A Part of Past

“Ahjumma! Let me carry it. This will be at the market, right?”

“Aigoo! You’re such a blessing Taehyun. Come on, come on! Today’s market day and villagers will surely buy!” the lady compliments me with her wide smiles.

I carried her baskets full of vegetables and we walks to her area inside the market. I also started helping out other old ladies who are setting up what they are going to sell.

“It’s really nice that you started helping with Beomgyu, Taehyun,” Lee ahjumma stated, one of the vendors.

I smiles, “Well, he needed one and I’m also free,” I replied.

“And also Jaechan that kid,” she added and pointed at Jaechan. “He’s really helping a lot in running errands in here as well. Our village—neighborhood must be small but we all treat fairly and help each other,” she stated full of smiles.

“That’s why ahjumma, you shouldn’t tired yourself and just call us, okay?” I said and then I heard someone calling my name at the fish section. “I’ll back, ahjumma!”

The whole market day is busy, I’ve been helping out different people and from time to time despite of being at hectic, I saw Beomgyu hyung glancing at me.

“Here,” Beomgyu hyung handed me a bottled of water and I gladly took it. “Can a golden spoon kid will really last this, huh?”

“Hey, are you challenging me, huh? I maybe born with maids and everything ready but I’m willing to help,” I defended.

“You aren’t just willing to help, Taehyun,” he corrected and stares at me. “You’re doing it because of me. Are you really going to help these elderlies if it wasn’t because of me?”

“Well that’s—”

“And also, Dr. Kai told me about what you’re doing inside the clinic,” he added. “Stop it,” he glares at me and walks away.

I pouted and I felt my shoulders getting heavy. Why is he like that? It’s not like I’m doing this just for his sake. I want to help whoever they are as long as I can but why is he taking it in a negative side?

Tsk. Is he jealous because the ahjumma’s adores me more than him? Jeez, I knew it! He wants all the attention by himself!

“How’s the market day, Taehyun?” Dr. Kai asks me as soon as I enter his clinic.

“Tiring,” I answered and he chuckles. “But it was amazing,” I contradicted.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Dr. Kai reacted. “How about your memory? You’re regaining some?”

“Well, I don’t usually pass out now and that’s a good thing. I’m just having random dreams at night,” I added. “Speaking of night, where does Beomgyu hyung stays and sleep at night?” I ask.

“Ah,” he looks away and pretends to be busy. “That is I don’t wanna answer.”

I stand up and move closer to him. “Why? He’s sleeping at your place, right?”

“Yes… sometimes? But he has his own place outside the orphanage,” he answered.

“Where?”

“It’s far.”

“Where? How far?”

Doc Kai laughs lowly before facing me, “Come,” he said and we both look outside the window. “You see that uphill over there? There are some old houses in there then there’s this big tree— like really big and on its branch, there’s a tree house,” he answered.

“Is he Tarzan or something?” I confusedly remarked. “Why is he staying in there— wait no way! He’s still grieving, right?”

Dr. Kai shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know? How about go to him and tell him to stop mourning already because it already happened?”

“Should I?”

Before the sun finally sets, I started walking up hill where Doc Kai instructed me. Also there are traces so it’s not easy to get lost. Doc Kai is correct, the houses in here look so ancient already.

“Wow, is that a shrine?” I reacted in amuse while looking at the old shrine built and with stone tablets surrounds it that are also filled with moss.

The bamboo trees are swaying in wind and there are different sounds of birds everywhere. “What the… am I in a movie or something?” I whispered and continue walking.

“Oh! Holy! Damn it Beomgyu hyung!”

I held my chest while frowning in nervous when I saw him standing right beside me after I pulled out my eyes off the shrine. “Do you want me to die!?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“No!”

“Then why are you here? Did you bribe Dr. Kai again—”

“Hey!” I cut him off. “Watch your mouth, who’s bribing who? It’s helping, what are you talking about?” I defended right away because I’m actually guilty by it. But hyung’s just looking at me blankly so I cleared my throat. “I’m just curious where you are staying because you’re really avoiding me to death…”

“It’s nearly evening, you should go back now,” he just replied and turn his back.

I quickly grabbed his wrist that made him turn his head at me. “Hey, I don’t think I can go back… I’m scared— ah!” I jolted when he pushed away my forehead using his index finger.

“Spirits will surely eat you alive,” he stated and started walking.

HUH!?

“Hey! Hyung! Wait for me! What spirit? Good spirit is nice but evil— ah no! No! Hyung!”

“Shut it up!”

“Then wait for me!”

I was able to reach this ‘tree’ while panting because of how fast this bear could walk and of course we’re arguing while walking. I stand up straight and appreciate the view below of the mesmerizing sunset.

“Whoa, you’re so selfish for keeping this kind of view…”

He stood beside me, “Therapeutic…”

“You’re right,” I agreed and smiles while staring at this beautiful creation. “But why…”

I felt hyung staring at me but I didn’t reply at it. I still stare at what’s in front of me. “Why… do I feel sad looking at it?”

I’m not lying, my heart is getting heavy. It’s beautiful but why does it feel sad at the same time? It’s such a masterpiece but why does it breaks me?

“You’re right,” he agreed this time. “It’s beautiful— the colors, the ambiance, the sunset itself but… sure it feels heavy.”

I move and meet his eyes, “Is it because it’s ending?”

I saw him blink for three times as if he saw someone in me, probably his ex again, right? Wow, now that hurts.

“Why do you keep on looking at me like that?” I ask again. “Your eyes are looking at me but also looking at somebody else, why? Are we really alike? W-why— no. Until when are you going to stare at me like that?”

There’s silence between us. He still stares at me, he looks confused, he looks sad, it seems like his head is all over the place right now. The wind continues to blows as well. The grass motions as it did, my long coat and both or our hairs are getting swayed by nature as well.

“Are you still… mourning? Why? Do you resent yourself because you failed to protect him? Do you still mourn because his death is sudden or because you failed as a partner? Are you blaming yourself?”

For the first time, I saw some tears falls off his eyes. His lips are shaking uncontrollably, his chin is arguing whether to speak or not. And I’m just letting him feel those emotions.

He needs to pour it out. He should stop bottling his emotions already.

“I resent myself so much,” he started and breathes out. “There are a lot of things we wanted to do but,” he pauses and sobs. “We ran out of time…”

“If only… If only I didn’t wish,” he wasn’t able to continue what he’s about to say when loud sobs started to dominate him. “I d-didn’t even know who he really is… I didn’t even know why he came. E-everything was just so fucked up.”

Why… Why am I hurt?

Why seeing Beomgyu hyung sobs so hard right now is making me feel at pain as well? I didn’t know I am that empathetic.

“Maybe things needed to turn out like that, hyung,” I started speaking and looks away from him. “Maybe he was bound to left for you to learn something…”

“I didn’t even know he was dying…”

“Maybe…” I pause. “Maybe everything should end that way so you can start anew…”

Where are these words coming from? What the heck am I saying?

I continued speaking, “Stop resenting yourself already,” I move closer and hold his hand. “For sure before he died, you know how he loves you and you didn’t ran out of time,” I said and he stares at me. “You started and ended your love at the right time and at the right season,” I smiles after what I stated.

He firmly closes his eyes and sobs once more. I don’t know what urges me but I pulled him and hugs him tightly which he allowed me as well.  Let him cry for the time being while I’m gently brushing my hand on his back.

“If he’s here right now and hugging you like this, for sure he’ll say to you…” I pause and smiles. “That everything will be fine, hyung.”

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A/N: TMI writing the 50ish chapters are draining me out. I'm putting so much infos that weren't on my chapter outline plans and now every chapter is more or less 2k words. Sighs. Anyway, my next update might be on Saturday afternoon. See you! (See comment section for chapter spoiler line.)