"Y-I- divorce." Were the only words that found their way out of my mouth, paralyzed in a state of absolute shock and slight terror.

"If it means anythin', I wasn't the one who had brought divorce into the conversation, and it had nothing to do with anything you've done," He tried to make me feel better realizing how poorly I took to his admission.

Selfishly, his assurance made me relax immensely. Even still, I had a feeling even if I weren't a direct cause, I could have been a factor. I certainly haven't helped them any.

I looked around the hallway for any possible passerby listening, then pulled him into my apartment by his arm not wanting to let my whole building hear his marital affairs, or, extramarital affairs for that matter.

John seemed to understand this quickly, complying quite willingly. He looked down at me with a look in his eyes that made me uneasy, shy underneath his gaze. I shivered because of this, though I fought hard not to.

"Here," I motioned for him to go sit on the couch as I shut the door behind us a bit shook up from looking into his eyes, "cuppa?" I offered shifting uncomfortably as he went to sit on the couch.

He shook his head silently as he sat.

"D'you need to talk about it?" I asked from the door far away from him, the last thing I needed was to be in close proximity, seeing how emotionally straining this was already.

He pursed his lips trying to find a way to articulate himself, "she saw some letters Yoko had sent to me. Suppose she realized she wasn't happy." He shrugged stiffening his upper lip, looking to the ground.

"Letters?" My eyes widened for a moment, my mind wandering as to what they may have said.

"It was nothing serious, y'know, poems. Nothing romantic even, I think she had a feeling, though." He looked to be in a deep contemplation.

"Before, she had wanted to make things work. I haven't made it easy, but-" he trailed off, "y'know, I will take a scotch if you have one though." John spoke raising his eyebrows with a large sigh running his hands through his hair to move it from his face.

I smiled lopsidedly for a brief moment, nodding and going to the alcohol cabinet.

After a moment, I decided to break the tense silence, "and what about you?" I asked with a furrowed brow as I had began pouring him a drink.

He turned looking over the back of the couch questioningly.

"What about me?" He cocked his eyebrow over the rim of his rounded glasses.

"Well, what d'you want? What did you tell Cynthia?" I asked nosily, trying my hardest not to feel slightly upbeat as this was the mother of his child, however maybe I was a bit more selfish than I wanted to let myself believe.

"I told her I thought she was right. We've been staying together for Jules' sake, and for the sake of reputation, but we forgot to realize neither of us are happy." He spoke in a solemn contemplation.

I nodded with a pursed lip as my heart broke for Julian, John hadn't been the model father as of late, and I could only imagine what kind of effect this would have on him.

However, I did notice how unhappy John and Cynthia alike were, and that couldn't be fair to Jules either.

I handed him the drink and went around to the armchair across from him, still remaining distant.

"Ta." He spoke simply, taking quite a large swig.

"Why did you come here, John?" I asked leaning forward slightly. We hadn't left on the best of terms in India, and everything about relationship was rocky.

Despite my strong feeling I knew why, I wanted to hear him say it.

"Because this is where you live." He spoke with his usual witty defence mechanism which caused me to look at his dully.

"I know tha', I mean why'd you come to see me?" I spoke causing him to look away from his eyes with pursed lips, a slight blushing barley becoming visible on his cheeks.

He stared at the bottom of his glass, swirling his drink a couple of times and moving his tongue behind his lips.

He looked up after a pause.

"Well I don't suppose I could've told any of the other lads without getting bloody shouted at," he let out a small annoyed laugh, "you're the only one I figured might take the news well."

Well.

I felt like I was shaking with a strange nervousness as he looked back up into my eyes intently, waiting for me to say something after realizing I was at a loss of words, or thoughts.

"Well, what about Yoko?" I felt the feeling grow into my chest.

He pursed his lips shaking his head.

"I haven't been as concerned with her lately." He looked at me almost sheepishly, the message of what he said was understood.

"John," I looked into his eyes sorrowfully.

"Y'know, I should go." He stood abruptly, refusing to look at my face once again after hearing the sorrow in my voice pitifully.

"John," I repeated myself, grabbing his arm to stop him as he was about to pass me to go to the door.

He paused, his eyes lingering from my hand up to my eyes.

"I just-" I trailed off, "-I just want to make sure you're not making a decision you'd regret." I tried to reason with him, trying to search his expression for understanding.

"You're right," he paused, his features flashing with what I saw as smugness.

In an instant his eyes moved to my lips, his lips soon pressing down onto mine in a way that made me want to give in to him.

I couldn't let myself.

Before I could push him off he'd backed up from my lips, his face centimetres from mine.

Subconsciously I think I didn't want to push him away, despite being well aware of the emotional state he was in.

"I would have regretted not doing tha'." He spoke lowly in agreeance in a way that sent a shiver up my spine.

I wanted to fight the thought that he'd had an effect on me, but that would've been a lie.

"I better go, the lads, before they hear it from someone else." He trailed off once he'd seen the look of confusion and shock that lit on my features, feeling immediately guilty for having the desire to throw myself at him.

He moved away from me, continuing on his way to the door swiftly, looking at me once more from over his shoulder in the doorway, turning when I stood motionless and leaving me there in a daze.

"What in the bloody Krishna jus' happened?" I ran my hands over my face just as the door shut, a terrible pit in my stomach growing.