knew it the little girl, Mika, already sat on my legs sleeping as we head outside the campus returning his little sister home. Mabuti nalang talaga at hindi malayo sa city proper ang bahay nila. It was on a subdivision.

Ako na mismo ang nagbuhat kay Mika patungo sa bahay nila.

"Pasensya ka na. I forgot about her for a moment." Paul whispered as he opened the gate and guided me in. At that moment the door opened and a middle-aged woman came out the door wearing an apron. Sabagay mag gagabi na't medyo inabutan kami ng traffic sa labas.

"Paul! Si Mik—oh."

"Ma. Mamaya ka na muna magtanong okay?" 

I just shyly bowed before Paul guided me to come inside and walked upstairs. I laid Mika down on her bed before going back outside seeing Paul and his mother silently arguing in the living room. Hindi ko alam kung nag-aaway ba ang dalawa pero mukhang inaasar lang naman siya ng mama niya.

I went downstairs and joined them.

"Good evening po."

"Hello, Veda!" Her mom was an energetic woman but one thing that caught my attention was her knowing my name. I didn't even introduce myself.

"Hello po."

"I'm glad you're finally here. Dito ka na mag dinner. It's all home meal not like the instant meals people usually get on dorms."

I awkwardly laughed before secretly pinching Paul's arms.

"Oh right! I should prepare the table."

"Tulungan ko na po kayo."

"Don't worry ako bahala. It's the first time Paul—"

"Ma, tama na. Okay na. Bumalik ka na sa kusina." Paul shooed her mom back to the kitchen. Bumaling ang tingin niya sa'kin. "Medyo feeling young lang talaga si mama."

"Hindi na ako magtataka kung saan ka nagmana."

"Uy, anong ibig sabihin niyan? Ikaw ah." Paul poked my cheeks before dragging me to the dining room. "Mauna na muna tayong tatlo mukhang mamaya pa 'yun magigising si Mika."

It feels weird, eating comfortably with Paul and his mother. I suddenly feel the belongingness that I had always wanted. Bakit gan'to ang nararamdaman ko? They were just warm and I just thought of staying and talking to his mom. I don't even remember how I end up oversharing to her.

"Ma, stop asking her." Paul glared at his mom. "It hurts her."

"Anak, sabihin ko man o hindi masasaktan at masasaktan siya. He loved Caleb." Bumaling ang tingin ni tita sa akin. "Your feelings are valid, Veda. You can cry."

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa kinauupuan ko at sa puntong iyon ay umiyak na ako sa dibdib niya. I burried my face crying on what did I do to deserve this? I am a daughter of a mistress, so I never had a real family. Si mommy ay may asawa na nang may mangyari sa kanila ng daddy. Dad also had a wife. So naturally I was left behind and learn things on my own. 

All I wanted was the love I deserved. Matagal na akong pinagkaitan nun at akala ko si Caleb ang pupuno sa pagmamahal na minsan kong pinangarap. Pero mukhang hanggang pangarap lang pala.

Why do people cheat?

Why can't they just leave if they feel unhappy?

Why do they have to abandon the love that almost sparked?

Alam kong wala akong kasalanan kung bakit ganito ang buhay ko ngayon pero hindi ko magawang sisihin ang sarili ko. May mali ba sa akin? Am I that ugly? Hindi ba ako karapatdapat mahalin? 

Hindi ko napansin na nakatulog na pala ako at ngayon ay nasa kama na ni Mika. Why am I here? Where's Mika?

"Mika's eating downstairs." Dahan-dahan akong bumangon at nakitang nakaupo sa paanan ko si Paul. He looked at me worryingly. "Are you okay?"

"A—ayos lang ako. Pwede mo na ba akong ihatid?"

He agreed and I followed him downstairs. I saw her mom feeding Mika. I immediately went towards her when she stood up and left the table. She hugs me like I'm his daughter caressing gently. 

"Medyo gago ang anak ko pero mabait 'yan," bulong niya sa tainga ko kaya bahagya akong napatawa. Paul even pouted.

Lumabas na kami at nagtungo sa sasakyan at tahimik na bumiyahe patungo sa dorm ko. He didn't ask anything nor I said anything in the car. It wasn't awkward but rather we are just enjoying the silence.

"Paul?" He was about to go back to his car after opening my door but I called him. There wasn't that light in our street so it's a good chance to tell him without seeing my face turning red.

"Yep—oh. Wha—what's this?" I could sense the panic in his voice when I hugged him. That made me giggle. "Huwag mo akong paglaruan, Veda."

"Thank you, Paul. Thank you. It wasn't really bad getting close to you."

He chuckled and stroked my hair gently. "Well do you want to closer? We can have dinner with my mom this Sunday," he said jokingly.

"Sure."

His chuckling stops and looked back at me. Even with the dark streets in faded street lights, I could still see his face in shock. I don't know what to react. Mukha siyang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

"Seryoso?"

"Bakit? You just offered me dinner I just agreed." I smiled at him. "You were nice. Also, matagal na tayong magkaklase pero ngayon pa tayo nagkausap ng ganito. You're really fun and worthy."

"Worthy of what?" 

"Secret." I chuckled. "Umalis ka na. Walang kasama ang mommy mo."

He waved at me before I saw his face optimistic smile as he drives his car. I don't know why but I just found myself smiling as I head to the building where my dorm was. I never thought I'd be that happy pouring all my tears out. Have someone listened to me. I am truly grateful for them.